So a woman rests her hand on my back at Mass yesterday. What's a guy to do?

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KCT said:
True, and I would take it good naturedly as well. Once I had someone take my hand out of my pocket and hold it.

It does bug me, though, that people feel free to touch me when I’ve made no indication that I want to be touched. It’s still my body and I don’t think people should touch me w/o permission.

—KCT
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Wow…someone performed forceable hand-holding on you?!! 🙂 Once a woman tapped me on the arm throughout the entire Our Father, and afterwards she told me in a loud wisper “you’re supposed to hold hands”.

I just don’t like holding hands with strangers. I’m sure folks don’t mean anything by it when they try to force it on you, but it’s kind of sad that some seem to think it’s required. Um…no.
 
boppaid said:
What ill intentions do you think she could have had?

I can only answer for me, but I was simply explaining why this wouldn’t bother ME. In fact, I would be touched (no pun intended).

Obviously for YOU, this scenario would be upsetting. If someone did that, I would think the charitable thing to do would be to tell her that you don’t like being touched, and could she please refrain?
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boppaid – we don’t know her intentions. We have had priests offering the Holy Sacrifice who had bad intentions and followed them–to where now certain dioceses are paying thru the nose. Just because people are in church is no guarantee that their intentions are honorable.
 
puzzleannie said:
another tactic that might work to avoid hand-holding, snuffle loudly and ostentatiously into a kleenex right before the OF, then stuff it in your pocket with an apologetic look at your neighbor as you keep your hands in your pocket. or my brother’s idea, two long bamboo back-scratchers, one for each hand, to extend at that time.
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bamboo scratchers???::dancing: Why not? :rotfl:
 
StephanieC said:
Excuse me, but exactly how is it that everyone can be “sure she meant no harm” and “*obviously *meant it in Christian charity,” “I think it showed” yadda, yadda, yadda?

Actually, we have NO IDEA what she meant, intended, or thought she was doing–SHE is not here dialoguing!! But the person who was touched IS here, and is saying it was a bizarre experience, it disturbed his solitude, and I forget what else! To sit here and project our own experiences into the mind and intent of that particular happy backslapper is bizarre, imho.

I’m shaking my head in bewilderment at those who are bringing up Bible passages, as well as those who are minimizing the whole event. If it were a common occurance, laying-on-of-hands type thing at the OP’s church, couldn’t we assume that he’d have “gotten” it & wouldn’t have felt the need to post it here?

I’m also a little surprised by my own reaction to this thread; I think what bothers me most is the unstated assumption in some posts that because this happened during the Mass, during the Our Father, no less, that therefore there could be no wrong-doing/faux-pas/impropriety (to whatever degree) on her part.
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…a particular happy backslapper…:rotfl:

that made me laugh!!! (out loud)
 
cecilia97 said:
Wow…someone performed forceable hand-holding on you?!! 🙂 Once a woman tapped me on the arm throughout the entire Our Father, and afterwards she told me in a loud wisper “you’re supposed to hold hands”.
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Oh my gosh!! ::eek: Talk about not taking a hint!!
 
Walking_Home said:
boppaid – we don’t know her intentions.
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Oh, you’re right. Technically we don’t. I guess I cannot imagine any other intention there could be for placing a hand on someone during prayer other than good. Could you elaborate for me on what a possibly BAD intention could be in this regard? I mean, I’m racking my brain, and I can’t come up with even one from the most sinister person? Are you thinking that someone would do that for the sole purpose of annoying someone? Or to molest them? What are your thoughts? I realize we can’t know…but you suggested (and you might be right) that since we can’t know her intentions were good, there’s a chance they might have been bad. In what way?

(Thanks for bearing w/ me in this. I’m not challenging you…I just want to try to understand where you are coming from. Thanks. 🙂 )
 
boppaid said:
Oh, you’re right. Technically we don’t. I guess I cannot imagine any other intention there could be for placing a hand on someone during prayer other than good. Could you elaborate for me on what a possibly BAD intention could be in this regard? I mean, I’m racking my brain, and I can’t come up with even one from the most sinister person? Are you thinking that someone would do that for the sole purpose of annoying someone? Or to molest them? What are your thoughts? I realize we can’t know…but you suggested (and you might be right) that since we can’t know her intentions were good, there’s a chance they might have been bad. In what way?

(Thanks for bearing w/ me in this. I’m not challenging you…I just want to try to understand where you are coming from. Thanks. 🙂 )
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Quote= Walking_Home
boppaid – we don’t know her intentions. We have had priests offering the Holy Sacrifice who had bad intentions and followed them–to where now certain dioceses are paying thru the nose. Just because people are in church is no guarantee that their intentions are honorable.​

It would seem some of the boys who were molested — at first would have thought the same thing–Father has no ill intention when touching me.

As I said–we don’t know her intentions. Just as her intentions could have been honorable—the opposite could be true. Being in church is no gaurantee --that peoples intentions are always 100% honorable.

If a man who stands in Personal Christi can have bad intentions–what makes you think a person who touches another in prayer --cannot.
 
I don’t like holding hands during the mass either (except with my wife), and I would have been surprised too. However, when you think of it, a sin is the only thing that is seriously wrong, and I would forget it (though I wouldn’t sit near her again.)
 
Just wink. And smile.

Leaves them confused.

And you don’t have to hold hands.
 
Walking_Home said:

Quote= Walking_Home
boppaid – we don’t know her intentions. We have had priests offering the Holy Sacrifice who had bad intentions and followed them–to where now certain dioceses are paying thru the nose. Just because people are in church is no guarantee that their intentions are honorable.​

It would seem some of the boys who were molested — at first would have thought the same thing–Father has no ill intention when touching me.

As I said–we don’t know her intentions. Just as her intentions could have been honorable—the opposite could be true. Being in church is no gaurantee --that peoples intentions are always 100% honorable.

If a man who stands in Personal Christi can have bad intentions–what makes you think a person who touches another in prayer --cannot.
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Thanks for your explanation. I guess I don’t feel the same way you do, but I certainly respect your opinion and see where you’re coming from!

Do you agree w/ my suggestion that if it happens to someone, and they are upset, it might be best to let that person know, in a kind way?
 
boppaid said:
Thanks for your explanation. I guess I don’t feel the same way you do, but I certainly respect your opinion and see where you’re coming from!

Do you agree w/ my suggestion that if it happens to someone, and they are upset, it might be best to let that person know, in a kind way?
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If you review my posts – I never said to be un-kind—but it still comes down to – we have no right to take advances with others.
 
boppaid said:
Do you agree w/ my suggestion that if it happens to someone, and they are upset, it might be best to let that person know, in a kind way?
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Yes.

That said, the Good Lord made me so high-strung and sensitive to being touched unexpectedly that once while I was staying overnight at a relative’s and someone gently grabbed me by the shoulder to wake me up in the morning, my reflex response out of a sound sleep was to hit back in self-defense while still laying down and groggy. From then on I’ve had to warn people against touching me while I’m sleeping!

I also have been known to scream when startled from behind. And loudly! In fact, this happened recently at work and good-natured humorous remarks are still being made about it … :o

~~ the phoenix
 
Walking_Home said:
If you review my posts – I never said to be un-kind—but it still comes down to – we have no right to take advances with others.
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I know. I looked back on your posts to see if I missed your answer since I didn’t see you agree or disagree with me on that point. Thanks for clarifying!
 
rpp said:
Did this woman have a wedding ring on?
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On the one side of her was a man (presumably her husband), and the other side were three kids (presumably their children), so she certainly had no lack of hands to grab.
rpp said:
Was she pretty? 🤷
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All I’ll say is that she had soft Palmolive hands and long “Lee Press-On” nails. 😃
 
the_phoenix said:
Yes.

That said, the Good Lord made me so high-strung and sensitive to being touched unexpectedly that once while I was staying overnight at a relative’s and someone gently grabbed me by the shoulder to wake me up in the morning, my reflex response out of a sound sleep was to hit back in self-defense while still laying down and groggy. From then on I’ve had to warn people against touching me while I’m sleeping!

I also have been known to scream when startled from behind. And loudly! In fact, this happened recently at work and good-natured humorous remarks are still being made about it … :o

~~ the phoenix
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My former roommate was like this! I was VERY careful not to wake her! 🙂
 
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