I agree with odile53. This is a “faith” issue. You need to learn to live by faith rather than feelings.
The evil one does NOT want you to read this post. He (Satan) will tell you that this post is too long and boring, and urge you to skip it. DON’T LISTEN to the evil one! What I am writing in this post has kept me in Christ for nearly 50 years, my entire life. I testify here that I have never, ever rejected Christ or been “away” from Him since I was 7 years old. I have been mad at His people. In fact, my family was actually kicked out of our Protestant church that we had served faithfully in for decades. This caused me to reject “church” for several years, until I found the Catholic Church. But I have never rejected Jesus because I believe the things that are in my post below. They have been immensely helpful to me, and I hope they will help you and others who read this.
Decades ago, Dr. Bill Bright, a Protestant leader, came up with an analogy that I think is very powerful for daily Christian living.
We can think of our lives as being run by a train. The engine of that train is FACT. It sounds like you are willing to admit that the FACTS about Christianity are true. Jesus is the Son of God Who came to earth as human being to die as the Lamb of God, the Final Sacrifice, so that humans could have their sins forgiven and have the hope of heaven. Jesus established His Church, which came to be known as the Catholic Church, and through the Church, we receive the Sacraments that help us to get to heaven.
Without the engine, a train can’t run. You have to know the facts. That’s the reason you need to get to RCIA, and do everything else possible to learn the FACTS about Jesus.
But…the engine of the train can’t run without the coal car (or in today’s world, the power source). That “coal” or “power” is FAITH. It’s not enough just to accept that the facts are true. You have to have FAITH in the facts. You have to keep the engine running by continuing to shovel coal (or gas, or nuclear energy, or whatever), and in our lives, we have to keep having FAITH.
Finally, there’s the caboose. It’s not necessary to keep the train running. The “caboose” of our lives is FEELINGS. Sometimes, the FAITH that Christians have, and the FACTS that we learn, lead to FEELINGS of joy, ecstasy, excitement, determination, happiness, sadness (over the death of Christ), exhilaration, etc.
But more often than not, Christians feel nothing.
And that’s OK! The feelings are not necessary to keep us on the track to heaven. It doesn’t matter that we don’t “feel” Jesus speaking to us, because He has given us a tangible means of hearing Him speak–through His Word (the Bible) and through His Church (the Catholic Church). We don’t need to hear Him speak directly to us.
It doesn’t matter that we feel nothing during Mass, because we rely on our FAITH in the FACTS–going to Mass and receiving Jesus in Holy Communion will help us to get to heaven.
Occasionally, you will experience “feelings” and they are delightful, and you will wish that you could “feel” this way all the time about God.
But too many Christians rely on these “feelings” as a “monitor” of their Christianity, and when they don’t “feel” anything, they are convinced that they have sinned greatly, or that God has left them for some reason, or that the Church is wrong, or the Bible is wrong. They walk away from Jesus to search for some other “truth,” and they find all kinds of “truths” that give them “good feelings.” But feelings are NOT a monitor for our faith, and feelings can lead us onto the wrong pathway through life, and put us on the road to separation from God and eternal hell.
When I was in the Evangelical Protestant churches, we were taught to avoid feelings, and go for the FACTS and FAITH. This is an extreme approach, but there is a lot of value to making sure that your Christianity is based on FACT and FAITH, not FEELINGS.
When I read your opening post I got the very strong feeling that you have been basing your Christianity on your feelings, and when you don’t “feel” anything, you quit. You have to stop doing this and instead, have FAITH in the FACTS. Jesus is a Real Person, and you can trust Him, even if you don’t see, hear, touch, smell, or FEEL Him. He is Present to the senses in the Eucharist, and He is omnipresent everywhere. Read the 11th Chapter of Hebrews–it is a list of all the people who had FAITH in God, even though they never saw any of the things they had faith in actually happen, and instead, suffered because of their faith.
Again, I hope this analogy of the FACT-FAITH-FEELING train helps you with Christianity! Never give up on Jesus, even if you never ever “feel” Him.