Sex drive question

[TimeEntrance]

All good points you made! I think the desire is equally strong in both men and women too. That is true about the multiple orgasms and also very true about it being more dangerous for women to hook up with strange men in a bar, and about the cultural put down towards women who are promiscuous compared to men who do the same. Good post, all good points!

Oh boy… your homegirl Skye shows up, Lerapt.

Funny nonetheless.

 

[thunderfrog]

Not to be overly presumptuous, but I’m going to doubt that your faith is a hurdle. It’s probably social skills. And I say that as a guy who was deathly afraid of women until, for some reason, I was able to overcome it with my wife. I had a couple of girlfriends before her but nothing terribly serious and nothing frequent either. One in sophomore year of HS and one in my senior year. Nothing in college until my wife and that was summer between junior and senior year.

I had asked a couple of girls out but the pickings were slim at my college. I get that even for Catholic girls that parties and having a good time were way more important than faith. In my freshman year I went to Mass weekly with a handful of girls. By junior year I was walking to Mass alone.

Of course, I was plenty guilty of other sins so I’m not trying to cast aspersions on others while trumpeting myself. I’m not better than then because I went to Mass and they didn’t. I was a pretty big jerk myself. And their not going to Mass was not the reason I didn’t have dates. It was because I was not good with women when it came to romance. I had plenty of female friends in college and plenty of guy friends too. I just never came off as a guy who girls would want to date. I was the guy who would walk them back to their dorm rooms at night. The “safe guy.” The safe guy is not attractive.

This is not to say you need to be a bad guy. Keep being a good dude. But the safe guy is not attractive because he’s not exciting. He has no edge. He has no reason to be viewed as anything other than “plan B” for a girl who gets into her thirties and finds no one suitable. I was still a good guy when I dated my wife but I got a bit of an edge. I surprised her by asking her out. When I got my foot in the door I took her on dates that including things she didn’t do like sailing and going to the gun range. I took an interest in her interests and went fishing with her.

So don’t cast aspersions on Catholic girls. They’re like any other group of girls, especially if you’re young. And like any other group of guys too! Just because they’re Catholic does not mean they’re going to be any different from anyone else. We’re all sinners. We’re all imperfect. And generally, when we’re young, we do stupid and immoral things.

I didn’t sleep around. I didn’t sleep period. Neither did my wife. But I mean, we did go out and party into the night from time to time. We hit Mass on Sundays but I know at least in my life, I was not praying the Rosary daily like I try to do now. I didn’t have an intimate relationship with Christ. It was not a priority. It should have been, but it wasn’t. So even the guys and gals that are considered the “good guys/gals” have plenty of shortcomings. Don’t dismiss others out of hand because of what you see on the surface.

Thats the strange thing. I would rank my social skills as above average (and things like public speaking were required by the school I went to). I’m not at all deathly afraid of girls either. It’s almost the opposite. A few years ago I said something about waiting until marriage in a conversation with a girl at church and she basically said that I thought I was better than everyone else. Girls seem to favor guys who have lived a secular life, I don’t know why. Thats just my experience.

Walking to Mass alone sounds a lot like me. There’s lots of guys at my church wondering what they’ve done wrong. They probably won’t get married. I’ve known a few since they were 19/20 and they are in their 30s now. They’re a lot like me.

Walking girls home as a safety precaution is something I feel I should do. I mean, I do martial arts so it makes sense. I don’t see how that makes me unnattractive. What do you mean by edge? For example, I do extreme sports like rock climbing, mountain biking, and urban parkour, but I seem “fake” to them because I live a faith-filled life. The seniors in the parish think I’m nice and pleasant. Maybe thats a bad sign?

It’s just so strange that my older brother married. He is the exact opposite of me in that he is shy, overweight, and not that ambitious but he ended up marrying what he called a “virgin Catholic supermodel” which is someone a devout Catholic guy could never hope to marry. I feel terrible for the Catholic guys with high sex drives.

I’m not trying to cast aspersions, I’m just relaying what I see. I get that they’re young and most are immature in looking for secular guys but it still seems off.

You’re absolutely right about everyone being a sinner and imperfect. I’m a sinner just like everyone else. Some people get lucky with wise examples when they’re younger and avoid a lot of pitfalls of being young. And I won’t dismiss others for their shortcomings, but even if I wanted to I have never had the chance.

 

[thunderfrog]

So you think you deserve more than your brother simply because he fell into sin? Why does he deserve any less of a good woman than you? Everyone including those that live the most sinful live’s deserve a good man or woman. It seem’s to me your more frustrated at trying to live in line with the Church’s teaching’s and not finding the right woman that you almost see Catholic morality as a hindrance, i can assure you there is a reason he came back to the Church and i’d say he regret’s ever falling away. As for finding the right woman, don’t just look for practicing Catholic’s, be more confident and sociable with all women as since secularist’s are higher in number in society you are more likely to find a good secularist who is compatible with you. Tell me this though, would you want to actually be with a woman who place’s more value on a man based on his sexual experience with women, would you truly be happy with them?

No no no. I never said that. I was only talking about personality and attitude towards life. I mean he’s shy and not to ambitious. I wish him all the best and help him whenever and wherever I can. I’m overjoyed that he came back to the Church and that he found someone. What I was going for was that people who live sinful lives and repent are just as deserving of a good spouse as someone who hasn’t lived a (really) sinful life, but thats where things go off. The only Catholic guys I know of who get married are the ones who have lived sinful lives. The ones who haven’t don’t get married. Thats where the subconcious plays in. This situation is why I thank God every day for the gift of a low sex drive. I can’t imagine seeking a Catholic girl only to be rejected and have to marry a non-Catholic one in order to save myself from sexual sin. My low sex drive means marriage feels really pointless for me. I’m just talking about all this stuff as theory.

I don’t think Catholic girls are conciously placing more value on guys because of sexual experience. I think it’s subconcious. Something they don’t really have control over. So I would never hold it against them.

 

[thunderfrog]

It would be better to advise him to consider one of the many Muslim women from the East now living in and going to school in the U.S. and Europe. These women abide by the 1950’s standards of Catholic women.

I guess Muslim girls and maybe other traditional cultures would be good. I think I’ll tell my younger brother this. There are so few Catholic girls. Muslim families are large I hear.

 

[Paddy1989]

No no no. I never said that. I was only talking about personality and attitude towards life. I mean he’s shy and not to ambitious. I wish him all the best and help him whenever and wherever I can. I’m overjoyed that he came back to the Church and that he found someone. What I was going for was that people who live sinful lives and repent are just as deserving of a good spouse as someone who hasn’t lived a (really) sinful life, but thats where things go off. The only Catholic guys I know of who get married are the ones who have lived sinful lives. The ones who haven’t don’t get married. Thats where the subconcious plays in. This situation is why I thank God every day for the gift of a low sex drive. I can’t imagine seeking a Catholic girl only to be rejected and have to marry a non-Catholic one in order to save myself from sexual sin. My low sex drive means marriage feels really pointless for me. I’m just talking about all this stuff as theory.

I don’t think Catholic girls are conciously placing more value on guys because of sexual experience. I think it’s subconcious. Something they don’t really have control over. So I would never hold it against them.

Awrite ok, the thing is though that we all have lived sinful lives and still do to an extent, for some pleasure’s of the flesh was their biggest sin while other’s may have suffered from another sin. I’m sure there are many good Catholic men who have never given themselves to a woman who are happily married. I don’t think a good woman would be too impressed with a man’s promiscuity, some secular women would of course which is why i understand where you are coming from but as for a good Catholic woman marrying a man with much sexual experience outside of wedlock, i’d say this has more to do with her not holding that against him and realizing that he has changed, would this woman have married your brother if he hadn’t of changed?

I understand why you might feel frustrated when good catholic men are turned down but i’d definitely say it has more to do with lack of chemistry etc than anything, finding someone who is compatible and who we have that connection with is very rare. Anyway see how your brother met his wife and try and do the same thing to meet a good woman, i’d also advise you to be more open to non nonpracticing Catholic women as there might be a good secular women out there you are compatible with. Becoming more social amongst women when you are out and taking the initiative is key.Also there is always online dating as a last resort aswell so keep you chin up

 

[lerapt78]

I don’t think culture has anything to do with the effects of the male hormone testosterone on male brains. But it sounds like feminist rhetoric to deny testosterone has a correlative effect on the human brain. Actually, testosterone boosters even for men are supposed to stimulate their sex drives.

I don’t think culture *creates *the male drive, but I do think that it greatly *enhances *it. Culture caters to male sexuality - it always has, and it still does. However, I also agree that testosterone plays a large role in male drive as well. I do not dispute that, if we are talking specifically about men. In *this *case though, we are talking about a woman’s drive, and therefore testosterone (which we all know is a primarily male hormone) is not the be-all, end-all of the issue. To propose a conclusion on female drive using testosterone as the most important decisive criteria is to begin the discussion from a male-centric point of view; that is, to assume that all matters related to sex originate with male hormones, and then base the conclusions *around *that assumption.

Interestingly, medical research attempts to bolster sex drive in low-level women using testosterone therapy, and much of the result is inconclusive. Some women report an increase in drive, and some don’t. And of those who do, the increase in drive could even be the result of the placebo effect - who knows? The fact that the therapy is inconclusive may suggest that scientists are going about it from a misguided starting point. Curious to the subject of testosterone, I would generalize that what excites women the most about men (sexually speaking) are the outward characteristics of testosterone (deep voice, higher muscle mass, facial hair, stamina, square jaw, competitiveness, etc) - precisely all that makes them different from women. The fact that women are sexually motivated to seek and be aroused by the very hormone they themselves lack in large quantities obviously means something else is responsible for their urges.

Few males care what women do sexually today.** Unless she’s sleeping with the whole town or half the football team**. Other than that a teenage girl - let alone a young woman - having a different sexual partner every year is no news or gossip at all. It’s status quo. Actually, according to Oprah and other talk shows the generations younger than mine view oral sex as the new French Kissing.

Ah, but the part I’ve bolded is the gist of it. If men don’t care to judge a woman based on her sexual history, why would the fact that she’s slept with the football team matter at all? Why would they differentiate between a woman they’ll have sex with and discard, versus one they’ll bring home to their mother? This just shows that the higher a woman’s sexual partner history, the less respect she garners from men. Women instinctively realize this, which is why they will either abstain from sex or at least (if they are dishonest) under-declare the number of partners they’ve had in order to make themselves more pure and appealing in men’s eyes.

More feminist spin. Women are the greatest discriminators.

If that’s just feminist spin and not an honest observation, someone would have to explain to me why derogatory names are still used in relation to a woman’s sexual history. You even admitted that there are sexual double standards in place, so I don’t see how the feminists are making baseless claims here. I would agree that women discriminate more when it comes to marriage, but this is reflective of her material desires, not her sexual drive.

But discrimination does not necessarily mean God-like righteousness, truth, and accurate predictive powers. Take for instance that roughly 70% (half = 50%, and a majority constitutes at least 51%) of ethnic Black-American women give birth to children out of wedlock. Many of them get impregnated by guys that won’t financially or otherwise support their children. It’s well known among black dudes that as a rule of thumb a Black-American woman in her 20’s will pass up some “nice guy” with nothing but that will in the future earn an MBA for some idiot with his pants hanging down his butt getting arrested stealing soda cans out of a store.

So, pickier maybe but the quality of the choices are subjective at best.

This seems to contradict the assumption that “men are polygamous, while women are monogamous and hypergamous” and in fact supports my argument about women expressing their sexual drives when the culture they live in permits them to do so. As long as basic needs are met, and absent any moral considerations or societal pressure, many women will seek their pleasure (not husband) indiscriminately. We can see this being played out in today’s society, with the rise of welfare. If government assistance can be substituted for male earning power, this naturally decreases a female’s dependency upon men, and so sexual selection shifts in practice. This is why in today’s world there are plenty of unwed women who will allow themselves to become impregnated by whoever catches their fancy – wealthy or not - because a hypergamous tendency is only required if they have no other alternatives to their and their children’s survival. So again, remove societal (man-made) structures, and true biology/nature will play itself out.

 

[lerapt78]

Life is not egalitarian. Double standards exist for both sexes. And maybe they should or shouldn’t.

I actually don’t subscribe to the egalitarian concept as a rule; it really depends on the circumstances. And I wouldn’t automatically assume that double standards are *always *bad - but for a double standard to be accepted, it needs to be ripe with logic and practically flawless. For instance, I do not oppose the double standard of barring women from certain career opportunities, such as those in the military, because I believe there is a very good and rational reason for the segregation of special units, even if it denies women an opportunity for promotion. I also believe that a gap in male-female wages is sometimes justified, from an economic perspective. The sexual double-standard I oppose however; not simply because I don’t like it, but because it has no basis in logic.

Most women would walk through a dark alley with Jack the Ripper before they would with Jesus Christ. They’d probably try to talk Jacky R. into stabbing Jesus in the eye with pocket knife and running off with his loot.

Errrr. . . . no comment.

I appreciate your kind words on the photo. You needn’t have felt obliged though. I was not fishing for compliments or charity.

The compliment was sincere. As an amateur gardener, I enjoyed the hostas in the backround as well.

 

[TimeEntrance]

Walking to Mass alone sounds a lot like me. There’s lots of guys at my church wondering what they’ve done wrong. They probably won’t get married. I’ve known a few since they were 19/20 and they are in their 30s now. They’re a lot like me.

What’s weird is that there are more than 2 or 3 Catholic guys in their 30’s going to Sunday Mass (or any day of the week) . I thought Catholic guys tended to stop going to Mass when they were 18 and might only return when they’re in the 50’s. Probably drugged there by the 'Ol ball and chain.

I’m impressed that’s not they case in your circle and neck of the woods.

Walking girls home as a safety precaution is something I feel I should do. I mean, I do martial arts so it makes sense. I don’t see how that makes me unnattractive. What do you mean by edge? For example, I do extreme sports like rock climbing, mountain biking, and urban parkour, but I seem “fake” to them because I live a faith-filled life. The seniors in the parish think I’m nice and pleasant. Maybe thats a bad sign?

Dude. Anyone that does parkour is not only cool but bad-to-the-bone.

Here’s a little jingle for ya. youtube.com/watch?v=Vc0LPn1-vwA

It’s just so strange that my older brother married. He is the exact opposite of me in that he is shy, overweight, and not that ambitious but he ended up marrying what he called a “virgin Catholic supermodel” which is someone a devout Catholic guy could never hope to marry. I feel terrible for the Catholic guys with high sex drives.

I’m not trying to cast aspersions, I’m just relaying what I see. I get that they’re young and most are immature in looking for secular guys but it still seems off.

You’re absolutely right about everyone being a sinner and imperfect. I’m a sinner just like everyone else. Some people get lucky with wise examples when they’re younger and avoid a lot of pitfalls of being young. And I won’t dismiss others for their shortcomings, but even if I wanted to I have never had the chance.

Just my opinion, but I think everyone has their particular blessings and crosses.

It’s weird… because while I don’t believe in Hindu or Buddhist karma (which results before or at your birth) it seems like everyone has that 1 or 2 things that they are blessed with no matter what they do and are cursed with no matter what they do.

At any rate… most of us can use some improvement in some area of our life, personality, or character. And I accept there are those that will transform themselves in one way or another and win or become what we call “winners.”

Yet… like the poor or diseased or heartbroken… I accept that one constant rule of life in this Darwinian world is that there must be losers. Like war and casualties. I just accept there has to be a negative outcome for some. That’s life.

For men some of us will just have to lose because that’s the Darwinian truth and reality. Any talk of everyone becoming winners among the ladies is like declaring everyone in the United States or world can become lottery winners - or even rich if they “work hard enough.”

That’s a world where mankind has defeated The Fall, Christ, Cross, and God the Father.

Being without a woman is not the worse thing anyways. Just ask a Jesuit. There are crippled men that might never have an 'ol lady and few to no friends. That’s even harder.

Basically we have to carry our cross and live with what we have. My view anyways…

(That goes for married women or single women dating but constantly whining about how life is soooo cruel on them because they apparently can’t attract every rich or beautiful man on earth )

 

[TimeEntrance]

I guess Muslim girls and maybe other traditional cultures would be good. I think I’ll tell my younger brother this. There are so few Catholic girls. Muslim families are large I hear.

I say Muslim women from the East because you can’t go wrong. By you I mean you (singular). You would be liberal to them because most Muslim men from the East are likely more conservative than yourself.

I don’t know if you like Arab women at all - think Shakira an Arab Latina - but if they come out those baggy ninja outfits they look alright.

The only hurdle is that in Islam only the men can marry non-Muslims. The women are required to marry Muslim men. However, I’ve read of Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men before (the men never convert to Islam). But you’d have to live here in the Western World because in a Muslim country some group of Muslim men will go jihad on your wife.

 

[thewanderer]

Dude. Anyone that does parkour is not only cool but bad-to-the-bone.

Here’s a little jingle for ya. youtube.com/watch?v=Vc0LPn1-vwA

Yup, thats the truth.

(And I say this as a Catholic woman who values purity much higher than having been a success with the ladies We really do exist, I guess just not in your neck of the woods )

 

[Blue_Horizon]

TimeEntrance I don’t think culture creates the male drive, but I do think that it greatly enhances it.

Culture caters to male sexuality - it always has, and it still does. However, I also agree that testosterone plays a large role in male drive as well. I do not dispute that, if we are talking specifically about men.
…To propose a conclusion on female drive using testosterone as the most important decisive criteria is to begin the discussion from a male-centric point of view; that is, to assume that all matters related to sex originate with male hormones, and then base the conclusions *around *that assumption.
Interestingly, medical research attempts to bolster sex drive in low-level women using testosterone therapy, and much of the result is inconclusive. Some women report an increase in drive, and some don’t.
…The fact that women are sexually motivated to seek and be aroused by the very hormone they themselves lack in large quantities obviously means something else is responsible for their urges.

Guys, not only is a 1:1 mapping between testosterone and libido (i.e. sex drive is biologically determined) unable to be proven in women, it is also unproven in men as well.
In men the linkage is quite indirect. Some form of correlation is more demonstrable than in women but it is far from definitive, direct, proportional or consistent.

Here are some little known fact-ettes that popular culture does not seem (or does not want) to know about:
(a) If medical intervention varies men’s testosterone levels between 15% and 150% of normal no clear or consistent change in libido is observed.
(b) The brain has powerful control over the amount of testosterone the gonads (and adrenals) produce. Specifically the pituitary controls the testes in this regard. And the pituitary is signaled by…the cerebal cortex (the most sophisticated area of the brain which is “educated” by culture/upbringing/habit etc).
(c) Behaviour (e.g. aggression, sexual activity) drives hormones (eg testosterone levels) more than the reverse! medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51147 (This appears related to (b) above).
(d) It is known that castration is not a silver bullet for “curing” recidivist sex offenders. The following link points out the flaws in past studies that have traditionally suggested the contrary. ovsom.texas.gov/docs/Impact-of-Surgical-Castration-Among-SVPs.pdf
(e) Addiction to porn is not limited to men. addictioninfo.org/articles/2830/1/Addiction-to-porn-is-not-limited-to-men/Page1.html Converging lifestyle/cultural explanations appear to explain this better. Over 50% of (US?) women watch porn! fleshtrade.blogspot.co.nz/2010/04/women-dont-like-sex-any-more-than-young.html
(f) Women and men with higher than usual testosterone levels do not have significantly higher libido fleshtrade.blogspot.co.nz/2010/04/women-dont-like-sex-any-more-than-young.html

 

[Existence]

Hello BlueEyedLady,
Are you Atheist? Your profile shows it and I am very new to this board so I don’t know alot. Since you are a fiance you are not having sex, right?
Your Sister

WOW something is definitly wrong here. I did not post this nor did I say this on the board. Can one be highjacked on here? This is terrible and I am so very sorry for this post. I did not write this and it did not come from my account.

Peace in Christ

 

[Existence]

I am an atheist and its pretty well known on this board that we live together. Make of that what you will.

Excuse me for asking then, but why are you on a Catholic forum then and giving advice?

 

[thunderfrog]

Yup, thats the truth.

(And I say this as a Catholic woman who values purity much higher than having been a success with the ladies We really do exist, I guess just not in your neck of the woods )

I never knew Catholic girls valued purity. I always thought it was sort of the opposite. Or if not the opposite (maybe subconciously), they didn’t care how much sex a guy has had/been having. It’s really interesting to know you exist, actually.

 

[thunderfrog]

Awrite ok, the thing is though that we all have lived sinful lives and still do to an extent, for some pleasure’s of the flesh was their biggest sin while other’s may have suffered from another sin. I’m sure there are many good Catholic men who have never given themselves to a woman who are happily married. I don’t think a good woman would be too impressed with a man’s promiscuity, some secular women would of course which is why i understand where you are coming from but as for a good Catholic woman marrying a man with much sexual experience outside of wedlock, i’d say this has more to do with her not holding that against him and realizing that he has changed, would this woman have married your brother if he hadn’t of changed?

I understand why you might feel frustrated when good catholic men are turned down but i’d definitely say it has more to do with lack of chemistry etc than anything, finding someone who is compatible and who we have that connection with is very rare. Anyway see how your brother met his wife and try and do the same thing to meet a good woman, i’d also advise you to be more open to non nonpracticing Catholic women as there might be a good secular women out there you are compatible with. Becoming more social amongst women when you are out and taking the initiative is key.Also there is always online dating as a last resort aswell so keep you chin up

I don’t know if it’s concious or not. I don’t think it is. It’s sort of like male celebrities, the desire for them just keeps growing because other people desire them. Guys having sex before marriage is like an indicator that other girls are interested. I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure out why things work the way they do. I don’t know if my sister-in-law would have married my brother if he hadn’t changed (at least a bit). I’m guessing she wouldn’t have.

If I were going to get married, I would probably have to expand the range a bit. I always thought Catholic girls would be the best bet, but somehow that just doesn’t seem to be working for Catholic guys (at least the ones I know). My desire to get married is really low now, so it looks like extreme sports for life.

 

[thunderfrog]

What’s weird is that there are more than 2 or 3 Catholic guys in their 30’s going to Sunday Mass (or any day of the week) . I thought Catholic guys tended to stop going to Mass when they were 18 and might only return when they’re in the 50’s. Probably drugged there by the 'Ol ball and chain.

I’m impressed that’s not they case in your circle and neck of the woods.

Dude. Anyone that does parkour is not only cool but bad-to-the-bone.

Here’s a little jingle for ya. youtube.com/watch?v=Vc0LPn1-vwA

Just my opinion, but I think everyone has their particular blessings and crosses.

It’s weird… because while I don’t believe in Hindu or Buddhist karma (which results before or at your birth) it seems like everyone has that 1 or 2 things that they are blessed with no matter what they do and are cursed with no matter what they do.

At any rate… most of us can use some improvement in some area of our life, personality, or character. And I accept there are those that will transform themselves in one way or another and win or become what we call “winners.”

Yet… like the poor or diseased or heartbroken… I accept that one constant rule of life in this Darwinian world is that there must be losers. Like war and casualties. I just accept there has to be a negative outcome for some. That’s life.

For men some of us will just have to lose because that’s the Darwinian truth and reality. Any talk of everyone becoming winners among the ladies is like declaring everyone in the United States or world can become lottery winners - or even rich if they “work hard enough.”

That’s a world where mankind has defeated The Fall, Christ, Cross, and God the Father.

Being without a woman is not the worse thing anyways. Just ask a Jesuit. There are crippled men that might never have an 'ol lady and few to no friends. That’s even harder.

Basically we have to carry our cross and live with what we have. My view anyways…

(That goes for married women or single women dating but constantly whining about how life is soooo cruel on them because they apparently can’t attract every rich or beautiful man on earth )

There are lots of guys at Mass. A lot of them are good Catholics just waiting around. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. I thought they’d be married by now. They’re not unattractive or unfit either. We’ll go on cycling trips and paintballing. I’m the only person who does parkour though. It’s true that some stopped coming to Mass when they go to college, but a lot stick around at my church.

I’ve accepted my singleness now. I guess that puts me at the bottom of the Darwinian system in that category. I guess life is short enough to not need companionship. I and all the other guys will keep on truckin’.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

Ah, but women can have multiple orgasms within a shorter time period. And considering that erections are the outward manifestation of male desire, one would almost expect to see them left and right in public, especially with so much female titillation on display. (don’t mean to be crude, but it *does *kind of beg the question: if the male drive is so rampant, why do men remain in a flaccid state more often than not? Shouldn’t they be “ready to go” every time a woman passes by?)
!

At least for me, I don’t generally get erections unless I focus on something sexual (Which thankfully as of almost a year and a half is never), or unless there is a sexual topic or my testosterone is high for this or that reason. I don’t get one simply because I briefly saw a woman’s chest or very high up a woman’s leg. I need to focus on it, which of course is not proper.

 

[thewanderer]

I never knew Catholic girls valued purity. I always thought it was sort of the opposite. Or if not the opposite (maybe subconciously), they didn’t care how much sex a guy has had/been having. It’s really interesting to know you exist, actually.

Well, thats partially why I called out the over-generalization earlier. Also, you should know that its really not just me. In the circles I run in (yes, in the US) I am by no means alone in this.

I would say that of those Catholic women/girls who care about purity that the vast majority of them would be able to overlook past sexual encounters so long as the man had shown a sigificant change in his way of life and his understanding of sexuality in general. There is also probably a great scale on what exactly they would find acceptable. I certainly would not rule out a guy just because he had made sexual mistakes in his past nor would I necessarily choose a virgin over someone who was not, but what I do value immensely is correct understanding of sexuality and a great desire to be pure. I also recognize that it is certainly more likely for a virgin to have a correct understanding of sexuality than for someone who has lived a very immoral lifestyle with respect to sexuality, so while I wouldn’t rule out someone with a past altogether I would be much more cautious about becoming involved seriously with such a person. And if you want an example of a Catholic woman who goes to the extreme of refusing to date someon if they are not infact a virgin look up Chevaleresse, she is a member here who has expressed that senitment quite strongly multiple times on here.

Anyway, just letting you know, yes, we do exist.

 

[thunderfrog]

Well, thats partially why I called out the over-generalization earlier. Also, you should know that its really not just me. In the circles I run in (yes, in the US) I am by no means alone in this.

I would say that of those Catholic women/girls who care about purity that the vast majority of them would be able to overlook past sexual encounters so long as the man had shown a sigificant change in his way of life and his understanding of sexuality in general. There is also probably a great scale on what exactly they would find acceptable. I certainly would not rule out a guy just because he had made sexual mistakes in his past nor would I necessarily choose a virgin over someone who was not, but what I do value immensely is correct understanding of sexuality and a great desire to be pure. I also recognize that it is certainly more likely for a virgin to have a correct understanding of sexuality than for someone who has lived a very immoral lifestyle with respect to sexuality, so while I wouldn’t rule out someone with a past altogether I would be much more cautious about becoming involved seriously with such a person. And if you want an example of a Catholic woman who goes to the extreme of refusing to date someon if they are not infact a virgin look up Chevaleresse, she is a member here who has expressed that senitment quite strongly multiple times on here.

Anyway, just letting you know, yes, we do exist.

This is all new to me, so thanks for filling me in. So most Catholic girls will overlook a guy;s past then. I always thought that a Catholic girl overlooking a guy’s past didn’t require any effort, it just never was in the equation conciously, so this seems to fit. I guess a girl being attracted to a guy who had lots of sex before marriage and overloking his past looks the same to me. I didn’t realize that a Catholic girl would actually reject a guy for it. I did look up Chevelarese and it looks like she is banned. I guess I won’t get much of an idea of her perspective.

 

[thewanderer]

This is all new to me, so thanks for filling me in. So most Catholic girls will overlook a guy;s past then. I always thought that a Catholic girl overlooking a guy’s past didn’t require any effort, it just never was in the equation conciously, so this seems to fit. I guess a girl being attracted to a guy who had lots of sex before marriage and overloking his past looks the same to me. I didn’t realize that a Catholic girl would actually reject a guy for it. I did look up Chevelarese and it looks like she is banned. I guess I won’t get much of an idea of her perspective.

I hesitate to claim that most Catholic girls overlook a guys past rather than are attracted by it, but only because I do not want to end up overgeneralizing from my own experience either. All I can say is that I know that both scenarios exist (from our two different experiences of Catholic girls), I honestly cannot say which is more prevalent overall, but certainly of the Catholics I know most girls would be overlooking rather than attracted by an extensive sexual history. Now maybe they would still be unconsiously attracted by a man who has and has had many women going after him, but that need not involve sexual activity.

As to Chevaleresse, I can’t say I am surprized that she is banned, but you would easily find her position on all of this by looking up her posts on this forum, she has been very explicit and forceful about the fact that she would refuse any man that was not a virgin. But its not really important if you can’t/don’t want to look it up, I just thought it might be interesting for you to see someone with such an opposite extreme of what you have experienced.