Serious doubts about Church teaching on homosexuality

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The questions you’re asking are classic questions in philosophy of science. Theories usually exist to accommodate current observations, so they’ll always “predict” existing observations. A good theory will predict observations we haven’t made yet. But even a really good theory is at least somewhat questionable if it posits the existence of objects of a certain type. This is one of the reasons why quantum theory is still a little bit questionable, from a metascientific level.

As for the theories that homosexuality and heterosexuality aren’t social constructs, this would be confirmed if we observed the same way of understanding sexuality in pre-modern societies. But we don’t – far from it. So they are clearly social constructs.
I should have said “descriptive” of the real world, not “predictive”. Scientific theories (if any good) are usually predictive. Quantum theory is a case in point - Higgs boson etc. I agree sexuality per se is not a theory. It appears to be a reality (“social construct” seems a bit nebulous to me). An explanation of the mechanisms that give rise to the orientation of ones sexual attractions might constitute a theory.
 
I should have said “descriptive” of the real world, not “predictive”. Scientific theories (if any good) are usually predictive. Quantum theory is a case in point - Higgs boson etc. I agree sexuality per se is not a theory. It appears to be a reality (“social construct” seems a bit nebulous to me). An explanation of the mechanisms that give rise to the orientation of ones sexual attractions might constitute a theory.
Sexual attractions are objective data. But the idea that sexual attractions behave in predictable enough ways to posit orientations is an idea we created, not observed. It’s kinda like we created two fetishes, and then popularized them so much that everyone came to have these fetishes, and then we said they’re a part of nature. Then whoever doesn’t fit into these categories we call “bisexual”, a sort of third “catch-all” category that just serves to make our theory immune to counterevidence.

But being immune to counterevidence doesn’t make it true. :nope:
 
(1) The comparison with alcoholism is useful in one sense, but completely useless in another. Gay people are attracted to something that is genuinely attractive in itself: a person. God made males and females to be good and attractive. (God did not make alcohol with a similar purpose.) There are some gay people that aren’t interested in gay sex in any form whatsoever, but they’re still gay – or, if you like, “same-sex attracted”.

When you compare a gay man’s desire for another man to alcoholism, you risk alienating him in an unnecessary way. Christ is a stumbling block for sinners, but WE don’t have to be.
I think this reflects the point estebob made earlier in this thread. There is this expectation that homosexuality be treated in the church differently that other sins or struggles that pertain to our sick and healing (for believers) fallen nature of makind after original sin. It still beats me exactly what is the basis for this expectation or conviction among (chaste) gay Catholics other than either
  1. placing undue authority in their own subjective feelings or experiences as a basis for judging objective truth, that is, it feels so good to me, it must be good.
or
  1. accepting a worldly ‘wisdom’ that is itself based on a completely wrong view of mankind. that is, all my experienced attractions inspite of their orderedness or not are part of the core of who I am. there is therefore no way of appreciating my self-worth as a prson an child of God without affirming the goodness of these attractions as long as they are involuntary.
Since these are believing (and obedient) catholics, I do not presume that theirs is a desire to have permission to sin, as with some dissenting catholics. but I cannot help but wonder why this insistence that their disordered attractions are somehow better than other disordered attractions and that they are offended when these disordered attractions are placed on a par by other catholics?? I find that to be a wrong attitude and I would genuinely desire a proper explanation why this is required by gay (good) catholics. I am not talking about non believers and dissenting catholics but those gay catholics who are obedient to the magisterium of the catholic church.

@prodigal son,

Alcoholism is an attraction to something that is good in itself. ALL attractions disordered or ordered are the same way. Please note that all created things and all things that exist are good! read genesis for that. he saw that it was good. so the fact that a gay person is attracted to a human being does not mean tht SSA is somehow qualitatively different from other disordered attractions. Please remember that PEDOPHILES are attracted to very GOOD things…children! Gluttons are attracted to food. We humans cannot live without food. Infact the catechism places alcoholism under the sin of gluttony, because taking alcohol is not perse bad. It is the overuse or overattraction that idolizes these things that make liking food into gluttony. So I disagree with you here and on the fact that you find comparing same sex attraction to the inclination for alcoholism offensive. there is nothing untrue or exaggerated in that comparion in the least and there is no reason why catholics should be offended by that.
 
I think this reflects the point estebob made earlier in this thread. There is this expectation that homosexuality be treated in the church differently that other sins or struggles that pertain to our sick and healing (for believers) fallen nature of makind after original sin…
For me, the thing that stands out about homosexuality is not so much the temptation toward a sin - which in itself is not a distinguishing characteristic - we all face temptations. It’s what is not in their life, what cannot (licitly) be in their life - the special and intimate relationship(s) most of us take for granted. Girlfriends/boyfriends → fiancée → wife/husband.
 
Since these are believing (and obedient) catholics, I do not presume that theirs is a desire to have permission to sin, as with some dissenting catholics. but I cannot help but wonder why this insistence that their disordered attractions are somehow better than other disordered attractions and that they are offended when these disordered attractions are placed on a par by other catholics?? I find that to be a wrong attitude and I would genuinely desire a proper explanation why this is required by gay (good) catholics. I am not talking about non believers and dissenting catholics but those gay catholics who are obedient to the magisterium of the catholic church.
Alright I will try to give you a good answer to this. Let’s start first with the most common examples: those of tendency to overindulge (gluttony, alcoholism, drug addiction). On the surface they appear similar, but they are not. These illnesses require an initial intake, even if performed at a young age, to present themselves, even if the person is biologically predisposed. On the other hand, homosexuality does not. So while a person must make a foolish decision that they can later reflect on in order to obtain temptations of overindulgence, gays/lesbians are merely hit with it and stuck in a place where they don’t know what to do as young teenagers through the end of high school and potentially college. There’s no “root” to it (despite how desperate conversion therapy endorsers are to claim there is) since it is biologically fixed in a person. Thus, a person must be treated with care and they must be taught appropriate chastity for their orientation in a way that makes them feel like they are still a wonderful human being, and that their SSAs says nothing about their quality as a person. It thus requires more care than someone who can say “this is why I’m an alcoholic, I’m not cursed or stricken with sin.” Also, alcoholism and drug addiction usually shows itself at a later age than homosexuality, and teenagers are less equipped to deal with the stress of temptation.

Secondly, let’s go with paraphilias. In each of these cases, there is something that is abnormal, in a manner dissimilar to homosexuality. For example, homosexuality is seen in nature, but shoe fetishes aren’t. Almost half of the world’s population is attracted to women, but only a tiny percentage are attracted to X, Y, or Z fetish. So to tell a lesbian “your attraction’s abnormal.” can simply lead her to point to her older brother’s sexual orientation being directed towards the same gender that hers is aimed at.

There isn’t anything that COMPARES to homosexuality, so any comparisons made are just seen as absurd and harmful to the general argument against homosexual sexual conduct. And certain arguments (say, pedophilia/bestiality/incest) are not even made for legitimate comparison but rather to try to strike a “homosexuality = pedophilia” idea in people’s minds, which I would hope any rational person would find offensive since there is no link between the two, or incest/bestiality either.

In short, homosexuality is a unique item of care in that it manifests itself at a young age, requires no sin on the part of the person to manifest itself, and makes one the target of hatred, hate crimes, job loss/eviction concerns, etc. It’s also the only temptation in the world that members of the Church go ballistic on you for if you just accept its presence and ignore it. It’ll always be one of the highest priority cares the Church has due to the lack of sin/age issue, though perhaps it will lessen over time. My hope is that the Catholic Church eventually bars conversion therapy as the torture that it is, and demands that Her members teach acceptance of self and control of behavior to young LGB teens instead.
 
Hi One Point! 🙂

I’ll start at the end of your comments…
Alcoholism is an attraction to something that is good in itself. ALL attractions disordered or ordered are the same way. Please note that all created things and all things that exist are good! read genesis for that. he saw that it was good. so the fact that a gay person is attracted to a human being does not mean tht SSA is somehow qualitatively different from other disordered attractions. Please remember that PEDOPHILES are attracted to very GOOD things…children! Gluttons are attracted to food. We humans cannot live without food. Infact the catechism places alcoholism under the sin of gluttony, because taking alcohol is not perse bad. It is the overuse or overattraction that idolizes these things that make liking food into gluttony. So I disagree with you here and on the fact that you find comparing same sex attraction to the inclination for alcoholism offensive. there is nothing untrue or exaggerated in that comparion in the least and there is no reason why catholics should be offended by that.
I agree that perversions are always directed at the good, only in some distorted sense. But the thing that makes a person an alcoholic is NOT his attraction to alcohol; it is his attraction to drunkenness.

The word “gay” works differently. We say that a person is “gay” not because he wants to have sex with other men, but because he feels an attraction to men (which is to say an attraction to a good). Now there IS a proper end to this attraction, just as there is a proper end to one’s desire for alcohol: in the one case friendship, in the other moderation.

As for gay people wanting to get special treatment, I would remind you that throughout most of history (until the 19th century) same-sex desire was considered reasonably common and acceptable, even when ACTS based on that desire were taboo and unacceptable. (This is like a society that permits drinking, but considers drunkenness absolutely unacceptable.) Right now, we are dealing with the fallout from a 150 year period of prohibition on same-sex desire. People are getting drunk on moonshine, and they have entirely forgotten what a single glass of brandy (read: a chaste same-sex friendship) tastes like.

I believe in telling alcoholics that their desire to relax with a drink is good, in telling pedophiles that their desire for innocence is good, in telling gay men that their desire for men is good, and in telling lesbians that their desire for women is good. And then there are the hard conversations: where you say that an alcoholic might have to abstain from alcohol entirely, or that a gay man should avoid close friendships with other gay men who they find extremely attractive. But unless you first affirm the goodness in something that is clearly good, it’s hard to evangelize.
…that they are offended when these disordered attractions are placed on a par by other catholics?? …
I hope I’ve explained above how all disordered attractions are the same, in this respect. They are all desires for good things, and have their own proper way of being satisfied – but they reach too far.

Hope this helps! I don’t mean to set off gay Christians as somehow superior, not at all.
 
I understand that not all tendencies are exactly alike. Each is unique in its own way, pertaining to different objects and different virtues or vices and different levels of influence and so on. However, there are broad categories that they can fall into. One broad category is ‘disordered’ for those that do not follow the design of nature or of God.

It seems to me that there is an unexpeessed challenge beneath all this to the categorization of the church of same sex attraction as disordered and that strikes me as problematic or at least reflective of different philosophies or different visions of mankind of who a man is.

Why would the categorization of SSA as disordered be problematic to a Catholic? If you think this attraction is well ordered then you have a different vision of God’s plan for man. In effect you are proposing that God designed same sex attraction. To what end? I think thatwoul shows a very irrational and unjust God if it was true. Just imagine. Designing attractions tending to ends that you have forbidden. So you design attractions that encourage people to go exactly where you have designed them not to go or be? What kind of God is that?

God designed sexual attractions including romantic attractions for male and female. When these are directed to same sex coupling they represent a flaw in the system of his creation. We Catholics recognize these flaws as resulting from an old ‘accident’ that introduced broad problems into the system which is original sin. This couplings and the attractions that encourage them direct good forces into the wrong objects. One is same sex attraction. So I cannot accept the proposal that we view this or any other flaws in God’s creation either as God designed or good. I think those good Catholics who are advocating or viewing this attraction this way are mistaken on their view of God’s creation.
 
I understand that not all tendencies are exactly alike. Each is unique in its own way, pertaining to different objects and different virtues or vices and different levels of influence and so on. However, there are broad categories that they can fall into. One broad category is ‘disordered’ for those that do not follow the design of nature or of God.

It seems to me that there is an unexpeessed challenge beneath all this to the categorization of the church of same sex attraction as disordered and that strikes me as problematic or at least reflective of different philosophies or different visions of mankind of who a man is.

Why would the categorization of SSA as disordered be problematic to a Catholic? If you think this attraction is well ordered then you have a different vision of God’s plan for man. In effect you are proposing that God designed same sex attraction. To what end? I think thatwoul shows a very irrational and unjust God if it was true. Just imagine. Designing attractions tending to ends that you have forbidden. So you design attractions that encourage people to go exactly where you have designed them not to go or be? What kind of God is that?

God designed sexual attractions including romantic attractions for male and female. When these are directed to same sex coupling they represent a flaw in the system of his creation. We Catholics recognize these flaws as resulting from an old ‘accident’ that introduced broad problems into the system which is original sin. This couplings and the attractions that encourage them direct good forces into the wrong objects. One is same sex attraction. So I cannot accept the proposal that we view this or any other flaws in God’s creation either as God designed or good. I think those good Catholics who are advocating or viewing this attraction this way are mistaken on their view of God’s creation.
Is this a response to me or SMGS, or both of us? I think our answers were rather different, so I’m not sure how one response could apply to both.

And I may be wrong, but I don’t think either of us said that God designed people with an attraction to certain sexual acts – I admit that would be very cruel of Him.
 
Hi One Point! 🙂

I believe in telling alcoholics that their desire to relax with a drink is good, in telling pedophiles that their desire for innocence is good, in telling gay men that their desire for men is good, and in telling lesbians that their desire for women is good. And then there are the hard conversations: where you say that an alcoholic might have to abstain from alcohol entirely, or that a gay man should avoid close friendships with other gay men who they find extremely attractive. But unless you first affirm the goodness in something that is clearly good, it’s hard to evangelize.
I do not think anyone can object to the approach you re describing here. I think there must be a saint I forget who that once said every sin is a search for God in some way. But I think what you are saying is very different from saying that ssa is a good and normal thin or pedophilia or alcoholism. Because you are basically finding and isolating the search for the good in all of them and saying that THAT particular seeking for the good is natural and good. That is good and I think I have seen it expressed in one way or another by old saints but that is NOT same as saying that alcholosm or ssa or whatever other disordered inclination is good or normal.
 
I do not think anyone can object to the approach you re describing here. I think saint once said every sin is a search for God in some way. But I think what you are saying is very different from saying ssa is a good and normal thin or pedophilia or alcoholism. Because you are basically finding and isolating the search for the good in all of them and saying that THAT particular seeking for the good is natural and good. That is good and I think I have seen I expressed in one way or another by old saints but that is NOT same as saying that alcholosm o ssa or whatever other inclination is good or normal.
You are taking “SSA” to mean an attraction to same-sex sexual activities.

I am taking “SSA” to mean an attraction to persons, that could be manifest in things completely unlike sex: time together, long discussions, reassuring (non-sexual) physical contact, expression of emotions, sharing of joys and pains. In other words, friendship. Now, in many people, their attraction to other persons of the same sex is not visceral. For me, it sometimes is, and sometimes isn’t. But it’s very hard to convince myself that the desire for a good (a person), unaccompanied by the desire for any evil (fornication or the like), is bad.

I guess I would say that alcoholism and pedophilia are rooted in good desires too: the desire for escape in the one case, and the desire for innocence in the other. These desires have their proper goods. Drunkenness and child-rape, obviously, are not the proper goods attached to these desires.

(It strikes me that it would be very dignifying, to chaste pedophiles – and there are chaste pedophiles – if people would recognize that their desire is not rotten to its core. But sadly, I’m guessing most people aren’t interested in showing mercy or compassion to pedophiles.)
 
The bottom line is this: homosexuality is a GRAVELY disordered behavior and a homosexual who acts on it is in a state of continual mortal sin–period. Thus, the homosexual either has to accept a chaste and basically solitary life, or get off his or her #ss and try to do something to change their problem. I speak for no homosexual including my daughter when I say this–infact I’m getting a little weary of gays in general, including my own kid–, but were I faced with living a life of mortal sin and landing in hell, living a life alone with no spouse forever,no kids or whatever to share my joys and sorrows (ie living and dying alone) or reaching out to a group like Courage to at least try to fix what is broken in me, I’d be looking into option 3. Sex and lust is an integral part of homosexuality–infact, I personally think it’s the central demon there. If any homosexual out there thinks that I’m wrong, try making a deal with your partner that there will be no sex or foreplay for 1 month. Heterosexuals can do this. Spend the month really trying to get to know each other–and see if you are still together after 30 days. The average result is that no sex–no relationship! Just a thought----
 
… were I faced with living a life of mortal sin and landing in hell, living a life alone with no spouse forever,no kids or whatever to share my joys and sorrows (ie living and dying alone) or reaching out to a group like Courage to at least try to fix what is broken in me, I’d be looking into option 3.
Do you really think that having no spouse and no kids means living and dying alone? :confused:
 
In short, homosexuality is a unique item of care in that it manifests itself at a young age, requires no sin on the part of the person to manifest itself, and makes one the target of hatred, hate crimes, job loss/eviction concerns, etc. It’s also the only temptation in the world that members of the Church go ballistic on you for if you just accept its presence and ignore it. It’ll always be one of the highest priority cares the Church has due to the lack of sin/age issue, though perhaps it will lessen over time. My hope is that the Catholic Church eventually bars conversion therapy as the torture that it is, and demands that Her members teach acceptance of self and control of behavior to young LGB teens instead.
I am not inclined to duality I see here. On one hand the uniqueness of homosexuality, as standing alone, no comparisons accepted and all attempts are insulting. No one who is not gay can understand.

On the other hand, we have all homosexuals are alike and must be treated as the same. Conversion therapy is torture and never works for anyone. Once gay always gay. I was born this way so all are gays are born this way.

I prefer to consider all options, viewing people as individuals. Some carry a heavier burden. Some can have that burdened relieved one way, some another, all to varying degrees. Likewise, comparisons never prove anything and are only valid in as far as they are common. However, they should not be dismissed as that which they hold in common serve as evidence, which cumulative can help form our opinions and conscience.

This said, I know we each have to weigh these arguments for ourselves. In light of our own experience we try and live our own life. The one thing we should hold in common is the Golden Rule. If we resent generalities being applied to us, then we should not apply them to others.
 
You are taking “SSA” to mean an attraction to same-sex sexual activities.

I am taking “SSA” to mean an attraction to persons, that could be manifest in things completely unlike sex: time together, long discussions, reassuring (non-sexual) physical contact, expression of emotions, sharing of joys and pains. In other words, friendship. Now, in many people, their attraction to other persons of the same sex is not visceral. For me, it sometimes is, and sometimes isn’t. But it’s very hard to convince myself that the desire for a good (a person), unaccompanied by the desire for any evil (fornication or the like), is bad.

I guess I would say that alcoholism and pedophilia are rooted in good desires too: the desire for escape in the one case, and the desire for innocence in the other. These desires have their proper goods. Drunkenness and child-rape, obviously, are not the proper goods attached to these desires.

(It strikes me that it would be very dignifying, to chaste pedophiles – and there are chaste pedophiles – if people would recognize that their desire is not rotten to its core. But sadly, I’m guessing most people aren’t interested in showing mercy or compassion to pedophiles.)
There was a discussion about this many months ago. I forget. But it was about romantic feelings in SSA couples. I do not see how you can separate romance from sex. Romance brings two people together as part of mating. Did God design any body to be romantically involved with people of the same sex just because? I think the separation of romance from sex is simply another untruth I have seen in this place. If you don’t mean romance then you are speaking about plain old friendship. It is no different from brotherly or sisterly love. It also knows no ‘orientation’ but it is part of the experience of all human beings in this world except sociopaths. So no. I do not just mean sex and erotic sexual feelings with SSA. These are simply the fruit or the last end in the long process of mating. I am also including romance between SSA couples. There is an idea I have seen suggested here that these couples could encourage romantic feelings and relationships short of explicitly sexual expression and this would be fine or even good. But seems to me Such couplings would also be contrary to God’s plan and I don’t see why not? If they were not then we should wonder exactly what is the end of romantic involvement in same sex couples and why this would be alright or good for them but wrong for pedophiles or for people suffering with temptations of adultery?
 
I am not inclined to duality I see here. On one hand the uniqueness of homosexuality, as standing alone, no comparisons accepted and all attempts are insulting. No one who is not gay can understand.

On the other hand, we have all homosexuals are alike and must be treated as the same. Conversion therapy is torture and never works for anyone. Once gay always gay. I was born this way so all are gays are born this way.

I prefer to consider all options, viewing people as individuals. Some carry a heavier burden. Some can have that burdened relieved one way, some another, all to varying degrees. Likewise, comparisons never prove anything and are only valid in as far as they are common. However, they should not be dismissed as that which they hold in common serve as evidence, which cumulative can help form our opinions and conscience.

This said, I know we each have to weigh these arguments for ourselves. In light of our own experience we try and live our own life. The one thing we should hold in common is the Golden Rule. If we resent generalities being applied to us, then we should not apply them to others.
There also seems to be a contradiction between the assertion there is no homosexual lifestyle and"I have to keep all my homosexual friends because they are the only ones who I can relate to and we have a unique language and culture"

When I sobered up I had to quit hanging around bars and friends who friendship was based on getting drunk together.In my experience in AA those who thought they could live the same lifestyle they did when they were drinking usually ended up drunk.
 
There was a discussion about this many months ago. I forget. But it was about romantic feelings in SSA couples. I do not see how you can separate romance from sex. Romance brings two people together as part of mating. Did God design any body to be romantically involved with people of the same sex just because? I think the separation of romance from sex is simply another untruth I have seen in this place. If you don’t mean romance then you are speaking about plain old friendship. It is no different from brotherly or sisterly love. It also knows no ‘orientation’ but it is part of the experience of all human beings in this world except sociopaths. So no. I do not just mean sex and erotic sexual feelings with SSA. These are simply the fruit or the last end in the long process of mating. I am also including romance between SSA couples. There is an idea I have seen suggested here that these couples could encourage romantic feelings and relationships short of explicitly sexual expression and this would be fine or even good. But seems to me Such couplings would also be contrary to God’s plan and I don’t see why not? If they were not then we should wonder exactly what is the end of romantic involvement in same sex couples and why this would be alright or good for them but wrong for pedophiles or for people suffering with temptations of adultery?
No, you’re mistaking my meaning. I mean “plain old friendship”, but I don’t assume that there is anything plain about friendship. The question is whether SSA is always a barrier to ordinary friendship, or if it can sometimes be an aid to ordinary friendship. I think this is an open question – and if it is answered in the affirmative, it means that “being gay” can be an advantage to establishing a good thing in the world. (This is not to say that gay friendships are “different” somehow, or better, or any such thing – no more than saying that a romantic temperment makes marriages better. A romantic temperment is clearly a beautiful thing that God made for a reason).

In my experience, alcoholics tend to be delightfully passionate and charismatic people. I’m sure every sinful disposition carries with it corresponding virtues (if the disposition isn’t indulged sinfully). Again, I’m not trying to claim anything special for homosexuality.
 
No, you’re mistaking my meaning. I mean “plain old friendship”, but I don’t assume that there is anything plain about friendship. The question is whether SSA is always a barrier to ordinary friendship, or if it can sometimes be an aid to ordinary friendship. I think this is an open question – and if it is answered in the affirmative, it means that “being gay” can be an advantage to establishing a good thing in the world. (This is not to say that gay friendships are “different” somehow, or better, or any such thing – no more than saying that a romantic temperment makes marriages better. A romantic temperment is clearly a beautiful thing that God made for a reason).

In my experience, alcoholics tend to be delightfully passionate and charismatic people. I’m sure every sinful disposition carries with it corresponding virtues (if the disposition isn’t indulged sinfully). Again, I’m not trying to claim anything special for homosexuality.
Then I have no opposition to what you are saying. It means simply, gay people can be friends, just as a man and a woman can be friends. Each of those would require prudence of course as we must never forget we are weak and can sin. But that they can be friends I cannot object.
 
If they were not then we should wonder exactly what is the end of romantic involvement in same sex couples and why this would be alright or good for them but wrong for pedophiles or for people suffering with temptations of adultery?
The problem is you are using a very modernist definition of romance. Romance, for most of human history, was exclusively tied to marriage and the marital act; dating, non-sexual physical intimacy, etc. was not seen as romance or unique to marriage. In the Victorian Era, married women would have non-sexual physical intimacy and “romantic” evenings with each other as part of a close friendship. It was considered a friendship, not an interested romance.

However, in the modern day, colloquially a romance means any close friendship between two unrelated people who are committed to each other. This is a very modernist view, but as a social construct, people in same-sex intimate committed friendships would be better off calling it a celibate relationship to be clear scandal-wise. It is still a friendship though, as it has no marital aim as its goal. Its end is in an intimate friendship, which the Church has never had a problem with. How many friends get so close to each other that they’re like sisters?

As for why it’s not like pedophilia, I’m not sure why I even have to mention this, but uhhhh…consent? Seriously?

As for why it’s not like adultery, married individuals are under much stronger restrictions than single individuals. They are not allowed to have any non-sexual intimacy with friends because they are married, not because the intimacy itself is immoral. Same reason as why priests are barred from intimacy. They’re restricted from behavior, but the behavior itself isn’t inherently immoral.
 
Do you really think that having no spouse and no kids means living and dying alone? :confused:
It would to me. If a homosexual disagrees then I say good for him or her–live a chaste life and stay gay, Not my problem. Not my decision.
 
The problem is you are using a very modernist definition of romance. Romance, for most of human history, was exclusively tied to marriage and the marital act; dating, non-sexual physical intimacy, etc. was not seen as romance or unique to marriage. In the Victorian Era, married women would have non-sexual physical intimacy and “romantic” evenings with each other as part of a close friendship. It was considered a friendship, not an interested romance.

However, in the modern day, colloquially a romance means any close friendship between two unrelated people who are committed to each other. This is a very modernist view, but as a social construct, people in same-sex intimate committed friendships would be better off calling it a celibate relationship to be clear scandal-wise. It is still a friendship though, as it has no marital aim as its goal. Its end is in an intimate friendship, which the Church has never had a problem with. How many friends get so close to each other that they’re like sisters?

As for why it’s not like pedophilia, I’m not sure why I even have to mention this, but uhhhh…consent? Seriously?

As for why it’s not like adultery, married individuals are under much stronger restrictions than single individuals. They are not allowed to have any non-sexual intimacy with friends because they are married, not because the intimacy itself is immoral. Same reason as why priests are barred from intimacy. They’re restricted from behavior, but the behavior itself isn’t inherently immoral.
No. What you are claiming is different from what prodigal son is saying. What romance may have meant in old times is really irrelevant.

I am talking about a biological and psychological reality that occurs as a result of the attraction between men and women that starts a mating process. Those individuals who experience it for members of their own gender are those we call gay. It is NOT like the attraction between disinterested friends at all.

Now when gay Catholics come on these boards confessing to experiencing these attractions for a person of the same sex, I have seen posts that attempts to tell them they can go ahead and foster these as long as they don’t have sex and are sure they cannot fall into committing that sin. Now, just How these people know that they are not vulnerable to these temptations I just dont know because we are weak. Now these attractions confessed are clearly not disinterested friendly or brotherly attractions as they are disturbing to these individuals in that they recognize them as “gay” and those not meant for people of the same sex, they know that something is up and want to know what the catholic position is. I do not agree that it is in any way consistent with catholic view of the world and natural law to encourage these as benign.

At best these feelings and attractions make these people vulnerable to these sins and should be avoided. If a man tells you he is in love with the wife of another, the last thing you will tell them if you are a prudent and responsible person is to continue with a close friendship with this woman. In fact you will tell them to cut off all contact with her as much as possible especially if she is also experiencing the same temptations. This is much More so if you are a catholic who believes in his religion.🤷
 
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