Selfish divorce confessed but refuses to reconcile marriage

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justanokdude

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I understand the requirements for Mortal sin including that you are culpable if you know you should check Catholic Church teaching. Please assume that it is known for a fact that the divorce meets all requirements to be “Grave Matter” so the discussion does not get side tracked into a “how do you know it is Mortal sin” topic.

If one is guilty of filing for a no fault divorce and getting a divorce decree issued for selfish reasons (I know this is an big assumption, assume it is true.) and they later go to confession, say the Act of Contrition, ask forgiveness for the divorce, but know in their heart and show by their actions they have no intention of following Church teaching of reconciling (If danger, if it ever existed, is no longer present of course) and returning to the marriage as church teaching directs, if possible, can they be absolved?

I have been struggling with this question for a while. Since the Priest will take the word of the person confessing that the are “sorry” when they hear the Act of Contrition they have no way of knowing what is in the person’s heart and mind so they will continue with the words of absolution. Yes, the Priest should stop the confession, make a separate appointment and fully discuss details of the divorce with both spouses and evaluate the sinfulness of the spouse who filed… Got it… The Priest does not do that.

Technically the person has lied in the confessional, since they are not sorry and may merely regret the result of their action but have no intention of correcting the sinful act ant returning to living as the Church expects them to. They just want the sin of divorce absolved. Are they actually absolved of their sin?

Of course we don’t know if God has absolved them, since he can absolve anyone He wants, He is God. Saying it is up to God would mean the same is true for every sin ever confessed. We could never be sure if absolution is actually granted, no matter what the Priest says.

Many are no doubt in this situation and it has bothered me for a while. Your thoughts?
 
So…you’re just asking that if someone lied in confession about their repentance, do they receive absolution?
 
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Wouldn’t that be imperfect contrition? I believe it can still be absolved in that case, even if it isn’t ideal. I don’t think that the church asks that couples reconcile unwillingly. Technically a divorce isn’t a mortal sin, is it? at least, you can still receive the Eucharist if you are divorced. It becomes a mortal sin if you remarry without an annulment.
 
justanokdude said:
It is more a refusal to “satisfy”, which could make “sorry” a lie.
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If the penitent doesn’t do the penance that the priest prescribed, then you’re asking if they are absolved?

I believe that they must do the penance, or ask for a different penance if they cannot do what was first given to them.
 
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Divorce, not divorce and remarriage is called “grave matter” term for sins that can be Mortal. Priest’s and others will often cover this up with "Being divorced does not stop someone from being able to receive the Eucharist “as long as they are in the proper state of grace to receive” . Sounds good but if you divorce for reasons not approved by the Church you are culpable… see innocent party below too.

Imperfect contrition means you are confessing because you fear going to hell rather than confessing because you understand you have offended God. It is confessing to avoid punishment rather than the deeper realization that you have abused God’s love (fracturing the relationship with God is what is realized rather than you might go to hell… focus on God vs self)

**[2384]
Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:

If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.178

2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.

[2386] It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179
 
Catechism says divorce is Grave Matter… term used for all sins that can be mortal. Note innocent party section below as well. Rarely openly discussed.
 
justanokdude said:
Catechism says divorce is Grave Matter… term used for all sins that can be mortal. Note innocent party section below as well. Rarely openly discussed.
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Grave matter is not synonymous with mortal sin. Murder is grave matter but the degree of sinfulness incurred will depend on other circumstances. Divorce is grave matter but say if a spouse is abused and needing to escape for legitimate reasons, divorce is not a mortal sin.
 
justanokdude said:
Divorce, not divorce and remarriage is called “grave matter” term for sins that can be Mortal. Priest’s and others will often cover this up with "Being divorced does not stop someone from being able to receive the Eucharist “as long as they are in the proper state of grace to receive” . Sounds good but if you divorce for reasons not approved by the Church you are culpable… see innocent party below too.
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justanokdude said:
if you divorce for reasons not approved by the Church you are culpable
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That is not necessarily correct. I am sure many couples get divorced without even knowing what the Church teaching is and you cannot simply say well they should have known.
Also any divorced person (no matter what reasons were given for a divorce) who goes to Confession and sincerely confesses is absolved. Of course they may not have a romantic/sexual relationship with another without an annulment.
Also it is not mandatory for separated couples to get back together. The Church does not impose a penalty on separated/divorced couples who do not get back together.
 
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If you’re not the priest hearing a divorced person’s confession and deciding whether to absolve them, what their penance will be, and what other advice (if any) to give the person in dealing with their situation, then this isn’t your problem or issue.

Also, divorces and separations, as well as confessions, are so highly individualized that it’s impossible to make some general statement about “is this a sin?” or not. The answer is, it depends on the situation, and that’s why it’s for the individual priest hearing the confession to judge.

It may or may not be possible for a separated or divorced couple to physically get back together for a lot of reasons, some of which are likely beyond the control of the person making a confession. The other half of the couple might not want you back, they might be in a new relationship, they might be living a long distance away, you might not have spoken in 10 years, you might not even know where they are. It’s understandable that the Church focuses more on whether the divorced person enters into a romantic/ sexual relationship with another, as that’s something totally within his or her individual control.

Having said all that, I do know of Catholics who reconciled with their separated spouses. I don’t know if they were motivated by counseling from a priest or by something that happened in Confession or not, as I’m not privy to that information, but it could have been.
 
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Emeraldlady said:
Divorce is grave matter but say if a spouse is abused and needing to escape for legitimate reasons, divorce is not a mortal sin.
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Precisely.

And, even if the spouse says they are “reformed” I don’t think there are many priests who will try to force the abused spouse back into the marriage by denying them absolution. At least not in the US.
 
OP, why are you asking? Are you looking for some church teaching as ammunition for an argument with an estranged spouse?
 
1Lord1Faith said:
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justanokdude:
and returning to the marriage as church teaching directs
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What teaching directs this?
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1 COR 7:10,11

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife
 
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That’s fine, but that’s not the point of the thread. The OP is asking a question about confession and absolution.

I asked the OP what the teaching is that they are referring to in order for me to try to get a clearer understanding of the issue that they are concerned with. The OPost was a little jumbled and confusing for me.
 
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Emeraldlady said:
Grave matter is not synonymous with mortal sin. Murder is grave matter but the degree of sinfulness incurred will depend on other circumstances. Divorce is grave matter but say if a spouse is abused and needing to escape for legitimate reasons, divorce is not a mortal sin.
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mrsdizzyd said:
Precisely.

And, even if the spouse says they are “reformed” I don’t think there are many priests who will try to force the abused spouse back into the marriage by denying them absolution. At least not in the US.
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The OP asked readers to make some assumptions about this matter. One was that abuse or safety concerns are NOT present in this situation.

Divorce may very well be a sin, it certainly is grave matter unless one is a completely innocent spouse, ie…a woman whose husband just decides to leave the marriage and gets a divorce. This generally is not the case. Most often there is some blame on each side.
 
These are the teachings… CCC [1649]Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation.

canon law - Can. 1151 Spouses have the obligation and the right to maintain their common conjugal life, unless a lawful reason excuses them.

Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.

§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.
 
These are the teachings

CCC [1649]Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation.

canon law - Can. 1151 Spouses have the obligation and the right to maintain their common conjugal life, unless a lawful reason excuses them.

Can. 1153

§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.

in combination with these… 1450 "Penance requires . . . the sinner to endure all things willingly, be contrite of heart, confess with the lips, and practice complete humility and fruitful satisfaction."49 and Satisfaction
**[1459]( Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused.62 Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must “make satisfaction for” or “expiate” his sins. This satisfaction is also called “penance.”

If when you enter the confessional and know all of the above but you are not open to reconciling the marriage under any circumstance (and no abuse of any kind was the reason for filing for divorce so safety is not a factor. Finances are also not at risk.) it would seem you refuse to “do what is possible in order to repair the harm.” Hope that helps.
 
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