Repeating pattern of "you just don't do it for me" in dating... any solutions?

[Xantippe]

By the way, I only smoke a cigarette when I’m angry at the world and can’t relieve stress any other way, which is about once every 4 months or so.

I don’t smoke weed, but I’ve tried it, and weed isn’t that big of a deal anymore, who cares?

I ask about smoking because I don’t reject a girl outright for smoking. It’s interesting that you guys think it’s such a turnoff, when there are so many other women that smoke.

Anyways, how about the other items on my list? Do they matter?

Are there really so many women that smoke cigarettes? I haven’t seen it myself. I guess it’s possible that some of the women you know are doing it specifically as an appetite suppressant to stay thin.

Pot may not be legally a “big deal,” but marriage-minded, family-oriented women often hate pot and pot heads with a passion.

dearwendy.com/my-husband-wont-quit-smoking-weed/

dearwendy.com/my-boyfriend-lied-to-me-about-his-drug-use/

dearwendy.com/he-told-me-to-quit-smoking-pot/ (this one is a woman whose boyfriend feels the same)

thefrisky.com/2011-01-04/dear-wendy-im-stressing-that-my-boyfriend-smokes-pot/

tressugar.com/Boyfriend-Chooses-Weed-Over-Me-18456395

 

[pensmama87]

Are there really so many women that smoke cigarettes? I haven’t seen it myself. I guess it’s possible that some of the women you know are doing it specifically as an appetite suppressant to stay thin.

Pot may not be legally a “big deal,” but marriage-minded, family-oriented women often hate pot and pot heads with a passion.

dearwendy.com/my-husband-wont-quit-smoking-weed/

dearwendy.com/my-boyfriend-lied-to-me-about-his-drug-use/

dearwendy.com/he-told-me-to-quit-smoking-pot/ (this one is a woman whose boyfriend feels the same)

thefrisky.com/2011-01-04/dear-wendy-im-stressing-that-my-boyfriend-smokes-pot/

tressugar.com/Boyfriend-Chooses-Weed-Over-Me-18456395

The only people I know personally who smoke are men. I don’t know what the stereotypes are in LA (though Xantippe puts out a possibility I hadn’t considered), but where I am (East Coast) smoking is NOT considered glamorous, and it’s something only done by “hicks” or “trailer trash.” There can be a bit of a cool factor if you roll your own or if you smoke cigars, if you belong to a hipster-type crowd, but for the most part, it is regarded as a filthy habit not done in the presence of others.

The OP’s comment about “weed not being a big deal anymore” reminds me of something my students used to say when I taught high school. I’m not sure “high school student” is the maturity level you should be going for on dates.

Someone earlier in the thread suggested counseling. That might not be a bad idea, but you might even look for someone who does “life coaching” - helping you identify goals and then making plans to reach them. You shouldn’t completely change who you are to try and impress a stranger, but seeking to grow up and mature a little bit could probably help you a lot.

 

[Lorelei12]

By the way, I only smoke a cigarette when I’m angry at the world and can’t relieve stress any other way, which is about once every 4 months or so.

I don’t smoke weed, but I’ve tried it, and weed isn’t that big of a deal anymore, who cares?

I ask about smoking because I don’t reject a girl outright for smoking. It’s interesting that you guys think it’s such a turnoff, when there are so many other women that smoke.

Anyways, how about the other items on my list? Do they matter?

Personally, I wouldn’t care if you smoked once every four months or every day, it’s still smoking and still a deal breaker, especially if you were using it every so often to relieve stress. It’s a slippery slope to getting addicted, and that’s definitely not something I want around my family. As for the weed, that would be worse if you did, regardless of who does or does not think it’s a “big deal”.

I only know one woman who smokes and is my age (early 30s). Anyone else I know is over 60. Most people I know my age think it’s gross, including my husband.

About the other items- hairstyle might or might not matter. Depends on how well you take care of it. Without knowing what it looks like, I can’t really have an opinion. It might be worth considering why your friend suggested you change it.

I might care about bad posture, but not enough to call it off with someone I liked. Don’t care about high energy, don’t care about being in the military, don’t care about height, don’t care about an athletic body, am not attracted to tattoos. Diet restrictions don’t matter that much, but as someone who likes almost none of the same foods as her husband, it can get tricky if you’re married! Also wouldn’t care about exciting hobbies or animated storytellers. I’ve found in my dating life that the people who are “exciting” attention-seekers have been narcissistic and would probably avoid someone like that.

As for similarities of career and political beliefs, I do find that to be important. Maybe not deal-breakers, but important. And I don’t think there is necessarily anything wrong with preferring white women, but I wouldn’t openly advertise your preference on dating sites or anything. You never know who is out there and she might not look the way you expected her to, but she might be perfect for you.

 

[Xantippe]

I’ve found in my dating life that the people who are “exciting” attention-seekers have been narcissistic and would probably avoid someone like that.

Yeah.

A lot of the stuff the OP is considering doing is considered kind of trashy at his socioeconomic level.

Here’s what I believe may be the issue. CaliLobo, you did hard time in the Evangelical world, and so after leaving that, you’re tempted to just do the opposite of every social norm you ever learned there. The problem is, though, that it’s not the case that there’s the Evangelical world and then the rest of the world, with the rest of the world having values that are the exact opposite of the Evangelical world in every respect. Having spent a fair amount of time in a variety of different settings (Evangelicaldom, the Catholic bubble, an upwardly mobile blue collar family in a small rural town, Washington DC, TX, trying to raise upper middle class kids, and hanging out on a parenting blog with lots of liberal upper middle class women and reading quite a number of parenting books by liberal upper middle class women, as well as here), I feel like you are overestimating the cultural differences between family life in the Evangelical world and outside. Bourgeois virtue is bourgeois virtue, no matter where you are, and the upper middle class world is if anything more attached to bourgeois virtue than Evangelicals. Imagine, for instance, being Amy Chua’s kid and explaining you were getting a tattoo or that you were going to smoke pot…

online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754

I think you might want to talk to a therapist about your yen for tattoos, motorcycles, pot, and so forth–a therapist might have some insights on what’s driving that.

Best wishes!

 

[white_sheep]

It’ll work out. You can’t expect to find the right one on your first try.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

1) Hairstyle (I’ve been told by a friend to change it)

Grooming is important. Stylish is nice, but don’t overdo it.

2) Posture (I’ve been told mine is horrible)

Gotta work on this, you might be giving off the old man vibe.

3) Being high-energy and stimulating, instead of quiet-confident (I can’t always do this; how do people act so stimulated all the time?)

I’m an introvert. Nothing wrong with that, depends on where you’re meeting them.

4) Height (I’m 5’8. Should I not bother with tall women?)

Don’t bother with them. Height for men is nearly as bad as weight for women as a deal breaker. Date in your league which is shorter than you.

5) Being in the military (I’m not)

Not important.

6) Having an athletic body (I’ve been told by that same friend to build muscle to look more sexually appealing)

Don’t need to be muscle bound meat head. But if you’re carrying a lot on your waist line, you can definitely stand to fix that. I work out enough to keep muscle tone, that works for me. Deep squats and deadlifts are the best exercises for helping you keep your testosterone up naturally.

7) Tattoos (I have none)

Good for you. Do not get. Period.

8) Smoking (How much does this matter? How about weed?)

Quit smoking. And quit smoking weed. It saps your energy levels. Women who smoke anything? That’s a deal breaker for me.

9) Diet restrictions (I’m an omnivore. Should I not bother with vegetarians? But there are so many in LA.)

Try paleo if you have weight issues. Still a lot of meat eaters out there.

10) Race/culture (I am Korean. Am I barking up the wrong tree by preferring white women? Are white women open to dating Asians? Should I not bother, and date within my culture to increase the odds?)

Date both.

11) Similarity of career (Many in LA are in entertainment. I find it’s hard to relate to their struggles, and theirs to mine. Despite their beauty, am I barking up the wrong tree? Should I not bother and seek educated professionals?)

Widen the net. Entertainment isn’t the only thing out there.

12) Similarity of political beliefs (I’m not always leftist, but I feel pressured to be leftist. Many women won’t date someone who is pro-life, for example. How much does this matter to women?)

Strong convictions matter more. Do not compromise your political and religious beliefs for available women or others. I get some pushback for being Catholic and professing it when it comes up, I don’t care, that is the price of being Christian, not everyone will agree with you.

13) Exciting hobbies (Should I get a motorcycle, for example?)

No to motorcycles. But it is good to be passionate about something you are really into as long as it’s not video games. Some guys like shooting, some like dancing, some like model airplane flying, some like golf, what do you like? Whatever it is you like can be attractive to a subset of women out there because you are passionate about it.

14) Storytelling skills (I can’t always come up with clever stories to tell. How much does this matter?)

The best stories come from experience. Where did you go? What did you do there? Who did you get involved with? The experience comes from living life. Living life comes from getting out of the house. Getting out of the house comes from you.

Thanks for your thoughtful responses!

You don’t ask this above so I will mention it: in addition to being well groomed, women look for a man who dresses well, not like a slob. Working out will keep the pounds off and help you fit into your clothes. Don’t need the latest fashions, just stick to the classics that fit you well and last a long time. Develop your own style. Fit, fit, fit is important, doesn’t have to be skin tight, just a good fit (I don’t like skinny jeans for instance). Don’t be afraid to do one thing differently from everyone else. If everyone wears black khakis, wear beige. If everyone wears t-shirts, wear a collared polo or tennis shirt, that sort of thing. If everyone is wearing big giant clunker paperweight watches, wear a slim one.

Finally, I recommend learning partner dancing. Ballroom, swing or salsa, doesn’t matter. I can do all three, but start with one. Works well if you’re introverted. You change partners all the time so you learn with different sized women, you learn how to make small talk with them, you learn how to read when they’re open to flirting. Most important of all, you learn how to lead and how to set the frame. This carries over into how you interact with women. It will also help you with your posture. Your context is dominant without being domineering. You lead but you’re not bossy about it. It will also put you into different social circles which helps you widen your net for dating.

 

[Xantippe]

My FIL is about five or six inches shorter than MIL, so it’s not impossible. He was substantially older than her when they met, which probably makes a difference.

Very tall women might actually be very pleased by attention.

 

[Xantippe]

No to motorcycles. But it is good to be passionate about something you are really into as long as it’s not video games. Some guys like shooting, some like dancing, some like model airplane flying, some like golf, what do you like? Whatever it is you like can be attractive to a subset of women out there because you are passionate about it.

Yes!

The best stories come from experience. Where did you go? What did you do there? Who did you get involved with? The experience comes from living life. Living life comes from getting out of the house. Getting out of the house comes from you.

Yes!

You don’t ask this above so I will mention it: in addition to being well groomed, women look for a man who dresses well, not like a slob.

The OP may particularly need to make an effort with clothes being a shorter guy. Maybe find a tailor to make sure your clothes fit exactly? My grandma (like me) is in the 5’2" range, but she often takes her clothes to a seamstress to be fitted more precisely to her, which means she has always been a very sharp dresser, despite being very small.

Finally, I recommend learning partner dancing. Ballroom, swing or salsa, doesn’t matter. I can do all three, but start with one. Works well if you’re introverted. You change partners all the time so you learn with different sized women, you learn how to make small talk with them, you learn how to read when they’re open to flirting. Most important of all, you learn how to lead and how to set the frame. This carries over into how you interact with women. It will also help you with your posture. Your context is dominant without being domineering. You lead but you’re not bossy about it. It will also put you into different social circles which helps you widen your net for dating.

Yes!

 

[Xantippe]

Also, how are your finances doing?

If you get your finances on track, you may find that the confidence and sense of accomplishment that comes with paying off debts and sticking to a plan will transfer into your romantic life.

Also, how about a little travel? You’re a single guy–there’s no better time to do a nice trip.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Sorry, male advice, not female.

Be thankful that women are honest enough to end things at 1 to 3 dates vice stringing you along. Many may sense you are really looking for a long-term relationship at the outset and may just not be in that mindset. Kind of the equivalent of a woman on a first date starting to talk about raising children together…My Mom, a very devout Catholic, always advised young women to date a lot… Dating should be about starting to understand the different types of people and the fact there are some very nice people out there, truly wonderful in many ways that you just simply won’t be a long-term match for. Nobody’s fault. As you date you learn the things you can/can’t tolerate, understand incompatibilities. Dating in the old-world sense where it isn’t about sex really at all. I would advise for any first date or two just pick out some activity that you enjoy and that you think your date will as well. Concentrate on just enjoying the evening without stressing about where it will ultimately lead. Focus on the now, not the future. You seem to be you’ll settle for the first woman who tolerates going 10 dates with you or something. It shouldnt’ be about who accepts you, it should be about you establishing the type of woman you’re compatibile with. You may in the future be cutting things off at date four for very good reasons while the woman may want to date more. Again, not with either of you being wrong/bad-- just not a good match.

Stop hunting. Stop stressing. Confidence is attractive, desperation is repellant.

Live your life first, work on being the kind of person you want to be. On liking the person looking back at you from the mirror.

Exciting hobbies? Well I ride motorcycles, and it is a truly wonderful way to end your life or ruin it quickly. I’m in CA and the only good thing about the state is the ability to lane split. Safer than getting between the bumpers of cars. But listen to the rush hour traffic report and you will inevitably hear at least one motorcycle down. Truly, they are quite dangerous particularly if you find the throttle tempting— lots of bikes out there right now will do well over 160mph and you can easily flip them doing an agressive start. That said, if you find them appealing for your own reasons. Do so. (Learn via a safety school, than if you go the sport bike route spend the cash to go through a performance school). However, I don’t ride right now because I have a minor child living with me full time, I will not risk destroying the stability of their home life. Yes, it is that dangerous.

Let’s just say hobbies. Pursue the ones you’re interested in for your own reasons. Skydiving, SCUBA, water-skiing, dancing (ballroom, hip-hop, salsa-- whatever you’re interested in), sewing, cooking, butterfly collecting, and yes video games. Just met a wonderful young lady who is an avid gamer (but like most serious gamers takes exception to the sexualized armor in video games). I don’t think she’d even consider someone who didn’t at least understand her gaming passion even if they didn’t have it to the same level. It is quite likely if you pursue your interests you will find like minded women. Some of which you may just simply hang out with as friends or as acquaintances and then find at some point there’s more interest.

I have a friend who didn’t get married until he was in his mid-forties. He was smart enough not to settle or get desperate. He has a wonderful relationship with a great wife and two children. He is very glad he was selective and couldn’t imagine what life had been like if he’d tried to force things to work with some of the girlfriends he’d had.

 

[CaliLobo]

There are so many responses, thank you.
"chevalier:

But you probably know this, you’re just being nervous because of a long ‘losing’ streak.

Yes. It’s the streak that’s the issue. It’s gotta be that I’m doing the same thing wrong and NOT knowing it, and I can’t detect it.

And the fear that maybe I don’t do it for anyone.

1. Maybe the fake high energy thing is a problem? You may be trying too hard. (I had something similar happen to me when I was meeting my future in-laws. I accidentally made a terrible impression because I was trying so hard.)

There’s so much written online about how women are attracted to energy and exciting things, and want a man who matches or exceeds her energy level. Is there truth to this? This is why I feel pressured to act more stimulated and excited than I actually am. Especially in LA, where the minute you stop being exciting and interesting, women will neglect you. This is also why I bring up motorcycles as an example of dangerous hobbies.

Xantippe:

1. Some more muscles can’t hurt–also, it could help a lot with posture.

At the most basic level, it’s all about sexual attraction, and all about being the guy who women want to have sex with.

Is there something inherent about muscular guys that makes women want to have sex with them?

Xantippe:

1. If you date both Asian and white women, you double your chances (in LA at least). If you’re doing online dating, they know you’re Asian. Don’t worry about it.
2. An educated professional is much more likely to value what you have to offer. You are looking for this girl (mild content warning–it’s from “The Hebrew Hammer”):

I just finished reading Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. The book is not about settling at all, but rather, to consider what is truly important when it comes to long-term relationships.

As much as I love the beautiful, outdoorsy, beach-loving, Lululemon-wearing white woman, I realize that’s not what I need.

Knowing that I’ll be giving up on what I really want and like, should I play the percentages and instead ask out Korean women who are educated like me, because they are most likely to see me as husband material, and probably understand better how to raise a family with me?

Xantippe:

Are there really so many women that smoke cigarettes?

Yes. Lawyers, Southerners, and Asians have high percentages of smokers. I’m talking my age and younger.

Xantippe:

I think you might want to talk to a therapist about your yen for tattoos, motorcycles, pot, and so forth–a therapist might have some insights on what’s driving that.

It’s all about what makes a man appear more doable. Do women wish to have sex with men who drive motorcycles, have tattoos, or use weed? Are those men exciting?

By the way… “hard time” in the Evangelical world? Did you feel like it was a prison?? Haha!
Zzyzx Road:

Finally, I recommend learning partner dancing.

Thanks for reminding me of the obvious. I’m sure there are bigger and better dance classes in LA than in Albuquerque. I’ll check them out.

 

[CaliLobo]

One more thing I want to add, is that I find beautiful women intimidating. The beautiful, outdoorsy, beach-loving, Lululemon-wearing white women I describe above, I get scared to approach because I feel like there are so many guys already giving them attention; what can I possibly offer to them? They can literally reject men left and right and still more will come. I don’t want to be their next victim! Most likely they probably have boyfriends, or worse, they know they’re hot so they take advantage with their bad attitude.

Double this if they’re also smart with a career. Triple this if they’re actually nice and kind.

(Yes I know, don’t just care about looks. But ironically, it’s average-looking women that have rejected me.)

How do I not be intimidated by the most beautiful, sharpest women?

 

[Joe_5859]

Yes. It’s the streak that’s the issue. It’s gotta be that I’m doing the same thing wrong and NOT knowing it, and I can’t detect it.

And the fear that maybe I don’t do it for anyone.

Just remember, you really only need to be able to “do it” for one woman. That will be enough.

Is it possible that it has something to do with the pool you are fishing in?

One more thing I want to add, is that I find beautiful women intimidating. The beautiful, outdoorsy, beach-loving, Lululemon-wearing white women I describe above, I get scared to approach because I feel like there are so many guys already giving them attention; what can I possibly offer to them? They can literally reject men left and right and still more will come. I don’t want to be their next victim! Most likely they probably have boyfriends, or worse, they know they’re hot so they take advantage with their bad attitude.

Double this if they’re also smart with a career. Triple this if they’re actually nice and kind.

(Yes I know, don’t just care about looks. But ironically, it’s average-looking women that have rejected me.)

How do I not be intimidated by the most beautiful, sharpest women?

I can empathize with you here. For me, things worked out much better by getting involved in group social settings (like Church functions) where I could get to know people more gradually and more casually. Once I was around someone for a bit, it was easier to be less intimidated.

 

[CaliLobo]

Is it possible that it has something to do with the pool you are fishing in?

That’s a good question. Am I barking up the wrong tree? What do you think?

 

[Thorns]

Since that girl broke up with me a year ago, I’ve had a streak of 1-3 dates, followed by rejection. Each time, the girl will say that I just don’t do it for her, but can’t describe why. It’s just a feeling, they say vaguely.

I can’t keep taking rejection from women anymore. The longer this pattern goes on, the more women keep telling me I just don’t do it for them, the more I start wondering whether I do it for anyone.

I feel I do mostly the right things, I can keep a conversation going, I try not to make them uncomfortable, I keep it positive and I don’t need to boast about my accomplishments.

I try my best not to look like I just want sex. I try my best to be casual and not act too desperate.

I try my best to have a positive mindset, believing this will work. But it’s hard, when I have a streak to haunt me.

I’m not a perfect dater by any means. I can’t always be high-energy and stimulating, and dramatic and exciting like an actor. Sometimes I am nervous. Sometimes I say wrong things and make women uncomfortable. But I keep learning.

But recently, I haven’t been saying wrong things to make them uncomfortable.
**
It must be something very subtle I’m doing wrong, can anyone come up with some theories of why I can’t seem to get beyond 1-3 dates?**

Also, how much do these matter to women, in terms of creating the type of attraction that makes a woman want to be more than friends? (I would say sexual attraction, but CAFers might take it the wrong way.)

1) Hairstyle (I’ve been told by a friend to change it)
2) Posture (I’ve been told mine is horrible)
3) Being high-energy and stimulating, instead of quiet-confident (I can’t always do this; how do people act so stimulated all the time?)
4) Height (I’m 5’8. Should I not bother with tall women?)
5) Being in the military (I’m not)
6) Having an athletic body (I’ve been told by that same friend to build muscle to look more sexually appealing)
7) Tattoos (I have none)
8) Smoking (How much does this matter? How about weed?)
9) Diet restrictions (I’m an omnivore. Should I not bother with vegetarians? But there are so many in LA.)
10) Race/culture (I am Korean. Am I barking up the wrong tree by preferring white women? Are white women open to dating Asians? Should I not bother, and date within my culture to increase the odds?)
11) Similarity of career (Many in LA are in entertainment. I find it’s hard to relate to their struggles, and theirs to mine. Despite their beauty, am I barking up the wrong tree? Should I not bother and seek educated professionals?)
12) Similarity of political beliefs (I’m not always leftist, but I feel pressured to be leftist. Many women won’t date someone who is pro-life, for example. How much does this matter to women?)
13) Exciting hobbies (Should I get a motorcycle, for example?)
14) Storytelling skills (I can’t always come up with clever stories to tell. How much does this matter?)

Thanks for your thoughtful responses!

It sounds like you’re being too mechanical in your personality and being to pretentious about doing the right things. Women pick up on that.

Theres no reason to be afraid of women. Theres no reason to impress someone you dont really know (like on a date).

Throw the rules out, be generally fun and positive in a natural way. Whatever you do: HAVE FUN. And the person you’re with will have fun too. If not, the experience was still fun or should be.

Even these days when I pass by someone in a hallway and have a split second interaction, a flirty Hello, I still make surd to have fun in those miniscule interactions.

 

[Xantippe]

Is there something inherent about muscular guys that makes women want to have sex with them?

I think posture is way more important than muscles in conveying confidence, contentment and well-being, but muscles help with posture.

As much as I love the beautiful, outdoorsy, beach-loving, Lululemon-wearing white woman, I realize that’s not what I need.

Knowing that I’ll be giving up on what I really want and like, should I play the percentages and instead ask out Korean women who are educated like me, because they are most likely to see me as husband material, and probably understand better how to raise a family with me?

There are actually Korean women who will be the Asian version of the type you like. This is a totally inappropriate age group, but my 12-year-old’s best friend is Korean and she does the piano thing, but she’s also very tall and ridiculously good at every single sport she tries–volleyball, basketball, tennis, whatever. She also has a sweet, goofy, laid-back disposition. There must be a grown up version of her somewhere in LA.

It’s all about what makes a man appear more doable. Do women wish to have sex with men who drive motorcycles, have tattoos, or use weed? Are those men exciting?

**Depends on the woman. I liked a huge crush on a “bad boy” once–but I was 12-15 at the time. I grew out of it and moved on to skinny intellectual guys. Women who know about head and spinal cord injuries, Hepatitis B and C and have a general idea of how demanding modern parenthood is are likely to be VERY intolerant of all of those things. “Daddy can’t drive carpool because daddy is high,” gets old fast. **

By the way… “hard time” in the Evangelical world? Did you feel like it was a prison?? Haha!

**I thought you might feel that way…
**
Thanks for reminding me of the obvious. I’m sure there are bigger and better dance classes in LA than in Albuquerque. I’ll check them out.

Good luck!

 

[Joe_5859]

That’s a good question. Am I barking up the wrong tree? What do you think?

I can’t really answer that for you. But if you’re experiencing a “losing streak” where you are at, you might try mixing up the places where you meet women.

To stretch my metaphor even more, if you’re fishing in the same spot(s) of the same pond(s), you cannot be surprised that you keep catching the same kind of fish. Moving your boat somewhere else might yield different results. It’s worth trying, at least.

 

[Xantippe]

By the way, I just realized that Aziz Ansari, the “Tom Haverford” character from Parks and Rec, is 5’6".

I bet he does OK.

 

[Xantippe]

Here’s some food for thought:

dearwendy.com/modern-men-are-happier-with-well-educated-wives/#more-278039

 

[Thorns]

One more thing I want to add, is that I find beautiful women intimidating. The beautiful, outdoorsy, beach-loving, Lululemon-wearing white women I describe above, I get scared to approach because I feel like there are so many guys already giving them attention; what can I possibly offer to them? They can literally reject men left and right and still more will come. I don’t want to be their next victim! Most likely they probably have boyfriends, or worse, they know they’re hot so they take advantage with their bad attitude.

Double this if they’re also smart with a career. Triple this if they’re actually nice and kind.

(Yes I know, don’t just care about looks. But ironically, it’s average-looking women that have rejected me.)

How do I not be intimidated by the most beautiful, sharpest women?

You’re right that they already get a lot of attention and have a lot of options.

So instead of entering the competition of metrosexual muscle guy, work from outside the competition and catch them off guard. Dont be like everyone else. Be the guy that “doesn’t notice” their looks. Make them feel that their good looks arent going to work on you and that they have no power. Treat these women like anyone else and be confident. You can at least get their attention that way.

Once you enter the “competition” by trying to use musculature, money, fame, or whatever to.impress them, then you have lost because there will always be someone with more money, more muscles, more fame, etc.

O