So depressed found 12 yr old son is watching porn

  • Thread starter Thread starter joyfulandactive
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Whose sweeping this under the carpet?
Is his father around to talk to him lovingly about this?

You know. I was in mortal sin earlier this week. I was reading about Gods love and mercy in Hosea. Jesus has been showing me that we are to be horrified by sin. But in dealing with sin He comes not to destroy but to offer mercy.

This young child needs parental correction but with understanding and tenderness. If that does not work in the future, then more harsh correction seems justifiable.
 
Last edited:
I am not talking about any kind of harsh correction I feel I already made that clear. I am talking about teaching.
 
Explain to your son why it is morally wrong.

When I was 12 and I was angry at my grandfather, my mother took me to see the priest so he could explain to me about being considerate to old people.

I have done what your son has done and I wished I had a mentor to take this guilt away from me.

Your son knows that he did something gravely wrong and needs to make it right. You can encourage your son to go to confession, but you cannot tell him what to say, it must come from him. The priest will help the penitent if they don’t know the order of the confession.

I am sorry to say, but I do not think that confession is enough. You need to get Dad to encourage him to do hobbies, like fixing things, running, hunting, spending time at his work. How to be a mature person.

It can be very difficult for your son to try make himself change into a better person without guidance.

Don’t be despondent, professionals say that kids at this age are very experimental and thus it does not mean that this behavior cannot be corrected.
 
The good news is you may have caught it early. I agree with others, don’t over do the shame. [we don’t want to create too much emotional baggage]

I won’t say you over reacted though, porn is a soul crushing thing, highly addictive with life long consequences. Again, I think you are fortunate you caught it while he is still young. All kids today, walk through a different sort of mine field genXers and baby boomers did. Far more easy, far more damaging now days. Don’t panic though, relax, and pray.

Search amazon and it’s reviews for a book about this so you can learn how others dealt with this effectively. When you find one, buy a copy for Dad, your son, and maybe yourself. Make this a personal research project. This will empower you, Dad and son. Then… God will send you others for help with this empowering you even further, and making something better, out of something horrible.

Blessings,
e.
 
Last edited:
Tis_Bearself said:
You said his dad is in denial about it. I’m not sure what that means, but given that you saw the porn on the phone, I presume your husband isn’t calling you a liar. Would your husband be willing to have the talk with your son about porn and why it is bad?
Click to expand...
Eminently reasonable and wise words to the OP.

OP, when I was 12 years old I was consuming over an hour of porn every day 7 days a week. I’m now a 30 year old devout Catholic and happily married… Although the struggle against lust is ongoing.

Don’t despair, you’re not a bad mom. You’re a fallen human, and so is your son. Embrace mercy and understanding and fight against harsh judgment and callousness. You can make this situation better or worse depending on how wisely, charitably, and mercifully you respond to it.
 
You need to have a serious talk with him about just how harmful porn is. If you try to spy on him, he will not be honest with you about his feelings and his behavior in the future and he may grow to distrust you. You should teach him about the abuse rampant in the porn industry, the health impact, and what it does to people, but he has to reject it himself. Whatever you do, don’t intrude on his privacy, because that can cause major fractures in your relationship with him.
 
jesusmademe said:
people watch porn because they are afraid of dealing with their emotions
Click to expand...
Yep I’d say so. I always turned to it as a crutch in the hopes of feeling better when I felt lonely or sad. But I never felt better I only felt worse. It is the classic trick of the devil, he appeals to the truth of of emotional wantings but then his truck is that lust is the solution.

Reading up on Theology of the Body I think really helps people struggling with this to put it in a healthy perspective
 
Everyone I must make it clear, I have a great relationship with my son and my style of parenting is not about shaming or guilting my children. I also want to let you know that my son told me to a few months ago that he definitely does not believe in abortion, I was surprised as we were not even talking about that. So despite his struggles God is working on his heart. I always notice how he receives Holy Communion reverently too.

I am quite analytical and so is he so he knows he can come to me and talk about anything, sometimes he tries to shock me but I enjoy a friendly debate and like to surprise him with how open minded I am and how I am not afraid to discuss difficult things.

I guess that is why I am pondering that this is a teachable moment and , kindly and with love talk about men and women and how destructive and addictive porn can be for men and women and how it has been proved to affect men’s ability to be physically loving with their wives if they become addicted as young men.

I am also glad that he has the witness of a very happy marriage, where we talk a lot and show physical affection in front of the kids. Something neither myself or my husband had with our own parents.
 
Also Zerg, never in a million years would I tell my kids what to confess! If we were chatting and they were asking for advice I might suggest going to confession if they were struggling with their conscience about something.
 
Also people mentioned friends who might lead my son astray, this is true of course. On the other hand my son of course is quite capable of the leading! He attends a Catholic school and his close friends come from devout families that practice their faith. The Principal is a devout father of five whose eldest daughter has just become the youth minister at the school’s parish. So the although every environment has it’s sin and sinners this is a Catholic school that is strong in it’s identity and the theology class is orthodox.

Also my son is the most academic of his close friends and is on the Honor Role each semester, he is also working toward a service award. He is smart and has told me openly that he prefers to lead. So it could well be my own kid that could be a source of “education” for other boys in this regard and is another reason to make sure we are doing correct teaching. So to try and get the balance right maybe having his dad discuss porn with him initially but then to give him further teaching and understanding of it’s dangers. The second part would most likely have to come from me or it wouldn’t happen. My husband is a very good man but doesn’t show much interest in learning about or knowing his faith. Quite frankly he is not going to know the church’s position.

However, the good news is we decided to study the catechism this year each evening after having a really productive time praying each evening during Advent. My husband was extremely faithful to that and would remind me it was time to pray. We can’t start that as yet for a couple of reasons but it should be quite soon.
 
You have made a good point about art galleries.
Any evidence(s) for this?
 
I have often heard that kids with less accessibiity to porn would look at pictures of scantily clad natives in “National Geographic” magazine.

When I was growing up, I personally had great difficulty understanding how naked people in Playboy or Playgirl or Penthouse were bad, but naked people in an artist’s painting or even posing naked for an art class to draw were okay. I spent some time perusing Great Art that showed people in a semi-clothed or unclothed state. Unfortunately I still get a little more turned on by certain Great Art than I want to be (and let’s not talk about garden variety less-than-great art). I’m not sure if that reaction was what the artist intended but I find some of it to be way sexier than porn.
 
Last edited:
Don’t berate yourself. You did your best and in this day and age and your son would find this porn somewhere else if not on his own phone. It’s a terrible thing for our young people for sure. In my day as a lad the worst thing we could see were photo’s of topless women and that was immoral enough.
 
Or the ladies lingerie section in a Sears & Roebuck catalog! This type of thing cannot be avoided as boys are entering that very difficult age called puberty.
 
That people in the old days went to the art gallery instead of internet porn. I just dont understand how this is true.
 
jesusmademe said:
That people in the old days went to the art gallery instead of internet porn. I just dont understand how this is true.
Click to expand...
Well we weren’t exactly allowed to order subscriptions of pornographic magazines when I was a kid growing up in my parents house. We did however live within very close distance to many art galleries. The art galleries had sculptures of nudes as well as oil paintings, Etc so is a curious young person you would go walk through the art gallery and take notice of what you were looking at. Is that what you mean?
 
I would hardly put the beautiful rendering of an CREATED image of the human form as equal in affect and intent with humans partaking in actual, moving graphic sex. Many people keen on pornography have always tried to make that argument, which is a weak one to my mind. In pornography women are presented for a male gaze. Porn is usually made by men. Women are displayed as constantly available and eager for sex, with apparent strangers. They are ritually humiliated for male consumption and the acts and scenarios are for a male fantasy. Actual female sexuality and desire is not the focus. Porn clearly debases women.

Young men raised on porn get very angry to find in the real world women get to chose their sexual partners and are not freely available. They feel entitled to women’s sexual attention and it has spawned movements of angry men who believe crazy ideas such as women should be regulated by the government so that every man has a girlfriend/sexual partner. Porn has absolutely nothing to teach men about what women want and in fact misleads many into what it takes to obtain a sexual partner for life.
 
We all know the difference, the first can be gazed upon openly by the entire family, the second is furtively looked at, hidden and usually alone. It is not displayed in a public place for all to see.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top