Single People = Invisible?

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I was thinking during mass today. Today was the famous “wives, be submissive to your husbands”, like I can relate…:rolleyes: When the intersessions were being said, the person was like “pray for all the married couples and their children, the religious, people who are widowed”, where were the single people mentioned? Do we not get prayed for? Married people get all the attention, and the single have to just buck up I guess. It sucks to be single, it is lonely. I’m only the person standing by myself, and I’m usually on the verge of tears during mass. I’m thinking about leaving my local church (where I’m the middle school youth minister, choir, Religious Ed Teacher for 7th grade, all unpaid and unappreciated, and I do more work than our PAID youth minister, whos ia married, BTW), for the downtown Catholic church. I have been there several times, and they have a more diverse population than just smug marrieds and families. The single people there have stood up for themselves, and demanded respect.
Anyone have a church that ignores the single people? You would think, since single people have more discretionary income, they would be sucking up to us…🤷
 
Dear “CS”… I’m single too. And our parish doesn’t seem to pray much for “singles”, either. However, they do occasionally pray for the “Lay Faithful”. You and I can certainly fall into that category.

I’m sorry that you feel lonely. :console: Perhaps you can find a Catholic singles group in your parish… or a nearby parish? God bless you, dear soul. And remember… none of us is ever “alone”. Our Lord is always nearby… waiting for us to turn our attention and our hearts to Him. He always responds.

God bless you.
 
Perhaps you should spend a little less time seeking appreciation and praise. Perhaps a reading of the Litany of Humility every now and again might make things a little easier - ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm

The church I attend, during that particular prayer of the faithful, reads as “we pray for all married couples, religious, and dedicated singles”, citing the three vocations one can choose in life. If you’re neither of these three, it doesn’t mean that you are invisible. You could say ‘what about the children? I guess we don’t have to pray for them, either, huh?’ But that isn’t it. It’s a prayer for people fulfilling a vocation. Someone who is none of these three vocations is not included. When you reach one of those vocations, then you will need the prayers to carry out that vocation. Single people who are discerning their vocation do have their place in society, but no, we don’t get the same sort of attention as others. We’re on a different sort of journey, one the others have gone through already.

Maybe we are ‘invisible’, but I say, is that so bad? We should feel blessed to go unseen, unappreciated, unacknowledged. It is those times, when we happily carry out our duties in the dark, that God sees, appreciates, and acknowledges us the most. Then, when you find your vocation, you’ll enter into society and get the attention. Maybe you’ll remember your journey better than others, and see and appreciate those single people who are chasing after you, and will be able to offer them the support and encouragement you desire now.
 
Anyone tired of people who think the Church owes them something, instead of the other way around?

Your comments about “smug marrieds” and that singles “stood up for themselves” and “demanded respect” says more about you than the Church.

You seem to be in a bad place emotionally, and I am sorry that you are lonely and have difficulty at Mass when many others are married and with families. But, don’t take it out on the Church, and don’t become bitter about your state in life. You seem headed down that path

We owe everything to God. If you are not doing all those things you listed out of love of God, but for recognition and “respect” from others take heed of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:1 “Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.”

Honestly, you are sounding like a winey brat-- threatening to take your toys home because you don’t like something. If you don’t feel your parish ministers to singles enough,* then do something about it*. If you would like to hear more from your pastor about being single in the world, ask him to preach about it. If you want petitions for singles, ask for some.
 
CountrySinger,

I have some of the same feelings as the posters above but I would like to try a different approach in expressing them.

First of all, if you are doing the things you do for your parish out of sense that you will be or should be recognized for them, I propose you are doing them for the wrong reasons. Helping young kids learn about and build their faith is a VERY important job. I contend it should be done because it is important and because you have the opportunity to make a real difference in those kids’ lives, physical and spiritual. Reward comes when you see one of those kids later in life having their wedding at the church, then later seeing their kids Baptized there, a testament to strong faith YOU helped build. That is your second greatest reward, next to the grace you receive from doing a necessary but often thankless job.

People are praying for you, CS, but not just because you are single, but because you follow the path our Lord blazed, which is to serve others selflessly. So I urge you not to get hung up on whether or not you are prayed for as “a single.”

Recall if you will the other two readings from today. From Joshua, about making a choice for the Lord, and the gospel about Christ’s teaching being so hard it drove some disciples away. Serving the Church can be hard at times. As Christ asked those who were weighing the difficulty of His teaching, “Does this cause you to stumble?”

I hope not, and I will pray for you that you might have peace.
 
Sorry I sound whiny, I’ve had a really hard last couple days, and a REALLY bad date. I’m not heading down the path of bitterness, I am already there! Lol. Enough bad blind dates will do that. 🙂
I’m not looking for a celebration about me, that would actually make me uncomfortable. I’ve been trying to have the local church to be more inclusive to singles, but they are not receptive. It’s hard when the single population is me and a man in his 30’s. I can see their point, why cater to a group that isn’t there? So I have to accept that I won’t fit in. So I’ll be the slighty eccentric youth group leader. I can try to change things, but when you keep running into a wall, you have to stop when your head hurts.

That would be the main reason I would leave, there would be more people that I could relate to at the other church. But I would feel bad leaving the youth group and my religious ed class that I teach (since I just signed up for another year). I didn’t know I could enjoying working with children so much. I just got done planning the year’s activites, and I’m pretty excited. And for some reason, the kids think I’m cool. Who else has Catholic music karaoke? And pizza and bowling in the basement of the church, and then pray the evening office?
 
I don’t think you were whiny in your post, it sounded sincere and genuine to me. I can’t believe there are people in here who seem to agree that you should not even receive a thank you within the prayer intentions. Everyone, whether parent or priest, seeks appreciation in their vocation. Widow is not a vocation; it is the end result for some who had the marriage vocation. Widows volunteer, and so do singles. Why did widows receive recognition, and not singles? Aren’t widows, singles?
 
I volunteered as a single since high school age, I left because a multitude of reasons, in short, they honored help from certain people and not others. When you do a service for God, you really think that it is to honor the Lord, but then you are amazed (negatively) at how taken for granted you are, how people will only cover for you, if you covered for them, the unseen daggers of resentment that seemed to resound from person to person. People called to ask me to cover all the time, and because the BVM message was to always say, “yes” to serving the Lord, I always did (I did not want to step on anyone’s toes, but I did not want to have disease to please anymore either). I remember one day balling my eyes out, because I literally called 15 people on my contact sheet to cover my mass, and all excuses or refusals. I thought, wow, these are Christians? Catholics? It was easier for me to just become the part of the group who doesn’t show up.

I stuck with it for 12 years, before I had enough. I now understand why 95% of Catholics I went to school with became lapse Catholics. I feel bad for you because it is difficult to slip out of something that so needs your help. Don’t get me wrong, I love my religion, but I learned not to get too close to church people who have ego’s/pride that linger too high sometimes.
 
The best is a single parishioner, who, in his will, left a parish $7 Million, to which he made specifications…, now that deserved a plaque, but no, not even that.

See, singles give great service and money as their obligations are low and they are local.
 
The OP mentioned there wasn’t recognition for single Catholics, consecrated or not, doesn’t matter, they both count. OP is a volunteer youth organizer and CCD teacher, they can’t leave because they feel obligated to it until the church finds someone else interested in taking over.

A missionary nun could do the same thing in a 3rd world country, but then she is only there for so long, so there is a limit. People are so meek and appreciative there, that the look on their face is enough reward, no words are necessary, but in these well-to-do church areas, wow, what a difference. There are parishes in the US that have little to no clergy, but when a priest comes they are so excited to get things off ground because they have a celebrant for a parish that cannot get priests.

Is it so irrational of us singles to ask for a little appreciation and be included in a faith we were born into? Maybe the church should not have singled singles out, and just said “all involved in service to the church.” It makes all the difference when you had a tough volunteering week, and go out of your way to go mass to hear something like that to bring you down to a new low (it becomes this unyielding "what am I doing this for?).

I appreciate the work you do, as someone who has done it myself, and is quickly realizing that it seems the church doesn’t really have a place for me as well.

At least you will be in my prayer intention.
 
CountrySinger said:
I was thinking during mass today. Today was the famous “wives, be submissive to your husbands”, like I can relate…:rolleyes: When the intersessions were being said, the person was like “pray for all the married couples and their children, the religious, people who are widowed”, where were the single people mentioned? Do we not get prayed for? Married people get all the attention, and the single have to just buck up I guess. It sucks to be single, it is lonely. I’m only the person standing by myself, and I’m usually on the verge of tears during mass. I’m thinking about leaving my local church (where I’m the middle school youth minister, choir, Religious Ed Teacher for 7th grade, all unpaid and unappreciated, and I do more work than our PAID youth minister, whos ia married, BTW), for the downtown Catholic church. I have been there several times, and they have a more diverse population than just smug marrieds and families. The single people there have stood up for themselves, and demanded respect.
Anyone have a church that ignores the single people? You would think, since single people have more discretionary income, they would be sucking up to us…🤷
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Well, I’m a DIVORCED single Catholic person, and that is even worse than being merely single. Sometimes, marriages are not all that great, but can in fact be downright awful. Sometimes there can be a lot of loneliness within a marriage too. Often what you see outside the home is not the way it really is. Marriage is HARD work.

Having said that, I think the reading about how husbands and wives should treat each other is great and I wish more married people followed that advice, the WHOLE thing! Sometimes they do need to hear this reading because a lot of married people do not follow this advice at all, or just bits and pieces of it.

As for being single, there is a whole world of single people who keep busy and active so they don’t feel lonely. Most seem to be content with their lives, from what I have discovered. What would you do with your time if you weren’t so busy? Families are usually busy raising kids, which doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for personal pursuits and development. There are pros and cons to being married or single. We all have trade offs.

Didn’t Paul also mention something about the single life being better for developing a relationship with God? He wasn’t always so gung ho on marriage.
 
OLHope said:
I volunteered as a single since high school age, I left because a multitude of reasons, in short, they honored help from certain people and not others. When you do a service for God, you really think that it is to honor the Lord, but then you are amazed (negatively) at how taken for granted you are, how people will only cover for you, if you covered for them, the unseen daggers of resentment that seemed to resound from person to person. People called to ask me to cover all the time, and because the BVM message was to always say, “yes” to serving the Lord, I always did (I did not want to step on anyone’s toes, but I did not want to have disease to please anymore either). I remember one day balling my eyes out, because I literally called 15 people on my contact sheet to cover my mass, and all excuses or refusals. I thought, wow, these are Christians? Catholics? It was easier for me to just become the part of the group who doesn’t show up.

I stuck with it for 12 years, before I had enough. I now understand why 95% of Catholics I went to school with became lapse Catholics. I feel bad for you because it is difficult to slip out of something that so needs your help. Don’t get me wrong, I love my religion, but I learned not to get too close to church people who have ego’s/pride that linger too high sometimes.
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I’m sorry to hear that! I remember one time I was unable to have my regular youth groups because I was a maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding (she lives across the country). I got a person to cover it (they normally are there everytime). Well, that person didn’t show up, and one of the kids called me while I was the reception saying that they were locked out. Needless to say I was VERY ANGRY :mad:. When I called the sub, the excuse was that they didn’t feel like doing it today. And guess who got in trouble? ME! They said I should have come back after the wedding. I’m not spending money on a last minute ticket to fly cross country to do something someone else should have done!
I was livid, because those kids were sitting out there abandoned! After that, I was seriously thinking of giving it up, it was causing me more stress than my full-time job!
I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with just anyone, they deserve someone who is excited to be with them.

If I wasn’t so busy, what would I do? Proabably sing a lot more than I do now (hence the username). 🙂 When I have free time (HA!) I sing in karaoke bars, but don’t drink. I have to work full-time. I do go out with my friends from time to time, and just enjoy talking to them.
 
To those who think the OP is whiny and needs humility, don’t trivialize people’s pain. If the apostles acted as you did when the Greek-speaking widows complained of being neglected, we would never have gotten the diaconate.

Country Singer: What is it you are looking for from the Church in regards to single people? (I am single/never-married myself)
 
Country Singer I am sorry that you are feeling so under-appreciated. There is one person who sees all that you do for his glory, and that is God 🙂 His praise is more important than a cathedral full of people’s! I know you already know that, but I just had to remind you.
I am not sure why single people are overlooked by the Church, but now that you mention it, I can see where you might feel isolated. I think, also, single people might be more sensative to feeling “left out” is because you guys really look to the Church do BE your family. I think many of us overlook that. We see our immediate family as our family and Church people to just be people we go to Church with. Yet, we should seek deeper relationships with our Church family too. There are even some people in Church who have become isolated or disowned by their immediate family because they chose to become Catholic, and yet we do little to give them a spiritual family. I don’t really have any practical advice, other than I will keep this issue in my prayers.
 
Norseman82 said:
To those who think the OP is whiny and needs humility, don’t trivialize people’s pain. If the apostles acted as you did when the Greek-speaking widows complained of being neglected, we would never have gotten the diaconate.

Country Singer: What is it you are looking for from the Church in regards to single people? (I am single/never-married myself)
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:blessyou: What I’m looking for is repect. My contributions should matter just as much as anyone else’s. I’m not saying for people to throw a party about me. Just realize that just because I’m single doesn’t mean I have unlimited time and money. I have a family and friends of my own. I have activites that I love. But I do service for the church out of love for God.
Also, just because I’m single doesn’t mean my fellow parishioners can make inappropriate personal comments about me! :mad: There are kids present! My mom always said that any insult is a reflection of the person’s unhappiness.
 
CountrySinger said:
I’m sorry to hear that! I remember one time I was unable to have my regular youth groups because I was a maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding (she lives across the country). I got a person to cover it (they normally are there everytime). Well, that person didn’t show up, and one of the kids called me while I was the reception saying that they were locked out. Needless to say I was VERY ANGRY :mad:. When I called the sub, the excuse was that they didn’t feel like doing it today. And guess who got in trouble? ME! They said I should have come back after the wedding. I’m not spending money on a last minute ticket to fly cross country to do something someone else should have done!
I was livid, because those kids were sitting out there abandoned! After that, I was seriously thinking of giving it up, it was causing me more stress than my full-time job!
I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with just anyone, they deserve someone who is excited to be with them.

If I wasn’t so busy, what would I do? Proabably sing a lot more than I do now (hence the username). 🙂 When I have free time (HA!) I sing in karaoke bars, but don’t drink. I have to work full-time. I do go out with my friends from time to time, and just enjoy talking to them.
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Wow, you are much more patient and kind than I. If they had come back at me pointing fingers and demanding I fly home when I covered my turf, I would have blown up and stormed out. If you find a volunteer who is as seemingly interested and dependable as you are, things will be much easier and happier for you.

As singles/marrieds/divorcees/widows/clergy, we do not require a royal banquet, but a thank you from parish admin, an inclusion on prayer intentions, and help when it is requested…, is not too much to ask to keep something as tender and important as faith shaping children’s minds. How does the church think we lose people…, simply because of miniscule things like this.

Maybe mentioning it in passing to other volunteering singles, or in conversation when it hits that subject might be a good idea. Until then, stick with karaoke! Fah-UN!
 
CountrySinger said:
:blessyou: What I’m looking for is repect. My contributions should matter just as much as anyone else’s. I’m not saying for people to throw a party about me. Just realize that just because I’m single doesn’t mean I have unlimited time and money. I have a family and friends of my own. I have activites that I love. But I do service for the church out of love for God.
Also, just because I’m single **doesn’t mean my fellow parishioners can make inappropriate personal comments about me! ** :mad: There are kids present! My mom always said that any insult is a reflection of the person’s unhappiness.
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Great, you have to endure insults on top of it. You need to speak with the pastor, pronto!
 
MercyMia said:
There are even some people in Church who have become isolated or disowned by their immediate family because they chose to become Catholic, and yet we do little to give them a spiritual family. I don’t really have any practical advice, other than I will keep this issue in my prayers.
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Thank you MercyMia! In my family I am the only Catholic my Mom was Catholic, but she has passed away), we get along, but sometimes they say anti-Catholic things. It would be easier to just give up my faith. In my single friends, I’m the only Catholic. So I don’t have a spiritual family per se. Just me, myself, and I. And I’m exhausted. At my current parish, there aren’t any people in my boat. They lose all their single people to other church.
 
I always get confused by this Cathoic idea of leaving this parish for that parish. We are members of a UNIVERSAL Church. I have my membership and volunteer at one parish, I also attend events and volunteer at the other parish.

This is not like high-school rival schools 🙂

Continue to do the volunteer work you love at one parish, attend a study or fellowship group at another.
 
Start a single group for Catholic singles in the state, or check out the web pages Catholicmatch, or something along those lines.

I’m single, and when I go to church it’s not pretty. Lots of familes, and I pretty much fly solo. Lately there’ve been some single women there, hopefully one of these days we can meet adn see if something can get started.
 
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