Single Catholics-a Catholic woman should be passive?

[Elena321]

Out of curiosity,i had a bit of a look at Catholic online dating and I noticed quite a few Catholic (or other Christian) men under list of qualities they are seeking in a woman that “passiveness” is one of them.
Are they for real?
I would say Im gentle and gentleness and kindness,compassion,feminity and strength etc are good in women but passiveness is not.
I take the meaning of passive to be weak and not trust or use your own mind or judgments.
Are they meaning something different then how I take the word to men or do some Christian men really want this in a woman-like some parent child relationship?:whacky:

 

[Porknpie]

Out of curiosity,i had a bit of a look at Catholic online dating and I noticed quite a few Catholic (or other Christian) men under list of qualities they are seeking in a woman that “passiveness” is one of them.
Are they for real?
I would say Im gentle and gentleness and kindness,compassion,feminity and strength etc are good in women but passiveness is not.
I take the meaning of passive to be weak and not trust or use your own mind or judgments.
Are they meaning something different then how I take the word to men or do some Christian men really want this in a woman-like some parent child relationship?:whacky:

Elena -

Let’s make sure we all have the same definition of passive. Found this on-line:

accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance.

My first impression, would be taken literally, this could be taken to extremes, especially the part of “without active response”. Marriage should include a dialogue and a love and respect of both spouses for each other. We are to build each other up.

My wife tends to be pretty agreeable with me but we are similar in thought on a lot of things. We simply work things out, each of us compromising at times when we differ.

We each tend to be a bit passive on certain issues, letting the other make the final decision depending on the topic.

The key here is listening, love and balance.

Omit the three words above and you get your word… it could be very, very Wacky.

 

[Stephen_says]

Hi!

I don’t know what they mean by passive, it seems like a poor choice of words. Maybe they mean that they (the men) should be the leader in the relationship, and do not want a woman who is too aggressive. I wouldn’t call that “passive”, though…unless the men are already weak and need an even weaker woman. I hope that didn’t sound uncharitable.

Anyway, I’m interested in this, too, because as a single man, I would not use that word Passive to describe my ideal partner.

 

[Vico]

Out of curiosity,i had a bit of a look at Catholic online dating and I noticed quite a few Catholic (or other Christian) men under list of qualities they are seeking in a woman that “passiveness” is one of them.
Are they for real?
I would say Im gentle and gentleness and kindness,compassion,feminity and strength etc are good in women but passiveness is not.
I take the meaning of passive to be weak and not trust or use your own mind or judgments.
Are they meaning something different then how I take the word to men or do some Christian men really want this in a woman-like some parent child relationship?:whacky:

It is hard to say if those people mean passive or submissive, in psychology, a partner can take a submissive role to adapt or be acceptable to the other partner. This may be the meaning or in the Christian context, it could be a reference to Colossians 3:18-20 and Ephesians 5:22-32 about wives being submissive to their husbands. The role of the husband in matrimony is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. He must help his wife spiritually. The wife’s role includes submission to that end, but not submission to what is immoral or unjust, nor forfeit free exercise of rights, it is rather a claim for “the chief place in love”.

From Encyclical Casti Connubii of Pope Pius XI, from 1930: 26. Domestic society being confirmed, therefore, by this bond of love, there should flourish in it that “order of love,” as St. Augustine calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with regard to the wife and children, the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience, which the Apostle commends in these words: “Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the Church.”[29]

27. This subjection, however, does not  deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in  view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble  office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her  husband's every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the  dignity due to wife; nor, in fine, does it imply that the wife should be  put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors, to whom  it is not customary to allow free exercise of their rights on account  of their lack of mature judgment, or of their ignorance of human  affairs. But it forbids that exaggerated liberty which cares not for the  good of the family; it forbids that in this body which is the family,  the heart be separated from the head to the great detriment of the whole  body and the proximate danger of ruin. For if the man is the head, the  woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she  may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love.

w2.vatican.va/content/pius-xi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii.html

 

[PolarGuy]

I’m cynical about this.

Yes, I think some men want passivity, for many reasons. I personally notice that some men on this board - and I’m sure it’s equally true in the world at large - confuse Catholicism and/or Christianity with a sort of wimpy/milquetoasty view of how we ought to behave: all violence is always wrong; we should never kiss more than chastely, etc. Sorry, but IMHO these guys are going to get pushed to the back of the line by women and they are likely threatened by assertive women: men should be men, not potted plants. Religion can be a validation for some that “passivity equals Christianity” and dating sites where men can seek passive women evidence that they themselves aren’t all that appealing to others IMHO.

Sorry if this comes off as a bit jaded but IMHO it’s accurate.

 

[Xantippe]

Out of curiosity,i had a bit of a look at Catholic online dating and I noticed quite a few Catholic (or other Christian) men under list of qualities they are seeking in a woman that “passiveness” is one of them.
Are they for real?
I would say Im gentle and gentleness and kindness,compassion,feminity and strength etc are good in women but passiveness is not.
I take the meaning of passive to be weak and not trust or use your own mind or judgments.
Are they meaning something different then how I take the word to men or do some Christian men really want this in a woman-like some parent child relationship?:whacky:

Isn’t it nice of them to make it clear who you shouldn’t date?

That’s really helpful.

They’re also being stupid. A passive woman will have a have a heck of a time dealing with tradesmen, household disasters, and difficult children.

Read Proverbs 31. Does she sound “passive.” Nope nope nope nope.

Good luck!

 

[juliamajor]

Isn’t it nice of them to make it clear who you shouldn’t date?

That’s really helpful.

They’re also being stupid. A passive woman will have a have a heck of a time dealing with tradesmen, household disasters, and difficult children.

Read Proverbs 31. Does she sound “passive.” Nope nope nope nope.

Good luck!

AMEN SISTER!

 

[Kelfa28]

Isn’t it nice of them to make it clear who you shouldn’t date?

That’s really helpful.

They’re also being stupid. A passive woman will have a have a heck of a time dealing with tradesmen, household disasters, and difficult children.

Read Proverbs 31. Does she sound “passive.” Nope nope nope nope.

Good luck!

You know…I was going to post something along the lines of maybe asking some of these guys exactly what they mean by a passive woman.

But this works.

We aren’t doormats. We have opinions. We are smart and can handle our own stuff.
And we can still be good Catholic wives and moms while possessing these qualities to boot!
If the crazy comes knocking at our door while hubby is at work…we don’t need to call him crying and asking what to do.
We don’t need our husbands to take care of another “child”.
We just need a husband who can be a true example of our faith and can get us to Heaven.

 

[smichhertz]

Out of curiosity,i had a bit of a look at Catholic online dating and I noticed quite a few Catholic (or other Christian) men under list of qualities they are seeking in a woman that “passiveness” is one of them.
Are they for real?
I would say Im gentle and gentleness and kindness,compassion,feminity and strength etc are good in women but passiveness is not.
I take the meaning of passive to be weak and not trust or use your own mind or judgments.
Are they meaning something different then how I take the word to men or do some Christian men really want this in a woman-like some parent child relationship?:whacky:

Hi Elena321,

As a young single Catholic guy, I personally find “passive” to be a turn off. But, in fairness, I don’t know these guy’s personal backgrounds, perhaps they had a history with an overly controlling woman and they’re trying to avoid that. I have a friend who has openly admitted she struggles with aggressiveness and likes to completely control relationships. She’s a wonderful Catholic woman, but had a very troubled past and therefore has trouble relinquishing any kind of control. Bottom line: I don’t agree with these guys, but don’t judge them too harshly, they could have just had a negative experience and are trying to avoid it in the future. Albeit, they could’ve chosen a better word.

As for me, I tend to be a pretty dominant guy so I actually prefer more dominant women. I need them to be able to speak their mind and tell me plainly what they’re thinking. Some women who are not so dominant are simply afraid to tell you something you don’t want to hear, or hint at it so subtly that I never pick up on it. So a more dominant woman is a better fit for me.

However, it’s really all subjective. One person can be more “dominant” in comparison with one personality but perhaps not so with another personality. So I wouldn’t read too much into this. The only way to really know what these guys mean is to interact with them and get to know them. They could mean something entirely different from how you’re interpreting it.

So, don’t let it get to you. They may have been a little loose and not chosen their words carefully, but they probably don’t really mean it in the way you’re interpreting it.

And if anyone thinks Catholic women are REQUIRED to be passive, I invite them to study up on St. Joan of Arc and countless other women saints who were ANYTHING but!

Hope that helps! Peace and God bless you!

 

[Xantippe]

You know…I was going to post something along the lines of maybe asking some of these guys exactly what they mean by a passive woman.

But this works.

We aren’t doormats. We have opinions. We are smart and can handle our own stuff.
And we can still be good Catholic wives and moms while possessing these qualities to boot!
If the crazy comes knocking at our door while hubby is at work…we don’t need to call him crying and asking what to do.
We don’t need our husbands to take care of another “child”.
We just need a husband who can be a true example of our faith and can get us to Heaven.

Yes.

 

[juliamajor]

Hi Elena321,

As a young single Catholic guy, I personally find “passive” to be a turn off. But, in fairness, I don’t know these guy’s personal backgrounds, perhaps they had a history with an overly controlling woman and they’re trying to avoid that. I have a friend who has openly admitted she struggles with aggressiveness and likes to completely control relationships. She’s a wonderful Catholic woman, but had a very troubled past and therefore has trouble relinquishing any kind of control. Bottom line: I don’t agree with these guys, but don’t judge them too harshly, they could have just had a negative experience and are trying to avoid it in the future. Albeit, they could’ve chosen a better word.

As for me, I tend to be a pretty dominant guy so I actually prefer more dominant women. I need them to be able to speak their mind and tell me plainly what they’re thinking. Some women who are not so dominant are simply afraid to tell you something you don’t want to hear, or hint at it so subtly that I never pick up on it. So a more dominant woman is a better fit for me.

However, it’s really all subjective. One person can be more “dominant” in comparison with one personality but perhaps not so with another personality. So I wouldn’t read too much into this. The only way to really know what these guys mean is to interact with them and get to know them. They could mean something entirely different from how you’re interpreting it.

So, don’t let it get to you. They may have been a little loose and not chosen their words carefully, but they probably don’t really mean it in the way you’re interpreting it.

Hope that helps! Peace and God bless you!

In college,40 years ago, I was going out with a guy who asked me why I was on the dean’s list. Ah, because I worked at it. He suggested that women play dumb because they don’t bring home the bacon and it makes guys look bad if a bunch of women beat there butts
Out of being on the dean’s list!
He’s lucky that he left in one piece. I told him I will never play dumb for anyone ,no matter if it kept me from getting a guy ,getting a job, marriage or anything else .not being who you really are is a soul killer.

 

[Xantippe]

I also have the awful suspicion that these guys don’t actually know what they like and would, in real life, find passive women boring.

 

[juliamajor]

You know…I was going to post something along the lines of maybe asking some of these guys exactly what they mean by a passive woman.

But this works.

We aren’t doormats. We have opinions. We are smart and can handle our own stuff.
And we can still be good Catholic wives and moms while possessing these qualities to boot!
If the crazy comes knocking at our door while hubby is at work…we don’t need to call him crying and asking what to do.
We don’t need our husbands to take care of another “child”. ( No that’s our job!)
We just need a husband who can be a true example of our faith and can get us to Heaven.

 

[juliamajor]

It is hard to say if those people mean passive or submissive, in psychology, a partner can take a submissive role to adapt or be acceptable to the other partner. This may be the meaning or in the Christian context, it could be a reference to Colossians 3:18-20 and Ephesians 5:22-32 about wives being submissive to their husbands. The role of the husband in matrimony is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. He must help his wife spiritually. The wife’s role includes submission to that end, but not submission to what is immoral or unjust, nor forfeit free exercise of rights, it is rather a claim for “the chief place in love”.

From Encyclical Casti Connubii of Pope Pius XI, from 1930: 26. Domestic society being confirmed, therefore, by this bond of love, there should flourish in it that “order of love,” as St. Augustine calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with regard to the wife and children, the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience, which the Apostle commends in these words: “Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the Church.”[29]

27. This subjection, however, does not  deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in  view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble  office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her  husband's every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the  dignity due to wife; nor, in fine, does it imply that the wife should be  put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors, to whom  it is not customary to allow free exercise of their rights on account  of their lack of mature judgment, or of their ignorance of human  affairs. But it forbids that exaggerated liberty which cares not for the  good of the family; it forbids that in this body which is the family,  the heart be separated from the head to the great detriment of the whole  body and the proximate danger of ruin. For if the man is the head, the  woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she  may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love.

w2.vatican.va/content/pius-xi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii.html

I don’t rule and I expect no one to rule me. I have as much intelligence to rule myself as any man. That’s the 30’s attitude that women ,if given the freedom, we would spend all "their "
Money, vote for all the wrong people ,stray sexually( many Church hierarchy believed were incapable of sexual restraint and would sleep with anyone .we were considered gullible enough to fall for anything).
God alone rules me .my husband and I listen to each other and even on tough issues work it out together…

 

[smichhertz]

In college,40 years ago, I was going out with a guy who asked me why I was on the dean’s list. Ah, because I worked at it. He suggested that women play dumb because they don’t bring home the bacon and it makes guys look bad if a bunch of women beat there butts
Out of being on the dean’s list!
He’s lucky that he left in one piece. I told him I will never play dumb for anyone ,no matter if it kept me from getting a guy ,getting a job, marriage or anything else .not being who you really are is a soul killer.

That’s awful! I’m so sorry to hear you had that experience! Although, I suppose in fairness it was a different time 40 years ago. I’d like to think I’d be above that, but I may not have been. I try not to judge.

St. Thomas Moore is a wonderful example of how a man should respect a woman. He took it upon himself to educate women at a time when it was very counter-cultural. He educated both his first and second wife, as well as his daughters.

He wrote this about the education of women (at a time when it was very controversial):

“Since education in women is a new thing and a reproach to the slothfulness of men, many will gladly assail it. If a woman (and this I desire and hope with you as their teacher for all my daughters) to eminent virtue of mind should add an outwork of even moderate skill in literature, I think she will have more real profit than if she had obtained the riches of Croesus and the beauty of Helen”

 

[truetofaith]

In college,40 years ago, I was going out with a guy who asked me why I was on the dean’s list. Ah, because I worked at it. He suggested that women play dumb because they don’t bring home the bacon and it makes guys look bad if a bunch of women beat there butts
Out of being on the dean’s list!
He’s lucky that he left in one piece. I told him I will never play dumb for anyone ,no matter if it kept me from getting a guy ,getting a job, marriage or anything else .not being who you really are is a soul killer.

“makes guys look bad if a bunch of women beat there butts” - Quote, juliamajor

Since you were on the dean’s list, you should check your grammar…it’s - their butts…but you were probably in a hurry.

To the point, Col 3 : 18, Paul says…" Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord… 19…Husbands, love your wives & do not be harsh with them."
1Peter 3 : 1 "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…etc.
The OP maybe used the wrong word.

 

[Xantippe]

Come to think of it, an additional problem with passivity is that many husbands eventually discover that they don’t like have to be the ones to initiate sexually all the time, and that a sexually passive wife is kind of a drag.

Husband wanting wives to initiate more is a common CAF issue.

 

[juliamajor]

“makes guys look bad if a bunch of women beat there butts” - Quote, juliamajor

Since you were on the dean’s list, you should check your grammar…it’s - their butts…but you were probably in a hurry.

To the point, Col 3 : 18, Paul says…" Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord… 19…Husbands, love your wives & do not be harsh with them."
1Peter 3 : 1 “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…etc. letters in Paul were originally written for a specific place and time. Paul also has women in positions of power such as his mention of " Chloe’s people” and Lydia ,the seller of purple.
The OP maybe used the wrong word.

You’re sarcasm is underwhelming and petty
And yes I was busy .taking my chemo and the meds that
Quell the pain , the diarrhoea , the nausea . It is also a biblical principle not to judge nor assume where a person’s motivations are coming from.
Also I’m typing on a kindle where (yes ,I used the right word) I am all thumbs and has a tendency to fill in spaces you misspell or leave open.

 

[truetofaith]

You’re sarcasm is underwhelming and petty
And yes I was busy .taking my chemo and the meds that
Quell the pain , the diarrhoea , the nausea . It is also a biblical principle not to judge nor assume where a person’s motivations are coming from.
Also I’m typing on a kindle where (yes ,I used the right word) I am all thumbs and has a tendency to fill in spaces you misspell or leave open.

I am very sorry about your medical problems, I wasn’t aware of them…

As to my petty sarcasm, I was referring to how you said the guy was lucky he left in one piece. It sounded like he was teasing & you sounded superior.

 

[juliamajor]

“makes guys look bad if a bunch of women beat there butts” - Quote, juliamajor

Since you were on the dean’s list, you should check your grammar…it’s - their butts…but you were probably in a hurry.

To the point, Col 3 : 18, Paul says…" Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord… 19…Husbands, love your wives & do not be harsh with them."
1Peter 3 : 1 "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…etc.
The OP maybe used the wrong word.

Maybe should check some very active women ,not passive, very prominent ,some widowed some single some married. At this point ,this is Paul in Rome has a very different view.Maybe
Older an wiser? First read Roman chapter 16 the whole chapter. Cherry picking verses while ignoring the context or alternate views that don’t fit the bill , is ignoring truth and doesn’t serve the church by being “yes men”. Pope Francis said we shouldn’t treat leaders like Gods. Not every word a clergyman says should be treated as gospel. The “Father knows best” scenarios helped put us into the scandals. God alone is perfect. Every other human being, has feet of clay and should be tested .