Should I attend this marriage?

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MariaG said:
You can’t imagine God disapproving of a person who has willfully chosen to remove themselves from the authority of the Catholic Church which Christ placed over them?

Or God disapproving of a person whose actions endorse this person’s defiance of the authority God placed over them?

I can imagine many reasons that God may disapprove and saying otherwise is rather disingenuous.

That said, the Authority over the OP said he could ATTEND the wedding.
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A marriage is about love. Why would God disapprove of that? He’s all about love.
 
mikew262 said:
A marriage is about love. Why would God disapprove of that? He’s all about love.
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I did not say God would disapprove of love and marriage.

But I did ask if you truly could not imagine any reason for God to disapprove of this marriage. Or do you really think God approves of this women defying the authority of the Church whom Christ placed over her:confused:

There are many sides to God, He is perfect love, but He also perfect Justice, and even perfect and righteous anger.

But since there may be other reasons for this women not getting married in the Church, ones that hopefully the OP’s priest is aware of, there are also valid reasons for attending the wedding.
 
If you don’t attend to the marriage ceremony, would you still visit them in their home at some later date? (After all, this could also be construed as “approval” of the marriage!) I vote for “Go.”

Alberich
 
God is love. Love is not God. (CS Lewis)

Loving someone means wanting what is good for them, not necessarily whatever makes them happy at the moment.

What is good for a Catholic is obeying God’s commandments and remaining a faithful member of His Body, not participating in the ceremonies of churches which do not have a sacramental understanding of marriage.

Yes, they love God, but their knoweldge of Him is incomplete. In their ignorance, they will be forgiven by a merciful God. Catholics should know better.

I am in a very similar situation to the OP. I will be attending, but not participating as I was asked. My whole family is against me. It’s no fun, I assure you.
 
If one of the parties is Catholic and not free to marry, and no dispensation to marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic venue, then no marriage is taking place, so attendance would be a farce. By no means may you take any part in the actual ceremony, although if family peace is at stake, you may be able to attend say the reception with your priest’s permission. In the long run, any time you sacrifice deeply held convictions and principles in order to placate family members, it does far more harm than good in the long run (in my experience). You lose whatever credibility you had in future discussions based on those principles, and thereby lose the ability to influence family members for the good and to evangelize within the family.

we sadly faced a similar choice last year, did not attend, everyone in the family knows why we did not attend, although we did have another “excuse” (first communion of grandchild same weekend in another state). The couple, one of whom is a godson, has on their own initiative approached us with questions on the bride becoming Catholic, and is quietly working with another family member, who also stayed away, on marriage convalidation. Godson confided he does not feel comfortable talking about this to parents or other Catholic relatives who participated in the wedding, because “he does not know what they actually believe.”
 
Dacinom said:
I highly recommend going to the “Ask An Apologist” forum and do a search and look for Weddings/Catholic/Attendance etc…you get the idea. There is a lot of helpful information there.

This question has been asked before and has been answered there. It would help you to get the church’s official teaching on this. I know everyone here means well but you are getting conflicting opinions which is probably not helping.

Best wishes.
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Can Catholics participate in non-Catholic weddings?by Michelle Arnold.

Basically the same thing his priest said, he can ATTEND the wedding, but should not participate as a member in the wedding party or the service.

The answer also links to a very nice article here, Should I Attend?
 
In a somewhat similar situation, a wise, holy priest suggested I do whatever my mom did (it was my brother getting married). If my mom went, I should go and support her. If my mom chose not to go, I should stay home and support her.

To him, it was about honor your father and mother, more than anything else. —KCT
 
A clarification question: Is the wedding ceremony a Christian one?
 
mikew262 said:
A marriage is about love. Why would God disapprove of that? He’s all about love.
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Does it bother you at all that you are using the same lame arguments that homosexuals use to push gay “marriage”?

Besides, love is not enough. There’s that tricky little issue of doing the Right Thing. Suppose a very sick woman asks her husband to kill her and end her suffering, out of “love”? Surely God would approve of that act of “love,” right? “He’s all about love,” after all. Do you see how weak your argument is?
 
MrIrish said:
Does it bother you at all that you are using the same lame arguments that homosexuals use to push gay “marriage”?

Besides, love is not enough. There’s that tricky little issue of doing the Right Thing. Suppose a very sick woman asks her husband to kill her and end her suffering, out of “love”? Surely God would approve of that act of “love,” right? “He’s all about love,” after all. Do you see how weak your argument is?
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I don’t think we are talking about gay marriage are we? A totally different subject.

I think we are talking about a man/woman marriage who I assume are getting married because they are in love. As a Catholic, I would rather them have a catholic ceremony, but if they don’t, I’m not going to pass judgement on them. I’m going to be their friend and honor their request to be in the ceremony if thats what they want. If God happens to have a problem with their ceremony, they will have to answer to him for it.

I think God would rather us not hold somebody in judgement, but rather show love and friendship to our fellow man. Hurting somebody’s feelings and being judgemental is not accomplishing that goal.
 
No, do not attend the wedding. Last year my cousin, a Catholic, was getting married to a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic wedding, so I asked this question at the EWTN forums.

Maria
 
mikew262 said:
I don’t think we are talking about gay marriage are we? A totally different subject.

I think we are talking about a man/woman marriage who I assume are getting married because they are in love. As a Catholic, I would rather them have a catholic ceremony, but if they don’t, I’m not going to pass judgement on them. I’m going to be their friend and honor their request to be in the ceremony if thats what they want. If God happens to have a problem with their ceremony, they will have to answer to him for it.

I think God would rather us not hold somebody in judgement, but rather show love and friendship to our fellow man. Hurting somebody’s feelings and being judgemental is not accomplishing that goal.
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I think what many are missing is that if one or both were Baptized Catholic and have not formally left the Catholic faith, then if they attempt to Marry not in accord with Catholic Canon Law, NO MARRIAGE TAKES PLACE. It does not matter how much they love each other, it does not matter how much their family loves and supports them.

It only encourages them to live as though they were married, committing a number of serious, possibly Mortal sins, Which if unrepented, Confessed and absolved, will effect their Eternal life after this earthly life is over. Which might very well be tomorrrow!
 
WenckebachCath said:
I doubt if the average busy priest of today has time to give a dispensation for every little matter like this. What about using common sense? If this family member has left the Church then they have no obligation to live under it’s rules. Just because someone was raised Catholic doesn’t mean that they continue practicing all their lives and it seems perfectly obvious that the person in question is non-practicing.
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The dispensation is something the couple asked for so the non-Catholic party may marry outside of the Catholic church (otherwise, if the Catholic party really considers themselves Catholic, this is a “defect of form” and marriage null from the start).

I never considered that an invited guest could ask for a dispensation. Can they? For this, specifically?
 
WenckebachCath said:
I doubt if the average busy priest of today has time to give a dispensation for every little matter like this. What about using common sense? If this family member has left the Church then they have no obligation to live under it’s rules. Just because someone was raised Catholic doesn’t mean that they continue practicing all their lives and it seems perfectly obvious that the person in question is non-practicing.
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It was my understanding that one needs to formally renounce membership with the bishop in order to “leave the Church.” Otherwise, the person would still be obligated to follow the rules.

This is close to my heart since I have a cousin in a similar situtation whose non-Catholic fiance is also divorced. I happily have other obligations which will keep me from the wedding, but I am not sure about sending gifts (the shower is the first weekend of March). I know that it is expected of me and I am thinking of sending a small gift just to keep the peace.

The thing is, my cousin and I aren’t at all close. It is my mother who will be most upset if I don’t send anything. (She is Catholic but absolutely hates that I actually believe everything the Church teaches.)
 
Bruised_Reed said:
The dispensation is something the couple asked for so the non-Catholic party may marry outside of the Catholic church (otherwise, if the Catholic party really considers themselves Catholic, this is a “defect of form” and marriage null from the start).

I never considered that an invited guest could ask for a dispensation. Can they? For this, specifically?
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No, the pastor who is preparing the couple for the Marriage would do that.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
I should have been more specific…I meant can a guest get a dispensation to attend a wedding when validity is in question?
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I would say that a dispensation would be questionable because this is not a question of the Church prohibiting the attendance by law. It’s really a personal moral question. A pastor cannot grant a dispensation to a couple to use ABC for instance. One can never receive a dispensation to commit sin, this is morally objectionable not necessarly sinful however.
 
puzzleannie said:
In the long run, any time you sacrifice deeply held convictions and principles in order to placate family members, it does far more harm than good in the long run (in my experience). You lose whatever credibility you had in future discussions based on those principles, and thereby lose the ability to influence family members for the good and to evangelize within the family.

we sadly faced a similar choice last year, did not attend, everyone in the family knows why we did not attend, although we did have another “excuse” (first communion of grandchild same weekend in another state). The couple, one of whom is a godson, has on their own initiative approached us with questions on the bride becoming Catholic, and is quietly working with another family member, who also stayed away, on marriage convalidation. Godson confided he does not feel comfortable talking about this to parents or other Catholic relatives who participated in the wedding, because “he does not know what they actually believe.”
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Thank you for posting this. That’s a powerful testimony!
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
This question is not the same as the one in this thread.
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Br.Rich_SFO said:
I think what many are missing is that if one or both were Baptized Catholic and have not formally left the Catholic faith, then if they attempt to Marry not in accord with Catholic Canon Law, NO MARRIAGE TAKES PLACE. It does not matter how much they love each other, it does not matter how much their family loves and supports them.

It only encourages them to live as though they were married, committing a number of serious, possibly Mortal sins, Which if unrepented, Confessed and absolved, will effect their Eternal life after this earthly life is over. Which might very well be tomorrrow!
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How is the question to the apologist different?

One person is Catholic the other is not. I am not seeing the difference?

God bless,
Maria
 
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