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Cristiano
Guest
I am saying not to blame him for things that are not his fault. His bad behaviors are his own faults, for sure he does not sound like the best catch in the world. However, the decision of getting married while you disagreed with the basic tenets of marriage has nothing to do with him. If you assume responsibility for your errors then you can learn to live a healthy life and to avoid nasty consequences from the bad behaviors of people around you.
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Victorious_song
Guest
I didn’t get married disagreeing; I never knew! NOBODY TOLD ME I OWED him sex. No one ever said he had a “right” to my body. I just assumed sex was something you did if you wanted. No one told me it was some kind of SIN to say no!
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Cristiano
Guest
Is it possible that you were raised in a somehow different culture than the rest of us, that could explain a few things. May I ask if you were raised in the USA? You do not have to answer if you do not want too. Did you have any intention or desire to have sex with him when you were getting married? I am just trying to see if there is a cultural impact here.
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Don_Jackson
Guest
Thanks for the great conversation… However, here are 2 points:
- Validity of the administration of sacraments in not the big issue…the bigger issue is the validity of the*** receiving ***of the sacraments.
- Annullment is not a sacrament, it is the attempt at undoing a sacrament. But, “Whatever God joins together, let no man put asunder.”
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fpt
Guest
There are many causes of invalidity of Matrimonial Consent (Annulment). You need to see a priest.
I Ignorance
Canon 1096
- For matrimonial consent to be valid it is necessary that the contracting parties at least not be ignorant that marriage is a permanent consortium between a man and a woman which is ordered toward the procreation of offspring by means of some sexual cooperation.
- Such ignorance is not presumed after puberty.
Code:
a) a consortium, or partnership, to achieve certain goals
b) that it is a** permanent partnership** (about sex), as opposed to temporary or transient,
c) **that it is between a man and a woman (persons of the opposite sex)** (to be with a male with corollaries and to be female with corollaries, sexed and sexual life)
d) that it is ordered to the procreation of children (raising a family), (sex for babies)
e) **and it is achieved through some kind of sexual cooperation.** (Marital act, union of bodies, to touch him and to be touched by him, to male love)Canon 1095 gives three conditions that would make a person unable to contract marriage from mental incapacity.
Code:
1095. They are incapable of contracting marriage:
(1) who lack the sufficient use of reason;
(2) **who suffer from grave lack of discretion of judgment concerning essential matrimonial rights and duties which are to be mutually given and accepted; ** (mutual donation of bodies for making love)
(3) who are not capable of assuming the essential obligations of matrimony due to causes of a psychic nature.Canon 1099. Error concerning the unity, indissolubility or sacramental dignity of matrimony does not vitiate matrimonial consent so long as it does not determine the will.
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Cristiano
Guest
I think that I agree with your thinking on point #1 but I disagree with the wording. In the case of marriage the man and the woman are the ministers of the sacrament and their consent is one of the factors that determines the validity of the sacrament. The sacramental validity of the ceremony is defined by consent too, you cannot have sacramental validity without consent by the ministers.
On point #2 I completely agree and disagree with you. First there is no annulment in the Catholic Church but there is a declaration of nullity and that is not a sacrament. Second the declaration of nullity does not undo the sacrament but it recognizes that the attempt to administer the sacrament was not valid therefore there was no sacrament to start with. That means that God did not join the two people together because they did not consent to it and that man (a.k.a. Church tribunal) accepts that fundamental fact after an investigation of what happened.
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fpt
Guest
In catholic system, if there is a refusal of marital act, there are two types of effects:
If it is before the wedding that there are a refusal by principle or a great exclusion without sufficient reason: nullity
If it is during marriage without serious reasons: a venial sin or a mortal sin. This behavior is very bad and immoral.
If it is before the wedding that there are a refusal by principle or a great exclusion without sufficient reason: nullity
If it is during marriage without serious reasons: a venial sin or a mortal sin. This behavior is very bad and immoral.
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fpt
Guest
In your situation, see your priest, and take an appointment with a catholic lawyer. See the officiality of your locality. You need to be helped for your future life, in the respect of natural law and the catholic doctrine. You are young and you have the possiblity to be protected by the Canon law in order to start a new life of conjugal love with another man. Your protection is the first, Canon law is existing for the protection.
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fpt
Guest
No no, I do not say that. I sum up the catholic doctrine in general. I do not know your personal situation and it is not my business.
The solution is to get the declaration of nullity; asking the mercy of catholic church.
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Victorious_song
Guest
I’m just afraid my situation won’t be declared null. Like I said…I do not like my husband, but I do not hate him. He is not Catholic, so I know he’s not bound by Catholic law. He sees nothing immoral with remarriage, if it ends up that we divorce but are not able to get an anullment. I never wanted to hurt him.
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Victorious_song
Guest
I’m american, yes. Before marriage…I dunno. I didn’t feel any particular sexual attraction, but I just figured it would happen after we got married.
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maryjk
Guest
That is an inappropriate comment for this or any forum.
Whether you like him or hate him has nothing to do with seeing a Catholic lawyer. Or even talking to your priest.
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Victorious_song
Guest
Well, isn’t that essentialy the point? A woman can go to hell for not having sex.
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Cristiano
Guest
I think that you should make an appointment with a priest or a deacon and discuss all these details with him. They are trained to help you with the religious aspect of these circumstances, do not expect them to be professional psychologists.
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Cristiano
Guest
Yes, a woman could go to hell for not having sex but does not mean that every woman that does not have sex will go to hell, the Virgin Mary is the first married woman that did not have sex to be bodily assumed in heaven. I think that you are looking at it in a very simplistic manner that is not really truthful.
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Victorious_song
Guest
And I reiterate; if someone had told me before that such a…a disgusting law existed, I’d have vowed to never even think of being married, period.
to think that a woman could go to hell because she doesn’t allow her husband to violate her! That she doesn’t have a right to say no!
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Cristiano
Guest
Again you have a really bad understanding of the societal and the Church’s basic understanding of marriage and you are just exaggerating something that other people did not say. Neither society nor the Church accept the fact that a husband could violate his wife. Please see post #56.And I reiterate; if someone had told me before that such a…a disgusting law existed, I’d have vowed to never even think of being married, period.
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maryjk
Guest
My point was the way you said what you said. We are adults here, Most of us are also Catholic. Regardless of your feelings about your husband or Catholic teaching, you do not need to comment in the way you did.
Now, our point is, you need to speak with your priest. And possibly a Catholic lawyer.
Seeing how quickly you went from
to bashing the Catholic Church, I wonder your real agenda here.
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