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JasontheRed
Guest
Thanks Chevalier. Your posts were both thoughtful and constructive to me. I appreciate you time in writing them. God bless you.
J
JasontheRed
Guest
Great question. The thought of kissing her thrills me. Especially because I’m so in love with who she is as a person. I also often find myself attracted to her on a more intimate level too. Even if, I think that she’s not the most beautiful. I thinks it’s natural to feel that way if you love them. It’s honestly more about my own insecurities and fears about being judged by others and the suggestion of the devil that I could do better or that I should desire someone more beautiful or sexy.
J
JasontheRed
Guest
I truly apologize that I felt attacked or offended and became defensive.
I just thought this would be a safe, loving and encouraging place to post my candid concerns that I would normally never share. Now I wish I didn’t. It honestly made me feel like **** about myself.
Look I’m not perfect. I’m the first among sinners and I pray the Lord will have mercy on me every day. But, God knows I’m only striving to do the right thing and follow his will.
I felt called to be in a relationship with this young lady. Then, I started letting shallow insecurities get in the way and cause doubts. That’s why I came here for support. I have cognitive issues and maybe a didn’t articulate my situation well to you.
If I may make a suggestion, I would suggest we take a look at the overall tone and intentions of the responses in this thread. Maybe we can be more open to other’s faults when they share them openly. I’m a fairly new Catholic and to be frank I’m not really seeing a lot of love and warmth in the Catholics here or at my church. That being said I also know a lot of the most wonderful and loving Catholics that are full of the spirit. I pray that more of us and myself, can learn to imitate Christ’s love to one another. We are part of the true Church after all. Forgive me. God bless all of you.
I just thought this would be a safe, loving and encouraging place to post my candid concerns that I would normally never share. Now I wish I didn’t. It honestly made me feel like **** about myself.
Look I’m not perfect. I’m the first among sinners and I pray the Lord will have mercy on me every day. But, God knows I’m only striving to do the right thing and follow his will.
I felt called to be in a relationship with this young lady. Then, I started letting shallow insecurities get in the way and cause doubts. That’s why I came here for support. I have cognitive issues and maybe a didn’t articulate my situation well to you.
If I may make a suggestion, I would suggest we take a look at the overall tone and intentions of the responses in this thread. Maybe we can be more open to other’s faults when they share them openly. I’m a fairly new Catholic and to be frank I’m not really seeing a lot of love and warmth in the Catholics here or at my church. That being said I also know a lot of the most wonderful and loving Catholics that are full of the spirit. I pray that more of us and myself, can learn to imitate Christ’s love to one another. We are part of the true Church after all. Forgive me. God bless all of you.
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chevalier
Guest
It may help you if you put some work in realizing that being judged by others is not as highly relevant in your life as your current not so fit emotional shape could lead you to think.
As for ‘better’, define better. If you’re with a woman who has objectively better looks but doesn’t get along with your personality or respect your charater, how’s that better than being with an all-round great fit that doesn’t happen to attract other people or conform to people’s notions of beauty? It could also help, I think, if you were to give some thought to how vastly societal standards of beauty can differ from one society to the next, whether in a different place on earth or at a different time.
I’m sure the devil has at least some interest in your desires in order to adapt temptations better, but don’t be too quick to attribute your own desires or even insecurities to temptations of the devil when they could simply be your own thoughts or feelings or even legitimate desires.
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pianistclare
Guest
Yeah. That statement stopped me cold.It would be a serious mistake to marry someone that you are not physically abstracted to. This woman deserves a husband that doesn’t regret that he didn’t marry a so called ‘hottie’.
You wrote, ‘She’s 26 and I’m 30. We’re both looking for a Godly Marriage and commitment.’
Could you explain for us your definition of what a Godly marriage is???
You worry about HER looks, yet you think you might have a Godly marriage???
Wow.
Do her a favor and tell her you’re not ready for marriage so she can have a chance at real love.
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egretps
Guest
I dated people I initially didn’t think were ‘hot’. But, over time their looks were more than charming, I would look forward to seeing their face. Just like when the waitress is bringing out your meal. But, those boys were ment for other ladies.
Now looks attracted me to my dh initially. And I was over the moon when we both found out we were practicing Roman Catholics on our first date over coffee.
Give it a little time. Don’t lead her on. Friendship is a good thing.
One day you might look forward to her face more than dessert.
Now looks attracted me to my dh initially. And I was over the moon when we both found out we were practicing Roman Catholics on our first date over coffee.
Give it a little time. Don’t lead her on. Friendship is a good thing.
One day you might look forward to her face more than dessert.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
I’ve been around these threads a while. Every once in a blue moon I come accross something that is so odd it confuses me.
This is one of those threads.
A 30 year old guy gets on here and posts that although he likes the personality of a woman, her face is basically ugly. He didn’t use that word but that is what was communicated. Then when people balk at that he says WE are being judgemental and are attacking him!? And er just don’t know about true godly love.
Those of us who are married with amazing families of our own take this as a very immature statement.
There was another poster a while back who tied every problem in thier life to the fact that they were good looking. And “us regular folks” just didn’t understand how hard it was.
Something reminds me of that.
This is one of those threads.
A 30 year old guy gets on here and posts that although he likes the personality of a woman, her face is basically ugly. He didn’t use that word but that is what was communicated. Then when people balk at that he says WE are being judgemental and are attacking him!? And er just don’t know about true godly love.
Those of us who are married with amazing families of our own take this as a very immature statement.
There was another poster a while back who tied every problem in thier life to the fact that they were good looking. And “us regular folks” just didn’t understand how hard it was.
Something reminds me of that.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
A couple of thoughts. This woman has had one relationship in the past where she was mentally abused because of her looks the op thinks that the reason she has had only one other us because that is all she could get. There is an air of charity and superiority to the attitude that he “grace” her with the gift of him because she couldn’t get someone else. This to me is dangerous given her past with the other boyfriend. The last thing she needs is another man telling her she could never do better.
Dr Laura was always find of pointing this out. Go to the mall, find the happiest couples. The vast majority of them are not on the “hot meter” but look at thier love, thier kids, thier smiles. They did all right.
There is either some insecurity or vanity in play here from the op. I think it best not to subject this woman to a person, thier friends, or a family who will not think her anything less than wonderful. That is the man she deserves.
The flip side of this whole thing is that she may not find the op attractive (on the inside)
I’ve known 8s that were dumped by 5s and they are SHOCKED!
On both the male and female side.
I vote for, letting this woman escape a potentially hurtful situation.
Dr Laura was always find of pointing this out. Go to the mall, find the happiest couples. The vast majority of them are not on the “hot meter” but look at thier love, thier kids, thier smiles. They did all right.
There is either some insecurity or vanity in play here from the op. I think it best not to subject this woman to a person, thier friends, or a family who will not think her anything less than wonderful. That is the man she deserves.
The flip side of this whole thing is that she may not find the op attractive (on the inside)
I’ve known 8s that were dumped by 5s and they are SHOCKED!
On both the male and female side.
I vote for, letting this woman escape a potentially hurtful situation.
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pianistclare
Guest
Me too.
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
Jeeze, that is a problem I would not mind having. Talk about a luxurious problem. “I am too good looking. Poor me”
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
This forum is filled with people who are “know it all’s” and it is hard for any man complaining about anything to get much sympathy. I have learned myself to really think before I start my own thread on this forum. And people will be jerks here all in the name of “correcting you” Sometimes they will be in the right to do so but sometimes they will make you feel horrible and think nothing of the fact they are giving their correction in a way that is not loving and frankly they would probably not do in person except that they get brave behind a computer screen. KEYBOARD WARRIORS. Welcome to Catholic answers forums. But there are also people who care and will give good advice. Some care and give good advice too, just do not seem as compassionate as some of the others. But they are good folks too. Do not mind the jerks too much.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
You are correct. I have seen that on these forums. And your advice is prudent. The problem is though that there are no jerks that replied to the op…
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
You are correct. I have seen that on these forums. And your advice is prudent. The problem is though that there are no jerks that replied to the op…
I’d like to think face to face conversation would also not include identifying a potential mates face as less than desirable…
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
I have not read every post but I bet the op thinks a few of them were being jerks and his opinion is as valid as yours
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JasontheRed
Guest
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
I’m praying for all of you that commented and myself that we all love one another as Christ commanded. I forgive all of you and ask forgiveness from you because I am a sinner. I see that revealing myself in such an open nature has caused offense and for that I am sorry.
Thank you for your opinions. But, know that I must trust in God before any man. Through prayer I feel that God has called me to be in a relationship with this woman and I intend to follow his will and am so happy to do so. She also believes the same.
At first the comments hurt me. I even felt as though I wanted to leave the Church after seeing the opposite of what I thought Catholics were supposed to represent. But it was God that led me to the church through the loving example of our Pope Francis.
I pray that God will work in me so I can be part of the light that I want to see in the world. Maybe, I was meant to be here so I could learn that lesson. I’ll stick around on these forums in hope that through a sinner like me God can use me to bring more compassion and understanding to those who come here in need of support.
God bless you all
I’m praying for all of you that commented and myself that we all love one another as Christ commanded. I forgive all of you and ask forgiveness from you because I am a sinner. I see that revealing myself in such an open nature has caused offense and for that I am sorry.
Thank you for your opinions. But, know that I must trust in God before any man. Through prayer I feel that God has called me to be in a relationship with this woman and I intend to follow his will and am so happy to do so. She also believes the same.
At first the comments hurt me. I even felt as though I wanted to leave the Church after seeing the opposite of what I thought Catholics were supposed to represent. But it was God that led me to the church through the loving example of our Pope Francis.
I pray that God will work in me so I can be part of the light that I want to see in the world. Maybe, I was meant to be here so I could learn that lesson. I’ll stick around on these forums in hope that through a sinner like me God can use me to bring more compassion and understanding to those who come here in need of support.
God bless you all
T
Trident_H
Guest
Yeah. I remember that one. And she was really sincere about it too. I mean I sort of understood what she was saying. That being a rose wasn’t all as easy as everyone thought. That there was a burden that came with being envied all the time and judged for such a surface feature.Jeeze, that is a problem I would not mind having. Talk about a luxurious problem. “I am too good looking. Poor me”
But at the same time it was hard to not squirm just a bit.
Just a little.
Agree with this. I think that if you truly love a person, they’ll look beautiful to you. If you’re so hung up about looks then perhaps you are too immature to enter into marriage. As HD said before, even if she’s the hottest woman in the world, you’ll be there when she’s at her worst and you’ll still have to love her.
If you feel that you’re doing her a favour by being with her then it’s time to adjust that attitude.
S
SuperHappy
Guest
Do this good, Godly woman who is looking for a Godly marriage a favor and break up with her. She deserves someone who wants what she wants and someone who is over the moon to be with her. Obviously you aren’t that person.
You claim to want a Godly marriage and a Godly wife but you’re only worried about how she looks and what others think. You should work on your own morals and values, get straight, then look for a partner. Don’t waste someone else’s precious time and emotion when you aren’t sure because she “isn’t pretty” enough for you. Let her go. Be fair to her!
You claim to want a Godly marriage and a Godly wife but you’re only worried about how she looks and what others think. You should work on your own morals and values, get straight, then look for a partner. Don’t waste someone else’s precious time and emotion when you aren’t sure because she “isn’t pretty” enough for you. Let her go. Be fair to her!
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Irishmom2
Guest
I find some of what you said here to be offensive and over dramatic. No one here said you were a sinner. But you came here and asked for advice/ opinions, and you got them. There is no sugar coating the truth, and it is obvious that you didn’t like what you heard. Maybe the mistake was ours, that we misunderstood what you wrote. But maybe you just didn’t like to hear what was said. Maybe you were expecting more support, or your word, compassion. I think that many posters did show compassion, but they showed it for the girl you are seeing.
I take offense for you using all of us as your reason to leave the Church. If your faith teeters on the edge because you don’t like what we said, that is a problem for you. What most people said had nothing to do with the fact that we are Catholic. It had to do with relationships. I am pretty certain you would have gotten the same response on a forum of another church as well. So please, refrain from trying to blame Catholicism for this, and threatening to leave the Church.
Perhaps you have not read enough threads to know that this site is filled with compassionate, caring, faith filled posters, and sprinkled with a few jerks that eventually get banned. People spend their time offering help, prayers, support and friendship to people, but all you see is that we are all concerned with your friend and how she feels. We have all been trying to help you see that sometimes the truth hurts. But it doesn’t mean that it is less truthful, and it certainly doesn’t mean that hearts can’t be changed.
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