Sexless marriage validity

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it is not because the cardinal has agreed to marry them that this marriage is canonically valid.
To want to marry with the intention and the will to live without sex does not have sense, it is absurd, it is my opinion.
Sex does not necessarily mean coitus with penetration, but it means any act of love that you would not normally do with your sister, or with your mother (I talk about “normal” people of course)
 
LadyLillian said:
I have asexual friends and this is not the case.

It is completely valid for the OP to chose to marry a man who doesn’t find her sexually attractive. It is up to the OP and her partner to decide whether they truly wish to enter this arrangement, but it seems as they do, and I wish them the best. Let us not forget that the perfect marriage was between Joseph and Mary, a heterosexual man who entered a sexless marriage with a perpetual virgin. There is so much more to marriage than sex, and asexual couples, or couples such as the OP, have the ability to live in happy marriages, despite the challenges.
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I’m familiar with asexuality. The man in the OP’s example does not appear to be asexual. She clearly states,
my boyfriend stopped being sexually attracted to me, not because he’s no longer attracted to women, it’s just me.
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An asexual person is not attracted to women or to men or to anyone. They are asexual.
This is completely different from someone who is attracted to women in general and may well be attracted to some woman other than the OP, if not now then a year, or 2 years, or 10 years from now.

The Joseph and Mary case was not a case of Joseph being sexually attracted to other women outside the marriage, but not to Mary, and Mary putting up with that.
 
The couple must have the ability to consummate the marriage, however, a valid marriage need not every be consummated. Do some research on “Josephite Marriage”. They are very rare, and the basis of these marriages in plain-speak is that if either party decides that they want to consummate the marriage, and the request is reasonable (not HEY let’s do it here in the Home Depot Aisle 7), the other spouse will render the debt.

In marriage a couple vows to “lovingly accept children”. They do not vow to “try to have children”.
 
Because the couple must have the ability to consummate the marriage.

Look at it this way, I have the ability to purchase a plane ticket to Paris (I am not on a “no fly list”, my state has valid smart ID, I have a passport, an internet connection, a device that will give me interface to that connection and a few hundred bucks in my savings account.)

That does not mean that I AM going to purchase a plane ticket to Paris.

In the rare instance that both spouses mutually consent to not exercise their marital rights and decide to remain sexually continent in imitation of Joseph and Mary and for the sake of the Kingdom, the marriage is termed a “Josephite marriage.”

The marriage of Louis and Zelie Martin (both canonized Saints) was a Josephite marriage. They then later decided, under Spiritual Direction, to consummate their marriage. There marriage was not one whit more valid nor more sacramental post consummation than it was for the time when it was non-sexual.

The only difference is that the Vatican can dissolve a valid, unconsummated marriage.
 
He loves me very much and I do feel like he’d be willing to protect me with his very life. It’s just so hard because you grow up being taught love and respect are the most important parts of a committed relationship, but then find doctrine adds sex to that. 😣
 
Maria2 said:
He loves me very much and I do feel like he’d be willing to protect me with his very life. It’s just so hard because you grow up being taught love and respect are the most important parts of a committed relationship, but then find doctrine adds sex to that. 😣
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You mentioned earlier there was sexual attraction (mutual I presume) to the point of being tempted to have sex, then (on his part at least) it evaporated. You’ve accepted that as calmly as a change in breakfast cereal tastes.

There are two matters to be explored. Why his change, and why do you find it all so routine?
 
Maria2 said:
Well sex has never been really important to him. He’s told me (before he lost his attraction to me) of times when nothing would be able to arouse him, and he didn’t seem concerned at all.
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How did he tell you about his loss of attraction for you? What’s prompted the admission?
Maria2 said:
Firstly, we’re not having sex, though things have gotten close at times.
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Does this mean both of you were tempted?
Maria2 said:
he’s not a sexual guy and he’s not Catholic, so his definition of marriage is much different
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What is his definition of marriage? It it pretty much universally accepted that marriage is by its nature a sexual relationship. That’s not a specifically Catholic viewpoint.
Maria2 said:
I don’t think it’s a medical issue. He’s never had a strong interest in sex.
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What age is he? On what basis can you conclude it’s not a medical condition?
 
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I’m not sure why his attraction changed. I tried asking last night, but growing up in a violent home, I kind of have a mental block when it comes to questioning things. As I said in my original post, I didn’t take it calmly, but I’ve gotten used to the situation.
 
Talk with your local pastor about this. I do believe there are various ways a sex less marriage can work, but the details are best worked out with a professional.
 
I told him I knew because I’d been suspecting it for quite some time beforehand.
We were previously attracted to each other.
I think he viewed marriage as two people promising themselves to each other.
He’s nineteen, and he’s never been a very sexual creature. He’s had his spikes like other people, but other than that, he’s relatively mild.
 
The situation is not normal and should not be accepted as routine.

A 19yo male feeling no sexual attraction for the girl he contemplates marrying, but experiencing it toward others, is inconsistent with the nature of marriage. It must surely sound an alarm bell.

A 19yo male - particularly one who would contemplate marriage - but lacks sexual interest - should seek some basic medical checks.
 
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So he’s 19. How old are you if I may ask.
Neither of you are in a position to consider marriage IMHO. Where are your respective parents? What do they say about this?
If you are near in age, I certainly would put the brakes on this whole enterprise. Too many red flags.
He’s attracted to others? Could it be that he finds you incredibly sweet, and thinks you need him or will fall apart without him? He doesn’t want to tell you there is someone else?
Are either of you in college? What are you both doing to build careers?
Have you dated anyone else? Has he?

This is getting more confusing all the time.
Sorry for all the questions…
 
I’m with you here, I pictured people at a much older age.

19 year old males, their brain is not even developed fully.
 
I’m eighteen. The conversation I mentioned happened a few nights ago when we were loosely planning our future five years down the road. I have no intention of marrying him soon, but because we are seriously dating now, I wanted to make sure we had a plan/understanding. My parents are abusive and have threaten to cut me out of my social relationships many times, so I tend to keep them out of that part of my life and his parents don’t really care so long as he’s happy. I don’t think he thinks I’ll fall apart without him. I’m going to college next year and he doesn’t want to go to college, because he’s not into academics. I haven’t dated other people, but he has. I don’t really mind the question, I just want to get to the bottom of what to do.
 
So - on the basis of advice received to date - what do you propose doing in the immediate future?
 
Here’s an opinion of a woman with daughters than you:
Cut him loose. Go to college, get involved in the Newman Center, meet some nice Catholic boys, and wait to marry until you graduate.
it’s not going to go anywhere. You can’t be worried about him and do well whiel away at college. Move on. There’s other guys. You can be friends, sounds like that’s all he’s up for at this moment.
 
I honestly don’t know. I was expecting to get advice mostly based on the three situations I presented, but instead received a pretty resounding “LEAVE HIM”. However, I really do love him. He’s gotten me through some really dark times when I had nothing and no one. Even presently, he’s one of the few people who can make me happy on a bad day. The feelings we have for each other are not platonic, so it’s not like the impossibility of sex just moves us into the friend zone.
 
There was more advice than “leave him”. Regardless, it would appear you reject it all.
 
That’s true, but a big portion of the advice was that it might be best to leave him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disrespecting this advice, in fact just the opposite. I really appreciate that people would take time out of their lives to help me. It’s not that I’m going to reject the advice, I just need time to consider it all, especially in the context that the people here don’t understand the complete backdrop of my relationship.
 
Maria2 said:
…I really appreciate that people would take time out of their lives to help me. It’s not that I’m going to reject the advice, I just need time to consider it all, especially in the context that the people here don’t understand the complete backdrop of my relationship.
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We know what you’ve told us. I do wonder what you might have added that would change what People said.
 
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