Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide

  • Thread starter Thread starter mrsdizzyd
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I lost a close friend to suicide. Her mom found her and made the call later to pull the life support the day before Easter that year and then showed up Easter day to read the Prayers of the Faithful which included reading out all the names of parishoners who had died: listing her daughter’s name last since it was the most recent. I went to the funeral and was comforted even as a child when Father gave a homily on how we can’t know the state of a person when they take their life. He made sure to iterate that we do not get a say when we live or die and that if we decide we are potentially working against His will, but followed it up with the mercy of the Lord and how He knows our hearts. He said that judgement in the end is left to the Lord. He then talked about praying for the dead. The mother after the funeral told my family that she found the homily invigorated her through her grief to make sure she prayed for her daughter every day. Not everyone responds the same way in grief. I don’t envy homilists during funerals.

Seeing things like this happen kinda makes me scared to think of what people would think at my funeral. I’ve always wanted to know if there was a way for me to leave a note for the priest to request that his homily focus on the need to pray for the dead; me included. Would my family’s desires override that request should I be able to make it? I know my sins and I know how well I’ve “worked” to overcome and make repentance for some of them. I hopefully still have a lot of life ahead of me to fix my deficiencies. If I make it straight to Heaven that will be the point when I finally understand the full encompassing extent of God’s mercy. I imagine I’ll be standing there shocked that I’m not sitting in Purgatory or Hell.

I don’t mind people remembering the good things about me at some memorial service before or after the funeral. However, during my funeral I really want it impressed to the people present that I want and will need their prayers. It’s not guaranteed that I’m in Heaven. At this point it seems like I would just be setting the priest up for being reprimanded in some way if he decided to honor my request, so maybe I should skip that funeral request. I have no problem with him deciding to do something different if I made the request, it’s his mass to lead, I just don’t want my family going after him for something I asked for. We all tend to be a bit crafty, passive aggressive, and have long memories across generations so I can’t say it would be a fun experience for him.
 
0331 said:
Is the problem with the homily that he said ‘suicide’ six times? Should he have just ignored the cause of death?
Click to expand...
As with most funeral homilies, yes. Exactly. There was no need for him to talk about the cause of death at all.
 
recentrevert said:
Committing suicide is a public act of grievous sin. If someone was shot dead while attempting to commit a robbery or something like that they would be denied a funeral unless they gave signs of repentance before dying.
Click to expand...
Robbery is a voluntary act, while there may be factors lessening or even eliminating, culpability in suicide.
Please familiarize yourself with the teachings of the Church.
 
Don_Ruggero said:
As a priest, I wish to say that I am horrified by the text of this homily. It is astonishing for its insensitivity. If I were not retired from the formation work I did over the decades, I would use it as an example of precisely what not to do inn a homily for a funeral. It fails in multiple points of modern homiletics as well as pastoral theology.
Click to expand...
Father, please explain what was wrong with the homily. I have read it and I thought it was very good.
 
I supposed the message of love and mercy has been overlooked by the mention of the cause of death. That’s my conclusion, with the responses given and the evidence cited from the homily.

Maybe you and I are just insensitive, but I find it alarming that some say this priest, who spoke noting but truth, should have been punished more harshly, without giving better reasons than ‘He said suicide.’

But at this point we’re just beating a dead horse, and at the risk of sounding insensitive AND virtue signaling, I’ll say again that we should pray for the dead and all priests and bishops.
 
Beryllos said:
The homily said nothing personal about the deceased. Not one word. The priest did mention the name of the deceased. However, by changing the names, the exact same homily could be delivered at somebody else’s funeral.
Click to expand...
I really don’t understand this. The homily isn’t a eulogy. It isn’t supposed to be ‘personal’.

Also, the priest, as is often the case, may not have known much about that kid or known him personally. How can a priest talk personally about someone if he doesn’t know him?

I’ve been to plenty of Protestant celebrations of life, which replaced funerals, where the minister didn’t really know the deceased. Often it is because the deceased wasn’t religious. He tries to say something personal. I always find that sad actually and disingenuous.
 
RoseScented said:
Seeing things like this happen kinda makes me scared to think of what people would think at my funeral. I’ve always wanted to know if there was a way for me to leave a note for the priest to request that his homily focus on the need to pray for the dead; me included.
Click to expand...
I worry about this too. If I die my wish is to have my funeral conducted by a FSSP priest. That way I can be confident I won’t be canonized and prayers will be requested and said for my soul.
 
Especially not six times, and especially suggesting he may not be in Heaven.
 
<<<<<<<<<A Catholic priest in Michigan is facing criticism after he presided over the funeral of an 18-year-old who killed himself earlier this month and told mourners at the service that the teen may be kept out of heaven due to the way he died, reports said.>>>>>>>>>>

I didn’t read the homily, I read the article where it says pretty much the same thing as above, several times.
 
So you’ve based your assertion that the priest should be removed, off a misquoted non-Catholic news article?

Please read the homily before you make any further assumptions.
 
If you read the homily, you’ll see the priest mentioned love and mercy multiple times. The message was that not even suicide can remove us from God’a mercy.

Did the news mention that?
 
The news printed the homily. He mentioned suicide too many times AND stepped down from presiding over funerals. He must’ve said something wrong that he regrets saying.
 
Good article but the author is not Billy Graham’s wife. She has been dead for many years.

I’m not sure what to make of Slate of all things being more fair to the priest than many Catholics.
 
Yeah you’re right, I guess that was bogus info. I edited the post. Someone must have gotten confused because they have the same name.
 
The homily included the idea that our lives was given to us by God and we have no right to end it. True.

Think of the context in which it is being said. It’s a bit too little too late isn’t it?

The young man is dead and I’m sure the family may be feeling guilt thinking they could or should have done something. Along comes this priest lecturing them.

If I were in the family ‘s shoes, I would be thinking, “Yes I know what you say is true, but it’s too late. He’s dead.”
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top