Something I Need to Know Before Marriage

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

I agree with what everyone says about other things being much more important, but I think bad sex can affect a relationship. I’ve done research on this along with hearing friends’ experiences. It really seems like sex with an uncircumcised man is much more comfortable and pleasurable. I just don’t want to stuck in a marriage where sex is a chore.

Honestly… while this isn’t an appropriate place to talk about this sort of thing, I can tell you from experience that this is really a non-issue. In my former life, I knew a lot of women who were as, uh, experienced as me and none of them ever complained, either.

Of all the silly things you could be worried about, you’ve picked a very strange one.

 

[shannyk]

That’s what lubricants are for.

Actually that’s what foreplay is for

Gisella, the dryness you are talking about is really more about the woman and her physiology than the man being circ or not. I think your friend is seriously mistaken, and giving you bad advice based on her bad experience.

Without getting too nitty gritty here, the dryness your friend is speaking of is probably due to her not being physically ready for intercourse, and sometimes has to do with a woman’s cycle, meds she’s taking (like the pill etc.) or other physical or psychological factors.

I can’t compare because the only man I have had that experience with was circumcised as is typical with men in the US of my age group. But, I can assure you it was NEVER a comfort issue, and I didn’t ‘miss out’ on anything (if you get my drift )

As a side note, how would you feel as a woman if a man rejected you because you didn’t have big breasts, or the right color eyes, or some other small insignificant feature? People have been having sex for millions of years, and have found ways to make it ‘fun’ despite physical anomalies. Try to focus more on what you are willing to give to your marriage rather than worry about what you night not get.

 

[shannyk]

There is no cure for HPV, and “treatment” is usually surgery to remove the warts or surgery to remove the affected portion of the cervix. I wouldn’t call that “easily.”

Actually most HPV can elimated in women with high doses of folic acid.

Something to look into further as I am certianly not giving medical advice here

 

[sanctareparata]

Gisella -

I must say, in all my time of researching the pros and cons of circumcision, I was never made aware of the actual physical difference of the sexual act until pretty recently. I think American medical info keeps it quite hushed for a reason…$$$

I used to have NO idea that sex with an intact man is gentler, or not drying (and lubricants don’t always help because the circ’ed penis just keeps pulling the moisture right back out), or even that I, as a woman, would have a greater chance of climaxing *with *him during the act rather than separately after his own climax, all because the mechanics of the intact penis work differently and the man responds differently.

After I learned this info, I must admit, I’ve wondered what sex could have been like with my husband, too. I know if he were intact, he’d have all the nerve endings he was supposed to have, which would give him a fuller sensation of pleasure, and I know that for me, sex would likely also be different - perhaps even better.

But I can’t reverse the clock. I love him for who he is, and though I do resent the decision his mother made for him (because it will affect **us **for the rest of our married lives) I can’t change it and I don’t view him like he’s some imperfect man. However, I also have a husband who is very reasonable, and has reviewed the same info I have, and has come to the conclusion that he’d be interested in restoration somewhere down the line. Obviously, it doesn’t restore even 50% of everything lost, but it will fix *some *issues.

So we have that to look forward to someday.

Don’t base your decision on what “goods” he’s carrying. You wouldn’t want him to make a decision like that about you, would you? You will love him as he is because, as the others said, it wasn’t his decision. And maybe someday he can restore too.

shannyk: Actually, the dryness isn’t so much that the woman isn’t ready, but that the moisture keeps getting pulled back out with a circ’ed man. With an intact man, the foreskin bunches up behind the ridge and keeps all the moisture inside. It’s physically different…Which helps LOTS when you’ve hit post-menopause and really don’t have much moisture to work with to begin with, foreplay or not.

 

[shannyk]

I’ve been told by several people that being with a circumcised man causes dryness and just doesn’t feel as good(without getting too explicit). I’d feel like I’d be missing out if I married a circimcised man. Since I don’t plan on having pre-marital sex, I can’t exactly compare.

Well it seems although you have decided to remain a virgin, your friends haven’t and have some experience.

Let me tell you, these people are not the ones to take advice from… Having sex in a loving, committed marriage where both partners are free and comfortable with themselves and each other is not even comparable to the boyfriend sex or the one night stand sex.

Your husband would likely be very interested in making sure you both have a good experience, and the experience gets better over time with ‘practice’, whereas the fly by night mister, probably won’t care much what your experience is.

 

[sanctareparata]

Guess Jews have been having horrible sex for thousands of years. What was God thinking!

God knew exactly what He was doing, IMHO. The circumcisions *He *mandated left a man for the most part, still intact. Only the tip was removed, and the glans was still covered.

Only later did MEN (rabbis) change that and turn the penis “inside out” - exposing the whole glans and removing all the foreskin. That’s why circ’ed men have a dry grey glans - the body tries to protect itself so it builds up a tough skin over it when in fact, it’s supposed to be pink, moist mucous membrane.

 

[Gisella]

Actually that’s what foreplay is for

As a side note, how would you feel as a woman if a man rejected you because you didn’t have big breasts, or the right color eyes, or some other small insignificant feature?

That’s an issue of physical attractiveness. What I’m talking about is sexual satisfaction and comfort. Having said that, If a guy’s not attracted to me I’m not going to hold it against him. I’d simply move on. We all have our preferences. I’m not attracted to guys with red hair for example.

 

[shannyk]

shannyk: Actually, the dryness isn’t so much that the woman isn’t ready, but that the moisture keeps getting pulled back out with a circ’ed man. With an intact man, the foreskin bunches up behind the ridge and keeps all the moisture inside. It’s physically different…Which helps LOTS when you’ve hit post-menopause and really don’t have much moisture to work with to begin with, foreplay or not.

Yes I know; my son is uncirced because I’m well aware of all the differences. But, if a woman is dry due to menopause to begin with.being uncirced isn’t going to make a difference.

I’m all for leaving men intact but I do think the significance of it for sexual reasons can be overstated.

Circumcision is usually the least of any problem sexual or otherwise that any marriage will experience, and I think Giselle would be unwise to search for a husband based on this criteria but that is just MHO.

 

[sanctareparata]

Circumcision is usually the least of any problem sexual or otherwise that any marriage will experience, and I think Giselle would be unwise to search for a husband based on this criteria but that is just MHO.

I agree.

Giselle - Would you really *ask *a man before allowing yourself to fall in love with his what his status is? And if not, then could you honestly *leave *a man you love once you know him well enough to ask him?

 

[shannyk]

That’s an issue of physical attractiveness

But for men the physical attractive part is very significant to the sexual aspect. So, they are comparable. Believe me there are plenty of men out there who think they must have a woman with a D cup, but then marry their love who is a B and have a wonderful married love life.

Gisella I’m not saying that here might be some small difference in sensation between having sex with a circ vs. uncirc man, but really, in the grand scheme how important is that in marriage? Kissing someone with big lips is nicer than kissing someone with thin lips…so?? You are talking about a sensation that lasts for a relatively short period of time even for the most passionate and voracious lovers. The mind is the biggest and most important sexual organ not the genitals.

 

[Em_in_FL]

That’s an issue of physical attractiveness. What I’m talking about is sexual satisfaction and comfort. Having said that, If a guy’s not attracted to me I’m not going to hold it against him. I’d simply move on. We all have our preferences. I’m not attracted to guys with red hair for example.

I’m sorry… but UGH, you make sex sound so MECHANICAL…
I don’t mean this rudely… but it sounds as vain as discussing “size”, know what I mean?
I mean, it’s one thing to have preferences of attraction… but what if you fall in love with a man due to his PERSONALITY? Or his FAITH? I just think this seems like such a circumstantial vanity… especially if they were circumcised as an infant… you’d fault a guy over that?!?

Sorry, that just seems vain to me…

 

[Gisella]

I agree.

Giselle - Would you really *ask *a man before allowing yourself to fall in love with his what his status is? And if not, then could you honestly *leave *a man you love once you know him well enough to ask him?

That’s why I’m so torn on this. I want to marry an intact man for the exact reasons you stated, but if I’m in love with a circed man I don’t know what I’d do. Honestly, I’m not too impressed with most American men my age, so maybe I’ll fall in love with a guy from another country.

 

[shannyk]

And if not, then could you honestly leave a man you love once you know him well enough to ask him?

I would like to know this too, and I hope the answer is no…because to do so would be fairly heartless.

Gisella this is something to really think about. You have women who have experienced this here telling you it’s no big…so think about it.

 

[Seatuck]

Post your resources on your stats, please. According to my doctor, approximately 80% of all sexually active people carry the HPV virus. It can lie dormant and/or undetected for a lifetime in some. Scary stuff.

Just search uncircumcised men and increased cervical cancer
risk in women . Most of my info comes from professional journals. I’m an RN . It is scary stuff. Uncirc’d men tend to have higher levels of yeast as well which causes vaginal infections in the female partner. Circumcision is beginning to find favor among the medical community again. There is also a decrease risk of HIV transmission in uncirc’d men .You can bet they are going to study that further. They are currently studying the presence of HPV’s in breast tissue tumors in partners of uncirc’d men.

Here’s one I found quickly-

usatoday.com/news/health/women/2002-04-11-cervical.htm

Of course. Abstinence of both men and women will reduce the risk from STI’s. As will proper cleanliness. However bacteria and yeast levels are higher in uncir’c men despite washing frequently and their wives tend to have more infections .

 

[Gisella]

I’m sorry… but UGH, you make sex sound so MECHANICAL…
I don’t mean this rudely… but it sounds as vain as discussing “size”, know what I mean?
I mean, it’s one thing to have preferences of attraction… but what if you fall in love with a man due to his PERSONALITY? Or his FAITH? I just think this seems like such a circumstantial vanity… especially if they were circumcised as an infant… you’d fault a guy over that?!?

Sorry, that just seems vain to me…

A man’s size is natural no matter what it is. Having no foreskin isn’t natural.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I’ve been told by several people that being with a circumcised man causes dryness and just doesn’t feel as good(without getting too explicit). I’d feel like I’d be missing out if I married a circimcised man. Since I don’t plan on having pre-marital sex, I can’t exactly compare.

Well, I’ve been married for almost 39 years to a circumcised man and did not notice anything faulty in the lubrication department until I hit menopause, at which point the problem was mine, not his. Biologically, “lubrication” is mostly a female, not a male function. Perhaps it’s best not to listen to too many people–you might just miss out on the man God intended for you. That is way more important than the other. And if you are going to have sex with only your husband, I don’t think you would be aware that you were “missing out” on anything.

 

[Em_in_FL]

A man’s size is natural no matter what it is. Having no foreskin isn’t natural.

“Natural” doesn’t shield you from vanity…

 

[sanctareparata]

But for men the physical attractive part is very significant to the sexual aspect. So, they are comparable. Believe me there are plenty of men out there who think they must have a woman with a D cup, but then marry their love who is a B and have a wonderful married love life.

Gisella I’m not saying that here might be some small difference in sensation between having sex with a circ vs. uncirc man, but really, in the grand scheme how important is that in marriage? Kissing someone with big lips is nicer than kissing someone with thin lips…so?? You are talking about a sensation that lasts for a relatively short period of time even for the most passionate and voracious lovers. The mind is the biggest and most important sexual organ not the genitals.

Shanny, I agree with you mostly, but let me play the devil’s advocate for a bit…

I think where Giselle is coming from is that yeah, sex is a big part of a marriage. What if your husband had to be rough with you in order to achieve a climax? What if you were always too dry and uncomfortable? What if every time you made love, your epsiotomy area felt like it was on fire and ached for hours afterwards? Would sex really be that enjoyable, or would it become a chore?

I think her concern is that not for all circ’ed men but with lots of them, sex is different. Not that she knows this being a virgin and all, but perhaps she’s seeing things like this: She’s blind. Would she prefer to see in black and white, or color? Everyone who has seen both tells her color is better, but those who’ve only seen black and white tell her that’s just fine, too. So of course she wants the color. She wants better, not just fine.

And Giselle, this doesn’t mean I’m saying that all intact men are better - I have no idea myself. I’m only hearing what you have been told.

Bluntly speaking, yes, circ’ed men are missing something. And that “something” was there for not only the husband’s benefit, but the wife’s benefit. So perhaps she’s wanting “all” of a husband and wants to experience sex the way it was supposed to be.

There’s me telling you what I think she’s saying, and what I think on a once-in-awhile basis about my own married life. But I still think it would be sad (shallow, even?) to choose a man based on something he himself had no control over. It wasn’t his choice.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I’m sorry… this is just such a weird thread…
I mean… matrimony is a SACRAMENT… a BOND… the expression of that love in marital sex is just that… and EXPRESSION of an EXISTING love…
You can’t base that initial love on foreskin.
That just isn’t “Holy Matrimony”…

 

[sanctareparata]

However bacteria and yeast levels are higher in uncir’c men despite washing frequently and their wives tend to have more infections .

I wonder if that’s precisely the reason. I mean, you take a bar of soap to your girlie bits and you’re going to get a yeast infection too…as for the bacteria, I’ve never heard that. They are no more bacteria-y than woman’s parts. I would think that if wives of intact men were constantly having infections other countries would be circing too, no?