Reasonable Standards

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CountrySinger

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I was talking with a friend about dating, how much it stinks, and being alone. I personally think that as a woman gets older, they are less desirable and less valuable in the dating market (come on, I can’t compete with hot young things). There are qualities that are pluses (hotness, money, power, charisma) and minuses (not being hot, not a lot money, no power, shyness). If a person doesn’t have very many good qualities, then they can’t expect to have a mate that is very good. You only attract quality if you have have lots to bring to a relationship. For example, I’m overweight (bad), 28 (bad, for a woman), smart (good or bad), have a bachelors degree (good), witty (good or bad), not conventially attractive (VERY BAD). So my standards shouldn’t be to marry a good Catholic man who is attractive. I should be happy with someone who isn’t very attractive and somewhat smart.
And people say I shouldn’t have low standards, and should hold out for a great man. But if I don’t posess high value qualities, I won’t get a man who has the qualities I’m holding out for. If I were better looking, I could find a better man, and barring plastic surgery, that isn’t going to happen. And being alone is not an option for me.
In the end, what is resonable? Is it even realistic for some single people to have high standards?
 
Qualities are things like:

Integrity

Bravery

Fortitude

Temperance

Kindness

Generosity

“Hotness” is not a quality, it is a made up word for 14 year olds.
 
kage_ar said:
Qualities are things like:

Integrity

Bravery

Fortitude

Temperance

Kindness

Generosity

“Hotness” is not a quality, it is a made up word for 14 year olds.
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I have been told I am a reasonable pretty girl, but I have always been turned off by good looking men… they have always been too full of themselves and very self-centered. I am myself looking for a guy whom I can respect and admire and love for the rest of my life… the “hotness” wears off really fast once u r married and they gain pounds… and start balding… :rolleyes: but the inside still remains rotten and now u have nothing to hold onto in a marriage… 😦 go for a kind man even if he is not conventionally considered very handsome as you will come to love him more than u can a “hot” guy and the best part is- it will last forever as the inside of a person will never change…👍
 
I am middle aged. I don’t look like the skinny person my wife married 26 years ago, and she doesn’t look the same, either. But, we have grown together, and she is still the person I was attracted to when we were teens.

Looks fade, weight gain is inevitable. I was, and still am, attracted to her. When we are doing things together, talking, doing the dishes, whatever, neither of the things that you think are so important come into play.

The important thing is to find someone who is attracted to you, and you to them, and the two of you want to spend the rest of your lives together. That’s all. A “good catch”, a great man, is not the hottest person on earth - he’s someone who will respect you, admire you, and want the best for you.
 
I’m not looking for an attractive man at all. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t Catholic, and I’m starting to regret it. And he called last night and he wants me to take him back. 😃 Just because he doesn’t meet one quality (religion), doesn’t mean I should just throw him out, right?
 
CountrySinger said:
I’m not looking for an attractive man at all. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t Catholic, and I’m starting to regret it. And he called last night and he wants me to take him back. 😃 Just because he doesn’t meet one quality (religion), doesn’t mean I should just throw him out, right?
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Well, my father and my wife’s father both converted after they married our mothers. So, yes, it could happen.

I don’t consider it a dealbreaker at all.
 
PaulinVA said:
Well, my father and my wife’s father both converted after they married our mothers. So, yes, it could happen.

I don’t consider it a dealbreaker at all.
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This guy is a former Catholic, who hates the religion. So it makes it difficult. :eek: I would have to sneak around to go to Mass.
 
CountrySinger said:
I’m not looking for an attractive man at all. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t Catholic, and I’m starting to regret it. And he called last night and he wants me to take him back. 😃 Just because he doesn’t meet one quality (religion), doesn’t mean I should just throw him out, right?
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Yeah but he’s not just not Catholic, he’s anti-Catholic, right? That’s a bit different.
 
CS, you even said he wasn’t supportive of your faith, which, according to your post, was the one thing that gave you peace. It’s not that he’s not Catholic, it’s that he’s not supportive of you being Catholic.

Hun, I’d disagree with you. From your posts, you have VERY high qualities. A good sense of humor, an obvious compassion for others (as shown in the posts about the kids you taught), a desire to do good, a heart open to seeking God, intelligence, a multitude of interests (from marathons to rugby to music), and an inviting smile (as evidenced by your picture) are all wonderful qualities you possess. So get that crazy idea out of your head, girl! You’ve got high qualities!

A better man is one who sees into the heart and seeks out a woman with true beauty. You definitely deserve that.

True qualities in a man: bravery, integrity, honesty, fortitude, a sense of humor, compassion, kindness, gentleness, and strength.

And those men? Regardless of their looks, it’s VERY attractive. Seriously.
 
Havard said:
Yeah but he’s not just not Catholic, he’s anti-Catholic, right? That’s a bit different.
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I would have to cheat on my religion, I would have to dress in black and sneak to Catholic church when he wasn’t looking. 😃 practices ninja moves HI YA!
 
I think sneaking around to go to mass, pray, and simply love Jesus would be a terrible life.
 
kib said:
I think sneaking around to go to mass, pray, and simply love Jesus would be a terrible life.
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I know it would be. I guess I’m lonely because it is getting closer to Valentine’s Day, and I’ll be alone. With two cats who want me to feed them. In fact, I’m holding the 17 pound one while typing.
 
That is understandable, CountrySinger. I wish I could say something that would give you hope… valentines day can be a very depressing time.

I really hope and pray that you will find someone, you deserve it.
 
Why let yourself be troubled by a MADE UP “holiday” - it is about making $$ for retail outlets over guilt.

St Valentine had nothing to do with squishy romance and red hearts.
 
kage_ar said:
Why let yourself be troubled by a MADE UP “holiday” - it is about making $$ for retail outlets over guilt.

St Valentine had nothing to do with squishy romance and red hearts.
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It’s about chocolate! 👍 And chocolate is yummy.

It’s hard to see all these couples, and to be alone. 😦 And then my cat bites my ankle because I had to put them on a diet. Double whammy. 😃

Maybe I should only worry about meeting chocolate’s standards. 😃
 
kage_ar said:
Why let yourself be troubled by a MADE UP “holiday” - it is about making $$ for retail outlets over guilt.

St Valentine had nothing to do with squishy romance and red hearts.
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It might be a made up holiday, but who cares? It’s fun!
 
CS, I send you a hug for Valentine’s Day then. If only you lived in my area…I’d be up for chocolate and appropriate beverages 😃

I do have to work on Valentine’s Day. All day. I remind myself that I am making money for a love, my love of travel…

Remember, the ways of the world are not God’s ways. God looks in the heart.
 
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