Sex before Marriage believers?

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Wallis_Reid said:
To be sure, premarital sex, infidelity and divorce are all sins, but which is the worst? For the Church, both murder and masturbation are mortal sins, but surely the former is worse than the latter. Madelayna sees the complexity of the moral choices before her and realizes that absolute moral principles that leave no room for human judgment are not helpful.
Wallis Reid
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All of them are sins, and all of them involve choice and moral agency. Married couples do not divorce unless one of the spouses chooses to do so. No one is forced to sin.
 
Madelayna said:
I guess infidelity would be worse and that’s definitely not what I’d want.
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I hope I’m misunderstanding you, because it sounds like you are saying that you would cheat if your marital sex life was not satisfying.
This is all very complex. It’s not like picking an ice cream flavor, this is a life choice. I want to make the right decision but hearing “Be Catholic, or not” isn’t the most helpful. But so many of you are really helping me, so thank you very much!
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And thank you Wallis. You’ve made me realize this isn’t just black and white.
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Wallis is not approaching this from a Catholic perspective. I’m sorry, but it really isn’t that complicated.

Frankly, it sounds like you are just going to do whatever you feel like doing. So why bother with all these moral acrobatics?
 
Thanks everyone for your posts. I’m going to take all of this into account and also speak with the priest at my parish about confirmation. I really appreciate all you’ve said and the time you’ve put into helping me understand and I have to say I understand A LOT better now. I feel like I’ve gained so much more knowledge. So thank you very much 🙂
 
Madelayna said:
Thanks everyone for your posts. I’m going to take all of this into account and also speak with the priest at my parish about confirmation. I really appreciate all you’ve said and the time you’ve put into helping me understand and I have to say I understand A LOT better now. I feel like I’ve gained so much more knowledge. So thank you very much 🙂
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That’s good news to hear Madelayna. Know that you’ll be remembered in many people’s prayers.
 
Madelayna said:
Thanks everyone for your posts. I’m going to take all of this into account and also speak with the priest at my parish about confirmation. I really appreciate all you’ve said and the time you’ve put into helping me understand and I have to say I understand A LOT better now. I feel like I’ve gained so much more knowledge. So thank you very much 🙂
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👍👍

Peace
James
 
I’m a non-denominational Christian and I’m open to premarrital sex with a girl I really like, tough the right didn’t show up yet :=)

Lovely greetings from Germany.
Liebe Grüsse aus Deutschland.

Lothars Sohn - Lothar’s son
lotharlorraine.wordpress.com
 
Lotharson said:
I’m a non-denominational Christian and I’m open to premarrital sex with a girl I really like, tough the right didn’t show up yet :=)
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Someone’s going to ask you to justify that position based on scripture and/or general Christian tradition (not Sacred Tradition since you’re not Catholic). I hope you have an answer ready 🙂
 
Did the original poster state what means she is or would adopt to avoid pregnancy?
 
Rau said:
Did the original poster state what means she is or would adopt to avoid pregnancy?
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Outside of the op, I feel that is a good question. From what I understand, many birth control pills are both contraceptives and abortaficients (sp?). As such, the question of sex, both marital and premarital, has another concern. Are you willing to end another human life for your own pleasure? I do, of course, know there are other concerns with contraception. To me, this idea pierces at the heart of the matter (although other concerns are gravely important).
 
Madelayna said:
I can imagine us being married, but we’re so young. I’m only 18. I haven’t even gone away to college yet. My parents got married at 30 and I think they’d be shocked and even horrified if I wanted to get married before 25.
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Does this mean the sex was satisfactory? If your answer is yes, does this mean you will now abstain from further sex prior to marriage (assuming you go on to marry this man) as the objective of checking it out has been achieved, and hence the rationale you provided (for pre-marital sex) no longer applies?
 
Madelayna said:
I haven’t confirmed, but I want to. But I’m also worried I won’t feel fully Catholic if I don’t believe in EVERYTHING the Catholic Church believes in. I mean shouldn’t I have a choice too? Is there anyone else who feels this way?
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First of all I commend you for not taking confirmation lightly, and having the desire to take your faith seriously.

Second, sex isn’t really the core issue here. The issue is a misunderstanding of obedience to God. **If we only obey in the things we agree with, that’s not really obedience, is it? **That’s merely doing what we would do anyway. Obedience to God requires sacrifice. It requires putting aside what we want.

Let’s say a person doesn’t understand why it is wrong to steal. They don’t have very much respect for property, and they don’t really understand why they shouldn’t take what doesn’t belong to them. When they look at it in reverse, they understand that if someone stole something valuable to them, like their wedding ring, yes, they would be devastated, but they don’t understand the higher moral reason, beyond that it would hurt them personally.

But it’s one of God’s commandments. You can’t steal even if you don’t really understand why it’s wrong, because God told us not to, and we must be obedient to his commandments whether we understand them or not, whether we agree or not, whether we think it’s fair or not, whether we want to or not.
 
Madelayna said:
Well, right now I have an IUD. I’ve had it for 2 years now.
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You see - this is part of the problem with your original concept…In order to “try out” a partner before marriage which in itself is against Church teaching…you have chosen to violate a second Church teaching which, positively speaking, is that the act should be open to life and for this reason sexual relations should be confined to marriage - and that only NFP methods should be used for the spacing of children.

This is the “slippery slope” aspect of these kinds of things. One sin leads to another…
And that one leads to a third (unintentional).
An IUD may or may not prevent conception…but it does prevent implantation of a fertilized egg (a human child) onto the Uterine wall. The result is an abortion - which of course is also a sin - the taking of innocent life.

Of course I realize that you may very well not have been aware of these things - or the Church’s position on these matters - and/or not really thought them all through.
But you are becoming more well informed and as a result your culpability - should you continue - increases.

Peace
James
 
Madelayna said:
Well, I wouldn’t just sleep with anyone. I’ve only had sex with one person and I do love him. He’s the first person I’ve only had such strong feelings about. And we had sex after two years of being together. I don’t want it to sound like a guy or I am a pair of jeans we’re “trying out” for sex but to see how we feel about each other sexually. But isn’t that the same exact thing as dating? Are we not “trying out” potential spouses? Are we not engaging special and strong feelings about another person emotionally just as I was physically?
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What if you decided to stop having sex to wait until marriage? Do you think he would stick around? Is it really love if he would break up with you to be with someone that he could continue to “try out”?
I’m trying to understand, I really am.
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Keep it up. Learning about and understanding the faith is a lifelong process. You’re going to run across things you don’t understand. Beware of falling into dissent and ignoring the Church’s teachings because you don’t understand them. We have a duty to adhere to our faith. Pray, talk to your priest, and seek out the resources available to help you develop a fuller understanding of for your faith. Trust in Jesus and his church. 🙂
 
Lotharson said:
One must recognize the spirit of the law. Everyone (heterosexuals and homosexuals alike) should strive for a life-long marriage.
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Faithful Catholics and many other Christians believe that marriage only exists between one man and one woman.
 
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