Sorry I didn’t see this sooner. Lilyofthevalley, I agree with you, it’s very important to get her tested prior to being married. If she has true love for him, she would love him enough to do so.
Catechistben, you amaze me with how forgiving and compassionate you are! And you have gone beyond what many people would do in trying to be objective about this, and not hold her past against her. So for those who are being too critical, it makes me wonder.
Your concerns are legitimate, and wise before you enter into a lifetime, Catholic commitment. What you really seem to want to know, is whether or not she is ready for a permanent marriage commitment, whether or not you are compatible sexually, and whether or not she is repentant enough so that she is firmly resolved to never be the way she was, and to take marriage seriously enough to be a good risk.You are not expecting perfection.
And going by what you have said of her, and from what I know of a case that ended in divorce 10-04 where the evangelist didn’t check out his wife beforehand, and it was a disaster. It lasted less than three months!
She was beautiful and charming, knew how to role play, and manipulated them during vulnerable moments of their lives. She was also a psychopathic liar (one who believes their own lies). She had a history of affairs, and was married three times.
He was very forgiving, too, and didn’t really know her background history, and didn’t ask the ex-husbands’ opinions, a major mistake. It took an investigator to find out more. Plus she was a gold digger.
Her first ex husband loved her so much, that he put up with her three affairs with three different men before he gave up! Later on he became a psychologist. They had a son together who is college age.
The 2nd husband was an evangelist who was also married before. He had a forgiving attitude, too, but I don’t know if he knew her past either. It lasted about 10 years, then she left him and lied that she fled in fear of her life, all lies. Divorced several months later, she returned to him. He was so desperate not to divorce again, they lived in sin secretly for almost 2 years. She was supposed to hand in legal papers to dissolve the divorce.
Instead of doing that, she left him. Had a whirlwind courtship with another evangelist the following month, married within a few weeks, no real engagement period! She lied to him that she was single and celibate for 2-1/2 years, and lied to his family.
The truth began to come out shortly after they were married. On top of this, he kept collapsing from the stress of it, and came close to having a heart attack. She left him, even though they were seeking the counsel of a local pastor. An investigator had to track her down.
She went to two pastors in other cities, and spread lies about him. He had to get a lawyer to stop this. She threatened to write a book,wanted a divorce and money that would include a percentage of all the many years he was in ministry. He tried filing for an annulment, but she stalled on it for so many months, he gave in to a divorce.
The first ex-husband described her as being a disingenuous sociopath with a split personality. Disingenuous has to do with being a schemer. Sociopath is a nicer word for psychopath, a person capable of doing evil things without remorse or emotion.
She had two evangelists in deep distress within a few months of each other. I personally suspect she was a church infiltrator and not a true Christian, going by things I’ve researched, sent to try and destroy their ministries.
So, it’s good that some people suggest that you get some counseling. But I’d say go much further and get her officially investigated, plus get testimonies from as many people as you can who know her.
This will help you to discern her true character, and whether or not she is ready for a Catholic marriage. I’m wondering if she’s ready for this, too, since it can be stricter than Protestants with their views on human sexuality.
Recently, when I tried giving advice to a virgin who was engaged and was jittery about her honeymoon, on a Christian forum, I got blasted for my conservative Catholic beliefs on this topic, which reminded me of how different we can be.
Plus, I can see the damage Planned Parenthood teachings have done for decades, and the bad fruit has manifested to a crisis in human sexuality for our nation and beyond.
You would be a good catch for her, but maybe for now you should just stay casual friends? And since I’m much more conservative than she is, I feel like staying in my own league is what I’d prefer personally. Sometimes the Lord does lead us to go beyond that.
Keep praying, and do some concrete things to tell you the truth, so you won’t have to guess on something as important as marriage. God bless.
