So depressed found 12 yr old son is watching porn

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Not a lot you can do other than get a good blocker on any internet access and have a chat with him (I agree it might be easier if it’s his dad that does this ). Boys will seek this sort of thing out for all sorts of reasons and not just sexual ones (showing off to friends, shock value, humour, curiosity etc). They will find a way. Eventually he will be able to decide for himself but just pray and be a great example . You’re far from at fault here - good parents are supposed to worry about their kids and want the best for them 🙂 you also sound like you have a healthy attitude about it all
 
hug

Its not your fault. I was not allowed a phone until 18 and ended up seeing porn at 9 while out riding my bike with my friends! We found a box and thought it was a treasure chest 😖 yeahhh a treasure chest funn of fresh cut sin 😳 haha it was horrible. But the point of that story is that its everywhere. Sad, but true.

Yes, have the conversation. Be kind, as it is an embarassing topic. I would think taking away the phone is a good idea but not as a punishment… I am a computer nerd and trust me there is NO way to block it. :pray:praying for you!
 
joyfulandactive said:
Maybe his dad and I should discuss it with him together.
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Others may feel differently, but for me when I was age, the thought of talking to both my parents simultaneously about a topic such as this would have been quite mortifying. Of course, my parents idea of having any sort of sex talk was waiting until I got to college and then leaving a 1960’s Q&A book about sex in my bedroom for me to find. 🤣

Not that you cannot both talk with him about it. But perhaps separate conversations might be better and less intimidating.

That could just be me, though. Obviously you know your son best and what would work the best in your situation. I can see how presenting a unified front could be beneficial, too.
 
I have only taken away the phone while I figure out what to do and potentially download an app such as CE. He actually doesn’t seem to have a clue why I took the phone away.
 
covenant eyes is a paid subscription program where it tracks and/or blocks your activity and reports it to your accountability partner

for general home protection, we use Net Nanny

it’s a rough world out there, keep the Lord close to the center of our families
so we can have the strength to persevere in a perverse world
 
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He is likely too old for “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures”, however, if you have younger siblings I’d suggest getting both versions of this book.

As someone (may have been Mr Fradd) said on Catholic Answers Live, your kid does not have to look for porn, porn is looking for your kid.
 
Honestly, he probably doesn’t understand. My wife worked in a high school, and the students thought nothing of looking at porn, even going so far as to look at it in class. It’s a non-issue in their minds; just a natural part of life. It’s really sad…

Speaking as someone who was first exposed at a younger age than 12, I have this to say. If you see the activity becoming habitual, if it seems like no matter what you do you can’t get him to stop, get him counselling. I love my parents, they did what they thought best, but I would have benefited immensely from counselling. It’s a bad enough habit that now, over twenty years later, I still haven’t been able to kick it, despite almost half a decade of trying. I took every opportunity every time they were out of the house to try to find my way to get some pornography, and this was in the pre-cell phone era. My only respite was when I was fully engaged in a video game, which is still my crutch to this day…

I’m not trying to scare you or anything, I’m not saying your son is addicted, but I would keep a watch out for signs, and get him help if he needs it. He might not like it right now, but the sick patient rarely likes the medicine they need to take to get well.
 
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There is far too much accessibility to pornography WITHOUT smart phones. He’s going to come across it at some point without a doubt.

His father should speak with him about this, not his mother. Women are abused, neglected, kidnapped and trafficked to create pornography.

Your instinct is correct, he is too young to have a smart phone (in my view most students are), and if they need one for some specific reason it needs to have Covenant Eyes or something similar on it so, you two, as parents, can regularly check on sites visited.

Better yet, find an old-fashioned flip phone - he can still call if there’s an emergency but won’t have Internet access to distract him.
I speak to parents and children about this regularly; and lead a support group for men addicted to porn. Get rid of, or lock down the phone.
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To all parents - get rid of the phone (if you can), substitute a flip phone (if possible), or at the VERY LEAST lock the browser down.

If your child whines about it just give them this option:
(1) phone w/ Covenant Eyes and regular checks by parents or
(2) no phone.

Deacon Christopher
 
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Keep calm and ask him what he has seen, and what he knows about sex. Many children stumble upon porn by accident at first, as online pornographers will go out of their way to try to get kids to click their links accidentally. Clearly explain to him Catholic teaching on sex and marriage in an age-appropriate manner, and bring him to Confession regularly.
 
For the longest time I actually wanted my parents to catch me so that they could help me. I was too embarrassed to ask and I still was very “sneaky” to not get caught but I wanted to be caught because I knew it was bad and needed help.

Maybe your son or daughter or anyone’s son or daughter might secretly want to be caught but needs you to help them?
 
So now that the horse is out of the barn, what to do?

I would seriously debate that putting Covenant Eyes on the phone is sufficient. If the phone is interntet capable, you have issues with sexting. This is not to say your son would send a sexually explicit picture of himself to anyone, or that anoyne might send a picture of themseves to him (and that is certainly within the realm of possibilities; girls are not necessarily that much better in decision making at this age, or for some time to come0. It is also possible that one of his firiends, or one of his firends "friends may be involved in such, and porn on a vey immedtiate level can be sent around.

For that matter, texting is new playground for some of the more vicious forms of bullying, so even allowing texting is of seriously debatable value.

You have to weigh those risks agisnst what type of social parriah he may be relegated to if Mommy and Daddy reduce him to a phone with limitations only to select phone numbers.

You can start from the bottom up. No phone whatsoever ( never had one, and my children never had one untilt hey were in college…). If safety is an issue, you can give a phone limited to only calls to and from certain numbers - which you choose.

You can get a smart phone, with monitoring features and limited apps (e.g. for school), and I don’t buy the argument that he needs to have the phone to do research. Or you may find someone who can limit the search capabilities, whose background may be IT. It is going to be your call, but that does not control his access through other kids’ phones.

However, the fact you can’t control that is no excuse for deciding you can’t control his phone.
 
Regardless of what a parent does, there are always friends to lead your child down the wrong path. I don’t know what the answer is. I really think it is giving your kid a huge dose of reality about what the industry entails. Don’t hold back. He has already been looking at it. It really is a matter of conscience, even for a 12 year old which is difficult.
 
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I see some things here:
-Everyone who grew up with the internet seem to have watched porn. I cant imagine a person of that era who did not.
-Parents dont understand that internet is often more dangerous than irl.
  • Parents are often in denial of this.
    -people watch porn because they are afraid of dealing with their emotions (which really want to lead to real intimacy).
    -Children are afraid of telling their parents of their sexuality.
    -covenant eyes dont seem too work for much of the porn watchers. They need to open up about sexuality instead. Only for those who still open up about porn and cant stay away need it.
    -Priest need to preach real sexuality from the pulpit.
    -catholics most do more than just give the phiolosophy of sexuality to people. People need to learn how to live the philosophy of sexuality. Catechism isnt enough!
What are your views on this?
 
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Amen! This is true!!
And you can go to confession one million time but there is no real confession unless you really tell the parents. My argument is that you have to open up to a human as well (if you can find someone that is).
 
I think for most kids, they watch because they are curious. I don’t think every kid who watches becomes addicted to it. I also don’t think it is always a sign of a bigger problem.

With all that said, I don’t like it. I don’t like that it is so readily available. I think there are much better things to do with ones time. Back in the old days we used to go to the art gallery. We satisfied a lot of our (same type) of curiosity there.

Parents really need to be vigilant these days. My hearts go out to them.
 
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I wasn’t well yesterday so I am still praying and pondering. My husband did not get home from work until 9pm or later so we have not had time together to discuss it, although I think it has been on his mind as he sent me a link for an app from the phone company restricting use. However, I think I already have it on my son’s phone or something similar.

I had been called by Our Lady to pray a certain novena daily which I started on Tuesday and the next day I was in much less physical pain. The intention is nothing to do with healing so I was very surprised. I told my husband and yesterday he offered to pray it with me. I explained it was just a private devotion in response to a request from Our Lady but that she had also asked me to pray the Novena of Our Lady of Hope as yesterday was the anniversary of her appearance to the children in Pontmain, France. He said he would join me. I had a most tremendous headache yesterday which is very unusual for me. It even was making me feel like I might possibly vomit. I took tylenol of course.

So we got ready to pray the novena at about 11pm and literally as soon as I began to pray I had to vomit and rushed to the bathroom. This kind of drama is completely unusual for me! I was determined to pray the novena, and did. So all I can say is that I believe Our Lady is with our family and helping to defend us against youknowwho.
 
This is what I wish I had when I was a young teen.
Sadly I didn’t have strong Christian role models growing up. Though my parents taught me some good stuff, this stuff was never really discussed.
 
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Yes I have to say it seems a bit ridiculous to be too scared to damage my son’s “tender heart” by talking about this openly, when he has already watched a lot of porn! We are really leaving our kids to be eaten alive by confusion and drawing them away from God and who God wants them to be. Would I take my son somewhere and push him into a room where people are having sex in front of him?! A parent who did that would be arrested for child abuse and corruption of a child. How is letting them watch porn any different? Except it is in the comfort of their own home! I am not going to overwhelm him, but neither am I going to be a coward in dealing with this and doing my duty as a parent to protect him. I will be answerable on judgement day for my children. I don’t see Jesus sweeping this under the carpet somehow!
 
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