Sexless Marriage Challenging My Faith

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It has been nearly four years since my wife and I last had sexual intercourse because of physical disability. We are able to have sex, but not intercourse and it is taking a toll. Our relationship is good but living such a long time with no sexual intimacy is torture. I try my best to not think about sex and to suffer through the temptations until they pass. But it is wearing me down. At any one time I can say no to temptation but over time it just gets harder to deal with and I don’t know how much longer I can endure this. Last night I had sex dreams and and the sexual desire that comes with them is painful to endure. My wife does not understand or agree with the Church’s position that marital sex must include intercourse and thinks I’m crazy for going along with it. She is not even able to conceive if we had intercourse because of a hysterectomy she had many years ago. I have gotten to the point that I seriously question the Church’s position on this because it is not a normal way for a married couple who still desire each other to live. No other Christian religion has such a strict rule on this and considering the awful way the Church handled the sex scandal I have begun to question its ability to even make such a moral pronouncement. What do you all say?
 
TruthSkr said:
My wife does not understand or agree with the Church’s position that marital sex must include intercourse and thinks I’m crazy for going along with it.
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It’s not clear to me what you are saying. Instead of dancing around the issue, can you state it plainly. You say you can have sex but not intercourse. What does this mean?
 
I’m assuming he meant sexual acts and not actual intercourse due to physical disability?
 
I can identify completely and personally with your pain here. But as to the matter of the Church making moral pronouncements, that’s one of her specified “jobs”-why she was established to begin with. Whether or not her own people act properly and accordingly, as with the scandals where many failures became apparent, is a completely different matter. In a related vein, Church teachings should remain the same regardless of whether or not anyone, including the pope, is actually heeding them at any one point in time.

Back to your issue, I can completely identify-and don’t have any particularly satisfying answer to your dilemma.
 
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TruthSkr said:
We are able to have sex, but not intercourse and it is taking a toll.
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Sex is intercourse.

Other activities, while leading to orgasm, are not sex.
TruthSkr said:
Our relationship is good but living such a long time with no sexual intimacy is torture. I try my best to not think about sex and to suffer through the temptations until they pass. But it is wearing me down.
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I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure it is quite a cross to bear.
TruthSkr said:
My wife does not understand or agree with the Church’s position that marital sex must include intercourse and thinks I’m crazy for going along with it. She is not even able to conceive if we had intercourse because of a hysterectomy she had many years ago.
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I’m doubly sorry to hear you and your wife are not on the same page, morally speaking.
TruthSkr said:
It has been nearly four years since my wife and I last had sexual intercourse because of physical disability.
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Have you been to the doctor regarding this disability? I’m assuming this is a medical problem you are experiencing, not your wife.
TruthSkr said:
I have gotten to the point that I seriously question the Church’s position on this because it is not a normal way for a married couple who still desire each other to live.
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It most certainly IS when one partner or both are unable to have sexual relations.
TruthSkr said:
No other Christian religion has such a strict rule on this
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Yes, they error greatly in their teaching.
TruthSkr said:
nd considering the awful way the Church handled the sex scandal
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The way humans failed to handle sins of others is in NO WAY related to the truths of the faith.

God’s design of our sexuality and his laws are not changeable.
TruthSkr said:
What do you all say?
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Holiness is difficult. Keep striving for it.

Secular values and ideas will only tempt you off the path of holiness.
 
TruthSkr said:
She is not even able to conceive if we had intercourse because of a hysterectomy she had many years ago.
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What confuses me is this line.

What does your wife’s hysterectomy have to do with anything?

I think knowing the disability in question might help you get better answers, here.
 
I’m sorry to hear about this cross you have to bear. I know from personal experience that it can be very frustrating with you cannot be intimate with your wife.

I would suggest contacting Dr. Gregory Popcak or one of his associates at the below. They offer tele-counseling and are very qualified for such subjects.

https://catholiccounselors.com/tele-counseling-services/#MeetCounselors

Godspeed
 
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The purpose of intercourse is to populate the Earth with souls for God (Gen. 1:22), so that they may become future citizens of Heaven. To engage in any other “sex act” is a misuse of one’s body, a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), which should be kept holy.

If you and your wife desire children, but she is unable, then be good and trust there is nothing impossible with God if it is His will. Consider Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and Rachel, Zechariah and Elizabeth.
 
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MNathaniel said:
What does your wife’s hysterectomy have to do with anything?
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I think what he’s saying is that even if they had vaginal intercourse, conception is precluded anyway. He’s probably thinking “we can’t conceive regardless, so what’s wrong with (some other type of stimulation)?”
 
Lunam_Meam said:
If you and your wife desire children, but she is unable, then be good and trust there is nothing impossible with God if it is His will. Consider Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and Rachel, Zechariah and Elizabeth.
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While God could of course perform a miracle, I think the hysterectomy is pretty definitive that they are not going to have biological children.
 
Lunam_Meam said:
However, you agree God could perform a miracle.
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God can overcome science. But if you are missing the essential pieces, it is very difficult. It’s like trying to climb onto your roof without a ladder. You might get there by levitation, but I highly doubt it.
 
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TruthSkr said:
It has been nearly four years since my wife and I last had sexual intercourse because of physical disability. We are able to have sex, but not intercourse and it is taking a toll. Our relationship is good but living such a long time with no sexual intimacy is torture. I try my best to not think about sex and to suffer through the temptations until they pass. But it is wearing me down. At any one time I can say no to temptation but over time it just gets harder to deal with and I don’t know how much longer I can endure this. Last night I had sex dreams and and the sexual desire that comes with them is painful to endure. My wife does not understand or agree with the Church’s position that marital sex must include intercourse and thinks I’m crazy for going along with it. She is not even able to conceive if we had intercourse because of a hysterectomy she had many years ago. I have gotten to the point that I seriously question the Church’s position on this because it is not a normal way for a married couple who still desire each other to live. No other Christian religion has such a strict rule on this and considering the awful way the Church handled the sex scandal I have begun to question its ability to even make such a moral pronouncement. What do you all say?
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I’m sorry for your struggles, however, sex is not necessary in order to live a happy and fulfilled life and people that are able to be free from it avoid many hardships in life. It is something that is initially difficult to do (and seems impossible) and gradually gets easier over time. The CC seems strict on the surface but it actually provides a lighter and easier burden than all of the ideologies out there, which leaves people weary.

Please look for good spiritual and good social supports in your life. I don’t think you’re going to make progress in this area if you continue to view it only as an absence of something.

Peace. :hugs:
 
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TruthSkr said:
She is not even able to conceive if we had intercourse because of a hysterectomy she had many years ago. I have gotten to the point that I seriously question the Church’s position on this because it is not a normal way for a married couple who still desire each other to live.
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Honestly, I would speak to your priest. I had a friend who had similar circumstances, and the priest told them that priority of conscience in moral decision-making and the preservation of the marriage was paramount.
TruthSkr said:
My wife does not understand or agree with the Church’s position that marital sex must include intercourse and thinks I’m crazy for going along with it.
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It would be easier to bear if you were together in this. Is there any way you could go to a Catholic counselor, or somehow unify on this? Is she Catholic? Does she understand the “why” of the Church’s position in general?
JohnStrachan said:
Can this not be medically addressed? I’m sure it’s an obvious question, but context is helpful.
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I’m sure if it could have, they would’ve already addressed it at this point.
 
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