Should I keep the baby?

[Marc_Anthony]

For various reasons I have omitted quite a bit from what I posted, as I have had to seek legal advice about somethings which have happened, therefore it would be inappropriate to post it on here, for so many reasons.

I wanted to keep my baby and raise my baby, but what has happened has pushed part of me into not even wanting to carry my baby to term. I am desperately trying to find the strength to continue the pregnancy and be a mom to my baby. Its hard enough emotionally being pregnant, without various abuse as well.

Then I apologize for being so blunt if it is truly literally impossible for you to seek adoption for legal reasons.

If it’s not for legal reasons it’s hard for me to believe that adoption would cause you worse distress than killing your baby-but I believe you when you say adoption is not an option.

Personally I think Catholic1954 with his comment at 3:26 pm has given the best advice so far. I can’t add much more to what he (or she) said.

 

[JGMendes4049]

Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help or sought Thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother;
to Thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.

Blessed Mother, intercede for Maria and her baby.

 

[1cor1313]

Maria, I pray for you and for your baby. First of all, you had the strength to post your question here and to ask for help. That is amazing and the fact that you cry at the word “termination” just shows that you do love your baby. This is a very difficult situation for you know, no doubt about that. But please remember that even though it doesn’t feel like you love this little one right now, I can assure you that your little one loves you. He or she relies on you for everything, has fallen in love with your voice and the sound of your heart beating. God has given you this amazing, precious gift because He has a very special plan for both you and your baby. God knows exactly what we need and what we can handle. He doesn’t give you a child if He doesn’t think that you can’t love that child. Even though things are hard right now, this baby could still be the greatest thing that ever happens to you. And you are certainly the greatest thing that has ever happened to that baby of yours.

Please pray to the Blessed Mother to show you how to love that little one. She will give you all the guidance you need.

May the peace of Christ be with you and your baby.

 

[aicirt]

Trying to keep up.

The baby’s father is in his 30s, you two have been dating for a number of years, his Mom is a devout Catholic and I’m estimating her age at 55 plus.

Don’t you find it odd that a devout Catholic with a 30 plus yr. old son is acting the way she is? Have you gone to her priest or parish and discussed the situation?

If his Mother practices what she preaches, she wouldn’t want her son to abandon you after a relationship of two years nor would she want him not to acknowledge his child. I think the priest should do an intervention on behalf of you and baby.

 

[missmorgan389]

Maria,

I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. Know that I’m praying for you and for your health as you make some very important decisions that will no doubt impact you for the rest of your life.

And you know what… pray about adoption, even if you think it’s not an option now. God might present an excellent opportunity in your path, regardless if you think it can’t happen.

We love you, Maria! My heart is definitely with you!

 

[Lady_Love]

Please don’t punish your baby or yourself for what jerks your ex and ex’s mother are. Jesus will take care of you. I promise, He promises. God NEVER gives you more than you can handle. Your baby is destined for great things otherwise Satan would not be pressuring you. You will have a harder time living with the guilt and hole in your heart if you abort her/him than if you deliver her/him. Name your baby Now! Name her/him after a saint.

Don’t let them steal your joy and run your life! Cut off all contact with those people. Put a restraining order on them if you have to, if they harass you.

I will pray for you

St. Cecilia pray for us. St. Theresa pray for us. Mother Teresa pray for us. Mother of the infant Jesus, bearer of life, tabernacle of the triune God, pray for us. Mommy, crush the head of Satan, protect us from the evil one. Stand beside this young and frightened woman, whereas, you can relate to her fear when you were unwed and facing abandonment. Give her your courage and trust in God who provides. Amen

 

[Gwendolen]

Make a list of all the reasons you do not wish to continue your pregnancy; tackle them. Reason 1 – father of baby is not supportive – find people to support you in your pregnancy. What support do you want – someone to go to prenatal appointments with you, take birth classes, help you plan a nursery, be there at the delivery, drive you home from the hospital, whatever it is, someone will do it. If you have no close family or friends, someone from the crisis pregnancy center will do it.

Next list out your “assets” particularly people in your life who will support you – close friends, people from church, family members, extended family members, etc, ask them for help. You need someone to be excited for you/with you.

And yes, name your baby! Go to classes. Meet other young moms.

God bless you, and your baby. You are already a mom!

I’m guessing, if you gave your little one up for adoption, you are afraid someone you don’t want will ask for custody? Obviously, if you really want to consider adoption, but aren’t for a reason like this, you need legal advice.

 

[JGMendes4049]

Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help or sought Thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother;
to Thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Thanks Liza, I have already been in contact with a pro-life center, and I plan on going again, I just feel like its not getting anywhere right now, I guess because deep down I want the baby, the fathers actions have just stopped me loving it right now, I know that sounds terrible.

Maria

I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but his behaviour suggests that his priorities and his heart are not in the right place. Do you honestly believe this man loves you? Aborting the baby will not make him love you.

 

[MariaCA]

Lack of being able to sleep brings me back to reading this. Thank you all for your advice, I will look at the websites and make some lists

 

[MariaCA]

I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but his behaviour suggests that his priorities and his heart are not in the right place. Do you honestly believe this man loves you? Aborting the baby will not make him love you.

Please don’t misunderstand anything I am saying, his mother has broken us up, he is very manipulated by her - I have confirmation of this and what her behavior is. But I don’t want to make him love me, I do believe he does, but I really couldn’t care about that after the things he has done. If I ever would want anything from him again it would be that he acknowledges how this has made me feel and actually considers that if I raise the baby he steps up to his responsibility.

I don’t know if I would ever want to be in a relationship with him again even if the opportunity presented itself, I very much doubt I would after everything.

 

[FullOfThought]

Please don’t misunderstand anything I am saying, his mother has broken us up, he is very manipulated by her - I have confirmation of this and what her behavior is. But I don’t want to make him love me, I do believe he does, but I really couldn’t care about that after the things he has done. If I ever would want anything from him again it would be that he acknowledges how this has made me feel and actually considers that if I raise the baby he steps up to his responsibility.

I don’t know if I would ever want to be in a relationship with him again even if the opportunity presented itself, I very much doubt I would after everything.

You don’t need him. My mom raised me by herself after her husband for 15years left when I was born as ‘parenthood wasn’t for him’! My mom is an amazing mother and I am sure you will be too!

I too am pregnant just over 8weeks and your posting brought me to tears that today is the first time I have been able to post and it was because of something I saw on the news… In Chicago, YESTERDAY, 22ND JULY 2012, a woman died from abortion injuries abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=8745131 It’s just so unsafe for you!

I also wanted to share a personal story with you… Until 2 years ago I believed in the right of a woman to choose, even though I knew I would never abort my children, I believed each woman had the right. This was until my best friend had an abortion.

She went by herself, walked into a clinic and asked if she could have one done, they said they had an opening in 45minutes, she sat and waited then had the procedure. She bled heavily for 2weeks, so heavy that she got sick and had to tell me what happened. I was supportive and looked after her.

A month later the real damage showed up… we couldn’t mention our childhood, couldn’t watch anything on tv with children, we continously changed stations during commericals incase a baby commerical came on and the worst was when we were in town and we ran into a friend who told us she was pregnant… my friend literally fell to her knees in the middle of the city and sobbed. I had to put her in a cab and get her home.

Our friends baby is now 2 and my girlfriend has never seen him I have never grieved so much for a person in my life as much as I did for my girlfriends baby.

I know it seems like a way to get out of the situation you are in, but I want you to believe me that the grief my girlfriend is still under has made her life a million times worse!!

Your beautiful baby needs you, and you need her. Our Lord will never give you anything you can’t handle… I beg of you not to do this to not only yourself, but also to your little one! I will pray so much for you

 

[horselvr]

Well, he may never acknowledge his part in treating you so terribly and really in the long run, THAT won’t really matter after awhile like it does right now. You will be ever so thankful to have discovered how very disfunctional he and his family really are before you got into it even deeper.

Just every now and then say a silent prayer for the next unsuspecting girl that comes along because it sounds as though she will need it.

However, making him step up to the plate even if it is only financially is a good move. And if he and his family are this whacky, financially is more than enough.

You’re going to enjoy this baby more than you can ever realize right now with all the turmoil swirling around you.

Always a positive from a negative and this is your blessing in disguise.

 

[PaulGH]

You are certainly in a tough situation, and my heart goes out to you. A pregnant woman should not be so lacking in loving support as you seem to be.

Nevertheless, having an abortion will not solve any of your problems – it will only add one really big new problem. Abortion is not a quick-fix; rather it is a decision that will stay with you for the rest of your life – and not in a good way.

While I am sure you would like to go back in time and do things differently, abortion is not a time machine. It doesn’t stop a baby from coming into existence; it kills a baby who is already there, who was created in God’s image and likeness just as you were.

Please get help and support wherever you can --maybe from family or friends, maybe from your church, maybe from the local pro-life crisis pregnancy center. My family and I pray regularly for expectant moms who are facing crises like yours, so we have already been praying for you without knowing you. We will continue to pray for you.

 

[thewanderer]

I was debating with myself whether to post this under moral or here, but I think its more of a family issue for me really. I want to start by saying I’m pregnant and I have always been against termination, however, I find myself in a really difficult situation which just cannot be controlled. I should also say that adoption is definitely not an option for me, its great if you can do that, I can’t and won’t consider it.

I guess to make the issue short as possible, myself and the father planned this baby and we loved it so, so much, I knew his mom wouldn’t be happy as we are not married, but we were both happy and we made a decision. His mom has never liked me, although I have done nothing but be pleasant and polite to her over the last several years, although now I have had to ask that she never contacts me again due to some harassing emails about my being pregnant. So the father told his mom that we were expecting and she was not happy, not at all. Questioning why we did it, saying it wasn’t right, and questioning her sons love for me. As a side I should mention shes very controlling of him and I have spoken to professionals and people in the catholic church, all who say that her behavior is abusive toward him, but he will never understand or see that. I won’t go into it all here as it isn’t appropriate but its manipulative.

Since he told her, he decided he wanted nothing to do with me of his baby, and has been really mean, to put it in a nice way, towards me, when I said I would raise my own baby him and his family called me selfish. He says he won’t go to any scans or support my pregnancy because he doesn’t want to get attached to the baby.This has gone on so long, and he isn’t willing to get help or to talk to anyone unless it suits his purpose i.e. telling me I am selfish which nobody will. I have looked to the church for help and they confirm the position about his mom, I have prayed, I have cried and I am really tired. I am considering a termination now, even though I can’t even type the word without crying. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t want to understand how I feel. I pray for him to break free of the situation he is in, I really do, but I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I am losing everything, even my faith right now.

I’v tried to keep that as short as possible, I could write a book if the truth be told on it, if anyone has anything to say I would appreciate it so much, its really hard feeling this way.

Maria, my heart goes out to you. I am so so sorry for what you are suffering through right now, and I pray that youa re able to receive the love and support that you so desperately need during this difficult time.

It seems like you really do want this child, which is why youare struggling so much with the idea of aborting it. Don’t let your ex and his family manipulate you into a decision about your life which you don’t want and which you will only end up regretting in the future. This is your life, you are the one who will have to live with the consequences. Please recognize the manipulation you are experiencing for what it is, a harmful attempt by your exes mother to control your life and decisions. I know it can be hard, but perhpas a recognition of exactly what is going on controlling emotional manipulation, can help you to gain the interior strangth you need to make your own decicions, regardless of the pressure you are feeling from others. I will pray for you that you can find this strength. :hug1:

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Please don’t misunderstand anything I am saying, his mother has broken us up, he is very manipulated by her - I have confirmation of this and what her behavior is. But I don’t want to make him love me, I do believe he does, but I really couldn’t care about that after the things he has done. If I ever would want anything from him again it would be that he acknowledges how this has made me feel and actually considers that if I raise the baby he steps up to his responsibility.

I don’t know if I would ever want to be in a relationship with him again even if the opportunity presented itself, I very much doubt I would after everything.

Maria, please, do not have an abortion. Your baby needs you.

You, on the other hand do not need this man or his mother. Or their approval for you to continue the pregnancy.

Have you had any prenatal care? Have you had a sonogram? How far along are you?

What problem could an abortion possibly solve? Is this guy going to just change, his mother is going to change and everything will be fine? No. An abortion won’t make you “un-pregnant” an abortion will *kill *your baby.

As for any financial support *owed *to your child, I’m sure that there are legal remedies in your favor. My state, for example, the mother could petition for child support before birth to cover prenatal care.

Please don’t despair. Focus on how to gather your strength on how to protect your child. I will pray for you.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Hi Maria,

Just wanted to add myself to the group of people praying for you. Don’t despair, ask God to help you be strong. May the Virgin Mary hold you under Her mantle and help you feel comfort and strength to do what is right.
I don’t understand why the baby’s father and grandmother would call you selfish? What do they want you to do?

Think about it Maria, what is there to gain by killing this little innocent baby God has entrusted to you? Nothing! The devil might be trying to convince you otherwise, but think about it, the Truth is, killing your child will just serve to separate you from God, the only source of True Happiness, Love, Strength… Ending an innocent life will not help anyone be a better person. Focus that energy and worry into looking into the resources out there available for expectant women. Please don’t let the flaws of the baby’s father and grandmother cause an innocent child to lose his/her life!

 

[Nelka]

Don’t abort your baby.

 

[MariaCA]

Maria, please, do not have an abortion. Your baby needs you.

You, on the other hand do not need this man or his mother. Or their approval for you to continue the pregnancy.

Have you had any prenatal care? Have you had a sonogram? How far along are you?

What problem could an abortion possibly solve? Is this guy going to just change, his mother is going to change and everything will be fine? No. An abortion won’t make you “un-pregnant” an abortion will *kill *your baby.

As for any financial support *owed *to your child, I’m sure that there are legal remedies in your favor. My state, for example, the mother could petition for child support before birth to cover prenatal care.

Please don’t despair. Focus on how to gather your strength on how to protect your child. I will pray for you.

Yeah I am having pre-natal care, I’ve had one sonogram and I have another soon, although I don’t even have the strength to think about this.

He claims to be seeing a lawyer about his legal obligations this week and I just ended up telling him I don’t care, I don’t even know what I am doing yet. He thinks he has done nothing wrong, yet the truth his he has abused me psychologically (still continuing) and physically in the past, yet if I ever say this to him he tries to say I am emotionally abusing him which is typical apparently of what abusers say. I am going to the police tomorrow, I contacted them today and although I know its the right thing to do, I feel really bad about it.

 

[Norseman82]

Yeah I am having pre-natal care, I’ve had one sonogram and I have another soon, although I don’t even have the strength to think about this.

He claims to be seeing a lawyer about his legal obligations this week and I just ended up telling him I don’t care, I don’t even know what I am doing yet. He thinks he has done nothing wrong, yet the truth his he has abused me psychologically (still continuing) and physically in the past, yet if I ever say this to him he tries to say I am emotionally abusing him which is typical apparently of what abusers say. I am going to the police tomorrow, I contacted them today and although I know its the right thing to do, I feel really bad about it.

DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT! That is one of the tricks and seeds that manipulative people will plant in your mind to discourage you from sticking up for yourself in abusive situations.

While you are at it, gather as much documentation and supporting witnesses as you can to back you up.

One question that has been on my mind, if you don’t mind me asking (and feel free to refuse to answer): how old are you? Are you close to his age, or much younger, or older? I wonder if this has something to do with the situation (i.e., an older man preying on a younger woman).