Single People = Invisible?

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In my experience, the typical parish is completely blind to single people and to young adults. I don’t think the the Church in the U.S. has realized that people aren’t getting married right out of high school anymore. There really is no outreach to people after their teen years (youth groups) and marriage preparation classes. Well, those things are much further apart in time now than they were 40-50 years ago. When I look at the people in the pews at my parish church, I see a lot of older people and families with young children. What I don’t see are single people. I don’t see anyone in the 18-34 year old demographic.

I further think that whoever writes the prayers of intercession “don’t get it.” When they pray for an increase in vocations to the priesthood and religious life, I look around and wonder where those vocations are going to come from. What we need to be praying for is for young people to start hearing and heeding their call to come to Mass. And we need to start verbalizing that call to them. How many young men can’t hear invitation to become priests (or brothers, or young women to become sisters) because they’re not in Church where the invitation is being issued?
 
I’m an older single (never married) person, and I have to agree that singles do seem to get the short end of the stick. I can’t say that it bothers me as much as it used to. For a while I used it as an excuse to not go to mass. After a few years of this, I realized I was only shortchanging myself. Like a previous poster, most times I ‘fly solo’ on Sundays. Recently some family was in town and went to church with me (they have little ones). All of a sudden, a lot more people approached us that Sunday.

Now if you’re really feeling sorry for yourself, just log onto your Facebook account on the first day of school. Every parent in the world is telling their first day stories. 😉
 
*Aw, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, CS. I’ll keep you in my prayers…I don’t hear too many homilies about singles…not even prayer intentions, during mass. But, maybe you can offer up a prayer request, and have it mentioned at mass…or start a singles group, like kage and others recommend. *
 
Mortal_Man said:
In my experience, the typical parish is completely blind to single people and to young adults. I don’t think the the Church in the U.S. has realized that people aren’t getting married right out of high school anymore. There really is no outreach to people after their teen years (youth groups) and marriage preparation classes. Well, those things are much further apart in time now than they were 40-50 years ago. When I look at the people in the pews at my parish church, I see a lot of older people and families with young children. What I don’t see are single people. I don’t see anyone in the 18-34 year old demographic.

I further think that whoever writes the prayers of intercession “don’t get it.” When they pray for an increase in vocations to the priesthood and religious life, I look around and wonder where those vocations are going to come from. What we need to be praying for is for young people to start hearing and heeding their call to come to Mass. And we need to start verbalizing that call to them. How many young men can’t hear invitation to become priests (or brothers, or young women to become sisters) because they’re not in Church where the invitation is being issued?
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Very very nice post.

As a young adult in a large diocese i can tell you that its hard to find people your own age. You have to search hard to find them in church or to find an active group at a church. In the Galveston Houston Diocese we are blessed with a wonderful cardnial who supports us very much. In years past we had to pull teeth to get a bishop to come to a large catholic young adult program put on by the diocese. Cardinal DiNardio is the opposite. He is the first speaker we have signed up every year (do you know how it easy it is to get speakers now when you say oh you can’t have that night becasue the Cardinal is coming. People jump at the chance to do something with him.) He easily pulled in a crowd of 500 plus young adults on his night only and the other 3 speakers pulled in 200 to 400 young adults so i know first hand that there is a need and a desire for the word. Luckly are diocese is starting to reach out to us more. We are having pow-wow meetings with the diocese on getting other program going for the 21 to 39 age range. The response has been wonderful. Tons of people are stepping up to the plate to help organize. The thing is we want to give back. We want to feel like we are doing are part within the church. The church just has to go out and let her childern know that she cares or where we can help her.

Young Adults feel lost today. We don’t feel like we belong in the church. There is CCE until confirmation and the next time your talked to is pre-cana classes when you get married. A little late to be talking making formation when they are already engaged?Well you wonder why catholics are making bad choices in life and marriage. They are not properly formed.

For a program to work you have to relaize who young adults are and what they need. YA are going to be wishy washy and non-committtely until they know its something worth their time. It pratly to do with are age and the way this generation was raised. Don’t do full weekend retreats not going to work for us. YA normal have active social lifes outside the church so they want their evenings on the weekends. Don’t do bible studies during the middle of the day only. This always bugged me because for those of us who worked there was know way to get there. Have activites focused on God and socailizing ie. volunteer groups where you work on a project for half a day are great programs. Get us involved with church activites. Is there an altar guild, is there some computer work to be done, is the filing in the office, could we help with a service project? We want to be involved in the church but when you feel as if no one reaches out to you because your not a kid, nor married then you turn yourself off and look to other areas to fullfill those holes in our lives.

My suggest to the OP is write a letter to your pastor or directly to your bishop or the reglious eduation office of the diocese. Let him know that you see a need in the diocese. People don’t know how you feel until you say something. Then be willing to be do some of the leg work on getting programs started.Don’t be afriad to talk to other churches, One of the issue we found is that one church didn’t have enough people to do their own group but that a few small churches in a certain area could have a very active YA group. One of our groups has a young adult evening mass at 7pm on every tuesday. All the young adults know that other young adults go to that mass during the week. It started small and now has close to 50 or more people a week. Some people come ever week and some just drop in every so often. Its nice to have a mass just for the YA with an oppurtunity for confession. Or do a program on Thelogoy of the body or a book of the bible.

BTW i understand how it feels to serve and never receieve credit. I use to care alot and it bugged when people couldn’t understand that all i want is someone to acknowledge every once in awhile that they appreciate me being there and that i wasn’t just a flower on a wall. Most of the time i just try to lift it up to God but sometimes that is eaiser said then done. 😉 Though i will tell you that one of the things i do is take a break from service or decrease what i am doing. I use to play at mass, was an EMHC, then taught CCE and now I am doing altar guild. Sometimes taking a break and finding a new path of service helps recharge you.
 
The other thing is that many (if not the vast majority!) singles do indeed want to be married and have families, but it is hard to find a compatible Catholic spouse in this rotten world. Instead of addressing this issue, many in the Church speak to us condescendingly about how it OK to be single or fault us for seeking marriage as though marriage was some crime. How about just once someone write an intention “for all single people having a hard time finding spouses”?
 
CountrySinger said:
:blessyou: What I’m looking for is repect. My contributions should matter just as much as anyone else’s. I’m not saying for people to throw a party about me. Just realize that just because I’m single doesn’t mean I have unlimited time and money. I have a family and friends of my own. I have activites that I love. But I do service for the church out of love for God.
Also, just because I’m single doesn’t mean my fellow parishioners can make inappropriate personal comments about me! :mad: There are kids present! My mom always said that any insult is a reflection of the person’s unhappiness.
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I agree most heartily. I am a spinster and I find that the married people assume that if one is single, one is (1) incredibly wealthy and (2) completely without obligations – that one can simply drop everything and take over the minute the whine goes up I HAVE CHILLLLL – DRENNNNNNNN! I have covered for innumerable married women who believe that their children come first, their husband comes next, and their obligations to church, state and society, well, those fit in wherever husband and children permit. I actually had a married woman tell me I am so lucky because you can spend all your money on yourself. – and this was a woman whom I had helped not only with cash, but by feeding and clothing HER CHILDREN when she was in a hard place and evening saving her from foreclosure once. And once I belonged to a congregation that named their adult social group PAIRS AND SPARES, as if single people are simply plug-ins when one part of a married couple fails!

I belong to the generation that believes every family needs a spinster daughter to fill in when times get tough, take care of elderly parents and so forth. I do these tasks gladly, because I want to. But even on the threads here I find a general tone of smug belief that the world belongs to married women with children, and the rest of us are just here as servants.

Oh, and by the way, it is NEVER appropriate to ask a single woman why she isnt married. Never. It is exactly as inappropriate as asking a married woman why she is childless. It is none of your business why I am single, and since I did not ask you to do anything about it, why would you want to know?
 
Appleby said:
I agree most heartily. I am a spinster and I find that the married people assume that if one is single, one is (1) incredibly wealthy and (2) completely without obligations – that one can simply drop everything and take over the minute the whine goes up I HAVE CHILLLLL – DRENNNNNNNN! I have covered for innumerable married women who believe that their children come first, their husband comes next, and their obligations to church, state and society, well, those fit in wherever husband and children permit. I actually had a married woman tell me I am so lucky because you can spend all your money on yourself. – and this was a woman whom I had helped not only with cash, but by feeding and clothing HER CHILDREN when she was in a hard place and evening saving her from foreclosure once. And once I belonged to a congregation that named their adult social group PAIRS AND SPARES, as if single people are simply plug-ins when one part of a married couple fails!

I belong to the generation that believes every family needs a spinster daughter to fill in when times get tough, take care of elderly parents and so forth. I do these tasks gladly, because I want to. But even on the threads here I find a general tone of smug belief that the world belongs to married women with children, and the rest of us are just here as servants.

Oh, and by the way, it is NEVER appropriate to ask a single woman why she isnt married. Never. It is exactly as inappropriate as asking a married woman why she is childless. It is none of your business why I am single, and since I did not ask you to do anything about it, why would you want to know?
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Your post comes across as being very angry and bitter. I’m sorry you feel this way. I have a much different take and I’m going to post it below.
 
I’m not going to quote Ableby’s post, but that was AWESOME! I’m going to ask married people awkward questions if they ask me why I’m single.
I’m sick of being single and in the world. If God is calling me to single life, there isn’t enough alcohol in the world. I’m sick of the CHILLL-DREN whine also. If your kids are number one in your life, then let them be, but realize you can’t have it both ways. I love kids, but I don’t want to be surrounded by them constantly.
I’ve decided to step down everything except the choir and youth group. I need time to date and try to enjoy life.
Bitter single people unite!
 
Okay, all you single people, what are YOU going to do about it? Why not organize a group or club in your diocese where single people can meet and mingle? There is such a group in my diocese, organized by people like you. They have a monthly and yearly calendar, laying out activities such as pot lucks suppers, movie or game nights, outdoor pursuits, volunteering, speakers series, etc. Instead of whining about it, DO something about it. Call your local pastoral center or main diocese office and offer to set it up. How else are you going to meet other single Catholics?
 
I just want to say that I don’t see anything wrong with being single. There’s nothing “wrong” with you and why settle for something that’s not going to be good for you?

There are many married couples that are miserable, so who is better off? …the single person in their 40’s or the unhappy married person?

Pope JP II wrote a beautiful letter about how single women can make a huge impact in our world. Single women can be teachers, caregivers, aunts, godmothers, etc. Single women can have a huge impact when they act with kindness. They can befriend young children and help them with their faith. They can help married women who need someone to talk to.

It’s all in your own perspective, but in my opinion, single women play a very important role in the church and they are definitely not servants!!!

My girlfriend at my parish is 44 and single. My daughter adores her and calls her Tia (aunt) and they spend a lot of time together. My friend helps me when she spends time with me. She gives me a different perspective on life and her kindness has made a huge impact in my life. She’s a good friend of my husband and she reminds him of how lucky he is to have me.

Single women may seem left out, but they make such a huge impact on families around them!!! Please do research and find what Pope JP II said about single women. It was beautifully said. You are definitely not servants of the church…you are the love, kindness and compassion of the church.

It’s up to you…you can choose to be unhappy or you can embrace your role in the church. Don’t let a few snippy married women throw you off…they are probably miserable themselves 👍
 
Ailina said:
Okay, all you single people, what are YOU going to do about it? Why not organize a group or club in your diocese where single people can meet and mingle? There is such a group in my diocese, organized by people like you. They have a monthly and yearly calendar, laying out activities such as pot lucks suppers, movie or game nights, outdoor pursuits, volunteering, speakers series, etc. Instead of whining about it, DO something about it. Call your local pastoral center or main diocese office and offer to set it up. How else are you going to meet other single Catholics?
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I have tried, but my priest doesn’t really care (in my parish the single population is me and one guy). But the local Protestant church has lots of singles activities… and the men are pretty cute, lol.
I wouldn’t give up my religion unless the guy was Elliott Yamin. That’s why I’m joining the other Catholic church in town, with tons of activities.
 
CountrySinger said:
I have tried, but my priest doesn’t really care (in my parish the single population is me and one guy). But the local Protestant church has lots of singles activities… and the men are pretty cute, lol.
I wouldn’t give up my religion unless the guy was Elliott Yamin. That’s why I’m joining the other Catholic church in town, with tons of activities.
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Who is Elliott Yamin? I looked up pictures on google but the only thing that I found were pictures of a strange, hairy looking man with bad teeth. :confused:

There are plenty of activities and good single men out there if you are looking. The only thing that you will have to do is take a little initiative and not wait for anyone else to plan things for you.
 
Serap said:
I just want to say that I don’t see anything wrong with being single. There’s nothing “wrong” with you and why settle for something that’s not going to be good for you?

There are many married couples that are miserable, so who is better off? …the single person in their 40’s or the unhappy married person?

Pope JP II wrote a beautiful letter about how single women can make a huge impact in our world. Single women can be teachers, caregivers, aunts, godmothers, etc. Single women can have a huge impact when they act with kindness. They can befriend young children and help them with their faith. They can help married women who need someone to talk to.

It’s all in your own perspective, but in my opinion, single women play a very important role in the church and they are definitely not servants!!!

My girlfriend at my parish is 44 and single. My daughter adores her and calls her Tia (aunt) and they spend a lot of time together. My friend helps me when she spends time with me. She gives me a different perspective on life and her kindness has made a huge impact in my life. She’s a good friend of my husband and she reminds him of how lucky he is to have me.

Single women may seem left out, but they make such a huge impact on families around them!!! Please do research and find what Pope JP II said about single women. It was beautifully said. You are definitely not servants of the church…you are the love, kindness and compassion of the church.

It’s up to you…you can choose to be unhappy or you can embrace your role in the church. Don’t let a few snippy married women throw you off…they are probably miserable themselves 👍
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I’ll settle! As long as the man has a pulse! I don’t want the single woman’s role! I want companionship! I want a husband.
I thought I would become a nun, but I’m not holy enough. So I pulled out my application for the order I was applying to. I know I would have gotten accepted. But they would have found out I’m not holy and kicked me out.
I would much rather be miserable and married, than miserable and single.
 
Country singer, if I am repeating suggestions you have alredy gotten, sorry - but have you tried Avemaria singles?
 
CountrySinger said:
I’ll settle! As long as the man has a pulse! I don’t want the single woman’s role! I want companionship! I want a husband.
I thought I would become a nun, but I’m not holy enough. So I pulled out my application for the order I was applying to. I know I would have gotten accepted. But they would have found out I’m not holy and kicked me out.
I would much rather be miserable and married, than miserable and single.
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You are joking right? 😛 I think you need more than a pulse LOL!!!

Put yourself out there girlfriend and be positive. You will catch more bees with honey…befriend some married women b/c they may have a brother or their husband may have a friend. Just be positive and make friends and you’ll meet someone.

I met my husband through a friend that I didnt’ really have much in common with, but I always remained on good terms with him. I invited my friend to come along for a NYE party and he brought along my husband.

If you sit at home an suck you thumb…your thumb is the only husband you’ll ever have hahaha Just kidding…

In all seriousness, PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE LADY!!! Be positive, loving and FUN and many men will be attracted to you!
 
One problem for us singles, is that the basic parish is very family-oriented due to the large number of married people in the suburbs or rural areas. If you are a young single person, it is hard to find fellowship in suburban churches. The priests and ministries of such churches will usually focus their efforts on the largest groups in the church such as families and those they perceive as most vulnerable. A single will have a much easier time finding fellowship in urban parishes or college campuses. Although I went to mass solo at my suburban parish and did some CCD volunteering there, I looked for fellowship activities in other parishes.

There is a need for more fellowship groups for older single Catholics though. I have noticed that single Catholics age 30 and up have a hard time finding fellowship in the Church. Yes it is true that we are in the Church for grace and service, but being single is lonely (regardless if the person is looking for a spouse or not). If singles felt more welcome, the Church could benefit more from their presence and service.
 
I try to be positive when I’m out and about, but when I get home, my heart is breaking. I go on dates, go out with people, and I have plenty of friends (married and not). But most of the guys out there are slime.
I signed up for avamaria singles. There is a reason they won’t let you do a search before you buy, there were 9 people in my state, and 7 were too old (50-60), and two were too young (18-20). I’m not a gold digger or a cradle robber, lol.
Guys tell me I’m hot, so I guess that is a start. I was watching the Girls Next Door DVD with my roommate, and one of the girl’s mother said “I don’t want date, I want to get married”. That is where I’m at, I don’t want to go out just to go out with a random person.
 
CountrySinger said:
I’ll settle! As long as the man has a pulse! I don’t want the single woman’s role! I want companionship! I want a husband.
I thought I would become a nun, but I’m not holy enough. So I pulled out my application for the order I was applying to. I know I would have gotten accepted. But they would have found out I’m not holy and kicked me out.
I would much rather be miserable and married, than miserable and single.
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Don’t ever settle…I think you’re kidding, but I’m just saying. :o You don’t want to choose someone just so you’re not alone. That is never a good idea. Aim for love…keep praying…God hears all of our prayers, and if He sees a husband in your future, He might just be preparing him for you. Don’t select any guy just to not be alone…never ever a good policy. I’ll keep praying for you. God bless!
 
Being single and attending mass alone is very lonely. I’ve done it my entire adult life. After accepting it and becoming “routene”, our church building closed, and we were joined to another parish. The welcome was less than warm, but efforts were made to include “new families” into the church workings. I feel more isolated than ever…after being a lector for over 10 years…there was no plea for parishioneers to assist in the [existing] ministry in any way. Feeling like an outsider, I am in no position to suggest any social or prayer groups specifically for singles.

I do see others attending alone, many elderly who have lost a spouse, a few college aged, but not many 40-somethings in the congregation anyway.

Not sure why I wrote this, other than somebody else reading it may be in a better postion to do something proactive, somewhere, and some might benefit from these stories.
 
I’m not kidding about settling. Everyone has at least one redeeming quality.
I’ll be 28 next month, so time isn’t on my side. My aunt said it best “in this family, after 30, your looks go”. And then she offered me plastic surgery if I’m still unmarried at 30. If my looks go, I’m up a creek without a paddle. The whole irony is, I don’t care about a man’s looks. I think Elliott Yamin (he was on American Idol season 5)is hot.
 
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