Your honest insight is appreciated, LethalMouse. Yes, I’m in shape and touchable by him, but unfortunately he can’t seem to turn away from the scantilly-clad bodies on the beach or anywhere else. Time will tell if things improve, but until then, I keep praying.
Thanks for the link, XenaFan. I don’t agree with quite a bit of it, but maybe some people will, especially men. I have a related question for the men reading this thread — Is it true as the video states that you as a man actually forget the images of the scantilly- clad or well-endowed women you have seen as soon as they’re out of sight? Am very curious about your personal experiences as men in that regard and if they correspond to what the man in the video indicates is true. I’ve read that pornography images remain imbedded and remembered in the brain long after they’re viewed, actually for years. I would think the same principal would apply.
That was the first thing I thought of when I read this thread! Almost posted the same link but I figured it wouldn’t provide the help she is looking for.
As an older woman once said “sometimes there is that person, the stranger on the plane you might just have a glance and smile and they stick with you”
Tho tbh your posting does not give an unreasonable vibe, I just always lean toward both sides possible in a scenario 
I just mentally processed this…
there is a long road to relearn eachother and assuming you are both catholic married you may have to just muddle through because if you are not his wife… you might be someone he’d have never married and you just faked it too long 
you want him to change now when you already taught him to be with a wife who doesnt exist…Thanks very much, pianistclare, for some good dialogue to use during the next discussion that occurs. What I’ve used in the past hasn’t worked well. It often ends with a statement from him that I’m “being ridiculous” closely followed by “end of discussion.” Praying does help me cope and retain my sanity, though, and I firmly believe that it will also be successful one day, in one form or another, even if I’m not successful in the one-on-one discussions with my husband. I’ve already seen too many miracles come about as a result of prayers to believe they won’t bear fruit one day, somehow. May God bless you also.
Actually, I disagree with this. If a spouse is controlling, it can take a long time for the other spouse to speak up, especially if they are “punished” for doing so, as the OP is.I just mentally processed this…
The bold here ummm… basically he doesnt know you then.
I had a gf who did this, I lived in bliss and when she broke up with me she listed things that we disagreed on…things she had been pretending we agreed on because “she didnt like conflict”.
The problem was we never found out how we would be if she was honest. And kf she changed to her “real” slowly years later instead of breaking up with me… I would be with a woman who was not the woman I signed up for. I could actually understand his frustration more now that you said this as I tell many posters here
As one does more work avoiding work, one gains more conflict avoiding conflict.
You played the stepford wife and now say “to bad tricked you sucker”
Sorry if this is on the harsher end but it tis my pet peeve… the one who faked,lied, and changed the circumstances is entitled to much less sympathy IMO.
Now not being there that doesn’t mean he isnt a bit of a jerk, BUT you are not correcting a natural level of jerk now, as you enabled it so long that he will be both a natural jerk with the righteous irritation that you once accepted who he was and now decided he is not good enough.
Per the video I would be worried more that you are dissatisfied with him more than he was with you, as it sounds like you are done liking this guy’s personality.
The issue is she keeps saying his personailty is beyond this issue. It isn’t jsut that he does this one thing wrong, aoparently he does other things wrong and is “controlling”
The OP did not get married to be controlled by her husband, and she has not tricked her husband. I am glad for you that you have never had any kind of relationship where you have been controlled or told you are being ridiculous, as the OP’s husband has.
I have been, it was just a switch flip amd trickery.
You missed a key word: CONTROLLINGI just mentally processed this…
The bold here ummm… basically he doesnt know you then.
I had a gf who did this, I lived in bliss and when she broke up with me she listed things that we disagreed on…things she had been pretending we agreed on because “she didnt like conflict”.
The problem was we never found out how we would be if she was honest. And kf she changed to her “real” slowly years later instead of breaking up with me… I would be with a woman who was not the woman I signed up for. I could actually understand his frustration more now that you said this as I tell many posters here
As one does more work avoiding work, one gains more conflict avoiding conflict.
You played the stepford wife and now say “to bad tricked you sucker”
Sorry if this is on the harsher end but it tis my pet peeve… the one who faked,lied, and changed the circumstances is entitled to much less sympathy IMO.
Now not being there that doesn’t mean he isnt a bit of a jerk, BUT you are not correcting a natural level of jerk now, as you enabled it so long that he will be both a natural jerk with the righteous irritation that you once accepted who he was and now decided he is not good enough.
Per the video I would be worried more that you are dissatisfied with him more than he was with you, as it sounds like you are done liking this guy’s personality.
Thank you for the (name removed by moderator)ut, LethalMouse, but I think you might be viewing me as almost the same as your past girlfriend who you feel tricked you into believing she was someone she wasn’t. I never pretended to agree with my husband in an attempt to avoid conflict. In fact, before we were married and for several years after we actually agreed on most things and were blissfully in love! It was actually only years after children came along that I realized if I voiced an opinion contrary to his he would, depending on the day, likely verbally admonish me and treat my feelings as unfounded and “ridiculous.” It wasn’t until after I discovered his porn viewing a few years ago that I realized the extent at which he was staring at other females in public. Prior to that, I never really paid attention to how long he looked at anything.I just mentally processed this…
The bold here ummm… basically he doesnt know you then.
I had a gf who did this, I lived in bliss and when she broke up with me she listed things that we disagreed on…things she had been pretending we agreed on because “she didnt like conflict”.
The problem was we never found out how we would be if she was honest. And kf she changed to her “real” slowly years later instead of breaking up with me… I would be with a woman who was not the woman I signed up for. I could actually understand his frustration more now that you said this as I tell many posters here
As one does more work avoiding work, one gains more conflict avoiding conflict.
You played the stepford wife and now say “to bad tricked you sucker”
Sorry if this is on the harsher end but it tis my pet peeve… the one who faked,lied, and changed the circumstances is entitled to much less sympathy IMO.
Now not being there that doesn’t mean he isnt a bit of a jerk, BUT you are not correcting a natural level of jerk now, as you enabled it so long that he will be both a natural jerk with the righteous irritation that you once accepted who he was and now decided he is not good enough.
Per the video I would be worried more that you are dissatisfied with him more than he was with you, as it sounds like you are done liking this guy’s personality.
If
Have you actually read the latest post by the OP?
Thanks very much for your kind (name removed by moderator)ut in all of this, TruthFaith. I definitely appreciate it. Yes, we do have children, but no daughters. That would be a good form of reasoning to bring up with my husband if we did, though.