sexual ethics question

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patricius79

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In a marriage, my understanding is that it is not wrong to manually stimulate one’s spouse on their genitals, even to the point of orgasm, as long as one fully intends to consummate the act genitally. Is that correct?
 
Just curious but why so many questions about what is permissible within marriage?
 
In a marriage, my understanding is that it is not wrong to manually stimulate one’s spouse on their genitals, even to the point of orgasm, as long as one fully intends to consummate the act genitally. Is that correct?
No, it’s wrong.

I am not married and don’t want to be married, but I am a professor of theology. This is not my specialty, however, Christology is. However, this semester, I am teaching a Moral Theology class, so I do know the answer to this question.

Masturbation, of oneself or one’s spouse, is always an intrinsically evil act and as such, no good intention can make it not intrinsically evil. It is sinful to engage in such behavior. Even for married persons. St. Pope John Paul II in the Theology of the Body recommends sexual counseling if the woman is unable to reach a climax during coitus.

catechism.cc/articles/QA.htm#04

See question and answer number four.
 
For the female, sure, but the male orgasm must take place within the vagina, which would be difficult though I suppose not impossible in all situations to do the way you describe.
 
For the female, sure, but the male orgasm must take place within the vagina, which would be difficult though I suppose not impossible in all situations to do the way you describe.
No, it is sinful, then, too, sometimes even a mortal sin. Doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman.

catechism.cc/articles/QA.htm#04

See number four in the above.
 
Lily - I think you’ve jumped the gun. Note that the OP expressly mentions natural consummation of the act, which renders this a marital act… not auto-erotic on its face.

“Officially” it is an open question: to what extent is foreplay permissible, and what kinds?

Sin is primarily in the will. My solution to this problem is that, provided one is not trying to simulate the marital act by that foreplay, i.e., pretend that one orifice is another, then it is fine, health concerns aside. Such an act would seem to me to be an instance of morose delectation, or perhaps non-morose if it was occasioned by something during the act and was for that reason less rationally decided upon. But thinking before you get to the bedroom, “I want to try xyz,” with an express intent of trying to enjoy that as if it were normal intercourse, then it ceases to be foreplay and becomes an act for its own sake.

Does this make sense? Morose and non-morose delectation are levels of sinful enjoyment. I would be happy to explain this more, but I’d have to pull the books out. Let me know.
 
No, it is sinful, then, too, sometimes even a mortal sin. Doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman.

catechism.cc/articles/QA.htm#04

See number four in the above.
That is not the catechism, that is a website made by Ron Conte, an unfortunately well-known self proclaimed but often very innacurate theologian.

Does your moral theology curriculum include JPII’s Love and Responsibility?
 
Oh man. I’ve stumbled across some of his ridiculous posts before but never bothered to delve into the material on his websites. I REALLY hope that you aren’t using his website as material in your class. There is a LOT of errant understanding of church teaching on there.
 
No, it is sinful, then, too, sometimes even a mortal sin. Doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman.

catechism.cc/articles/QA.htm#04

See number four in the above.
You were just joshing us about teaching moral theology, I hope.

Search around Catholic answers and you will find that at least one Pope said it was a husbands obligation to ensure his wife is fulfilled as part of marital relations, even if it required manual stimulation.

And, as someone who has been married over thirty years, let me tell you, this idea that things always just happen without manual stimulation, for a husband or a wife, shows a lack of real world understanding. .
 
No, it is sinful, then, too, sometimes even a mortal sin. Doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman.

catechism.cc/articles/QA.htm#04

See number four in the above.
This I am actually on board with, minus the Ron Conte reference. Happy to see some literature stating the contrary, but to me it seems to be not morally distinguishable from auto-eroticism if female climax does not require at least habitual penetration… unitive, procreative. Keep 'em together.
Christopher West would disagree with you. As would my husbands bioethics professor at Seminary.
Not all arguments from authority are created equal… sorry. Not nearly enough for me. Can you provide the ACTUAL argument itself? I seem to recall West going off the rails a bit and taking a hiatus from these discussions, and since I have no idea who this seminary professor is, and I happen to know that seminary professors and seminaries are not created equal, this ain’t much of an appeal.
 
“The female organism, as was mentioned above, reacts more easily to excitation in various parts of the body …] The man must take this difference between male and female reactions into account, not for hedonistic, but for altruistic reasons” -Love and Responsibility, JPII

That’s the only quote I can find in the book right now, as I’m working one handed with a baby on me. I’ll keep looking.
 
In a marriage, my understanding is that it is not wrong to manually stimulate one’s spouse on their genitals, even to the point of orgasm, as long as one fully intends to consummate the act genitally. Is that correct?
Stimulation to orgasm “for man” (to mean ejaculation), what is that for?
About orgasm in relation to ejaculation in relation to procreation, it is interestingly different between men and women, but allow me to make an exclusion in my argument basing on men’s orgasm (as the OP does not show exclusion).

Male ejaculation in conjugal act is primarily meant to facilitate procreation and secondarily to solidifying the marital bond and union as an important stage in the conjugal act. However it is acceptable for a couple to morally avert the primary aim only to seek the secondary one (planning).

From this perspective stimulation to orgasm does not meet the primary aim of the conjugal act, even if the man’s discharge (semen) is meant to be collected and perform artificial insemination (which is another moral topic). Nevertheless if doing this seeks the secondary goal, then it remains immoral in itself since it is not a conjugal act even if the couple is planning to do that after.

Therefore, male orgasm (in its complexity, i.e., necessity of ejaculation) should not be considered to be a foreplay since it is meant by creation to be more than that.
 
You were just joshing us about teaching moral theology, I hope.

Search around Catholic answers and you will find that at least one Pope said it was a husbands obligation to ensure his wife is fulfilled as part of marital relations, even if it required manual stimulation.

And, as someone who has been married over thirty years, let me tell you, this idea that things always just happen without manual stimulation, for a husband or a wife, shows a lack of real world understanding. .
What about directly after the husband ejaculates into his wife?.. do you believe it is okay to manually stimulate the wife then, if she has not yet climaxed?

(anyone else’s comments welcome here as well).

My understanding is that Christopher West says this is fine. (And of course I realize that sex should always be respectful and prayerful, etc(

But where are these issues regarding manual stimulation on the woman–before or after ejaculation into the woman–officially addressed by the Church?
 
I apologize, everyone, for making the OP unclear. I am strictly talking about manual stimulation on one’s wife (on her genitals), even to the point of orgasm, either before or after the husband ejaculates into his wife.

I was not in any way talking about manually stimulating the husband to the point of orgasm (which would mean ejaculation outside of the woman), which would be masturbation. Sorry my words came out wrong.

I tried to be clear but still they came out mistakenly. Hopefully they came out good enough this time.
 
Yes, it is generally accepted that it is a husband’s duty to satisfy his wife during intercourse, even if that means before or after actual penetration. The closest thing that I can offer you to a church document that affirms this is Saint Pope John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility, which I quoted above, but most theologians also agree that as long as its right before or right after, that is fine as well. Not sex/eat lunch/make wife orgasm, but right after himself is acceptable and good. Otherwise the woman feels used, and rightly so.
 
What about directly after the husband ejaculates into his wife?.. do you believe it is okay to manually stimulate the wife then, if she has not yet climaxed?
Yes, absolutely. If you do not make sure your wife is satisfied, isn’t there something missing from the act? Isn’t it a little selfish to think that only the man has to be satisfied?
My understanding is that Christopher West says this is fine. (And of course I realize that sex should always be respectful and prayerful, etc(
But where are these issues regarding manual stimulation on the woman–before or after ejaculation into the woman–officially addressed by the Church?
Frenzy Jen’s post a few posts down gives a good start. Since most women are not satisfied with just penatration, why should we restrict ourselves to penetration?
 
Okay. Thanks guys. I still find it curious that such issues are–as far as I can tell—not dealt with very officially, like in an encyclical, or catechism, etc.
 
No, it’s wrong.

I am not married and don’t want to be married, but I am a professor of theology. This is not my specialty, however, Christology is. However, this semester, I am teaching a Moral Theology class, so I do know the answer to this question.

Masturbation, of oneself or one’s spouse, is always an intrinsically evil act and as such, no good intention can make it not intrinsically evil. It is sinful to engage in such behavior. Even for married persons. St. Pope John Paul II in the Theology of the Body recommends sexual counseling if the woman is unable to reach a climax during coitus.

catechism.cc/articles/QA.htm#04

See question and answer number four.
Then how am I to enjoy being with my partner at all? If I am worrying about sin all the time. I have honestly never heard that its wrong to do that when married sorry and I find it hard to believe.

Then again these days getting married is not something of interest to me. I may also not be in this religion forever.
 
Stimulation to orgasm “for man” (to mean ejaculation), what is that for?
About orgasm in relation to ejaculation in relation to procreation, it is interestingly different between men and women, but allow me to make an exclusion in my argument basing on men’s orgasm (as the OP does not show exclusion).

Male ejaculation in conjugal act is primarily meant to facilitate procreation and secondarily to solidifying the marital bond and union as an important stage in the conjugal act. However it is acceptable for a couple to morally avert the primary aim only to seek the secondary one (planning).

From this perspective stimulation to orgasm does not meet the primary aim of the conjugal act, even if the man’s discharge (semen) is meant to be collected and perform artificial insemination (which is another moral topic). Nevertheless if doing this seeks the secondary goal, then it remains immoral in itself since it is not a conjugal act even if the couple is planning to do that after.

Therefore, male orgasm (in its complexity, i.e., necessity of ejaculation) should not be considered to be a foreplay since it is meant by creation to be more than that.
So if I get married should I just not touch my husband sexually at all? Because you are making things more complicated then I think you really need to. I am not trying to be rude but I just can not agree sorry.
 
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