Sin to sleep with girlfriend?

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thomasemmanuel

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Hi!

Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?

I’ve read various other threads about this topic, so I’d like to clarify:
  1. here, I’ve ALREADY slept in the same bed as her, and we did nothing except sleep.
  2. I am not asking about whether it is inappropriate, or whether it is a near occasion for sin. I am asking if it is an ACTUAL sin.
  3. No one else knew about us sleeping in the same bed, so there is no scandal.
Thank you, I await your answers.
 
Putting yourself in a near occasion of sin can certainly be a sin in itself, even if you do not (did not) commit the sin to which it is a near occasion.

As for scandal…can you ever really know that no one knew that you stayed over?

Objectively (that is, not to judge your personal culpability), I’d say yes, this was a sin.
 
Somebody actually asked Christians this question in a writer’s forum I frequent so that her story would be realistic. My answer here is the same as it was there. Putting yourself in a near occasion of sin is itself a sin, and I’m not buying that this is not a near occasion of sin.

If you’re ever in such a situation where sleeping in the same bed is absolutely necessary (I can’t see this being realistic anyway…maybe if you’re both in the antarctic and one of your sleeping bags went missing…) just pull a Seinfeld and go head to toe. 😉
 
Well, it wasn’t a near occasion for sin, because we both knew that we were not going to have any sort of intimate physical act at all. it may be difficult for you to believe, but I have slept over with her several times, and there was very low (if any at all) risk of sin occurring.

Just because something (e.g. sleeping in same bed as gf) is a near occasion for sin for one person, does not mean it is a near occasion for sin for everyone. Different people have different capacities for restraint.

And yes, I am fairly certain no one knows.
 
Sleeping in the same bed as your girlfriend either is a near occasion of sin (whether or not you know it yet), or that girl should not be your girlfriend.

And “fairly certain” doesn’t cut it as far as avoiding giving scandal goes.
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Hi!

Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?

I’ve read various other threads about this topic, so I’d like to clarify:
  1. here, I’ve ALREADY slept in the same bed as her, and we did nothing except sleep.
  2. I am not asking about whether it is inappropriate, or whether it is a near occasion for sin. I am asking if it is an ACTUAL sin.
  3. No one else knew about us sleeping in the same bed, so there is no scandal.
Thank you, I await your answers.
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I’m not a Catholic. So take that into consideration.

My take, is that you are fine. This is not much different then mixed gender roommates, which old skool thinking says is scandalous, but there is no real reason to think that. You guys knew that you were not going to have sex. There was no intent to sin.
 
epan said:
I’m not a Catholic. So take that into consideration.
Click to expand...
Yep – and that’s where you’re missing the notion of “the near occasion of sin”… 😉
You guys knew that you were not going to have sex. There was no intent to sin.
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That’s just the point: the whole idea of the “near occasion of sin” is that, even when you don’t intend to sin, sometimes you put yourself in a situation in which sinning is more likely.

As others have mentioned – since the OP put himself in a situation in which intercourse may likely have occurred (even if they didn’t intend to have sex, or have successfully avoided sex in this situation before, or ‘knew’ that they wouldn’t), they were still putting themselves in a situation that had a greater risk of sin.

Now, let’s be perfectly clear: finding oneself in a ‘near occasion of sin’ isn’t sinful; deliberately putting oneself into a ‘near occasion of sin’ is.
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Well, it wasn’t a near occasion for sin, because we both knew that we were not going to have any sort of intimate physical act at all. it may be difficult for you to believe, but I have slept over with her several times, and there was very low (if any at all) risk of sin occurring.

Just because something (e.g. sleeping in same bed as gf) is a near occasion for sin for one person, does not mean it is a near occasion for sin for everyone. Different people have different capacities for restraint.

And yes, I am fairly certain no one knows.
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You seem to have a defensive tone to this post. The fact you asked the question indicates one of two things:

a) you felt the need to seek council and something was bothering you about the situation

OR

b) you were looking to argue/prove your point to those on the forum

I have no idea of your situation, but do you really care what a bunch of strangers in cyberspace think? I am a firm believer in spiritual direction, so I would recommend talking to a priest, as an earlier post said.

If, on the outside chance, you were only looking to “prove your point” to the members of this forum, I ask why is it important what we think?
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Hi!

Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?

I’ve read various other threads about this topic, so I’d like to clarify:
  1. here, I’ve ALREADY slept in the same bed as her, and we did nothing except sleep.
  2. I am not asking about whether it is inappropriate, or whether it is a near occasion for sin. I am asking if it is an ACTUAL sin.
  3. No one else knew about us sleeping in the same bed, so there is no scandal.
Thank you, I await your answers.
Click to expand...
In short, yes. It is a very near occasion of sin (even if nothing happened last time), which is a sin in and of itself.

If you’re stuck in a room with a gang trapping you in, and no other room to go to, be a man and take the floor. Other than that, go sleep in another room, at least.
 
Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?
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Yep.
I’m wondering, if this was a sin, was is it a mortal sin?
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Seems so, for the traditional reasons. it’s a judgement call.
 
I personally would think it was sinful just by putting yourself into this situation. YOU know and I know that temptation is super-great when boyfriends and girlfriends sleep in the same bed even if the intention is JUST to sleep AND even if your willpower is awesome. It just makes no sense to put yourself into that type of a situation. Go sleep on the couch! 😃

And, hey, if it makes you feel better to get an expert’s opinion on it, please go speak to your priest. He will let you know for sure one way or the other (the question is, if he says it IS a sin, will you stop or will you continue doing it because you believe there is still little to no risk of it ever becoming sexual? Think about it!).
 
What about this precious young lady and her soul?

What if you being in her bed tempts her and she just does not express this to you?

Why would you put this young woman’s soul in danger of committing a mortal sin?
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Hi!

Let’s say that I slept over at my girlfriend’s room, in the same bed. We did nothing else except sleep. Have I committed a sin?

I’ve read various other threads about this topic, so I’d like to clarify:
  1. here, I’ve ALREADY slept in the same bed as her, and we did nothing except sleep.
  2. I am not asking about whether it is inappropriate, or whether it is a near occasion for sin. I am asking if it is an ACTUAL sin.
  3. No one else knew about us sleeping in the same bed, so there is no scandal.
Thank you, I await your answers.
Click to expand...
While it is a near occasion of sin and highly inadvisable to do such barring extreme circumstances it is not actually sinful.

For the people claim a near occasion is sin is sin read this:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=177586&highlight=near+occasion+of+sin
 
thomasemmanuel said:
Well, it wasn’t a near occasion for sin, because we both knew that we were not going to have any sort of intimate physical act at all. it may be difficult for you to believe, but I have slept over with her several times, and there was very low (if any at all) risk of sin occurring.
Click to expand...
Sorry, I don’t buy it.
 
Dakota_Roberts said:
While it is a near occasion of sin and highly inadvisable to do such barring extreme circumstances it is not actually sinful.

For the people claim a near occasion is sin is sin read this:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=177586&highlight=near+occasion+of+sin
Click to expand...
Thank you for the article, it clarifies a lot. I stand corrected.

I suppose then I’d have to say that it is indeed not a sin…but I still don’t buy that it isn’t a near occasion of sin. I deeply advise against it.
 
Since you did not sin sexually, there is no sexual sin.
Since you did not intend to sin sexually, there is no intent to sin.
However it sounds as if you risked scandal should you have been discovered, thus you may have sinned against her through a disregard for her reputation. Search your conscience and talk to a priest who knows your situation.

Since it sounds like you are not even mildly attracted to this girl, there is no reason to date her; Either you are called to celibacy or there is another woman for you. You obviously need to break up immediately before you scandalize her.
 
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