So a woman rests her hand on my back at Mass yesterday. What's a guy to do?

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Whatever the motive for the act–it is still someone taking physical liberty on another persons body. If the situation was reversed and a man planted his hand on my daughters back – it is still taking a liberty on her body.
Well, in that case, if we’re being that literal, so would shaking hands. And if it were a girl or woman’s back, I’d feel the same way. Laying of hands on someone’s back is not remotely sexual in nature. Regardless, i still say if it upsets someone so much, they should politely explain to this woman after mass that they don’t like to be touched in church. No reason to be rude about it, since the person’s intent was only kindness. 🤷
 
Well, in that case, if we’re being that literal, so would shaking hands. And if it were a girl or woman’s back, I’d feel the same way. Laying of hands on someone’s back is not remotely sexual in nature. Regardless, i still say if it upsets someone so much, they should politely explain to this woman after mass that they don’t like to be touched in church. No reason to be rude about it, since the person’s intent was only kindness. 🤷

If people kept their hands to themselves — others wouldn’t have to explain – now would they. This goes beyond holding hands. A person has a choice as to whether to hold hands or not. The OP was denied this choice. He was denied the dignity of making the choice. Just as my daughter would have been denied the dignity of having a say as to who touches her body.
 
How do you think she saw you? Lonely, in solitude, while the rest of the Church was joined together in prayer.
Loneliness and solitude are two VERY, VERY different things.

I’m sure that this lady meant well, but in fact I was not lonely; on the contrary, she disturbed the solitude that I sought.
 

If people kept their hands to themselves — others wouldn’t have to explain – now would they.
You say this as if the woman is intentionally being rude. Since she obviously wasn’t, wouldn’ the best course of action be to simply (kindly) explain to her that you (or whoever this happens to) doesn’t appreciate it? You say, “This goes beyond holding hands”, but I have to remind you that’s your opinion. Although I would never choose to “lay hands” on someone as a form of prayer, I would never be offended if someone did. So, while it may seem obvious to you, it isn’t necessarily to others.
A person has a choice as to whether to hold hands or not. The OP was denied this choice. He was denied the dignity of making the choice.
Okay. Obviously, if it bothers him so much, and he felt robbed of his dignity because she prayed over him by touching his back, then he should by all means say something. My only point was that he should do so kindly, as she only meant it to be a lovely gesture. Is that what you’re arguing? That he doesn’t have to talk kindly to her about this? He should be rude? I guess I don’t see what you are debating me on.
Just as my daughter would have been denied the dignity of having a say as to who touches her body.
What if she (your daughter) doesn’t like to hug and her friend (who doesn’t know this about her) gives her a hug. Did she rob her of her dignity? Wouldn’t the prudent thing for your daughter to do be to tell her kindly that she isn’t a “touchy feely” or “huggy” kind of person?
 
Is society really so caught up in this personal space thing that people are creeped out when someone lays hands on you in *prayer? *
I think the issue is that laying hands on someone in prayer is not done w/o the permission of the one being touched.

I do not like strangers touching me - even in Church. I just don’t.
—KCT
 
Loneliness and solitude are two VERY, VERY different things.

I’m sure that this lady meant well, but in fact I was not lonely; on the contrary, she disturbed the solitude that I sought.
Did it bother you a great deal? If so, I would mention it to her should it happen again. Because if you don’t let her know you don’t like being touched, and you wanted the solitude, she will likely do it again. I’m sure she feels she was being kind and good.
 
Loneliness and solitude are two VERY, VERY different things.

I’m sure that this lady meant well, but in fact I was not lonely; on the contrary, she disturbed the solitude that I sought.
Maybe so, but is that any reason to laugh at her? Quite to the contrary, even though she grossly misunderstood your intentions in being alone, were I you I would feel an enormous amount of affection for a woman who dared to console me when it looked like I needed consoling.

A woman once reached out to touch Jesus’ robe. Should we assume she was trying to rape him?
 
You say this as if the woman is intentionally being rude. Since she obviously wasn’t, wouldn’ the best course of action be to simply (kindly) explain to her that you (or whoever this happens to) doesn’t appreciate it? You say, “This goes beyond holding hands”, but I have to reminder you that’s your opinion. Although I would never choose to “lay hands” on someone as a form of prayer, I would never be offended if someone did. So, while it may seem obvious to you, it isn’t necessarily to others.

Okay. Obviously, if it bothers him so much, and he felt robbed of his dignity because she prayed over him by touching his back, then he should by all means say something. My only point was that he should do so kindly, as she only meant it to be a lovely gesture. Is that what you’re arguing? That he doesn’t have to talk kindly to her about this? He should be rude? I guess I don’t see what you are debating me on.
Just as my daughter would have been denied the dignity of having a say as to who touches her body.

What if she (your daughter) doesn’t like to hug and her friend (who doesn’t know this about her) gives her a hug. Did you rob her of her dignity? Wouldn’t the prudent thing for your daughter to do be to tell her kindly that she isn’t a “touchy feely” or “huggy” kind of person?​

I say we don’t know her intentions—but the act of imposing your hand on another is still not justified–when a person does not have the choice to responded.

We are not speaking of a friend here and even with friends there are limits. We are speaking of an unknown person making an advance on another— and yes—not having a choice in the matter does rob the person of his/her dignity.
 
I think it showed that she wanted to pray in a community type of way…no offense should be taken. But, I have never seen that before, either.🙂
 
I say we don’t know her intentions—but the act of imposing your hand on another is still not justified–when a person does not have the choice to responded.
Did Jesus have a choice when he was touched by a woman he had never met walking down the street?

And did he command her to back off?
 
if it was me, i’d probably take her aside after Mass, and with a concerned demeanor, and tell her to wash her hands with a quiet but serious tone - “i’m being treated for a horrible case of aggressive, infectious Brazillian head lice, the buggers get everywhere, especially now when its mating season, and where you had your hand, no telling where they ended up on you”…

watching her run to the restroom to wash up frantically would be my laugh for the day.

remember this for next week… 😉 - although, she probably won’t be so inclined to put her hand on you.
 
This reminds me of a time a few years ago when I was at a very light- attendance Mass. I was several feet away from the nearest person who sat in a pew ahead of me. I was holding my two month old baby so my hands were occupied during the Our Father. The lady ahead of me reached out her hand to hold mine (which I don’t do anyway) and I looked at my baby then back at her to signal that I couldn’t put out a hand to her. So she grabs my sleeve and pulls me toward her!! She held onto my sleeve through the whole prayer which couldn’t have been a prayerful time for either one of us, with her leaning far to her right and behind her and me with my sleeve being pulled on. Afterwards I told her that it was awkward for me and she said she didn’t want me to feel alone !! Some people feel the need to reach out, no pun intended, to those they deem “alone”. They mean no harm, but it sure irritated me. I guess if it were to happen to me again like that, I’d tell the person to please let go of me.
 
Did Jesus have a choice when he was touched by a woman he had never met walking down the street?

And did he command her to back off?

Well – if I am still alive when our Lord returns—I will dropped down and kiss his feet —so are you saying it would be ok for a man use this as justification to lay his hand on a girl, young woman, etc.
 
Oh my, I would not like someone keeping their hand on my back, and especially being totally surprised coming up from behind.
You might rethink this hand holding thing . You could hold hands with the thought you are offering up a cross for Jesus if this is such a hardship and distaste for you.

Blessings
 
Excuse me, but exactly how is it that everyone can be “sure she meant no harm” and “*obviously *meant it in Christian charity,” “I think it showed” yadda, yadda, yadda?

Actually, we have NO IDEA what she meant, intended, or thought she was doing–SHE is not here dialoguing!! But the person who was touched IS here, and is saying it was a bizarre experience, it disturbed his solitude, and I forget what else! To sit here and project our own experiences into the mind and intent of that particular happy backslapper is bizarre, imho.

I’m shaking my head in bewilderment at those who are bringing up Bible passages, as well as those who are minimizing the whole event. If it were a common occurance, laying-on-of-hands type thing at the OP’s church, couldn’t we assume that he’d have “gotten” it & wouldn’t have felt the need to post it here?

I’m also a little surprised by my own reaction to this thread; I think what bothers me most is the unstated assumption in some posts that because this happened during the Mass, during the Our Father, no less, that therefore there could be no wrong-doing/faux-pas/impropriety (to whatever degree) on her part.
 
Of course, maybe she wasn’t trying to comfort him, maybe she wanted to comfort herself. Some people seem to need lots of affection in order to feel like there is some sort of connection. They go to great lengths to make sure they are holding hands during the Our Father, and they just have to touch people all the time.

I think my priest is like this, when he is talking to people he always is holding their hands or putting his hands on their or speaking to them very closely. I am afraid to talk to him because I am the opposite. If somebody gets within about 18 inches of me I start backing away. If they are really touchy feely and I hardly know them I’ll just avoid them.

If I have to deal with touchy feely people I let them grab my hand or hug me or whatever, and then do my best not to encourage them to find reasons to be near me.
 

Well – if I am still alive when our Lord returns—I will dropped down and kiss his feet —so are you saying it would be ok for a man use this as justification to lay his hand on a girl, young woman, etc.
We’re called to live very much as Jesus did, and Jesus didn’t seem to concerned about a reverent touch. Why should we?
I think what bothers me most is the unstated assumption in some posts that because this happened during the Mass, during the Our Father, no less, that therefore there could be no wrong-doing/faux-pas/impropriety (to whatever degree) on her part.
I see no reason not to give her the benefit of the doubt. Why should we assume she had malicious intent?
 
I have a friend who told me once it happened to her like that an she whispered to the lady “a littel more to the right is where it itches and she moved her sholders and said thank you”
 
I have a friend who told me once it happened to her like that an she whispered to the lady “a littel more to the right is where it itches and she moved her sholders and said thank you”
LOL OK now this was funny 👍
 
Originally Posted by Walking_Home
Well – if I am still alive when our Lord returns—I will dropped down and kiss his feet —so are you saying it would be ok for a man use this as justification to lay his hand on a girl, young woman, etc.

We’re called to live very much as Jesus did, and Jesus didn’t seem to concerned about a reverent touch. Why should we?

I see no reason not to give her the benefit of the doubt. Why should we assume she had malicious intent?

So I guess you are. 😦
 
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