Single Catholics-a Catholic woman should be passive?

[Elena321]

And also if all Catholic women were to be passive and not have opinions wouldn’t we all be like “cookie cutter” women?
Ie:if all Catholic women be submissive,kind,compassionate,gentle,motherly,caring…what would distinguish one from another when a Catholic man goes to “choose” one?
It seems then that our only distinguishing feature would be our looks and I don’t like the concept of women being valued more or less due to their looks.
Then relationships become like a currency exchange,no?

 

[EasterJoy]

And then they’ll go seek excitement elsewhere, because they find their spouse boring.

And rationalize that they “deserve” it, probably. This is someone to avoid like the plague. Don’t even consider marrying them.

 

[hwriggles4]

I don’t understand why a man (or woman) would want a “passive” partner. Independent young ladies seek aggressive men but ONLY because we’ve been wearing the pants and taking control of life for years. If a man wants take take control of those reigns he better earn it, because we won’t let go unless it’s someone trustworthy or worth it. How is this man making me feel secure, protective and safe when I can do it all myself, without him? Men need to realize that before requesting “passive”.

I think this is something many women are used to doing, since most women today marry for the first time in their late 20’s to early 30’s (most lawyers and doctors marry between the ages of 30-36). Women are used to paying bills, calling the plumber, etc., and when they do marry, they want a man who makes them feel protected. I know as a man, I wouldn’t like it if my wife interrupted me at work because the A/C was broken…she could call the repairman herself.

In the military, military wives oftentimes have to hold down the homefront. With deployments, temporary duty, business trips, etc., military men are often away from the homefront, and the wives sometimes have to pull “double duty” when home repairs are needed, the car needs fixed, the kids need help, the check has to go to the bank, etc. This is one reason the military likes to have a carmamaraderie (i.e. a support group) with others in the military, particularly on base.

Growing up with a dad who was in the military until I began high school, my mother became much more independent over the years, because she had to be in order to hold down the homefront, and my dad trusted her. I helped her out too, particularly with my younger brothers, in taking care of the homefront. In addition, many of my friend’s mothers who were military spouses often looked out for each other’s kids, and the wives often socialized together. I’ve actually heard that it is common for a military wife with two toddlers to have another military wife come over for 30 minutes just so the mother with two toddlers could have time to take a shower. In this day and age, that kind of trust is unheard of in the suburbs of large cities.

runwaymodel, you sound like you would make a good military wife. Honestly, if a woman has a “clingy” personality (or is passive), that would really place a strain on a marriage to a military man. However, one who is shy could learn through experiences how to break out of a shell.

 

[hwriggles4]

You know…I was going to post something along the lines of maybe asking some of these guys exactly what they mean by a passive woman.

But this works.

We aren’t doormats. We have opinions. We are smart and can handle our own stuff.
And we can still be good Catholic wives and moms while possessing these qualities to boot!
If the crazy comes knocking at our door while hubby is at work…we don’t need to call him crying and asking what to do.
We don’t need our husbands to take care of another “child”.
We just need a husband who can be a true example of our faith and can get us to Heaven.

Well put - thank you.

 

[SWolf]

Oh, but some people do. They want to rule things and not have anyone question them.

If a man has to proclaim “I’m the boss of the house” or “I’m the leader”, it shows he’s neither. Those who are truly leaders and the head of the house don’t need to proclaim as such. They just get stuff done.

A woman who lets the man take the lead in the household is virtuous. However, a boy (yes, a person who says this is a boy) saying he wants a “passive” or “submissive” woman show they don’t have a clue what it means to be a leader, nor know how to earn a woman’s respect. Avoid like the plague.

 

[Walking_Home]

Xantippe:

Isn’t it nice of them to make it clear who you shouldn’t date?

That’s really helpful.

They’re also being stupid. A passive woman will have a have a heck of a time dealing with tradesmen, household disasters, and difficult children.

Read Proverbs 31. Does she sound “passive.” Nope nope nope nope.

Good luck!

You know…I was going to post something along the lines of maybe asking some of these guys exactly what they mean by a passive woman.

But this works.

We aren’t doormats. We have opinions. We are smart and can handle our own stuff.
And we can still be good Catholic wives and moms while possessing these qualities to boot!
If the crazy comes knocking at our door while hubby is at work…we don’t need to call him crying and asking what to do.
We don’t need our husbands to take care of another “child”.
We just need a husband who can be a true example of our faith and can get us to Heaven.

---

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I have never met a passive Catholic.

If you mean ‘submissive’, then yes, Catholics believe that wives are to submit to their husbands. But that doesn’t mean passive. If you hire a lawyer, you want to hire one who will submit to the judge, submit to their firm, and submit to the law. But you don’t want a passive attorney, do you?

 

[Allegra]

I really don’t think passivity is good in any relationship. It implies a lack of interest or passion. It isn’t the same thing as being submissive, which means being willing to put others’ needs ahead of your own. Being passive simply means no action or reaction. Basically, not caring enough to cause a scene.

 

[Allegra]

Oh, but some people do. They want to rule things and not have anyone question them.

I agree. As a teacher, I see a whole lot of passive parents and it’s not good. It may make their spouses feel empowered at first, but eventually it becomes a disaster for the relationship because there will eventually come a time when one needs their spouse to “man up” and care about what is going on with their family.

 

[Sarcelle]

I really don’t think passivity is good in any relationship. It implies a lack of interest or passion. It isn’t the same thing as being submissive, which means being willing to put others’ needs ahead of your own. Being passive simply means no action or reaction. Basically, not caring enough to cause a scene.

Sort of like a machine which one can use and then put away when one has no use for it.

 

[spunjalebi]

I wonder if these guys are using the word as a way to screen for women who’ll have issues in marriage. It’s a strange and bad way to go about it.

Unfortunately because of our modern culture, the lack of understanding marriage, and IMO what I view as the lack of churches teaching, people don’t know what headship or submission mean in marriage. In this modern day, it’s weird to think of a husband being the “head,” or some boss in charge, and it’s weird thinking of a wife being submissive and somehow getting ordered around by said boss. Most analogies do a terrible job of demonstrating how marriage is supposed to work.

I personally believe because of a lot of Internet subculture, the rate of divorce, and awful stories from jaded people, a lot of men are using strange screening processes. They don’t want to wind up with some woman who can’t respect him more than their dog. They certainly don’t want to be a statistic where they get divorced, left to wilt with barely any money, and can only see the kids on the weekend.

That aside, I think men are using it to assess what kind of women will be interested. It could backfire and they end up with a woman who relies on him entirely for decision-making, having an opinion, or even having a personality. Maybe some men like that…but most men do not, and most women are not like that at all. Imagine being married to a woman who was so passive, she couldn’t even defend him to her family or defend their marriage. It would make for a horrible first few years of marriage.

 

[Xantippe]

I wonder if these guys are using the word as a way to screen for women who’ll have issues in marriage. It’s a strange and bad way to go about it.

Unfortunately because of our modern culture, the lack of understanding marriage, and IMO what I view as the lack of churches teaching, people don’t know what headship or submission mean in marriage. In this modern day, it’s weird to think of a husband being the “head,” or some boss in charge, and it’s weird thinking of a wife being submissive and somehow getting ordered around by said boss. Most analogies do a terrible job of demonstrating how marriage is supposed to work.

I personally believe because of a lot of Internet subculture, the rate of divorce, and awful stories from jaded people, a lot of men are using strange screening processes. They don’t want to wind up with some woman who can’t respect him more than their dog. They certainly don’t want to be a statistic where they get divorced, left to wilt with barely any money, and can only see the kids on the weekend.

That aside, I think men are using it to assess what kind of women will be interested. It could backfire and they end up with a woman who relies on him entirely for decision-making, having an opinion, or even having a personality. Maybe some men like that…but most men do not, and most women are not like that at all. Imagine being married to a woman who was so passive, she couldn’t even defend him to her family or defend their marriage. It would make for a horrible first few years of marriage.

Right.

Oh, about the dog vs. wife thing.

There’s a joke that goes like this:

Question: Do you want to figure out whether your dog or your wife loves you more?

Answer: Lock them both in a car trunk for an hour and see which is happier to see you when you pop the trunk open.

If you pick at that joke a bit, the reason the wife is less thrilled is because she’s smarter than the dog and she understands that she’s been wronged.

 

[Estevao]

Sort of like a machine which one can use and then put away when one has no use for it.

So I guess those fembots out of Japan won’t solve my dating trials. Dang. They looked so nice in Austin Powers.

Actually the idea of being yoked to a passive, overly feminine woman is rather dis-concerting. Tomboys are where it’s at.

 

[Boy_Wonder]

Out of curiosity,i had a bit of a look at Catholic online dating and I noticed quite a few Catholic (or other Christian) men under list of qualities they are seeking in a woman that “passiveness” is one of them.
Are they for real?
I would say Im gentle and gentleness and kindness,compassion,feminity and strength etc are good in women but passiveness is not.
I take the meaning of passive to be weak and not trust or use your own mind or judgments.
Are they meaning something different then how I take the word to men or do some Christian men really want this in a woman-like some parent child relationship?:whacky:

Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Buddhist, or pagan, only an INADEQUATE and fractured man needs a passive woman. Stay away from sexually dysfunctional creeps who cloak their dysfunction in the garb of piety. They are not Catholic and neither are they men.

 

[Havard]

Huh. I don’t know any men like this. I can’t even comment, because I have no idea what could be going on in their heads.

I am most attracted to vivacious women that wear their hearts on their sleeves.

 

[Xantippe]

Huh. I don’t know any men like this. I can’t even comment, because I have no idea what could be going on in their heads.

I am most attracted to vivacious women that wear their hearts on their sleeves.

That’s actually the most conventionally attractive type.

I suspect that this is a case of men thinking about what they think they ought to want, rather than empirically analyzing what they are actually attracted to.

 

[chevalier]

I have never met a passive Catholic.

If you mean ‘submissive’, then yes, Catholics believe that wives are to submit to their husbands. But that doesn’t mean passive. If you hire a lawyer, you want to hire one who will submit to the judge, submit to their firm, and submit to the law. But you don’t want a passive attorney, do you?

Have you been taking theology classes in your free time?

 

[mommy_k]

I think they mean a wife who is gentle in manner, even when disagreeing. Passive is such a broad term.

I work with a woman who freqently blasts her husband on the phone, and is very, very harsh to him, every single day. It is painful to listen to, and loud. Yikes. If I were a man I would run from this type.

 

[TeachCatechism]

OP they want a doormat basically. I was on Catholic Match for awhile and most wanted a maid they could control. Those profiles stated things like passive. No thanks, I prefer my equal.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

I think they mean a wife who is gentle in manner, even when disagreeing. Passive is such a broad term.

I work with a woman who freqently blasts her husband on the phone, and is very, very harsh to him, every single day. It is painful to listen to, and loud. Yikes. If I were a man I would run from this type.

Can speak to this one from the other side … when I was fresh out of college, I worked in an open plan office that included a 30 year old man who frequently got the riot act from his wife. She would yell so loudly on the phone one could hear her voice from across the room. While everyone else would just look straight at their monitors or their paperwork or else leave the room. This happened at least 3 to 5 times a week and got so bad I was finally deputized by our co-workers to talk to him and ask him if he could please, pretty please take the arguing out of the office. Not going to go into further detail, but I can say that this episode along with the adultery I witnessed shortly thereafter was the beginning of my understanding that women like those two had to be vetted for and avoided. And also beginning to learn that such women are often very good at hiding their worst tendencies during courtship as happened in both of those cases hence making it difficult at best to do that vetting.

So perhaps that’s why men put “passive” there, they definitely don’t want to be married to someone like that so they’re trying to avoid that fate albeit with a poor choice in wording showing a poor understanding of the dynamics of relationship conflict, not to mention a poor understanding of respect and leadership.