I know in truth a person can go through the process at anytime of their lives but unfortunately we as parents seem to “strongly encourage” our children to follow the rules and schedule of the church and that our kids feel guilty if they don’t do so. Good kids do as they are told, so to speak. So what happens when these kids reach their twenties and realize they have many questions and yet the church says it is wrong to ask questions and just abide by the Government of the Church.
The Catholic Church, for one, does not say that it is wrong to ask questions. There is, of course, a time and a place. The middle of the homily, for example, is not a good time to interrupt and ask questions.
But an appointment can be made with the priest during the week, who will gladly answer any and all questions in a private interview in his office. (I know this because I do it all the time. Sometimes, they are busy and I don’t get to see him at exactly the time that I was hoping for, but I do get my questions answered in due time.)
Kids can also ask questions in Sacramental Preparation classes, in religion classes, at Youth Group, and at Catechism classes.
I see so many older teens and twenty somethings who reach a period of “spiritual crisis” because they realize they have questions about the faith they have been taught to believe.
This is always a good time to get an appointment with a priest and take him out for coffee, and ask him whatever is on their minds.
For some reason the teenagers talk to me about this stuff and they are frustrated with the fact that their parents (especially the moms) force the Catholic faith on them when they don’t feel like they are mature enough to make the decision of what faith they want to follow.
That choice has already been made - they are already Catholic.
They are frustrated with the prayers they are “taught” to pray instead of speaking their own hearts to God.
There is no “either/or” here. They are certainly allowed to pray to God in their own words, in addition to using the words of traditional prayers.
They take the Holy Eucharist out of guilt that they will not go to heaven if they don’t take it. One boy’s father got onto him for not participating in the Liturgy and song one morning at mass. He just didn’t want to do something out of habit but he wanted to mean it.
The only thing he has to change, in order to
mean it, is the attitude of his heart. He can make a choice to mean the words of the Liturgy from his heart. He doesn’t have to change the words around, or stop saying the words. I was at a talk a couple of nights ago where the speaker said, “We can change the Liturgy and make it over into our image. Or, we can let the Liturgy change us, and make us over into God’s image.” The Liturgy was given to us by Jesus Christ - it comes from God. We humans don’t have the right (or even the ability) to “improve on” it.
The children don’t talk to their own parents about these things because they feel like they are dishonoring them by questioning. All I can say to them is “to honor their parents” and be respectful but that I understand their frustration.
They should not feel bad about asking their parents about these things. Their parents are, in fact, their first teachers, and are ready and willing to be there for them, to answer their questions. The parents made this promise when their kids were being baptized.
This is a real problem with the kids going through confirmation right now. Does anyone else recognize these issues? And if so, what can be done to help these kids out?
Just let them know that perception is not reality. That what they are perceiving isn’t how things really are - they want to pray; they can pray! We
want them to pray! They want to feel empowered by the Liturgy, and that’s
exactly what we want for them, too! Everything is already all set up for them to do this; all they have to do is recognize the gift, and receive it with open hearts.
