Hi. Just wanted to say that I agree that you all, as a family, need outside help in learning to survive together and to create an atmosphere in which your son—and the rest of you—can thrive and be happy. Tall order. Hard to do. But with concentrated prayer and counseling, you’ll succeed.
You mentioned that your son was frightened. Don’t forget that kids are quite clever little actors, even autistic ones, and as others have verified, become expert at manipulating, so although he may, at times, be frightened by your husband (his father?), he may also be laying it on a little bit thick for your benefit. A boy at his age is often jealous of his father’s role in his mother’s life.
My grandfather, a farmer, was drinking a glass of water, just outside the porch door, when I, as a 3- or 4-year-old, threw a temper fit because I wasn’t being permitted to go with him. Family legend has it that I threw myself on the concrete floor, banged my head and fists and legs, kicking and biting. Both Grandma and Mother were unable to stop me, and Grandpa’s words weren’t enough, either, so he poured the water on my head. I sputtered, stopped crying, and began telling him he was a bad Grandpa. My mother ran and got another glass of water and I never had another tantrum.
Fast-forward to when my ADHD and dyslexic son, who wore leather and metal leg braces from the waist to his toes, began pitching his tantrums. I’d have bleeding cuts and bruises from the braces, and was at my wit’s end when I remembered that embarrassing family tale. I stepped to the kitchen counter, got a BIG pan of water, and really baptized his head and shoulders. Marvel of marvels! That was the last temper tantrum he threw. Everyone I’ve told this to, who’s tried it, has had good results. Now my son, to his chagrin, stars in the family lore: he immediately stopped screaming and flailing and kicking, sat up, and said in a very hurt, disbelieving voice, “Mommy, you tried to kill your poor little boy!” There were a few times that he appeared to be ready to start another tantrum, but quickly remembered the end result. Don’t know whether it would work with your son or not, but I’ve had several mothers tell me that it was a real magic trick!
When he went through the biting stage, and nothing else worked, I bit him, hard, with tears running down my face at the time, and for many nights in my bedroom. It hurt me for a much longer period of time than it did him. Unfortunately, that had to occur three or four times before he stopped biting. Yes, I know what today’s “experts” say, but you have to do whatever will work when the situation arises, and, as parents, we usually have to ad lib on the spot; we don’t have the luxury of spending a few semesters reading (often questionable) child psychology books before deciding what to do.
I agree with others that your course of action should be discussed and agreed upon, with the help of others, by both you and your husband. He is your life’s partner, not your son. I think you should crawl all over the Web for diet implications in behavior of autistic children. Many exciting new research discoveries link foods, allergies, deficiencies, and even poisonings to autististic and other special needs children.
I am puzzled as to why you repeatedly say “my son,” “my daughter,” instead of “our son,” “our daughter.”
Please, as others have stated, be very aware that in many communities today, alas, your husband might wind up with a jail sentence if you said to any kind of authorities what you’ve said to us.
To you who are reading this post, will you plese take time now to utter fervent prayer for this family? Peace be with all of you.
