Sex Addiction

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As a new member of this site I have read a lot on the subject of masturbation. I also have a question I’d like to ask on this subject. In my quest for sexual purity I gave up this awful habit a few years ago, and have, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, been able to avoid it 99% of the time. The problem is that I still have cravings for sexual release that feel like an addiction. Since I did not choose to avoid this habit for most of my life I find that I’m not sure what those who did choose to be chaste experience when they refrain from sex for prolonged periods of time. Is it normal to feel such cravings after being chaste for several years? It would be very helpful if I could hear from anyone who, out of necessity, abstains from sex either indefinitely or for prolonged periods of time. I’d like to know how difficult it is for most people to abstain so I can make some sort of determination of my progress.
 
Brother:

I’ve had the grace to avoid this for 30 years - surely the craving is less severe but it does NOT disappear. I get it in waves and I suspect that it’s a symptom of other spiritual/emotional/relational issues surfacing as temptation. IF it’s any comfort, I’m sure it would be a lot worse if you were giving in to it. Be encouraged, you’re self-control is winning glory for Christ now and for you in eternity.
 
TruthSkr:

I’m not sure of your total situation, but have you considered marriage? Not has a solution to your problem but in the sense that perhaps care of a family was your destiny. If you consider marrriage, then you will need to recognize that you took on this habit instead of embarking on this destiny. You will be required to enter in marriage as a spouse of virtue worthy of the Sacrament. Satan will call on you to perform like this even in marriage, so all the more urgent to correct this existing problem before then as you are now. Masturbation during marriage is an affront to the Sacrament.

1 Cor 7,8
" To those not married and to widows I have this to say: It would be well if they remain as they are, even as I do myself; but if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. It is better to marry than to be on fire."

(I assume self-control meant here as desiring sexual relations and also includes the manifestations of this in other forms as well.)

Jesus also recognized that some people are more oriented to celibacy than others.

Mat 19, 11 “Not everyone can accept this teaching, only those to whom it was given to do so. Some men are incapable of sexual activity from birth; some have deliberately made so; and some have freely renounced sex for the sake of God’s reign. Let him accept this teaching who can”.

I congratulate you on your determination and success so far. 👍

AndyF
 
TruthSkr:

I’m not sure of your total situation, but have you considered marriage?

AndyF
Actually I am married, but find that there are times when my wife and I are not able to have intercourse, for various reasons, that I am troubled by this craving. I do not want to pressure my wife for sex when she is not able to be receptive and that is what my craving makes me want to do. I want sex in our marriage to be completely mutual. Pressuring my wife for sex to get relief makes her feel dehumanized and I don’t want to do that to her.

I recently listened to a CD by Dr. Janet Smith, titled “Contraception, Why Not?” and during the discussion there was a story told about several married women talking about their sex lives. All practiced artificial contracteption but one who used NFP. When all but the one who practiced NFP complained about their husbands pressuring them for sex, the one who practiced NFP said that this was never a problem for her and her husband because he was used to regular abstenance. By practicing masturbation one never has to abstain from sex. And when you finally do abstain it’s very difficult and the addictive nature of sex rears its ugly head.
 
Actually I am married, but find that there are times when my wife and I are not able to have intercourse, for various reasons, that I am troubled by this craving. I do not want to pressure my wife for sex when she is not able to be receptive and that is what my craving makes me want to do. I want sex in our marriage to be completely mutual. Pressuring my wife for sex to get relief makes her feel dehumanized and I don’t want to do that to her.

I recently listened to a CD by Dr. Janet Smith, titled “Contraception, Why Not?” and during the discussion there was a story told about several married women talking about their sex lives. All practiced artificial contracteption but one who used NFP. When all but the one who practiced NFP complained about their husbands pressuring them for sex, the one who practiced NFP said that this was never a problem for her and her husband because he was used to regular abstenance. By practicing masturbation one never has to abstain from sex. And when you finally do abstain it’s very difficult and the addictive nature of sex rears its ugly head.
I would suggest reading the “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West.

The first thing that comes to mind is that sex is not about an orgasm. That is not why your and your wife have sex. It is an effect of having sex, yes, but it is not the reason, not the main reason. The reason that you have sex is to renew your marriage vows. To unite as husband and wife, giving yourselves to one another as Christ gave Himself for us. You are open to life in every act.

Now, how to do that avoid that temptation? That is a tough one, but as I have told many others, you need to use that time to show your love to you wife in other ways. During fertile times if you are avoiding a pregnancy you have to be able to control yourself. I have just mentioned this in another post, we are not animals, we do not have to have sex. We will not die without it. Sexual uges, sexual temptations come and they go. How each person deals with it is different. For some it is the rosary, others a prayer to the Holy Spirit, others go for a run, you have to find what works best for you.

Love and respect your wife, read the book, it opened my eyes and it is what has allowed me to respect my wife and it has greatly increased our intimacy.

Jesus never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it!
 
TruthSkr:

I see. I am able to abstain for the length of time my wife and I are separated during the month, and it took a lot of will power to accept the situation. She’s still working in the city and has 3 years to go. Eventually you do get physically used to it.

I’m glad I’m in my sixtees, not sure if I could handle it in my early stud days.😃 Libido starting to melt like the rest of me, good riddance!.🤷

AndyF
 
In my quest for sexual purity I gave up this awful habit a few years ago, and have, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, been able to avoid it 99% of the time. The problem is that I still have cravings for sexual release that feel like an addiction. Since I did not choose to avoid this habit for most of my life I find that I’m not sure what those who did choose to be chaste experience when they refrain from sex for prolonged periods of time. Is it normal to feel such cravings after being chaste for several years?
I don’t have an answer really. I’m more wanting to re-ask part of your question. When I was in middle school I fould a couple playboys and have struggled with purity through porn and masterbation for the 12 years since. The last 3 years have been the hardest because I have specifically prayed daily, made frequent confessions, and have attended additional masses.

I’ve really seen strides in other parts of my faith, but in 3 years giving impurity the best resistance I know how to muster I have one 6 or 7 week reprises from this sin, and then a several dozen 2 week resistances.

They question you asked that I also ask is about masterbation as an addiction. I’ve found 2 times I fail in my effort.
  1. When I’m weak; as in tired, frusterated, or even just bored; which I can plan for by finding alternate means of meeting those challenges.
    Against this form of temptation I have started become stronger in resisting. By setting a bed time. Going for bike rides. Having a good novel on hand whenever I’m bored. They all really help.
  2. The second time is when I’ve doing great…then I just have some incredible craving to be impure. I usually beat the first attack, but if I compromise in any way it returns and I fall.
    (this notion of compromise is hard to explain,:but basically failing to pray, go ride the bike, etc…is failing - if I’m hit like that, I must turn off the computer, I can’t stay in a room where I’ve real privacy, which often means leaving the appt…why? b/c time and time again it’s proven that those are 2 common modes of my failing)
    But the thing that frusterates me most in these moments is that I’m disgusted that the idea as it approached. Then if I let it take hold, I embrace it. Then immediately upon ‘release’, I hate it again and feel terrible.
    I am highly inclined to believe there is a strong chemical/hormonal inclination in this 2nd temptation. It doesn’t make it acceptable, but it makes it really hard b/c I can’t just produce these chemicals that my brain or whatever glands are desiring, and once fed I seem to get back under full control and see my fallen nature. 😦
Is it really a chemical addiction that I and many others are suffering from?
And chance they are developing a patch? 😛
 
Good luck trying to find a way around the way your body naturally works :\
 
Good luck trying to find a way around the way your body naturally works :\
It’s called Grace. The grace of God is available to all to be used to transform disordered use, to ordered use of our body.
 
Have you all noticed a simple fact? If you have a picture of a beautiful female dog and bring it to a dog, he will not be interested at all. Dogs are not playboys. Not that they don’t love female dogs, they love them tremendously, but they will not be interested in the picture, in pornography. To create pornography you need saints and religion. First repress the sexual instinct, the natural instinct, and tell people that it is wrong and evil. When they repress their sexual instinct, the repressed instinct finds an outlet.

Now it is difficult to go and enjoy watching beautiful women passing down the road. SO what to do? Lock yourself in your room and look at Playboy magazine. That is safer; nobody comes to know about it. You can hide your Playboy magazine inside the Bible and pretend you are reading the Bible.

Only man is pornogrpahic. No other animal is pornographic. These are simple facts.

And who has made man pornographic? Primitives are not interested in pornography-still are not. Women are naked and move about naked without any fear. So what type of civilazation do you say you are living in? A woman cannot walk down the street without being pinched on the bottom, without being treated inhumanely. A woman cannot walk in the night alone-and this is civilazation? People are just obssessed with sex 24/7.

Who has given this obsession to man? Animals are sexual but not obsessed; they are natural. When sex becomes an obsession it takes perverted forms, and these perverted forms are rooted in the moralizers and their teachings.

The so-called religious people have never trusted human nature. They talk about trust, but they have never trusted life. They trust rules, laws; they never trust love. They talk about God, but that is just empty talk. They trust in the police, in the courts. They trust in hellfire. They trust in creating fear and in creating greed. If you are saintly and good and moral, you will have heaven and all the pleasures of paradise. Or, if you are not moral, then you will suffer hellfire- eternally, remember, forever and ever. These things are rooted in greed and fear. These people have been manipulating the human mind through fear and greed.

I trust you and I trust your nature. I trust animal nature. If nature is allowed its own course, yes, there will be a little anger sometimes and there will be a little flaring up, too, but nothing is wrong in it. It is human and beautiful. But there will be no war.

You have lived with rules and norms, and what has happened? Look at the state of humanity today. It is a neurotic earth, a great madhouse. This is what happened out of your norms, your idealism, perfectionism, morality. Out of all your commandments this has happened- the whole earth has turned into a neurotic campground, a big madhouse. And still you are afraid of hellfire, and still you go on. This a a vicious circle.

I’ll stop here for now…
 
As a new member of this site I have read a lot on the subject of masturbation. I also have a question I’d like to ask on this subject. In my quest for sexual purity I gave up this awful habit a few years ago, and have, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, been able to avoid it 99% of the time. The problem is that I still have cravings for sexual release that feel like an addiction. Since I did not choose to avoid this habit for most of my life I find that I’m not sure what those who did choose to be chaste experience when they refrain from sex for prolonged periods of time. Is it normal to feel such cravings after being chaste for several years? It would be very helpful if I could hear from anyone who, out of necessity, abstains from sex either indefinitely or for prolonged periods of time. I’d like to know how difficult it is for most people to abstain so I can make some sort of determination of my progress.
TruthSkr.

I am in exactly the same boat as you are. For certain reasons, my wife and I do ont have intercourse for extended periods of time.

After my conversion, I stopped masturbation alltogether. Since I broke the habbit, I actually only fell once.

But to answer your question, the cravings are incredibly intense. I think for married people in our situations the cravings are worse because your wife is right there, very near to you, etc…you know what I mean.
Personally, I measure my progess but what happened the night before. Since every night is very tough, If I didn’t masturbate last night, and if I could keep my thoughts in check, it was a great day with definite progress.

I feel your pain, and in this situation, any day without mortal sin is great progress. you are keeping the devil at bay one more day! Good for you! Keep fighting. It sucks, but it’s the only option.
 
I feel your pain, and in this situation, any day without mortal sin is great progress. you are keeping the devil at bay one more day! Good for you! Keep fighting. It sucks, but it’s the only option.
Keeping the devil at bay? Sex is not a sin. Please read my post above…Repression is the only thing that will lead you to the real hell on earth.
 
Keeping the devil at bay? Sex is not a sin. Please read my post above…Repression is the only thing that will lead you to the real hell on earth.
We are talking about remaining withing the Catholic guidelines here. Please don’t derail this into a debate about Catholocism, this is a Catholic board.

We are in situations where aqccording to our faith, we cannot have intercourse. We are trying to deal with it as best we can *within *our faith.

Your post is basically anti-Catholic, with words such as this:
The so-called religious people have never trusted human nature. They talk about trust, but they have never trusted life. They trust rules, laws; they never trust love. They talk about God, but that is just empty talk. They trust in the police, in the courts. They trust in hellfire. They trust in creating fear and in creating greed. If you are saintly and good and moral, you will have heaven and all the pleasures of paradise. Or, if you are not moral, then you will suffer hellfire- eternally, remember, forever and ever. These things are rooted in greed and fear. These people have been manipulating the human mind through fear and greed.
Please have respect for our Faith and us striving to live up to this Faith as best we can.

PM
 
Keeping the devil at bay? Sex is not a sin. Please read my post above…Repression is the only thing that will lead you to the real hell on earth.
Repression is not the answer. Redemption is. We must find the proper use of our sexuality and act that way.
 
We are talking about remaining withing the Catholic guidelines here. Please don’t derail this into a debate about Catholocism, this is a Catholic board.

We are in situations where aqccording to our faith, we cannot have intercourse. We are trying to deal with it as best we can *within *our faith.

Your post is basically anti-Catholic, with words such as this:

Please have respect for our Faith and us striving to live up to this Faith as best we can.

PM
I never said anything about your faith(assuming you are Catholic) in that post. But there are people from the past and present who have told you to repress everything. And that is why human nature has been so twisted. Do you disagree with anything specifically in that post? If so, what are your reasons?
 
Have you all noticed a simple fact? If you have a picture of a beautiful female dog and bring it to a dog, he will not be interested at all. Dogs are not playboys. Not that they don’t love female dogs, they love them tremendously, but they will not be interested in the picture, in pornography. To create pornography you need saints and religion. First repress the sexual instinct, the natural instinct, and tell people that it is wrong and evil. When they repress their sexual instinct, the repressed instinct finds an outlet.

Now it is difficult to go and enjoy watching beautiful women passing down the road. SO what to do? Lock yourself in your room and look at Playboy magazine. That is safer; nobody comes to know about it. You can hide your Playboy magazine inside the Bible and pretend you are reading the Bible.

Only man is pornogrpahic. No other animal is pornographic. These are simple facts.

And who has made man pornographic? Primitives are not interested in pornography-still are not. Women are naked and move about naked without any fear. So what type of civilazation do you say you are living in? A woman cannot walk down the street without being pinched on the bottom, without being treated inhumanely. A woman cannot walk in the night alone-and this is civilazation? People are just obssessed with sex 24/7.

Who has given this obsession to man? Animals are sexual but not obsessed; they are natural. When sex becomes an obsession it takes perverted forms, and these perverted forms are rooted in the moralizers and their teachings.

The so-called religious people have never trusted human nature. They talk about trust, but they have never trusted life. They trust rules, laws; they never trust love. They talk about God, but that is just empty talk. They trust in the police, in the courts. They trust in hellfire. They trust in creating fear and in creating greed. If you are saintly and good and moral, you will have heaven and all the pleasures of paradise. Or, if you are not moral, then you will suffer hellfire- eternally, remember, forever and ever. These things are rooted in greed and fear. These people have been manipulating the human mind through fear and greed.

I trust you and I trust your nature. I trust animal nature. If nature is allowed its own course, yes, there will be a little anger sometimes and there will be a little flaring up, too, but nothing is wrong in it. It is human and beautiful. But there will be no war.

You have lived with rules and norms, and what has happened? Look at the state of humanity today. It is a neurotic earth, a great madhouse. This is what happened out of your norms, your idealism, perfectionism, morality. Out of all your commandments this has happened- the whole earth has turned into a neurotic campground, a big madhouse. And still you are afraid of hellfire, and still you go on. This a a vicious circle.

I’ll stop here for now…
Which earth are you talking about? In today’s culture, the opposite is true of what you say. Permissive sex is pervasive. At college these days, courtship is virtually extinct and instead you have endless “hookups” - sex without love or any emotion for that matter except lust. If you don’t have sex before marriage then you’re considered some kind of freak…but take a close look at the culture we live in: high rates of abortion, unwed mothers, high divorce rates, decreased marriage, skyrockeding sexually transmitted diseases and sex without attachments. I’ll take my so-called neurosis anyday. Oh, by the way, pornography and erotic art has been with us in most if not all cultures for a long time…our present culture took it to a new level with the onset of more sophisticated technology especially the internet. Your pseudo-Freudian analysis notwithstanding, sex without responsibility and morality will lead to things like unchecked pornography and all of the above-mentioned ills of today’s culture.
 
At college these days, courtship is virtually extinct and instead you have endless “hookups” - sex without love or any emotion for that matter except lust. If you don’t have sex before marriage then you’re considered some kind of freak…but take a close look at the culture we live in: high rates of abortion, unwed mothers, high divorce rates, decreased marriage, skyrocking sexually transmitted diseases and sex without attachments.
EXACTLY!!!

Culture has repressed our instincts so much that we will do anything to let them out, from war to sex in high school. Thank you for your examples of how the world is falling apart becuase of this repression.
 
EXACTLY!!!

Culture has repressed our instincts so much that we will do anything to let them out, from war to sex in high school. Thank you for your examples of how the world is falling apart becuase of this repression.
You’ve got the chicken and the egg mixed up, my friend.
 
I never said anything about your faith(assuming you are Catholic) in that post. But there are people from the past and present who have told you to repress everything. And that is why human nature has been so twisted. Do you disagree with anything specifically in that post? If so, what are your reasons?
I construed your post as being negatively orientated to Christianity in general, but usually the denomimination with all the rules are Catholic.
Your post does had a negative slant towards that, and that is what I picked up on.

If I made a mistake, I appologise, but to me, it came accross that way.

PM
 
I construed your post as being negatively orientated to Christianity in general, but usually the denomimination with all the rules are Catholic.
Your post does had a negative slant towards that, and that is what I picked up on.

If I made a mistake, I appologise, but to me, it came accross that way.

PM
Well, Catholicism is a religion, so that is what you probably noticed.

But what are your reaons for your disagreement, please? I’m interested in your opinion on this…
 
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