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Ms_Manners
Guest
I felt that way.
Until I met my husband.
I cannot tell you how much I wish I had waited.
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Until I met my husband.
I cannot tell you how much I wish I had waited.
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Kelfa28
Guest
Same here.
If I knew then what I know now…I would have gladly waited for my husband…in a heartbeat.
I met my husband when we were 24 and we got married when we were 28.
Unfortunately…I can’t change the past. I can just advise others.
I think it’s sad that people have this need to wait so long to get married. If I met my husband when I was 17 or 18…I wouldn’t have waited 10 years to get married to him…I wouldn’t have waited more then 3 or 4. It’s unrealistic to date someone so long and to discern so long without wanting to engage in sex.
Why wait so long? Why not marry earlier and build your lives together?
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mtbender
Guest
Sorry if I offend anyone, but his line of thinking is one of the many things wrong with the world today.
What is foolish is the notion that families NEED 2 incomes - they chose to live a lifestyle that requires it; but it is a luxury not a necessity. The foolish part is not getting married young; it’s the belief that you need excess money and property to make a family work. What is foolish is promoting the idea that you cannot have both an education and a family – or that you cannot get an education while you have a family. What is foolish is thinking we should ignore pre-marital sex just because other immoral behaviors exist. What is really foolish is act contrary to the Church and our beliefs but attempt to justify it with secular reasoning or accepting it as normal behavior.
No wonder youth of today are lead astray…
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Ms_Manners
Guest
Well, for us… We didn’t wait that long, but we met when we were in our late 20s. I don’t think it would have worked out well if we’d met and married earlier, we were different and our situations were different. But that’s for another thread.
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Married39
Guest
Let’s face it, most of us need 2 incomes to survive.
The average child costs around $200,000 from birth to university.
During that time, we plan to keep our kids busy. Hockey, baseball, soccer, karate, swimming, etc. These activities costs money. So do clothes, vehicles, family vacations, etc.
My kids will be active. They will not be told over and over that Mom and Dad can’t afford to put you in this or that, whatever. Active kids stay out of trouble. Bored kids once they hit the lovely teenage years get into boyfriends or girlfriends, internet, video games, etc.
There is only so much we can do to police our kids before they discover how rotten the world can be.
And as far as preaching abstinence. That is fine but ask yourself this people.
What percentage of people getting married at the Church nowadays are virgins???
Hmmm… Not too many , maybe 1% to 3%.
Let’s get with the times and focus on banding together and trying to put an end to the following atrocities:
The most happiest people in the world have happy sex lives.
The average child costs around $200,000 from birth to university.
During that time, we plan to keep our kids busy. Hockey, baseball, soccer, karate, swimming, etc. These activities costs money. So do clothes, vehicles, family vacations, etc.
My kids will be active. They will not be told over and over that Mom and Dad can’t afford to put you in this or that, whatever. Active kids stay out of trouble. Bored kids once they hit the lovely teenage years get into boyfriends or girlfriends, internet, video games, etc.
There is only so much we can do to police our kids before they discover how rotten the world can be.
And as far as preaching abstinence. That is fine but ask yourself this people.
What percentage of people getting married at the Church nowadays are virgins???
Hmmm… Not too many , maybe 1% to 3%.
Let’s get with the times and focus on banding together and trying to put an end to the following atrocities:
- Human Trafficking (the lowest of the low if you ask me)
- Abortion
- Child Soldiers and Child Workers that work for our North American companies oversees so we can have shoes, clothes, etc.
- War. Syria gasses over 1000 people to death. What is our lovely President Obama doing about this, nothing again.
The most happiest people in the world have happy sex lives.
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Ms_Manners
Guest
Yes, but how many regret that?
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mtbender
Guest
The word need is the problem… it is not a need, it is a want. Many families survive and even flourish on single incomes. It’s about priorities and not falling into the secular trap… That is the problem with our materialistic culture – we have redefined wants into needs and entitlements.
Since when does “getting with the times” mean abandoning our principles? Can we not band together to oppose more than your list of 4? Or should we only pick the 4 commandments we deem the most important and only follow those for now?
Sin is never a beautiful and healthy act – least of all loving…
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thewanderer
Guest
Wow, seriously, this number is so far from the truth its funny. My parents paid nowhere near that amount for me. In fact, I was raised by my mother who couldn’t work because of a medical condition and we lived on welfare alone, her and her seven children. When I finally did get a job one third of my income went to my family, to help out. And yet, despite not having all the things you claim are so necessary for kids I did not have a miserable poor upbringing where I was upset and depressed and getting into trouble all the time. I enjoyed my childhood. And I know others who were similarly raised on very little who had great childhoods. There was even one woman who put out an article recently about how she calculated the costs for raising her kid and they came out to about the cost of a cup of coffee a day. I’m sorry, but there is no way you have to spend $200,000 per kid. Maybe its true that it is the average of what people nowadays spend on their kids, but it is not necessary.
Just curious, but would you agree that since sex is a beautiful, natural, and healthy act we should encourage people to go out and have sex with random strangers? I’m guessing you’d say no. right? And why would you say no to that? because you see sex as something that has more worth and value that that, such that it would demean sex to treat it so casually, am I right? Well, similarly, I, (and incidentally the Catholic Church) view the idea of sharing sex with whichever person you happen to be in love with at the moment as a belittling of sex, as a removal of what is most beautiful about it from it and a diminishment of the act so much that any beauty that accompanies it pales in comparison to our vision of sex. Sex is not just a sign of affection, or a sharing of self with someone you love, or the gaining (or giving) of physical pleasure. Yes, it is all those things, but it is not just those, it is also an act of complete, permanent, and unconditional self-giving. And I wish I could explain this in a way to help others to see what I mean, or just how beautiful that really is, and how lacking sex outside marriage is by comparison because it makes such a huge difference. And so far I’ve only spoken of the problem with sex outside marriage because of the couple involved, I haven’t even got started on the injustice it is to any children that might be born. And, despite anything you might bring up about using contraceptives etc, even those, even sterilizations, have been known to fail. Yes, in any given situation it is more likely that it will work than fail (assuming correct use of an effective form of contraception), but when you look at the big picture accepting and condoning sex outside marriage means accepting and condoning bringing kids into the world without a stable and loving family to take care of them. You do know that the biggest divide in the welfare and wellbeing in kids isn’t between those who can afford to spend 200,000 on them as opposed to those who can can’t, but rather is between those who are raised in a stable and loving marriage as opposed to those who aren’t. It really is funny the things you like to pick and choose between. You insist that kids need 200,000 to have a good upbringing, but completely ignore something even more fundamentally important, that they be brought into and raised in, stable and loving families.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
You should spend more time being grateful that you don’t need to incomes and less timejudging families that do. My parents needed two incomes, and we wouldn’t have survivesd without it. And many other families both in inner cities and in rural poverty are the same way.
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thewanderer
Guest
Yeah… this is also true. Sometimes both parents really do have to work.
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mtbender
Guest
Judging? Did I make any more of a judgment than the post that stated families need 2 incomes? Do you condemn that as well – maybe I missed it… How quickly people become combative instead of having a discussion. Sad really.
But I apologize though for not being more clear… I think we will find that there is a great deal (not all) that could survive on one income but chose not to. Kind of off topic however to the original discussion.
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Bruised_Reed
Guest
I sort of agree.Whoa. I haven’t read through the thread, but this first response seems harsh.At least for a first response.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Yes, actually you made some very ugly judgements about families who need two incomes. You described it as a foolish notion that is done to support a life of excess. Frankly those comments reflect more poorly on you than they do on families like mine.Judging? Did I make any more of a judgment than the post that stated families need 2 incomes? Do you condemn that as well – maybe I missed it… How quickly people become combative instead of having a discussion. Sad really.
But I apologize though for not being more clear… I think we will find that there is a great deal (not all) that could survive on one income but chose not to. Kind of off topic however to the original discussion.
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capcrack
Guest
I think talking about sex, expectations, and how you guys will communicate your desires through marriage are important. Also, pre-marital doctor’s check ups are super important to make sure there are no medical issues that’d hinder the act.
I’m not a virgin. (Revert) That being said, I can see how that time in my life was disordered and selfish. I only cared about pleasuring myself, and “having fun”. Sure, I wanted my partner to have a fun time, but his pleasure seeking was also selfish.
You’re asking for their body only to test if they perform to your standards and thus turning them into an object. When both partners give themselves wholly for their lives, is when you can give each other pleasure fully and freely. It’s not always perfect, but always being given freely rather than judgmental of their sexual prowess.
I’m not a virgin. (Revert) That being said, I can see how that time in my life was disordered and selfish. I only cared about pleasuring myself, and “having fun”. Sure, I wanted my partner to have a fun time, but his pleasure seeking was also selfish.
You’re asking for their body only to test if they perform to your standards and thus turning them into an object. When both partners give themselves wholly for their lives, is when you can give each other pleasure fully and freely. It’s not always perfect, but always being given freely rather than judgmental of their sexual prowess.
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mtbender
Guest
Your repeated attempts to make this personal; despite my acknowledgement that I used too broad a brush, and with little regard to the context is a strong indicator that you are unable or unwilling to have an intelligent discussion on the topic at hand. Unflattering at best…
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The_Bucket
Guest
So because there are bigger problems than “two people in love” have sex… we should just be OK with that? No.
There’s not a person in this thread who would say that human trafficking and abortion are on par with premarital sex. But that doesn’t keep premarital sex from also being wrong.
It’s a wrong committed by many, many people. So is masturbation. So is willfully missing Mass on Sundays.
The Church has spoken on this issue and She is spot on the money. The fact that most people don’t live up to Her teachings on it means nothing except that we’re all human. That’s why there is confession. That’s why the Lord has oceans of mercy available for us.
I think it’s plenty possible for unmarried people who are genuinely in love to see their sexual acts as expressions of love. But their view is incomplete. As an example, my best friend cohabitated with his now-wife prior to marriage. They regret it today. But they’re also tremendous people and she’s a certified instructor in an NFP method.
Do I judge them as bad human beings? No way. They are dear friends. Do I think they were doing the wrong thing? Yup. And I’d think that way even if they didn’t recognize their own sins, though as I said, they do now. But now it’s over. Confessional is a great thing, they’re married and are a family and all is copacetic.
I’ve got plenty of my own sins to worry about before I worry about the sins of others. But that won’t keep me from nodding my head in affirmation of the truth.
There’s not a person in this thread who would say that human trafficking and abortion are on par with premarital sex. But that doesn’t keep premarital sex from also being wrong.
It’s a wrong committed by many, many people. So is masturbation. So is willfully missing Mass on Sundays.
The Church has spoken on this issue and She is spot on the money. The fact that most people don’t live up to Her teachings on it means nothing except that we’re all human. That’s why there is confession. That’s why the Lord has oceans of mercy available for us.
I think it’s plenty possible for unmarried people who are genuinely in love to see their sexual acts as expressions of love. But their view is incomplete. As an example, my best friend cohabitated with his now-wife prior to marriage. They regret it today. But they’re also tremendous people and she’s a certified instructor in an NFP method.
Do I judge them as bad human beings? No way. They are dear friends. Do I think they were doing the wrong thing? Yup. And I’d think that way even if they didn’t recognize their own sins, though as I said, they do now. But now it’s over. Confessional is a great thing, they’re married and are a family and all is copacetic.
I’ve got plenty of my own sins to worry about before I worry about the sins of others. But that won’t keep me from nodding my head in affirmation of the truth.
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His_helpmeet
Guest
I was a virgin until I married my husband two years ago. We just barely made it, but we made it. My husband was raised in the Jehovah Witness faith, and he was not raised with a Christian understanding of sex outside of marriage. He went through a number of failed relationships. Then me met a woman over the Internet. She was in Canada, he was in England. After 5 months he went over to meet her, spent two weeks with her, got engaged to her, went back to England and settled his affairs, and then returned to Canada and moved in with her. About 6 weeks after he moved in with her, they realized they had nothing in common and were considering calling off their engagement. Then they found out she was pregnant. They got married 4 months after that, because he wanted to stay in the country to be a father to his daughter and they wanted to legitimize the baby. She became increasingly unhappy with the marriage, culminating in her having an affair and leaving him when their daughter was almost 4. He met me just over a year after she left him, when they were already in the process of divorcing. (He had converted to Catholicism and was baptized about a year after their marriage.) He made it very clear to me that sex was off the table until after we were married. I felt the same way. He told me that sex had really clouded the issues present in his previous relationships, including his marriage, and he wished he had waited. (His divorce was finalized when we had been dating about 10 months, and his annulment came through almost 2 years later. We were married civilly at first, then sacramentally 18 months afterward.) He has told me that he sees me as his private garden, as the Song of Solomon states, a walled sanctuary that only he has ever known. This is not to say he treats me as a sex object; he views sex as the ultimate gift of love and I feel the same way. Our sex life is great and we have never had a problem.
I think the myth of compatibility is just that - a myth. Physically, unless you’re absolutely tiny and your husband is huge, there should not be a problem. (I used to work as an L&D nurse and have seen women pop out 7-8 pound babies. Trust me, everything stretches.) It is certainly possible for two inexperienced people to learn together what they enjoy. This is also why it’s important for couples to determine what their love languages are. There are five - gifts, acts of service, time and attention, words of affection, and physical touch. By knowing this, they can practice loving each other through the use of each other’s love languages and incorporate these into the act of physical love. A spouse who refuses to love you the way you desire to be loved has, as one of our marriage preparation presenters said, essentially refused to love you. Sex is something that married people have to learn together. The first few times might not be spectacular, but a couple who truly love one another need to be open to learning about what is right for them and what is most enjoyed by the other. These needs can change over time, too. Always being open to loving the other person as they want to be loved is an essential part of marriage, and is part of the sacrificial nature of marriage. Anything else is a conscious decision not to love the other person.
I think the myth of compatibility is just that - a myth. Physically, unless you’re absolutely tiny and your husband is huge, there should not be a problem. (I used to work as an L&D nurse and have seen women pop out 7-8 pound babies. Trust me, everything stretches.) It is certainly possible for two inexperienced people to learn together what they enjoy. This is also why it’s important for couples to determine what their love languages are. There are five - gifts, acts of service, time and attention, words of affection, and physical touch. By knowing this, they can practice loving each other through the use of each other’s love languages and incorporate these into the act of physical love. A spouse who refuses to love you the way you desire to be loved has, as one of our marriage preparation presenters said, essentially refused to love you. Sex is something that married people have to learn together. The first few times might not be spectacular, but a couple who truly love one another need to be open to learning about what is right for them and what is most enjoyed by the other. These needs can change over time, too. Always being open to loving the other person as they want to be loved is an essential part of marriage, and is part of the sacrificial nature of marriage. Anything else is a conscious decision not to love the other person.
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on_the_hill
Guest
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GraceUnderFire
Guest
Jesus said “if you love me, you will keep my commandments. . .”
If you loved God, you wouldn’t want to break His heart. His heart grieves over his children who disobey Him. Sex before marriage is a grave matter. Grave. I will pray for you because your soul is in jeopardy and you don’t seem to grasp the full weight and seriousness of that.
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oneofmany
Guest
You have had sex with the guy and you love him. So what is the problem? Marry him----soon. Sounds like you want to sow some wild oats but just remember you may catch a disease or get pregnant with someone else that you don’t love. You are playing with fire.
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