Mr Allegra is from rural Wisconsin and his aunt has a daycare in her home. Her going rate is $130 a week per child and she always has a waiting list. That’s what she charged my SIL too! No family discount, much less a “working woman discount”.
Rural conditions or not it’s still far fetched. These discussions always turn that way though. It is possible to find coworkers willing to barter and switch off childcare but nobody is going to clean your house or cook for you.
It’s SAHMs and not a very strong employment market.I charged double that when I was 13! That’s really hard to believe. I could imagine the cleaning being $10 an hour as that’s at least minimum wage, but how could anyone afford to pay their bills on $24 a day?
That does work out to just over $3 an hour per child, assuming a 40 hour week.
What are talking about? Do you realize how few working mothers have paid help for anything??? And the ones that do are paying well above sweat shop rates for childcare. This post is so out of touch with the reality of most Americans. That’s why I said, and I still maintain, that being able to stay home, take care of the ones you love, and have that kind of control and autonomy over your life is a luxury. Is it hard work? Sure. Does it reflect poorly on your intellect? Not at all. But I do not buy into the mommy blog children must-be-raised-with-the-perfect-UMC-formula culture that seems to be so prevalent. I just don’t.
I think, as another poster pointed out, it’s the bulk rate for childcare in a daycare type situation. I could send my child to full time daycare for $525/month, that’s $131/week, or $3.28/hr. For me to hire a babysitter, it would be $10/hr the cheapest I could get that I would feel safe leaving my kids with. If my kids were in daycare, my family would JUMP at the chance to do occasional free childcare - just for a chance to see their grandkids! Granted my MIL watches my son for me once a week so I can have a break, so I do get some free childcare, but some people are not so lucky - their relatives can’t (still working themselves) or won’t watch their kids for them for free.
What doyou mean by “more free childcare”? Where is the initial free childcare coming from? If my husband and I go on a date night, we either have my MIL take care of the kids (which is free but is NOT dependent on my employment status) or we pay the same $10/hr (likely more in our area). The bulk rate only applies when my kids are being taken care of while I’m at work. No one is coming to my house on a Saturday night to watch the kids for $3 an hour.
Also, why is your family’s interest in seeing your kids dependent on your employment status?
My mistake with the “more”. My 9 month old was on the keyboard with me, so I was rushing to finish my thought.
It’s not, I don’t see how you read it that way. But if your kids are in daycare 40 hours a week, they don’t get to see them during that time. Where someone who is a SAHM and their family may get to have much more free access to their grandkids, it isn’t such a “big deal” to get a chance to watch them. That was my thought process.
Ah! That makes sense.
That makes sense if the family isn’t working too. My family and ILs are all working while I am so that doesn’t factor in for us.
Ah yes I understand. Sometimes I’m a bit blinded by my own circumstances and forget to think outside that. I think everyone does that sometimes. My dad is retired (my parents had children older) and my MIL quit working when our first child was born, so she could be available to spend time with them. She is somewhat disabled though and was LOOKING for an excuse to quit her job.
Totally understand. And we do all do that from time to time. I think that’s what happens in most of these discussions that go south.
Help! My thread has been hi-jacked! Thanks again to all those who have added constructive comments.
I just have to add that while I’ve been typing furiously away, our spaniel puppy has just (no idea how!) managed to un-pot a cactus, spread compost all over the sofa and topped it all by piddling on the floor! I suppose I ought to start a thread called ‘puppies v toddlers’ 
If I’m one of the ones you consider at fault for hi-jacking this thread, I offer my apologies
Can some kind Moderator close it down, please, or move it to a new thread with a new title that reflects what it has become?
. The truth is that discussing IWD is going to get controversial because, as you correctly pointed out in your original post, it’s rather divisive. We already have a Mothers’ Day and a Fathers’ Day which celebrate two essential societal functions that are always difficult whether the individual persons have “jobs” or not.I agree. Sadly a lot of people are quick to interpret positions and opinions that they don’t like as personal attacks. To suggest that not every working mom is worthy of the kind of praise and adulation that you mention in your OP does not mean that you think that every working mom is guilty of selfishly neglecting her family. Unfortunately there will be at least a few people that will accuse you of having that opinion.
You are correct. To me the important question (and this goes for both working mothers and fathers) is at what point does your dedication to your job/career begin to be a detriment to the effective care and raising of your children as well as the happiness and satisfaction of your spouse? If I’m a father who works sixty hour weeks at an investment bank, my wife and kids will almost certainly be well provided for materially. But how much time do I have to really raise my kids? Do you think that I’m likely to have the energy to make sure that my wife’s sexual needs are being met? I can’t answer these kinds of questions for other people, but I do think that they need to be asked.
You should!
Well, as people mentioned earlier upthread, in the countries that traditionally observe IWD, it isn’t actually a day of breast beating over oppression in poor countries or even a day of feminist consciousness raising–it’s mainly just a cheesy Valentinish/Mother’s Dayish day where people buy flowers and chocolate for their loved ones.
Can some kind Moderator close it down, please, or move it to a new thread with a new title that reflects what it has become? I’m really sorry I started the discussion now, because honestly,** I was hoping for some more inspiring stories about how other people’s work-places had celebrated IWD, or even an intelligent counter-argument to my view that there is nothing ‘amazing’ or even especially admirable about making the most of one’s employer’s flexible working policy.** In my opinion, too, it is definitely not admirable to write about one’s working life as though it’s all about you and your happiness alone, when you have additional responsibilities. Bragging is not nice, whether you are a man or a woman.
If anyone wants to continue with the working vs SAHM old -thing, please start a new thread. For the record, I have no biological children, because I deliberately remained celibate and unattached throughout my child-bearing years to make sure I was there for the child of close relatives whose lives are a wreck and I do all I can to make his life a tiny bit better. I’ve dealt with my share of toilet accidents, snotty noses, vomit, tantrums and on one occasion, being punched in the face - and no - none of these events occured when he was a toddler either!
Despite the trials and tribulations many of us face, the truth is that in the West we are a fortunate bunch and there are mothers out there who walk for miles just to make sure their child gets essential vaccinations and health care. There are girls who undergo female circumcision and forced marriages and there are women who are gang-raped just for venturing out along. I know coming to home to a house with crumbs on the table and waking up to last night’s dirty dishes in the sink day after day is a real downer - but seriously - do we need to waste time bickering over which is worse?!
Hurray! We’re getting back on track! Shaddowboxer, I thought your post was great! yeah - I think this thread had proved we’re all the same with the same opinions and preferences …not!) are less likely to speak up on a conference call and all sorts of other 'default; quirks that mean the poor blokes in our company are supposed to feel that maybe it is all their fault if we don’t move up the career ladder swiftly enough because it’s clearly something they’ve done!
) I think I’ll suggest that next year and see what the response is.