Hm! Still something bizarre about God killing himself in essence (suicide). You say that he went willingly.
Jesus did not kill himself, he was crucified for you and me.
True. But he clearly resisted. “Let this cup pass from me.” How come God the Father would not listen to the plea of God the Son (one and the same essentially, right?).
**This is a fulfillment of the suffering servant from the prophetic psalms. Every thing Jesus did he had to fulfill the law and the prophets before he was put to death for our transgressions. Jesus ask to “let this cup pass from me” to show in the next verse he was to do the Will of God who sent him, not his will. If you really want to get deep theologically, Jesus was speaking from his humanity, acknowledging the Father as the Son in the Holy Spirit. Jesus suffered in his humanity so that you dont have too. You cannot accuse God of not loving you, when he gave up his only son for you in suffering in his humanity, and dieing in his humanity. Jesus suffered this, so that when we follow him to our grave he promises to be there with you, so that death cannot hold you neither the father of lies. That is why he died and rose from the dead so that Christians do not fear death, but welcome it as Gods will be done.
As Paul states in Sacred Scripture, “To live is Christ, to die is gain”.**
The whole scenario is out of sinc with the concept of justice, logic, and common sense. Confused and confusing, too. I don’t have all the answers (as the Church claims to have) but I feel that the murder of Christ symbolizes all the evil cruelty that humankind has suffered, from wars to murders to rapes to tragic accidents etc etc. This brings us to the whole problem of evil, which no religion or philosophy has solved to my satisfaction.
I can understand your dilema. Recall the early Christians, how they went to their deaths for being Christians, for refusing to offer sacrafices to the Ceasars who thought of themselves as a god, they considered Christians “atheists” believe it or not, because Christians did not believe in the Roman false gods. So Ceasar would kill them for sport, because the Christians were consuming their God, in form of bread and wine, and that was treason.