So a woman rests her hand on my back at Mass yesterday. What's a guy to do?

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OnlyAmbrose said:
We’re called to live very much as Jesus did, and Jesus didn’t seem to concerned about a reverent touch. Why should we?

I see no reason not to give her the benefit of the doubt. Why should we assume she had malicious intent?
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Double-check what I wrote; I made sure to say that I don’t understand how, because this happened during the Mass, there could be no wrong-doing/faux-pas/impropriety (to whatever degree) on her part. Didn’t say she had any “malicious” intent. *I *don’t know; I wasn’t there.

Again, the only person even close to being able to read the mind of this woman is the OP. It just smells a little “off” to me that the responses seem weighted towards minimizing the OP’s stated experience & bending over backwards to accomodate the woman’s presumed/assumed/imagined/projected reasons for her actions.
 
True, certainly much more charity and digging for a reason here than the poor priest who had reason to request the congregation to stand.

Lux
 
I don’t like to be touched, either, although I agree that her motives were kind, so I wouldn’t say anything.

But I would make certain to never sit near her again!
 
She was laying hands on you because you looked like you needed healing! Do you still need healing? I’m sure we can arrange a ‘laying on of hands’ service and everyone can join in.
 
Very interesting thread.

I’ll weigh in on the side of those who said, move aside. I don’t think I’d say anything, but I would decisively move out of range.

The woman, though, was probably acting out of good motives; not wanting you to feel ‘left out,’ despite mis-understanding the difference between solitude and being lonely.
 
boppaid said:
Did it bother you a great deal? If so, I would mention it to her should it happen again. Because if you don’t let her know you don’t like being touched, and you wanted the solitude, she will likely do it again. I’m sure she feels she was being kind and good.
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It does not bother me that I was touched. I’m not afraid of physical contact, nor even of the fact that it was done without my permission.

However, what I am bothered about is the context within which the touching happened. I do not practice the liturgical abuse of hand-holding during Mass, so I certainly don’t want someone else “forcing” physical contact on me when I don’t extend my hand.

If this lady wants to touch me she can go at it all she wants AFTER Mass ! 😦
 
lepanto said:
It does not bother me that I was touched. I’m not afraid of physical contact, nor even of the fact that it was done without my permission.

However, what I am bothered about is the context within which the touching happened. I do not practice the liturgical abuse of hand-holding during Mass, so I certainly don’t want someone else “forcing” physical contact on me when I don’t extend my hand.

If this lady wants to touch me she can go at it all she wants AFTER Mass ! 😦
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
 
OnlyAmbrose said:
Maybe so, but is that any reason to laugh at her? Quite to the contrary, even though she grossly misunderstood your intentions in being alone, were I you I would feel an enormous amount of affection for a woman who dared to console me when it looked like I needed consoling.
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Who is laughing?

And is there an assumption that just because someone sits alone that he is on suicide watch??
 
Just tol let you guys know, I am a lady, and married, but there are ladies out there that have never been with a man and they go to women docs and they pride themselves in never been touched by a man like a nun. It is a very spiritual thing with them, I don’t really understand this myself. 🤷 I know one and she is 59 and very happy to have been a virgin all along and she doesn’t touch hands with a priest ither. It doesn’t really make sense today but I guess they figure a certain amount of spirit pass through even when touching.
I think it is a new age thing IMHO .

Dessert
 
lepanto said:
Who is laughing?

And is there an assumption that just because someone sits alone that he is on suicide watch??
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😃 This is kind of funny and kind of sad, but I did have an experience in my parish.
When I started at a new one, every time in church my eyes would water, so they thought I was crying, well I learned that it is a new church and has lots of scents in it that are irritating. I hadn’t gotten used to it . It took about 6 months. and the priest really has allergy to stuff , carpet paint all that and boy does he have a time he has to go out side a lot not during mass to get fresh air. He has been there three years, he almost left because of it.
I was going to capitalize and spoke of the smells but they didn’t believe me so I just let it go so I watch any new people that come and sure enough they sniffle too. I can’t go every day sinuses too sensitive.
I would find some new approaches ( read up on approach- approach) because if you try to get away they will come after you. Ha!
Dessert
 
lepanto said:
As usual, I try to sit with enough distance between me and others (I attend Mass alone) to subtly preclude anybody from trying to hold my hand during the Our Father. Of course, I would take someone’s hand if offered to me, out of courtesy, but I’d rather avoid the situation to begin with. I dislike this incongruous practice in the Mass.

Yesterday, I was the only one sitting in my particular pew, on purpose. During the Our Father, as is my practice, I clasped my hands, closed my eyes, and bowed my head…then I felt a hand resting on my back! :bigyikes: The woman sitting behind me must’ve felt that I was terribly lonely or something because she just went and placed her hand on my back between my shoulders, right below the neck, and she kept it there right through the prayer! This had never happened to me before. :o

I didn’t know whether to laugh or take offense. She was apparently so intent on holding hands that my back would have to suffice.

What’s a guy to do? :confused:
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Well, a woman at my church went to offer her ‘peace’ to another parishioner after the ‘Our Father’ and the guy hit her really hard. I mean, he almost knocked her on her behind, so maybe it is time to suspend the activity. We can always hug, etc after mass.
 
Walking_Home said:
I say we don’t know her intentions—but the act of imposing your hand on another is still not justified–when a person does not have the choice to responded.

We are not speaking of a friend here and even with friends there are limits. We are speaking of an unknown person making an advance on another— and yes—not having a choice in the matter does rob the person of his/her dignity.
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Your opinion. And, regardless of whether you agree w/ laying of hands on someone, what are you disagreeing with me on? I have said many times that if someone is uncomfortable with it, then they have every right to say something. **My only caveat was that they should be kind to her. Is that what you are disagreeing with **?
 
Look at her in the eyes, smile, and quietly say,
“You are in my bubble.” 😃
 
StephanieC said:
Excuse me, but exactly how is it that everyone can be “sure she meant no harm” and “*obviously *meant it in Christian charity,” “I think it showed” yadda, yadda, yadda?
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What ill intentions do you think she could have had?
StephanieC said:
I’m shaking my head in bewilderment at those who are bringing up Bible passages, as well as those who are minimizing the whole event.
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I can only answer for me, but I was simply explaining why this wouldn’t bother ME. In fact, I would be touched (no pun intended).

Obviously for YOU, this scenario would be upsetting. If someone did that, I would think the charitable thing to do would be to tell her that you don’t like being touched, and could she please refrain?
 
lepanto said:
No, I do not think that the lady was intentionally rude, but I do believe that she was UNintentially rude.
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Okay. See, if it were me, I’d be very touched. I would have thought “aw, how nice of her to care.” Obviously, though, you don’t agree and that’s fine. It made you very uncomfortable. I do think it would be prudent for you to say something to her kindly (and I say kindly because you and I both agree she didn’t INTENTIONALLY upset you).
 
lepanto said:
It does not bother me that I was touched. I’m not afraid of physical contact, nor even of the fact that it was done without my permission.

However, what I am bothered about is the context within which the touching happened. I do not practice the liturgical abuse of hand-holding during Mass, so I certainly don’t want someone else “forcing” physical contact on me when I don’t extend my hand.

If this lady wants to touch me she can go at it all she wants AFTER Mass ! 😦
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Oh, i see. Again, I think you should just explain all this to her, kindly.
 
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