Sin to live with girlfriend?

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:mad: you people are something.this man is asking a question,he telling you he’s not having sex.and you don’t believe him.he would had been better off telling you he was having sex,then you would have given him an answer.

My friend follow your heart,if you think it’s wrong living the way you are then then it’s wrong.if you think you are not doing anything wrong then,your not doing anything wrong.

You cannot listen to these people on this board,they are all sinners.:mad:
Amen! You are quite right
 
Yes it is a sin. You should not be giving the level of intimacy that belongs to your wife to this woman. Not the physical kind, not the sexual kind, not the emotional or psychological intimacy . We reserve parts of ourselves in life that are gifted only to our spouses. She should not be giving any of this to you either.
This is truly wisdom.

I am not married and I am sad at the thought that my future husband may be sharing a bed and sleeping next to his girl friend at this moment and then down playing it too.

You are not married. She is not your wife, you are not her husband. In case you are not married later you have both given a gift of intimacy to each other which will hurt your future spouse.

Sex is one aspect of the nearness between people… its really the nearness shared that is the centre of the question and the thing that hurts the ones we eventually marry. That is why people can also be devastated when their spouse has an emotioanl affair, even if there is no physical element involved.

Another thing is… I believe you that you might be one in a million who can handle this kind of temptation… But I know I couldn’t, and it only takes one of you to have a weak moment for things to get out of control… so please learn the virtue of prudence.

Peace to you… and I hope you realise we are all well intended. Many of us have messed up in these areas why we hope to warn others. Its so easy to take small steps towards the abyss and say: See, nothing is gonna happen, I am safe. The next moment you are bleeding, half dead and wondering how every thing got so out of hand… and your wounds will always be there. Dont play with fire my brother. Its not worth it.
 
Thaks for agreeing with me.

I have been a catholic for a few years now.Every catholic i have meet has some kind of problem.rather it’s drinking all the time ,parting with there kids,gambling problem,husband cheating on his wife,daughter having sex with every boy she encounters,the list list goes onbut all of that is ok.but yet catholics thinks you will burn in hell for living with your b/f or g/f. go figure.:confused:
 
Thaks for agreeing with me.

I have been a catholic for a few years now.Every catholic i have meet has some kind of problem.rather it’s drinking all the time ,parting with there kids,gambling problem,husband cheating on his wife,daughter having sex with every boy she encounters,the list list goes onbut all of that is ok.but yet catholics thinks you will burn in hell for living with your b/f or g/f. go figure.:confused:
Go figure whaaaa?

What do you mean all of that is “ok”? None of that is “ok”. It’s off topic. None of it has anything to do with the question at hand.

Start a topic about alcohol abuse, gambling issues and promiscuity and you find plenty of people saying it’s not okay.
 
Sorry but I just dont agree with you Grace DK, I think it would be wrong of you to be hurt by something someone did before you were even with them. You say you would be hurt to know your future wife was sleeping in someones bed (not having sex) I think that is a ridiculous feeling honestly. I also don’t think that it is so rare as you seem to think. I think anyone can control themselves if they want to.
 
Sorry but I just dont agree with you Grace DK, I think it would be wrong of you to be hurt by something someone did before you were even with them. You say you would be hurt to know your future wife was sleeping in someones bed (not having sex) I think that is a ridiculous feeling honestly. I also don’t think that it is so rare as you seem to think. I think anyone can control themselves if they want to.
I can only say, life will probably teach you another lesson.
When you meet someone and you fall in love with them it actually does hurt to think about them being very intimate with someone else. God has created us also with the need for exclusiveness and with a tendency to be jealous or hurt at the thought of this. You might imagine your future spouse right now cuddling up against a man in her bed and think," thats cool, it doesnt affect me". But then you are as rare as the person who started this thread who is not tempted when alone in bed with his girlfriend.
The question is, are people willing to take the risk of hurting themselves, their relationship with God and hurt their future spouse. Some people take this more lightly than others. I have never had a boyfriend who was not sexually experienced, and I always wished they were not.
 
Thaks for agreeing with me.

I have been a catholic for a few years now.Every catholic i have meet has some kind of problem… go figure.:confused:
Is that why you joined? 😉
Have you ever thought about leaving? I mean, you wouldn’t wanna become one of these people… “every Catholic…”, right?

🤷
 
Heh, I think you are the one who is in the minority on that feeling, not that being in the minority, or majority means one is wrong and the other bad. We are not to judge other people. If someone made mistakes in their past then we are to forgive. I would never hold it against someone because they had relations in their life with others, nor would I be upset about what they did in their life. This doesn’t only go for this situation but any situation. If someone commits a sin, we should help others by showing them what is the right thing to do.
 
The other day my girlfriend and I were out late and I was worried about her going home alone so I told her to stay at my apartment. We did not have sex nor was I even tempted to do so. She also knows about my conviction and understands this as well. This isn’t something I normally do, it was a rare occasion, did I sin?
 
It is not a sin, but it is important to consider some ramifications that could come from this arrangement: namely sexual intercourse, reserved for married couples only, according to the teachings of the church.

In my family, I had a young adult inform me she would be living with her then boy friend and I said to her. "Well, that is not in keeping within the teachings of the church. Her response was , “Well, it is not all about that” …inferring a financial arrangement as well. I guess it is between you and God. Pray and ask God for the wisdom to do what is right and His will.

You present as a person aspiring to do what is right and one who is gathering information in order to make a prudent decision.

You are in my prayers,
Pat
 
Heh, I think you are the one who is in the minority on that feeling, not that being in the minority, or majority means one is wrong and the other bad. We are not to judge other people. If someone made mistakes in their past then we are to forgive. I would never hold it against someone because they had relations in their life with others, nor would I be upset about what they did in their life. This doesn’t only go for this situation but any situation. If someone commits a sin, we should help others by showing them what is the right thing to do.
well, every Christian I have known had the same feeling… because they realised something about the exclusive selfgiving that the sexual act represents…
I would feel really bad right now if I knew my future husband was engaging in premarital relations. it would hurt me and him self and God.

I never said I would hold it against him… only that it would be painful to think about. Sex is not a trivial thing.
 
We all really need to exercise some patience, in the sexual area. None of this is simple. Sex sins, of course, are universally regarded as the “juiciest” of sins, entitled to the most attention.

Why? Because we all secretly want sex, deep in our fleshly hearts?

In giving sex sins this kind of “special treatment,” however, we are in a sense, compounding sin with sin, because we are throwing a kind of “condemn-sex-sin sex party.”

Complex social dynamics including a hundred other varieties of human sin compete with sex mores, in our society, by making it advisable to engage in sexual sin.

Some of the simpler, more fundamental, Bible-pounding folks, here, won’t like the way I talk, here.

Deep in their secretly-lustful and hypocritically-regulatory hearts they will think, “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! HE’S SO COMPLEX! HOW DARE HE CONFUSE THE READERS, HERE, WITH HIS INFERNALLY COMPLEX ANALYSIS OF SEX SINS!!!” and then they will throw of the adulterous woman into the pit and ask Christ to please stone her.

But, as Christ knew, with love, it is not that simple.

It’s not that simple.

Here’s how complex it is…

Our Church historically nastily condemns sex sins.

But what do we see?

We see a hefty percentage of our priests – between 6% and 8%, depending on who you believe and depending on how much you extrapolate the numbers – “doing it” to mostly post-pubescent young men (because the wrongdoers are homosexuals, not pedophiles).

Devout Catholics who are shattered by talk of this phenomenon immediately start talking about the good priests who don’t do it.

But when they do so, they ignore the fact that for a good half-century our bishops – probably the vast majority of them – not only ignored the problem, but they enabled it by sending the wolves to new unwary flocks, with recommendations.

In other words, the Church hierarchy functionally supported the misbehaving 6% to 8%.

They continued to do so, probably out of habit, even as the lawsuits kicked-in.

The lawsuits and the behavior they punished have caused the American church to lose about $1,000,000,000.00 in assets in the last 30 years.

Worse, the lawsuits and the behavior they punished have alienated the current younger generation from the Church.

It’s such a mess. It’s such a mess.

Here’s another sex-related Church problem.

Just about every parish in the nation has a pro-life fund in their budget.

But is it more complex than that? Are our parishes heroes for trying to save infant murder victims?

Years ago, I revisited the Church of the parish I grew up in. It was a Saturday, so I went to confession. Two priests were hearing confession. One line had about 5 people, the other line was empty. An old friend of mine was in the line for the one priest. I stood behind my friend and shook his hand warmly and said, “John, Father So-and-so, over there, is a nice guy! Why is no one in line for his confessional?” John laughed and said, “Oh, this is the ‘birth control line.’ The pastor regularly forgives regular uses of birth control, so the birth control users come here. Father So-and-so, over there, declares the sin ‘retained’ if you keep coming back and confessing birth control use.”

And then it dawned on me that the “forgiving priest” was regularly giving communion on Sunday to parishioners who he knew were not being true to the final pledge in their Act of Contrition – “I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid near occasions of sin.”

And then it dawned on me that this is true across the United States.

A federally-financed study verified, I think about 5 years ago, that about 70% of Catholics regularly attending Mass and receiving Communion make regular use of artificial birth control in their marital sexual activities.

Two studies, that I am aware of, confirmed that mass use of abortion follows mass use of birth contril – the precise opposite of what is widely assumed.

Why should this be? Simple: Mass use of birth control generates its own social ethos of entitlement to “risk-free nookie.” When birth control fails, the social ethos is disappointed and abortion becomes the back-stop.

So, the real key to wiping-out abortion is to wipe-out use of artificial contraceptives.

Now, note: Our parishes don’t have an “anti-contraception” component to their budget. Just a “pro-life” component.

In other words, by quietly tolerating use of contraceptives, the Church tolerates the creation of the pro-abortion social ethos generated by contraceptive use.

And then it opposes abortion with the pro-life budgets.

Window dressing?

Our Diocese, about 10 years ago, actually experimented with trying to address this contradiction, specifically, with an event nicknamed “Contraception Sunday.”

The bishop carefully specifically ordered every parish priest, on a particular Sunday, to talk about use of contraception in their homily.

One-third of the priests, in raw terror, simply disobeyed.

When the other two-thirds obeyed, hundreds of people got up and walked out of Sunday Mass during the homily.

Thousands of black-heartedly-nasty letters were addressed to the bishop.

“Contraception Sunday” was never repeated.

So, the bottom line seems to be that, to keep from going bankrupt, the church is “soft on” a sex-related sin, artificial birth control, thus contributing to the “risk-free nookie” sexual ethos which causes the enormous demand for abortion.

And then, the more pious folks here pound on the head those seeking to find their way through the “Sexual Jungle” with advice like, “Of course, living with your girlfriend is to flirt with mortal sin,” and such.

Listen folks, it’s a jungle, out there. Be patient with those trying to find their way though it.
 
You are exactly on target. These are things I also see and hear about in my interaction with parishioners. I just step back and come forward when I need to. I am present at Mass for the body and blood of Christ and that listening can be my saving grace.

There is so much partiality, lack of sensitivity and politicizing…and this is not different than it was 2000 years ago. Reading Scripture has helped me to stay focused and the Lectio Divina prayer form is rewarding.

Acts 1:14 The first community “devoted themselves with one accord to prayer.”

May God bless you and give you His peace.
Claire
 
You are exactly on target. These are things I also see and hear about in my interaction with parishioners. I just step back and come forward when I need to. I am present at Mass for the body and blood of Christ and that listening can be my saving grace.

There is so much partiality, lack of sensitivity and politicizing…and this is not different than it was 2000 years ago. Reading Scripture has helped me to stay focused and the Lectio Divina prayer form is rewarding.

Acts 1:14 The first community “devoted themselves with one accord to prayer.”

May God bless you and give you His peace.
Claire
You seem to think there is over-emphasis on the sexual sins compared to other sins.
And I think you are right that some things are talked more harshly about than others… such as homosexual sin, which is for many soo easy to judge about because they dont suffer from this temptation themselves.

However… even in the New Testament when we read it it is clear there is a big emphasis on precisely sexual sins as sins that are especially damaging. Paul says: Every other sin takes place outside the body but not this one… Paul, under inspiration, places sexual sin in a category by it self because its extremely harmful for the person who engages in it when it comes to both self respect and for the prospect of marriage, faithfulness and true, protective love… taking risks on account of other people too… thats what people do when they engage in premarital sex… they might bring a new life into the world without wanting it, may cause severe heart break if they decide to leave their partner after they have shared this amazing bonding experience, they destroy trust of themselves and others and hurt their future spouse…

I believe there are many reasons why satan is especially out to get us down on the sexual area… its because its a very important and beautiful side of life and because our sexuality is in some deep way the foundation of society and marriage… Our sexuality and use of it, believe it or not, is very important to God.
 
Poenas,

I am not going to wade though the whole thread.

Please forgive me if any of this is redundant.

I have been in the same situation before and it was tough and the whole time it felt like selling oneself short.

I suppose your here asking because you yourself have some doubts and uneasiness.

This is your conscience speaking to you. I had the same problem but finally followed my conscience and was rewarded for it.

You have to be careful your not breaking your conscience which can lead into permissiveness which in turn can potentially lead to license of a sin. That is darkness you do not want.

I know what your trying to do and its not impossible but its very hard and more than you should put each other through for several reasons, an important one I will mention at the end.

I saw on page one of this thread where it was purported by someone that you shouldn’t give to each other what is germane to a marriage.

That is entirely true in a sexual regard. Your not free to give yourselves to each other in that regard. I think you realize this and thats respect but respect can be even more and you both deserve as much love and respect as you can get in a marriage.

As to the emotional and psychological sharing, well, many a best friends are as good of friends as spouses are and there is no infidelity between them. Temptations maybe, but from what I read on page one you seem to understand what that is.

I would like to leave you with some questions to think about and a link that may be helpful:

Is she your best friend?

If the answer to that question is yes, what is a best friend and what is love?

Isn’t a best friend someone you wouldn’t risk harming and isn’t love selflessness choice?

If the answer to these questions are yes and she is your best friend then why aren’t you marrying her?

Do you have intent to marry?

Look up “trial marriage” in the CCC and see what it says. It makes perfect sense and you are putting each other at risk.

Part of making a marriage is building a communal life. To do that means you need to become known in various circles of life together. If you trying to convince yourself you can keep the cohabitation secret your mistaken.

It may be in this day and age you wouldn’t scandalize those who are not already scandalized but if your successful for a while, or even as the rare exception, for good, you surely haven’t helped them see what the Church teaches about trial marriage is correct. As a Christian you really do need to think of others too.

Lastly, check out this article. Its very good and may be of more help:
marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2001/January/cohabitation.aspx

Peace be upon you.
 
Poenas,

I am not going to wade though the whole thread.

Please forgive me if any of this is redundant.

I have been in the same situation before and it was tough and the whole time it felt like selling oneself short.

I suppose your here asking because you yourself have some doubts and uneasiness.

…Peace be upon you.
Good post Joab… right to the point my brother 👍
 
Father Kolbe was a remarkable example of living the life of faith and being aware of others needs. He was a true martyr. Thank you for reminding me to look at the lives of those who came before us with the same temptations and obstacles, who went beyond their individual sufferings, for a greater love.

May I be so blessed.

Today a raise someone up who is suffering from dependency on drugs and ask God to guide her in His way. May this offering bring her healing. In a way this is related to effects from living with a girl friend b/c both start off innocently and later can become sinful and harmful to the body and the soul.
Thank you for this opportunity to comment.
 
Father Kolbe was a remarkable example of living the life of faith and being aware of others needs. He was a true martyr. Thank you for reminding me to look at the lives of those who came before us with the same temptations and obstacles, who went beyond their individual sufferings, for a greater love.

May I be so blessed.

Today a raise someone up who is suffering from dependency on drugs and ask God to guide her in His way. May this offering bring her healing. In a way this is related to effects from living with a girl friend b/c both start off innocently and later can become sinful and harmful to the body and the soul.
Thank you for this opportunity to comment.
Wisely said my friend.
It all starts out innocently… . Its not like you see the abyss in front of you. No, you start out my broad daylight and walk on an even path as far as your eye can see, there is not a shadow and you feel confident and strong. Then it becomes dark around you. But you dont notice much because you are still high on the daylight.
I was in a relationship like that. Dedicated to the Love of Christ and having been hurt in the past I was sure to be chaste. I felt very safe and well because of what i presumed to be my hard learned lesson, my knowlege and my good intention.
Until the temptation came in and washed over me like a wave and I was almost drowned… took a miracle from God to restore me to my feet and I still suffer the consequences… Some people have to learn the hard way. I did. I think people that stay over at their gf or bfs house are running a risk thats just not worth it…
 
Yes it is a sin for all the reasons the OP have posted.

Why are you going on the defenceive when people are telling you the truth?

After all you were the one that wanted to know.

Antrim
 
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