Hey Benjamin! Would you like to meet my sister? I think what we need are more matchmakers! Everyone calls us nosy and obnoxous but i say we have our place. Sometimes God sends an unusual messenger to test our faith. Be open and fear not! (unless your internet dating, in that case fear everyone!)
This has bothered me for quite some time. You are exactly right, Gertie! Though from my perspective, it is equally the singles who are afraid of being thought “desperate” and so will not ask.Honestly, I nearly cried at the realization that married couples no longer take any interest in helping younger (even middle-aged) single people get totgether. In their minds it could only be desperation that would drive someone to ask their friends to help them find a good match.
No, I’m not desperate, thank you very much. But I also don’t know every single man in the parish, the town, the state… and it would be nice to occasionally hang out with some singles my own age.
I wanted to set up one of my friends with a friend of my husband’s, at least to see if they would like each other, but my friend flatly refused. She was single for five more years, and honestly, she just got lucky to find someone then. Not that there was anything wrong with her. She was (and is) a cool woman and good friend. She was/is pretty, talented, and attractive. But the only 2-3 single guys she knew had not worked out as mates. There was no one else available in her church, and there was no one in her department at work. In the end, a young intern was temporarily training at her office, and they got together. He was only there for a short time, however, and if they had not worked out, she would have ended up alone because there STILL hasn’t been anyone to show up in her circle since then.
I asked my friends in choir to keep their eyes and ears open for any 40-something single men. In unison they both replied, “Are you desperate?”
Honestly, I nearly cried at the realization that married couples no longer take any interest in helping younger (even middle-aged) single people get totgether. In their minds it could only be desperation that would drive someone to ask their friends to help them find a good match.
No, I’m not desperate, thank you very much. But I also don’t know every single man in the parish, the town, the state… and it would be nice to occasionally hang out with some singles my own age.
There are still professional matchmakers out there, but they are expensive. A young woman I know has seriously considered asking her parents to arrange a match for her.
If I ever lose my job, I might look into the field of match-making – a seriously under-developed field in modern society.
God bless you!
Gertie
When I was younger, I was embarassed at the idea of being set up, but now I think it’s one of the best ways to meet someone. Basically, you have a person who knows you both and can vouch for your character. It’s probably safer than just meeting a random person online or on the street who could pretend to be anything. It’s so sad that people think expressing a desire for lover, marriage and companionship is desperate.This has bothered me for quite some time. You are exactly right, Gertie! Though from my perspective, it is equally the singles who are afraid of being thought “desperate” and so will not ask.
I would actually dearly like to arrange marriages for my daughters called to marriage. (I have at least one discerning a vocation to the religious life.) That way they could avoid a lot of these same difficulties you describe.
Back in the day, it seems the whole community was involved in making matches. That was how it was done and the community was invested in marriages. Now, it’s every man and woman for him/herself. Women are exposed in ways God never meant for us to be. There’s no accountability in dating. I’m not saying I want a guy to ask my father for permission to court me but I would appreciate it if out courtship involved both our families on some level as well as the church (or some couples in the church). This is seeming more and more elusory. Like!Hey Benjamin! Would you like to meet my sister? I think what we need are more matchmakers! Everyone calls us nosy and obnoxous but i say we have our place. Sometimes God sends an unusual messenger to test our faith. Be open and fear not! (unless your internet dating, in that case fear everyone!)
Pleeeeease make sure the guys know before they get the chance to fall in love! I’m asking from the wonderful experience of being able to bump into one after another lady who is not really looking for a relationship at this time of her life (to the point of it being the norm rather than exception).And honestly, I’m not sure I’m really looking for a romantic relationship so much as just wanting to connect with other singles and seeing whether or not I can actually have a coherent conversation with an adult male. I’m just really comfortable with my life as it is, and I see interacting with other singles as an opportunity to grow with and support my peers.Guess I’d be one of those difficult females if I were to participate in online dating right now.
Just a wounded person sharing some stories to avoid at least some of the stuff happening to other people, if it can be helped. If I had wisdom, I wouldn’t have the stories!
Because I am not serious about looking, I am not in a position to lead a man on, thanks be to God!
(can’t count the number of times I saw that reference in a man’s profile. (just getting a start on my matchmaking career)Overweight is relative, right?Because I am not serious about looking, I am not in a position to lead a man on, thanks be to God!
In the tangle of my own thoughts, however, I can’t imagine there actually is that sort of Superman out there saying, “Hey, I could fall in love with an overweight 44 year old woman with an 8 year old son, AND pray for that boy’s dad’s conversion.” Never mind that I can’t actually look equally great in either jeans and a t-shirt or an evening gown
I will definitely keep you in my prayers! If you are in your late 20s to mid-30s, I know some lovely devout ladies in my parish that are praying for their future husbands
God bless you!
Gertie
Never say never.
I will definitely keep you in my prayers! If you are in your late 20s to mid-30s, I know some lovely devout ladies in my parish that are praying for their future husbands
Thank you! Oh, and follow your dream career, by all means!
Who knows, maybe it will grow to be a large, profitable Internet business? Who needs a man when you can buy all the books in the world?Your post reminds me of something my 20-something friend said recently about the prospect of courting and marriage. She said, essentially, that she didn’t know how to be a wife, how to open herself up to another human being that way. (She has wonderful examples of sacramental marriage in her family.)
I agree selfishness is a big part—and I don’t think it’s age limited. The culture promotes being selfish in the guise of independence rather than promoting self-giving love and sharing. I know men who have married for the first time after the age of 50—being open to God’s will is a HUGE issue as well. God may have a wonderful woman for them who will go well with their “set” ways—but they are convinced (by themselves or others) that life stopped at 45, it’s too late. Tell that to Moses, Abraham and Sarah, Zachariah and Elizabeth…I suspect for quite a few of the older never married men, this is happening. You get to a point where you’re used to doing it your way for so long. However, some of these men express in their profiles a (seemingly) earnest desire to marry and have kids. Maybe they are extremely picky? I guess if you make it to 50 unmarried then you are less likely to marry whoever happens to be in your life.
The whole thing is very disheartening.
This may sound crazy but I almost feel like it’s my mission to somehow champion Catholic/Christain marriage or sound the alarm in our churches (but being unmarried, I feel rather unqualified
It can’t be proved that God supposedly match-makes His children to the point of “having a spouse in mind” for everybody. In other words, soulmate theory doesn’t hold ground theologically. Just because it was like that for Tobias doesn’t mean it’s like that for everybody.
Having children at a late age is not the same as marrying at a late age.
With all due respect, maybe that’s the issue? We need to be active and in a way create reality rather than only reacting passively to it.
But you do have to be open to God’s will…if we ask for guidence with a job, a house, etc, why not a spouse? If we’re sitting around sure that our life is over at 45 and God can’t possibly have anything for us, we might be missing something great. It’s never too late for God’s plan, but if we put an age limit on ourselves, we could be missing something.
Of course. But that’s different. You don’t believe God has set an employer apart for you before you existed, do you?
Yes but I would prefer to avoid the language of God having something in store for us. God created the earth and filled it for us and left us to conquer and rule it. We’ve got to make something of what we’ve got.
My point was not in favour of putting an age limit on ourselves. On the contrary, my point was against sitting passively and waiting for a Godsend.
Except that God gives us 1) free will, 2) natural gifts, 3) grace to assist us. He doesn’t require us to sit passively and wait for our destiny. We can’t be lazy and expect God to fill in.
But we both know what will happen if we pray for food instead of going to the shop. Likewise, we are not unable to look for a good spouse in accordance with God’s will. Meaning a spouse we can run a good Christian family with, someone we can rely on and trust, rather than someone who gives us a momentary thrill. And so on and so forth.
God absolutely can lead a specific man and a specific woman together. I suspect He does from time to time, while I’d be cautious with any claims that He had actually set those people apart for each other (i.e. matched them) before the world existed. Obviously, it can never be said that God doesn’t care enough for His child to be personally involved in His child’s life. That kind of argument would be patently false. At the same time, I’d normally rather “expect” God to expect us to rely on our natural gifts with the assistance of grace, no overt miracles. No waiting for a miracle while not doing our part with our natural gifts (let alone grace), either.
I think we agree, actually, just in writing it seems not so much. I have heard the flood story and totally agree!! We have to be open to how God sends help—and I have seen a lot of people who are not. They ask God for help–say with needing some extra time—and someone offers to go to the store for them since they’re on their way and heard them say they need to go and person in need refuses saying they can do it on their own—I don’t think they saw the help God offered through the person and they refused like the guy in the flood story, their pride or independance or whatever got in the way of them accepting the help God sent.Of course. But that’s different. You don’t believe God has set an employer apart for you before you existed, do you?
Yes but I would prefer to avoid the language of God having something in store for us. God created the earth and filled it for us and left us to conquer and rule it. We’ve got to make something of what we’ve got.
My point was not in favour of putting an age limit on ourselves. On the contrary, my point was against sitting passively and waiting for a Godsend.
There was an anecdote I’d like to tell you. So, there’s a flood. A religious person is sitting on a roof. A boat comes, wants to take him aboard. “No, God will save me!” Another boat comes then, some of other group of people etc. Even a helicopter. But the answer is always, “No, God will save me.” So, the person finally dies. “God, why didn’t you save me?” “I tried! I sent five boats and a helicopter for you!”
Sound familiar? And the person in the anecdote actually shouldn’t be asking to be rescued without trying to get human aid first, or swim to a safer place. So if we just sit in the ivory tower waiting to be rescued by a prince(ss) charming, what use do we make of the natural gifts that are the primary accessories we should rely on?
Except that God gives us 1) free will, 2) natural gifts, 3) grace to assist us. He doesn’t require us to sit passively and wait for our destiny. We can’t be lazy and expect God to fill in.
But we both know what will happen if we pray for food instead of going to the shop. Likewise, we are not unable to look for a good spouse in accordance with God’s will. Meaning a spouse we can run a good Christian family with, someone we can rely on and trust, rather than someone who gives us a momentary thrill. And so on and so forth.
God absolutely can lead a specific man and a specific woman together. I suspect He does from time to time, I wouldn’t expect Tobias to be a singular exception. Obviously, it can never be said that God doesn’t care enough for His child to be personally involved in His child’s life. That kind of argument would be patently false. At the same time, I’d normally rather “expect” God to expect us to rely on our natural gifts with the assistance of grace, no overt miracles. No waiting for a miracle while not doing our part with our natural gifts (let alone grace), either.
Patience is important but I’d rely on seeking rather than waiting.
That’s called far-sightedness. People chase wild dreams (and sometimes sick dreams) and don’t realise a gem when they trip on one. Always need to see perspective and have an open mind!
I lost count of my romantic failures back when I was still young and pretty.
Yeah, and the natural human inclination toward infighting.
I’m enjoying the discussion
You need to be very careful with deciding that God did this or that thing in your life. By definition, a human can’t comprehend God. Our ability to deduce divine intervention is extremely limited. Faith can be misplaced without proper guidance. Wishful thinking is generally more probable. Convenient explanations (e.g. ones that allow us to reduce effort or excuse our shortcomings) are very appealing and may therefore appear rather convincing. One needs some kind of spiritual direction before making such conclusions with anything approaching certainty.I’m enjoying the discussion
This is me–I can’t make a relationship happen if I tried. I used to think it was bad luck but I’m starting to think it’s God’s protection. Maybe He actually does have someone specific in mind for me? Anyway, I whisper the same prayer you did: that this man will recognize me and pursue me and that God will show me somehow that he’s the guy. It’s encouraging that God did that for you.
I do think God can set us apart for some people but I am adamant that one has to be “out there.” I’m not trying to orchestrate anything (because I’m really really bad at that) but I am open to however this man could come into my life (ie through friends, in person, online, etc).
But are you open to the idea that the man is not there, that you may need to find a man?