Son wants to wear chapel veil

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

His emotional health is not going to be affected by his mom wearing a hat/veil (or not wearing one). It’s possible to way overthink these things.

I don’t think we’re talking about emotional health and head covering so much as we are trying to help a mom who’s already at a severe disadvantage guide her son in religion with no male help. When you start at such a disadvantage things are going to be severely exacerbated.

For instance, my friend is a single mom not by choice. Her daughter REALLY struggles around her birthday because it also happens to be the time of her school’s father/daughter dance. Its really hard when a parent is trying to be both mother and father and they run into an issue when they really need the other parent.

 

[on_the_hill]

It’s normally disrespectful for women to cover their heads indoors as well,

I have never known this to be the case.

 

[ConstantLearner]

For instance, my friend is a single mom not by choice. Her daughter REALLY struggles around her birthday because it also happens to be the time of her school’s father/daughter dance. Its really hard when a parent is trying to be both mother and father and they run into an issue when they really need the other parent.

Well, the mom who posed the question is not a single mom. She does have a husband, he just doesn’t go to mass. Presumably, since he’s in the home, he could tell his son head coverings like his mom wears are for women only in the Catholic Church. And, I would hope he provides some “male modeling” for his son in other areas of life.

 

[felsguy]

Xanthippe_Voorhees
But you’re both missing half the picture here. This is a woman trying to guide a boy in something that she doesn’t wish to turn into a negative experience. She’s not a man. She can’t grow a penis and model how to be a man for him.

Yes, every child needs to hear “no” and they often need “no” firmly. However, not every parent has the luxury of being able to be the “bad guy” at all times and in all things because they, unfortunately, are already up against the odds.

This is a little boy who’s already being given a huge mixed message from his father that men don’t attend Mass. The OP’s first duty is to alleviate that tension, not exacerbate it.

I think that’s making too much out of male/ female role models in this particular instance. It’s a six year old CHILD who’s mother states that she has “explained it to him again several times since.” I suggest that a simple “no” and perhaps the addition of the dreaded phrase “because I said so” coupled with the passing of some time during which he will move on to something else would be more effective than a dozen more explanations and any number alternatives and not scar him psychologically for life.

What if he insists he wants to drive the car to church because he sees his mother doing so.?

 

[ConstantLearner]

Yes, every child needs to hear “no” and they often need “no” firmly.

I agree with that. If they don’t hear “no” and hear it firmly when needed, they will almost never accept it. (This is what I meant when I said it could lead to emotional problems, and, I guess, behavior problems. My own indulged cousins are prime examples of out-of-control people who never heard “no” when children.)

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Xanthippe_Voorhees:

For instance, my friend is a single mom not by choice. Her daughter REALLY struggles around her birthday because it also happens to be the time of her school’s father/daughter dance. Its really hard when a parent is trying to be both mother and father and they run into an issue when they really need the other parent.

Well, the mom who posed the question is not a single mom. She does have a husband, he just doesn’t go to mass. Presumably, since he’s in the home, he could tell his son head coverings like his mom wears are for women only in the Catholic Church. And, I would hope he provides some “male modeling” for his son in other areas of life.

Given some of her other threads, his level of “male modeling” and being a man, in general, can really be called into question.

And sure, he can provide male modeling in other areas but just by observation, this little boy is getting the message that church isn’t for men. By adding yet another thing that is for women it gives a bad impression that the church really doesn’t like men much.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I think that’s making too much out of male/ female role models in this particular instance. It’s a six year old CHILD who’s mother states that she has “explained it to him again several times since.” I suggest that a simple “no” and perhaps the addition of the dreaded phrase “because I said so” coupled with the passing of some time during which he will move on to something else would be more effective than a dozen more explanations and any number alternatives and not scar him psychologically for life.

What if he insists he wants to drive the car to church because he sees his mother doing so.?

Not really. Studies show that while children often follow the example of their mother in regards to religion, boys really struggle with the lack of connection to male spirituality in later years and are far more likely to fall away than their female counterparts.

I haven’t said anywhere that this will scar him for life. I’m saying that it’s not a battle worth fighting at this moment.

 

[buglady]

I hate pants.

 

[Psychae]

Me too, let’s all go back to kilts.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I hate pants.

Do you want a sticker? My comment was on how different clothing works, not that all men would love dresses and all women hate them.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Me too, let’s all go back to kilts.

There were guys in my college who wore only kilts after discovering how “freeing” they were.

 

[Joe_5859]

copied here because I still haven’t figured out how to reply to a specific post

If you highlight a portion of a post, a “Quote” box will appear. If you click (or tap) on that box, the compose post box will pop up with that quote already in it.

 

[felsguy]

copied here because I still haven’t figured out how to reply to a specific post

If you highlight a portion of a post, a “Quote” box will appear. If you click (or tap) on that box, the compost post box will pop up with that quote already in it.

Thank you for that, Joe. I just tried it out here.

 

[ConstantLearner]

Do you want a sticker? My comment was on how different clothing works, not that all men would love dresses and all women hate them.

It does seem men would be more comfortable in dresses and women in pants. I can be comfortable in either, but not jeans. Hate them. Did not even wear them as a teenager, and I’m in my 30s now.

 

[alice24]

Me too, let’s all go back to kilts.

There were guys in my college who wore only kilts after discovering how “freeing” they were.

And this is the reason for the high popularity of costume parties in our history faculty. I counted many very happy looking work-mates with robes

 

[Horton]

I don’t think we’re talking about emotional health and head covering so much as we are trying to help a mom who’s already at a severe disadvantage guide her son in religion with no male help. When you start at such a disadvantage things are going to be severely exacerbated.

Can you back this up with reliable studies? So all single moms should just allow whatever because of their “severe disadvantage” in raising a child with no male help? That is pretty judgmental. Single moms can’t parent as well as a married mom. Just WOW!

As a mom who raised three boys without male help in the home I am offended by your statement.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

You totally misread Xantippe V’s posts if that is what you got out of them.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Xanthippe_Voorhees:

I don’t think we’re talking about emotional health and head covering so much as we are trying to help a mom who’s already at a severe disadvantage guide her son in religion with no male help. When you start at such a disadvantage things are going to be severely exacerbated.

Can you back this up with reliable studies? So all single moms should just allow whatever because of their “severe disadvantage” in raising a child with no male help? That is pretty judgmental. Single moms can’t parent as well as a married mom. Just WOW!

As a mom who raised three boys without male help in the home I am offended by your statement.

I’ve repeatedly said that saying “no” is an option.

I have never said that women shouldn’t discipline their children if they have to be a solo parent because of a man’s physical, emotional or spiritual absence. I said that woman is at a severe disadvantage.

Are you really going to sit here and argue that a two-parent family doesn’t have an advantage over that of a single parent?

I’m not, and I’ve never said that single parenting is wrong, bad or allows for children to become undisciplined hooligans. I’m saying that parents who need to go it alone, for whatever reason, are at a disadvantage.

I have some very close single mothers as friends. They are amazing parents. But they cannot be both mother and father. For those with more than one, they can’t just leave 8yo Johnny at home so Benny and Sally can enjoy the trip to the movies. They have to make it work by themselves. Sometimes, single-parenting means that decisions have to be made that would otherwise not happen. It’s incredibly admirable more times than not, but it’s still a disadvantage.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Still, I find women who wear a head covering in church, other than a modest hat, prideful. I think they want to say, “Hey, look at me. I’m holier than you are.” They have to know they are drawing attention.

Oh, please. I pay about as much attention to them having a veil on as I do to the man who shows up in a sports team jacket. I’m there to pray to Our Lord, dressed in my own way, not sit around noticing what other people put on to go to church.

 

[Horton]

Are you really going to sit here and argue that a two-parent family doesn’t have an advantage over that of a single parent?

You make it sound as though all single parents have a choice. Not all of us did. I didn’t choose for my husband to die, I didn’t choose to raise my kids alone. It was what happened to us and you do the best you can.

I’d still like to see evidence for your claim. Single parents are at a “severe” disadvantage.