Sleeping with your spouse, or not -- a question

[Ruthie]

Is there a mattress with a man on it that doesn’t release toxic gas?!

Thanks for the belly laugh! So true! I, of course, only release genteel, lavender-flavored air… Our mini bull terrier sleeps with us, and she beats us both when it comes to gas. We can’t figure out where she stores it!

DH and I stupidly got an inner-spring mattress… whoever talked about a trampoline is so right, and we’re both restless sleepers. Boing boing boing, all night.

Our biggest problem, though, is that ever since I hit menopause, I get hot flashes or night sweats or whatever. I have to be dry to sleep. So I have a fan, but I still constantly throw the blankets off and on. And he likes to be warm just to the point of a light sweat. No spooning for us!

We solved the blanket thing by using full size blankets on our king size bed. We each have our own. They are those luscious “mink” blankets that come from Korea, so we don’t fight over them.

Gosh, the separate bed thing is sounding better all the time. I wonder what the dog would do? She likes to sleep stretched out so she can touch both of us.

God, please send us all a good night’s sleep!

Ruthie

 

[happymommy]

oh my gosh…tears…happymommy you’re always a riot!

Yet another good excuse…er…reason to have seperate beds

Just don’t lift the blankets!! Although, I have gotten even with that one while pregnant

 

[happymommy]

Thanks for the belly laugh! So true! I, of course, only release genteel, lavender-flavored air… Our mini bull terrier sleeps with us, and she beats us both when it comes to gas. We can’t figure out where she stores it!

My father-in-law calls those Alpo-farts Our poor dog can clear a room!

 

[Galnextdoor]

Hi,

I would go for the separate twins pushed together. That way you can have separate blankets. Here is something to think about for all of you bullfrogs and belly floppers: have you ever had a sleep study done? There is medication for belly floppers that help them get a restful night sleep. (It’s not ambien or anything like that.)

I was such a heavy snorer that I could apparently be heard all over the house. A sleep test diagnosed me with severe sleep apnea. I sleep with a machine and a mask. I sound like Darth Vader, but I sleep like a baby.

 

[Joannm]

Gosh, the separate bed thing is sounding better all the time. I wonder what the dog would do? She likes to sleep stretched out so she can touch both of us.

God, please send us all a good night’s sleep!

Ruthie

The dog was one of our problems because she sleeps on the bed and he hated being touched by the dog during the night. Now the dog sleeps on my bed and doesn’t bother him at all…unles for a very rare reason she gets startled and crosses the line onto his bed. Also the fact that he flips the blankets on and off during the night disturbs the dog (and me, that is one reason we went to twin beds pushed together)

 

[Litcrit]

My dh needs the TV to put him to sleep (he uses a timer so the TV turns off on its own).

I can’t sleep if there’s a TV within 10 meters of my bed, even if it’s in another room, behind a closed door. I can feel the buzzing or something.

So we sleep in separate rooms, and have been doing so since the very beginning of our marriage, 3.5 years ago.

There are so many of us! I think it’s because space is getting to be less of an issue than it used to be and we can think about what actually works for us. In my country, only a century ago, it was normal for an entire nuclear family to sleep in the same bed - but that was because there was only room for one bed in the tiny huts.

 

[CB_Catholic]

This thread has nothing to do with sex. Our sex life is just fine thank you.

This is about SLEEPING with my husband.

I think it’s hit the point of pointlessness in our house.

It’s a tried and true battle that has been waged for years now. YEARS. Fact is: we just don’t enjoy sleeping in the same bed. OK maybe when he comes home from deployment for about three days, then it’s back to politely trying to figure out a way to sleep elsewhere. Nobody’s feelings are hurt. The pre-conceived notion that a married couple must sleep together is seeming to be JUST a notion.

We have two problems, but I am going to call them 1A and 1B because they are equal in annoyance to each of us.

1A: I snore. It’s way worse when I am pregnant. He’s a light sleeper. It drives him nuts. Even with those breath right strips and I am hardly snoring, we have the following problem:

1B: He can’t stand to be touched, at all, while asleep. He loathes having his feet touched even when awake. If I should barely and accidentally touch his foot in bed he jumps about a foot. Which wakes me. When he turns over in bed it is a huge process that shakes the bed mightily and wakes me.

For a while there his thing with my snoring turned into him purposely shaking the bed and doing his flip-flop turn coming a foot or two off the bed and landing as hard as he could to wake me and show me his displeasure. He finally quit when I started calling out “The Olympic judges are calling that one a perfect 10!” Or “DH must be losing his edge, due to lack of height, tonight’s score is only a 7.5!” “No really, honey, it needs to stop, it’s rude.”

We also fight over the blankets. Yes, we’ve used two, but we fight over my family-passed-down was practically my wubby even though it’s big – quilt. You guys, we have literally fought over this blanket for years. We fight over pillows. We only have like six or seven on our bed. But the blankie – if I try to get some which involves touching him sometimes to get the blanket back: then it’s a big stress for me. Seriously my eyes pop open when I accidentally touch him ala’ “oh darn, here we go again!” Take into account that Dash comes in with us about 3AM to nurse and sleep. If Dash bumps him or touches him, same thing.

I have a super bad back, so I bought a special back care mattress. I can’t sleep on the couch. DH has a love hate relationship with the thing. First, it’s two soft. Second, the double bed in Shane’s room is too firm. I didn’t ask if the porridge was just right…

Now he has back issues and the firm bed hurts him. He needs the back care bed. But he really doesn’t like sleeping with company. At this point: nor do I. We are both suffering insomnia at this point. Last week we just gave up and sat up to watch Biography together.

Two nights ago our son spiked a fever. I went and laid down with him in his double bed, the firm one, and slept. I did it again last night since going to the doctor we discovered Shane has strep. I have slept SO GOOD the last two nights. Even in a double bed with my two boys. I asked DH, he too said it’s been heaven, and he loves not having to share the blankie. LOL My back is a bit sore, but the sleep is AWESOME. No insomnia, ahhhhhhh, relief.

So wonder what should we do? Get a bigger bed that’s one of those awesome memory foam things and doesn’t move when your partner does? Spacing the name, but did lay down on one in a mattress store and nearly fell asleep right there. Tempurpedic – that’s it. We’d need a King, right now we are in a Queen.

Get two separate beds for the master bedroom ala’ I Love Lucy? Yes we have a big master so it could be done.

***Does anyone else have this problem? What do you do? ***

Seriously, it’s not a lack of love or lack of closeness, it’s just practical, and right now we are forcing an issue that we are both losing. Again, sex isn’t the problem, we have no problem there, it’s simply sleep, and neither of us are getting it, or enough of it. I LOVE it when he goes to work in the morning – I am like “it’s MINE! The bed is alllllll miiiiiiiiiiiine!! Bwahahaha!” Stretching out, arms and legs anywhere I want them, blankie all to myself, any pillow I want I use. I bet if we had separate beds we would actually have sex more. Because we’d be rested. LOL I am so curious to see how many other folks have this issue.

My husband and I have not slept in the same bed for years because neither one of can get any sleep. We BOTH have obstructive sleep apnea, and snore so loud we keep each other awake all night. I battled with a Bipap machine for 4 years , he tried a CPAP machine–we both had problems with using these devices and quit. (I lost about 25 pounds and don’t need it anymore, but I still snore like a trooper.) We now have separate rooms. We also had the battle of the blankets and the bed. We are much happier people sleeping apart. It has not affected our marriage-we are going on 40 years this summer.

The fact is, people must sleep, and the lack of it will make us sick and unable to function properly. So do what you have to do and don’t feel guilty about it. And it’s not at all unusual for married couples to have to sleep apart for various reasons.

 

[TLM08]

Regardless, enjoy sleeping together now while you are young. By the time you hit 25 years of marriage, all of those sounds of the bedroom will change. Gone will be the panting and gasps of marital embrace and in their place will be the somber serenade of snoring accompanied by intermittent squeaks of flatulence.



Just for kicks, I like to crawl into bed when she’s in a deep sleep and place my ice cold feet right in the small of her back. Woooo-Hoooo! We gotta do something for fun while we’re in there!

 

[apricot_yogurt]

Thanks for starting this thread. Dh and I have just returned to the same bed after 15 months.
This is not because we have had a falling-out, but because our crazy toddler has only just started sleeping long enough at night.

DH needs to get up for work at 5:30 AM -if he’s too tired every day he will be fired, or you will fall out of the sky next time you are on a flight.
We decided I should be the sleepless zombie, as I am the milk source, and I can choose what I do the next day, as I am a SAHM.
Anyway DH slept on a mattress on the lounge floor. I really used to struggle with the inlaws visiting, and seeing this mattress propped up there, as it implied something was wrong. They are not Catholic, so I always wondered if they thought this was some wierd Catholic thing, rather than a sensible practical solution.
We’d make a point of saying, “It’s because of the baby!”
They probably didn’t think anything of it, but it always bothered me.
I almost felt ashamed of it, I guess.

 

[Alexandra]

And here I thought I was the only one that did not like sleeping in the same bed with DH. The first few years of our marriage he worked nights so we each had the bed to ourselves. Then they moved him to day shift and the problems started. He sleeps so soundly he is totally oblivious to someone else being in the bed with him. He is a total blanket hog. If I would get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I would come back to find him wrapped like a mummy in all the blankets and I would have to fight him to get them back. Then there is the talking in his sleep, running in his sleep, and one time a punch in his sleep! He had a lot of stress at the job he was at and used to dream that people were after him. I am also going through menopause and am with the blankets on and off all night and don’t want anyone too close to me. A couple of years ago I petitioned and got a single bed moved into our bedroom next to the queen. Ah, heaven! I got the best sleep of my marriage during those two years. But then we moved and decided to try a king size bed. Which is fine, as long as he stays on his side of the bed. But as I said he is a sound sleeper and is all over the bed frequently nearly pushing me off my side. I was not happy. Well recently he put in for a new position at work and he now works nights again. So apart from weekends I am finally able to sleep soundly again without making a big deal of it.

 

[msugeotech]

But then we moved and decided to try a king size bed. Which is fine, as long as he stays on his side of the bed.

We have a TempurPedic king size bed too, but somehow my wife’s sub-zero feet still manage to find my side of the bed. Maybe I should ask her if there are any night shift positions at her office!

 

[Teakafrog]

We have a TempurPedic king size bed too, but somehow my wife’s sub-zero feet still manage to find my side of the bed. Maybe I should ask her if there are any night shift positions at her office!

As cold as it is at night in this new house, my DH has turned into a blanket hog. He never used to do that, but wow, I wake up freezing every night now. I just WISH I could afford a tempur pedic, but not now.

What did you ever decide to to, KC? Didja get a new mattress or what?

 

[wcknight]

My DW has the coldest hands and feet in all of Christendom, AND she refuses to get us an electric blanket. It’s downright barbaric ! She is an energy saving freak, and keeps the thermostat down to an ungodly number (65).

We do sleep together BUT if I fall asleep first she has a rough go of it because I snore like a fire engine… drives her crazy. I get a few elbows at night to wake me up so I might stop snoring… it’s annoying but I think she still has the worse of it, I can fall back asleep almost instantaneously but it takes her a while.

Sometimes it’s comical, and sometimes it can get quite animated. I’ve complained to her for 30+ years to get an electric blanket but she stubbornly refuses, so when I get in last and I have cold feet, I’m sorely tempted to let her have it.

I do my count down threatening to warm up on her. BUT she threatens me with serious bodily harm “You’ll be sorrrrrry,” so I keep my distance, but it’s really her fault that the bed is so cold. IF we had a warm bed, I wouldn’t have to approach her side at all.

Is having a chronically cold bed, grounds for having her committed ??? It’s downright uncivilized !!!

I wouldn’t mind having separate beds but I would have to have an electric blanket. I keep telling my wife than since we don’t have an electric blanket because of her, then she has to be the heating source. She remains unconvinced.

 

[lovemysix]

We’re spooners, big time, but I wear ear-plugs and sleep with a fan, no matter how cold it is. And if he starts to snore, I jab at him and make him roll over. Thankfully, that’s usually enough to stop it

Sleep is totally important to me…but I have to be honest. Spooning is even more so, and I’d have no problem with a sleeping pill if that’s what it took to enable us to sleep in each other’s arms. Just being honest

I think each couple has to figure out what works for them so they can get enough sleep. Lack of enough sleep can lead to all sorts of health problems!

Lauren

 

[msugeotech]

Lack of enough sleep can lead to all sorts of health problems!

Yep, it can get you banned. Then you have to sleep on the couch, and at our house, that leads to physical and mental health problems!

 

[Teakafrog]

Yep, it can get you banned. Then you have to sleep on the couch, and at our house, that leads to physical and mental health problems!

:bigyikes: :tsktsk:

 

[maryj]

My DW has the coldest hands and feet in all of Christendom, AND she refuses to get us an electric blanket. It’s downright barbaric ! She is an energy saving freak, and keeps the thermostat down to an ungodly number (65).

We do sleep together BUT if I fall asleep first she has a rough go of it because I snore like a fire engine… drives her crazy. I get a few elbows at night to wake me up so I might stop snoring… it’s annoying but I think she still has the worse of it, I can fall back asleep almost instantaneously but it takes her a while.

Sometimes it’s comical, and sometimes it can get quite animated. I’ve complained to her for 30+ years to get an electric blanket but she stubbornly refuses, so when I get in last and I have cold feet, I’m sorely tempted to let her have it.

I do my count down threatening to warm up on her. BUT she threatens me with serious bodily harm “You’ll be sorrrrrry,” so I keep my distance, but it’s really her fault that the bed is so cold. IF we had a warm bed, I wouldn’t have to approach her side at all.

Is having a chronically cold bed, grounds for having her committed ??? It’s downright uncivilized !!!

I wouldn’t mind having separate beds but I would have to have an electric blanket. I keep telling my wife than since we don’t have an electric blanket because of her, then she has to be the heating source. She remains unconvinced.

65 degrees is cold? Then you’d freeze your heinekin off in my house at night 60 degrees. Just so you know they do have electric blankets with dual thermostats, she wouldn’t have to turn her side on. They also have electric mattrass pads with dual controllers.

 

[wcknight]

65 degrees is cold? Then you’d freeze your heinekin off in my house at night 60 degrees. Just so you know they do have electric blankets with dual thermostats, she wouldn’t have to turn her side on. They also have electric mattrass pads with dual controllers.

That would be great IF she would let me buy one. I’d settle for anything, even putting hot coals in a pan like they used to in the 17th century in Williamsburg. We’re only 300 years behind the times.

 

[maryj]

That would be great IF she would let me buy one. I’d settle for anything, even putting hot coals in a pan like they used to in the 17th century in Williamsburg. We’re only 300 years behind the times.

too funny…I’ve actually done that when we were camping. took a frying pan and filled it with coals from the campfire and ran it over the blankets before we got in.

 

[RazzsMom]

I am going to have to stop reading this forum while eating lunch at work…people are wondering about the sounds of stifled laughter in my cubicle! (It sounds too much like I am choking on my chicken salad!)

Hubster & I will celebrate 37 years of (mostly) peaceful, happy marital sleep this June. But as we are now into our middle fifties and the ol’ bods are not what they used to be, we are having sleep issues, too. Take my occasional hot flashes/wet nightgowns and back surgery, together with his bad back and snoring, toss in two Rottweilers who like to spoon, and you get one crowded bed — even King-sized! I especially love it when I get up in the night to make a BR run and return to find the GIrls (our Rotties) happily sprawled over my side of the bed and blankets! Just try to move a sleeping 120# dog…or two…

We have a dual control mattress warmer that goes from “L” to a 6 on heat scale (“L” is barely warm…6 would fry a steak.) That is the BEST thing we ever bought, next to the King-sized, comforter-top mattress itself! Since we live in a home we heat with wood pellet stove, that mattress warmer is a necessity. He can turn his side to “boil” and I can set mine to “tepid” and we are both happy!

I also have a wonderful recliner in the living room that has heat and massage (vibration, not that Shiatsu-torture). So if he or I cannot sleep for one reason or another, one of us will go to the living room and settle into the recliner — can watch TV or listen to music and be considerate of the partner in the bed…as long as you shut the BR door, that is!