Single and no place to meet others

[prodigalson12]

I’m at a dilema here, I recently moved into this area, I’m also single and I’ve been looking around for a positive hang out on the weekends and evenings with other singles. What I’m finding is disturbing and to be blunt, I feel the church, catholic or protestant has little to no real interest in this area at all.

What are my options, bar, club, or a club or bar, that’s absolutely it, and it’s rather beyond limited especially at those places, I’m not a bar/club person, I simply cannot relate to those people at all, nor do I have a desire to have those kind of people in my life.

I hear too often, ladies complaining that they cannot find a good man, or the men they have to choose from are divorced/married and in most cases, have a ton of baggage including children of their own from a past marriage/relationship. I have neither and I feel like the odd man out here big time.

I look on the internet to find places to volunteer for, I look for church activities, anything to get me out of the house for a while and mingle with other’s in my situation, yet none are forthcoming, the limited capacity that exists is highly inadequet all together. Apparently I have to form these groups from scratch I guess, and I wonder, why “I” have to be the one to do it, why hasn’t it been done before?

Anyway, the point I’m making here, the entire system has completely ignored the fact there are many of us in this same boat, and most of us do not find the usual hang outs acceptable, sorry the bar/club scene has no appeal what so ever and there is a great deal of people grasping at straws here on the matter. I can say this, there are plenty of good single men and women still out there, their only problem is simply finding an actual place to mingle.

 

[Sea_Bass]

To an extent, you are correct. But there are ways to create areas to mingle. I am currently phasing out of the bar/club scene, and my goal was not to meet people. My goal was to have a good time with my friends, and I accomplished that goal. However, I was able to meet a lot of people also. Single hangouts exist, but aren’t viewed as “hangouts.” Examples include, grocery stores, fast food places, gyms, church, etc. If you are single, and can’t find any friends, then you are either too picky or too shy. There are quality people everywhere (except maybe Washington DC ). I’ve met other singles at baseball games, rec softball games, stores, class, bars, clubs, organizations, through friends, etc. Just need to get out there and start swinging the bat. That’s the only way you’re gonna get a hit!

 

[prodigalson12]

Well, perhaps I’m odd, I go to the places you mention for the purpose of what they are intended for, not there with an ulterior motive.

I just posted a craigs list ad and in it explained what I’m wanting to form. The first meeting should merely be a brainstorm over what, where and when within this groups formation to get it formalized and functioning.

Will see if I get any takers on it, I refuse to think I’m alone in this situation.

 

[kevinsgirl]

What about Ave Maria Singles? I met my husband there.

 

[prodigalson12]

What about Ave Maria Singles? I met my husband there.

Big red flag on that one, and here is why:

One Payment: $179.00 (one-time fee)
3 Month Easy Payment Plan: $60.00/mo. (3 payments and you’re done!)
Option Pack Special: $25.00 (yearly fee, normally $49.00)

I’ve tried the online dating thing before, they were beyond dysfunctional and I have zero interest in meeting someone out of my area, nor do I desire to waste my time with someone that has to hide behind a keyboard.

To then charge these kind of fee’s just so you can be part of “their” database is also a tragedy unto itself. Sad people have to make a buck in this manner, even more so placing the church within it, kind of like it’s endorsing the process itself.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Big red flag on that one, and here is why:

One Payment: $179.00 (one-time fee)
3 Month Easy Payment Plan: $60.00/mo. (3 payments and you’re done!)
Option Pack Special: $25.00 (yearly fee, normally $49.00)

I’ve tried the online dating thing before, they were beyond dysfunctional and I have zero interest in meeting someone out of my area, nor do I desire to waste my time with someone that has to hide behind a keyboard.

To then charge these kind of fee’s just so you can be part of “their” database is also a tragedy unto itself. Sad people have to make a buck in this manner, even more so placing the church within it, kind of like it’s endorsing the process itself.

Well, I’m not dysfunctional nor did I join AMS simply so I could hide behind a keyboard. I joined because I figured the more opportunities I had to meet other serious, practicing Catholic guys, the better.

The reason AMS appealed to me was that the fee was one-time–so if it took awhile to find someone there was no rush. I met my husband after 3 years on and off the website.

Also, the fee prevents as many creeps from just joining to scout out people. Were there some crazy people on there? Yep. Were there some really nice people on there? Absolutely. I met several nice guys on there before meeting my husband.

So, yeah, if the online thing isn’t for you, then it isn’t. But there are lots of great Catholic people out there on those websites… I personally know other success stories from AMS, so it’s not just me…

 

[Nanny_PK]

Well, I’m not dysfunctional nor did I join AMS simply so I could hide behind a keyboard. I joined because I figured the more opportunities I had to meet other serious, practicing Catholic guys, the better.

The reason AMS appealed to me was that the fee was one-time–so if it took awhile to find someone there was no rush. I met my husband after 3 years on and off the website.

Also, the fee prevents as many creeps from just joining to scout out people. Were there some crazy people on there? Yep. Were there some really nice people on there? Absolutely. I met several nice guys on there before meeting my husband.

So, yeah, if the online thing isn’t for you, then it isn’t. But there are lots of great Catholic people out there on those websites… I personally know other success stories from AMS, so it’s not just me…

Very well said!!! I live in a college town. So there’s lots of single people – they just happen to be young enough to be my kids

 

[prodigalson12]

Well, I’m not dysfunctional nor did I join AMS simply so I could hide behind a keyboard. I joined because I figured the more opportunities I had to meet other serious, practicing Catholic guys, the better.

The reason AMS appealed to me was that the fee was one-time–so if it took awhile to find someone there was no rush. I met my husband after 3 years on and off the website.

Also, the fee prevents as many creeps from just joining to scout out people. Were there some crazy people on there? Yep. Were there some really nice people on there? Absolutely. I met several nice guys on there before meeting my husband.

So, yeah, if the online thing isn’t for you, then it isn’t. But there are lots of great Catholic people out there on those websites… I personally know other success stories from AMS, so it’s not just me…

A guys perspective should be delivered here. Ladies, you tend to get bombarded with requests on those places, guys, absolutely not the case and it doesn’t matter what you have going for you. It’s not only degrading to us, it’s down right counterproductive. 3 years is a giant amount of time to be bouncing around on some internet dating site, I and I’m sure most single people are not that way. I found chemistry to be a very important thing, and in fact, in many cases, even more so then simply having a common interest. You cannot determine chemistry through text, it has to be in person.

I’ve been lied to, manipulated, and in general, put through the wringer with some of these gals online. I should never have to be subject to that kind of treatment in the hopes I’ll find someone genuine, that’s too high of a price to pay.

 

[ack]

What kind of area do you live in? Big city? Small town? Rural? In the US or another country?

There are quality people everywhere (except maybe Washington DC ).

I’m not sure if this was a joke about politicians or a reference to your own bad experiences in the city, but Washington DC is known for having one of the strongest Catholic communities in the US, partly due to the proximity of Catholic University, the USCCB, and houses of formation for countless religious orders and other institutions.

 

[rpp]

Come join us here!

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=9

The Catholic Singles social group here at CAF!

 

[dulcissima]

Well, I had good luck on Catholic Match. I went out with one guy that was okay, but maybe a little too eager. I just wasn’t ready for that. Then I met my boyfriend that I have been going out with for about 9 months. He seems to actually meet everything on my “list” of must haves that I had posted on here before I actually started dating.

I guess I would just say be open to finding someone, but don’t be in a rush. Put yourself out there and the right person could turn up anywhere.

 

[mlz]

I’m at a dilema here, I recently moved into this area, I’m also single and I’ve been looking around for a positive hang out on the weekends and evenings with other singles. What I’m finding is disturbing and to be blunt, I feel the church, catholic or protestant has little to no real interest in this area at all.

What are my options, bar, club, or a club or bar, that’s absolutely it, and it’s rather beyond limited especially at those places, I’m not a bar/club person, I simply cannot relate to those people at all, nor do I have a desire to have those kind of people in my life.

I hear too often, ladies complaining that they cannot find a good man, or the men they have to choose from are divorced/married and in most cases, have a ton of baggage including children of their own from a past marriage/relationship. I have neither and I feel like the odd man out here big time.

I look on the internet to find places to volunteer for, I look for church activities, anything to get me out of the house for a while and mingle with other’s in my situation, yet none are forthcoming, the limited capacity that exists is highly inadequet all together. Apparently I have to form these groups from scratch I guess, and I wonder, why “I” have to be the one to do it, why hasn’t it been done before?

Anyway, the point I’m making here, the entire system has completely ignored the fact there are many of us in this same boat, and most of us do not find the usual hang outs acceptable, sorry the bar/club scene has no appeal what so ever and there is a great deal of people grasping at straws here on the matter. I can say this, there are plenty of good single men and women still out there, their only problem is simply finding an actual place to mingle.

I understand! My daughter is in the same “boat” and is frustrated herself. I feel for her and you.
mlz

 

[agapewolf]

Big red flag on that one, and here is why:

One Payment: $179.00 (one-time fee)
3 Month Easy Payment Plan: $60.00/mo. (3 payments and you’re done!)
Option Pack Special: $25.00 (yearly fee, normally $49.00)

I’ve tried the online dating thing before, they were beyond dysfunctional and I have zero interest in meeting someone out of my area, nor do I desire to waste my time with someone that has to hide behind a keyboard.

To then charge these kind of fee’s just so you can be part of “their” database is also a tragedy unto itself. Sad people have to make a buck in this manner, even more so placing the church within it, kind of like it’s endorsing the process itself.

I take great offense at this.

I do not have to hide behind a keyboard. I am not socially awkward. I have plenty of friends.

I find the online route a HIGHER standard than the usual way of meeting someone. You get a profile, and you can filter through so you know you aren’t wasting your time. You talk about important things right away and get dealbreakers out of the way.

Just because you didn’t filter correctly, or it didn’t go well for you does not mean it is wrong or bad.

It’s just a means of shaking hands. One should make the interaction as real as possible as soon as possible.

 

[prodigalson12]

I take great offense at this.

I do not have to hide behind a keyboard. I am not socially awkward. I have plenty of friends.

I find the online route a HIGHER standard than the usual way of meeting someone. You get a profile, and you can filter through so you know you aren’t wasting your time. You talk about important things right away and get dealbreakers out of the way.

Just because you didn’t filter correctly, or it didn’t go well for you does not mean it is wrong or bad.

It’s just a means of shaking hands. One should make the interaction as real as possible as soon as possible.

You just proved my point here with your stance and “taking offense” as if I was specifically pointing you out, when clearly I was not. If you did this in person, I would immediately turn my back on you, that one comment “I take offense” just told me a great deal about you, and the underlying theme being, you have personal issues and opt to lash out in a public forum to anybody that doesn’t fall exactly in line with your line of reasoning. Understand this, I do not ever back down, not to people in person nor to people online especially.

You don’t know about what really happens, just your own perspective. I am not alone here, not by far and it’s not just my personal experience, it’s most guys when it comes down to it on these internet dating sites. Browse the forums that are attached to them, you will see by far, it’s a very lopsided approach, with us guys having to simply put up with it all in hopes to find some “scrap” of attention from the ladies on it.

Along a profile, it is like a resume, you only want to show part of yourself through it, and you want to elaborate eloquently within it so that it is presentable. In real life you don’t get to fine tune what you present to someone, you are on the spot, and people lie in person just as they do in their profile, yet it’s so much easier to discern this in person and it’s too easy to lie on a profile just as you do with your resume.

What I found the vast majority of the time with my own experiences online, these gals would never get the time of day from me in the real world. They have ran out of options in their own areas due to their behavior and attitudes so are trying to get to someone outside of it since they can start out with a clean slate reputation wise. Keep in mind I said “majority”, not all, so please don’t take “offense” over this matter, it’s reality and it’s the truth. We also by default always begin any interest purely by physical attraction, this too can be faked online by showing only flattering photo’s, some of them even photoshop them up. You get an idea about what they look like, but not really, you still have to see each other in person, bumps and all.

Something else to consider. I’ve found interest in ladies that had pretty much nothing directly in common with myself, yet the synergy and chemistry was completely there. If I were to filter out all people because they didn’t match a certain criteria, I’m cutting myself short.

 

[danizaga]

personally, i don’t understand a person who says they can’t or don’t meet other people. everyday of your life you’re encountering new people who you have never met before. just because these individuals may or may not be single or may or may not be catholic is no reason to write them off. they may a a friend, a cousin, a coworker who’s a catholic and your match but you’ll never know because you’re being close minded.

making friends and meeting people is all about shared interest. you can’t go into every encounter thinking i’m going to find that one person God wants me to marry today. go into every new encounter with the attitude of you’re going to have a good time (take that to mean whatever a good time means to you), enjoy myself and meet new people. you’ll be surprised what happens.

no offensive but i sense a lot of negativity surrounding you. why don’t you let the light of Christ shine through? you’ll be amazing by the people drawn to you. just my opinion.

 

[prodigalson12]

personally, i don’t understand a person who says they can’t or don’t meet other people. everyday of your life you’re encountering new people who you have never met before. just because these individuals may or may not be single or may or may not be catholic is no reason to write them off. they may a a friend, a cousin, a coworker who’s a catholic and your match but you’ll never know because you’re being close minded.

making friends and meeting people is all about shared interest. you can’t go into every encounter thinking i’m going to find that one person God wants me to marry today. go into every new encounter with the attitude of you’re going to have a good time (take that to mean whatever a good time means to you), enjoy myself and meet new people. you’ll be surprised what happens.

no offensive but i sense a lot of negativity surrounding you. why don’t you let the light of Christ shine through? you’ll be amazing by the people drawn to you. just my opinion.

I agree, we meet people all of the time, that’s a given, and perhaps there is something I should share in this new group I’m trying to form here. Being single can be a great deal of fun, especially when you are sharing with other single people. You get to be much more spontaneous entirely because you are not held accountable to your significant other. When you have a mixed group, it’s much harder for it to be free to do as it wants, you also aren’t wasting time flirting with someone that even though may be receptive, is also attached in one form or the other to someone else.

I have a humorous example here, I was at a bar with a friend of mine, and I was chatting with a gal that happened to be playing guitar for some improve that eve there. She was pretty good, and I made sure to find out if she was married or not, and of course she was, I have a weak spot for ladies that are artists or musicians, for I am both and she was really nice and not hard on the eyes. Well, my friend was flirting with these girls across the place, I sat down next to them and came right out and asked if they were married, of which they confirmed that they were. Well, we had a good laugh about it, giving my friend a hard time, “not that married ladies should be hanging out at bars and going along when guys are flirting with them”, but the point being, if this was some singles group, we could have spent much more time constructively and had a great deal more fun in the process. I don’t regret the pleasant conversation I had with the gal that was playing guitar, neither with the rather embarrassing situation with what my friend was in, but I’d personally rather be hanging out anywhere else then a bar, much less spending time with married women.

I do hear you on the networking thing, the problem is, people can’t decipher who would be good to refer to others, in too many cases it’s disastrous, and to be blunt, I don’t want to be hooked up by someone else, I’d rather let things happen naturally and not force it. Also, never at any time does it cross my mind when I meet someone, that I’m thinking about her being my future wife, that’s not only way too much, too far, too fast, it’s absolutely irrational. Stuff like that in my book just comes naturally, you don’t have to force it, nor is there any agenda or check list outside of the basics I already detailed. My goal here is to simply get like minded people with some common goal, and being single being the case in this one, we pool our efforts, even if none of us date each other at all, we at least have friends that are there for support and perhaps their own networking can be put into play because they really know each other within the group itself in a unique way so that they will be better able to help them out with an optimal match.

Along the light of Christ shining through, you are right, I need to lighten up and relax more on these boards for I can be too serious at times, and I’m sorry if I come across as sounding negative, it’s not my intention, I just am bummed that I have to take action and create something that should already be in place, also bummed that I have to face interjections from people that refuse to look at what’s clearly inadequate to the average single guy on the internet and why.

 

[agapewolf]

You just proved my point here with your stance and “taking offense” as if I was specifically pointing you out, when clearly I was not. If you did this in person, I would immediately turn my back on you, that one comment “I take offense” just told me a great deal about you, and the underlying theme being, you have personal issues and opt to lash out in a public forum to anybody that doesn’t fall exactly in line with your line of reasoning. Understand this, I do not ever back down, not to people in person nor to people online especially.

You don’t know about what really happens, just your own perspective. I am not alone here, not by far and it’s not just my personal experience, it’s most guys when it comes down to it on these internet dating sites. Browse the forums that are attached to them, you will see by far, it’s a very lopsided approach, with us guys having to simply put up with it all in hopes to find some “scrap” of attention from the ladies on it.

.

You would turn my back on me? Lash out?

I did not lash out, and you are very rude if you would do that in real life. I do not have “personal issues” about this. I do take offense because the sweeping generalization did imply that everyone was under it.

The “criteria” that many use, including myself is the strong faith and morals…practicing Catholic. That is what I mean by higher standard. I will not compromise on such a fact.

How said that you “never back down”. Pride taking over one’s life that they would state such a fact so blindly and would never ever think that they could possibly be wrong is not healthy.

I DO know what happens beyond my own perspective, as I said I have plenty of friends, some of whom have used the sites successfully. You are making sweeping generalizations from your own perspective.

You say that these girls would never give you the time of day in the real world. Well, then maybe its YOU which is why you have been unsuccessful on the site, not the site itself.

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

I’m at a dilema here, I recently moved into this area, I’m also single and I’ve been looking around for a positive hang out on the weekends and evenings with other singles. What I’m finding is disturbing and to be blunt, I feel the church, catholic or protestant has little to no real interest in this area at all.

What are my options, bar, club, or a club or bar, that’s absolutely it, and it’s rather beyond limited especially at those places, I’m not a bar/club person, I simply cannot relate to those people at all, nor do I have a desire to have those kind of people in my life.

I hear too often, ladies complaining that they cannot find a good man, or the men they have to choose from are divorced/married and in most cases, have a ton of baggage including children of their own from a past marriage/relationship. I have neither and I feel like the odd man out here big time.

I look on the internet to find places to volunteer for, I look for church activities, anything to get me out of the house for a while and mingle with other’s in my situation, yet none are forthcoming, the limited capacity that exists is highly inadequet all together. Apparently I have to form these groups from scratch I guess, and I wonder, why “I” have to be the one to do it, why hasn’t it been done before?

Anyway, the point I’m making here, the entire system has completely ignored the fact there are many of us in this same boat, and most of us do not find the usual hang outs acceptable, sorry the bar/club scene has no appeal what so ever and there is a great deal of people grasping at straws here on the matter. I can say this, there are plenty of good single men and women still out there, their only problem is simply finding an actual place to mingle.

Host an after-Mass coffee hour? You could organize it for the parish after the “main” Mass on Sundays.

Or organize some outings for the parish (local sports games, etc).

There’s probably some people in the same boat as you. Plus, you’ll be able to meet some devout Catholics who might have friends!

 

[rpp]

personally, i don’t understand a person who says they can’t or don’t meet other people. everyday of your life you’re encountering new people who you have never met before. just because these individuals may or may not be single or may or may not be catholic is no reason to write them off. they may a a friend, a cousin, a coworker who’s a catholic and your match but you’ll never know because you’re being close minded.

making friends and meeting people is all about shared interest. you can’t go into every encounter thinking i’m going to find that one person God wants me to marry today. go into every new encounter with the attitude of you’re going to have a good time (take that to mean whatever a good time means to you), enjoy myself and meet new people. you’ll be surprised what happens.

no offensive but i sense a lot of negativity surrounding you. why don’t you let the light of Christ shine through? you’ll be amazing by the people drawn to you. just my opinion.

Not all of us have jobs, daily habits or routines, which bring us into contact with new people on a daily, or even monthly, basis. At least not people who would be a potential spouse.

 

[kage_ar]

When you say your Parish or the Parishes around you offer nothing for meeting others, do you mean that there is not a poster for a group that says:

The Catholic Singles between ages 20 - and 32 group for social fun and dating groups meets every tuesday at 6 PM

I live in a little town, there is one small parish and one very small parish as well as a small Catholic school.

Between these two parishes, there are more groups and events than any one person could ever be involved in.

The only groups that are exclusive for one “group” is the K of C (men only, but, they do have a ladie’s aux.) and the CCW (women only).

My suggestion, find a group in your Parish that you want to be involved with - not because you can meet girls there, but, because you care. Choir, music ministry, EMHC, Pro Life, Habitat for Humanity, St Vincent de Paul, Rosary Makers, Grounds Committee, Youth Ministry or CCD volunteer, Van driver, Knights, Bible Study, Small Groups, Sports team, Parish PicNic committee, School volunteer - find something to get involved with your Catholic Community.

You will meet people of all ages and stages of life, married, single, widowed, religious, and THOSE people will have other friends and family members. That is how people meet people, through social interaction. So, don’t limit yourself to thinking you can only meet people at something called “Catholic Young Singles”. Just jump into Parish Life.