Should i tell my Mother?

[rexy125]

It is good that you have set up an appt to get to Confession. Make sure you get there.

Now, since it is criminal in nature, DO NOT tell you mother right now. I would suggest you speak with a criminal attorney, now. Your confession is sealed, your confession to your mother is NOT. So speak to your attorney and get their professional advise so that you do not drag your mother into this mess, and that you make sure all your rights as a citizen remain intact.

I’m hoping it doesn’t come to any of that - that i learn my lesson, can move on with my life safe in the knowledge i wont get myself into a similar situation and that God will guide me through.

I’m a good person but did something completely out of character and it’s tearing me apart.

 

[Zekariya]

I’m hoping it doesn’t come to any of that - that i learn my lesson, can move on with my life safe in the knowledge i wont get myself into a similar situation and that God will guide me through.

I’m a good person but did something completely out of character and it’s tearing me apart.

Prayers offered.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Ok. But if i get in trouble for what i’ve done and she hadn’t her heard my side of the story, that would be even worse. I really do understand everyones arguements against telling her and i’ve taken them on board.

I guess it’s best if i go to Confessions and take it from there.

Ps - i’m in my 20s.

You are in your 20’s and are legally an adult. You don’t have to tell your mother anything. She is not responsible for you any more. What would be the purpose of telling her something that would make her worry and fret and disturb her peace of mind?

I am a mother, and believe me when I tell you that there some some things that people do that if my children have done, I don’t want to know about it (like if one of them had an abortion or something). Some things would devastate me. Some things are better left unsaid.

I also understand being close to your mother, but at your age it’s time to start to cut the apron strings a little. I thought you were a teenager at first!

 

[Irishmom2]

The guilt and shame i feel is getting too much and i cant keep living like this.

Is it really the fear of your mother finding out on her own? I still don’t see how telling her would take away your shame or guilt. Guilt is a good thing sometimes. It may keep you from repeating a mistake. It reminds you that you have done something wrong.

So go to confession as planned. Be forgiven and then, put it behind you and move on to a new start. You are young and are going to make mistakes, but you will grow from them if you ask for God’s forgiveness. May God bless you and guide you.

 

[MSSheBear]

:twocents: I would go to confession and seek the advice of the priest first. Then perhaps the advice of an attorney. Look, I have something from my past that is awful, but I believe I would only burden my mother if I told her. In my case it is something I would have liked to confront her with, but I decided she doesn’t need to know. I would only tell her something if she very likely would find out anyway. Also, feel free not to tell us what you did. I find it amazing that people will post their sins on-line and state they are too embarrassed to tell their priest. We don’t need to know.

 

[Grace2013]

I understand where you’re coming from.

However, i would tell her because she’s the most important person in my life and i need her to help me through a difficult time. I need her support and advice and for her to know how sorry i am for what i did.

Whenever i’m doing something bad (although not on this scale)before i’ve always told my Mother. We’re very close and i don’t like keeping such a lie from her. I really understand your reservations though but i cant help but feel she needs to know - even after i go to Confessions.

Can others please give me advice on what to do here?

I agree that you should go to Confession. There is also the possibility that if you tell your mother her reaction may not be what you expect. There is also the chance that her reaction could be extreme and you should also be prepared to accept that part too. She may not talk to you for a while, ask you to leave, or decide to report whatever it is about (my mom would do that even if it were me or my sister) etc. Not at all saying that will happen, but just a possiblity though I do sincerely hope that everything works out well for you, whatever you decide.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m hoping it doesn’t come to any of that - that i learn my lesson, can move on with my life safe in the knowledge i wont get myself into a similar situation and that God will guide me through.

I’m a good person but did something completely out of character and it’s tearing me apart.

I don’t think you HAVE to tell your mother, but it sounds as though you are close to her, and may need her help and advice. I can tell you as the mother of a son who has just told me something he was very ashamed of, I love him all the more for coming clean and telling me the truth about it. His father and I can help him and pray for him now that we know what he’s been going through. Lying and hiding is never a good idea. And I have a feeling your priest might agree.

Whatever your priest tells you, please follow his advice. But do tell him that you really want to tell your mother and see what he advises. Mothers will help if they can. Even if it just means to pray for you.

 

[roselily]

Tell your mother, Rexy!

 

[EasterJoy]

I have two sons. I’ll project them forward and speak to you as I would speak to them.

First off, all I am really concerned about is that your repentance is real and you have been to confession to be reconciled with God. I want you to return to God and to the path of eternal life and happiness, that is the main thing. You do not need to “confess” to me, and I won’t have my feelings hurt if I find out that you kept this private or wanted to shield me from the knowledge of what you have done.

Having said that, just because you are a man does not mean that your family is not there to support you, whether someone has done something bad to you or you have done something bad yourself. Of course you can confide in me if it will help you heal from this terrible set of decisions. This would upset me like finding that you were in an accident that could’ve gotten you killed would upset me. On one hand, of course I would be upset that you had been so foolish, but mostly I would be grateful and relieved that you were out of danger and realized your mistake. I would be proud and happy that you had decided it was time to repent and amend your life, that you weren’t making excuses for yourself, but were stepping up and taking responsibility. That’s me.

If you were my son and you had committed a crime, it would be enough for you to say, “Mom, I need to consult with an attorney. That’s all I can tell you. Can you help me to find one?” I would help you to do that, and I would wait with my questions until the time was right, if you asked me to. My own sons are only 13, and they know this much: if you need an attorney, don’t let shame keep you from getting one.

Don’t think that you will keep her out of your troubles by failing to confide in her. You could instead be putting her in legal danger. If you need an attorney, consult with who you need to, but find one, and find the best one you can afford.

Overall, though, I think that sorting this out is a good job for you to do with the help of your pastor. Get in touch with him as soon as you can, and let him know that it is urgent. Tell him you need to confide in him as your confessor, and when you have him alone, lay it all out to him. Like your attorney, he enjoys a privilege before the law, and can give you counsel without being brought in as a witness against you and without legally becoming an accessory to your crime. But do make sure before you start to “lay it out” that he agrees that he will be hearing what you have to say in that capacity. You don’t want to put him in a moral conundrum, too! He can help you decide how to handle this with the mother and family you actually have, instead of what you’d have if one of us were your mom.

Don’t go through this alone. That is not how the Body of Christ works. The Body is set up for healing when there is an injury, for repentance when there is an offense. Live according to that.