A
Allegra
Guest
Do you teach your children to apologize even when they aren’t sorry? Do you require it? Is a person morally entitled to an apology any time they feel slighted? Obviously, there are times when it is a good idea to apologize, even when you think the person is over-reacting, in order to preserve the relationship or maintain a professional environment. Do you apologize for things you didn’t do? I, personally, don’t accept apologies that follow the “I’m sorry if you FEEL like I did thus-and-so.” Either admit that you did it or don’t. By the same token, I’m not really one to apologize for something that I don’t believe actually happened. For example, I’m not going to apologize if someone accuses me of backing into their car if I know I didn’t do it, but if it’s a matter of subjective opinion like being too loud in the library, I’d be more apt to apologize, even if I think the person is being obnoxiously fussy over nothing. It’s important for kids to know how to apologize, but is it in their best interest to compel or coerce them into apologizing when they aren’t sorry or don’t believe they were in the wrong.
I ask because I had to deal with a student issue today in my music room. A second grade class was learning a rhythm on the guiro (pronounced wee-row) and I was explaining how to pronounce it with a Spanish-sounding “r”. The kids spent a couple of seconds practicing rolled r’s and we went on with the lesson. When it was time to line up, I told the kids to put the guiros back in the basket, emphasizing the rolled “r”. As the kids were lining up, one student kept repeating the word “guiro” over and over, trying to roll their “r”. Another student, with a known history of disturbing excrement, proceeded to tell a third student that the first student was calling him a “weirdo”. Student three then became upset and began fussing at student one. Student one didn’t get worked up over the false accusation, but was pretty terse when replying that she was saying “guiro”, not “weirdo” and wasn’t talking about him. Student three continued to fuss, and I confirmed that student one was not calling him a “weirdo” and marked down student two, who started the argument. Apparently, student three wasn’t appeased and went straight to the classroom teacher in the hall and insisted that student one called him a name. I listened and overhead student one deny the claim and in a very reasonable tone, explained what she had said to the teacher.
My jaw just about dropped when I heard the teacher tell student one, “When we say something that hurt’s someone’s feelings, we have to apologize, even if we didn’t mean to hurt their feelings.” Okay. Obviously, the classroom teacher did not understand or hear the situation. I already dealt with it, and I had another class coming in.
But THEN, student one comes back later in the day, and informs me that the classroom teacher assigned her a lunch detention (with me) because she had refused to apologize. I told her that I would explain to the teacher what actually happened and she could go outside. So, I went to the teacher at the end of the day, and she is STILL convinced that people are supposed to apologize, not only when something they do unintentionally offends someone, but even when we didn’t even do what we are accused of doing!! This makes no sense to me. I have no intention of keeping a kid in from recess for not apologizing for something I know for a fact they did not do. Do people actually function this way? At best I might give a quick, “When an adult tells you to do something, you do it.” lecture, but come on!
Has anyone out there established an “apology policy” for youngsters in their care?
I ask because I had to deal with a student issue today in my music room. A second grade class was learning a rhythm on the guiro (pronounced wee-row) and I was explaining how to pronounce it with a Spanish-sounding “r”. The kids spent a couple of seconds practicing rolled r’s and we went on with the lesson. When it was time to line up, I told the kids to put the guiros back in the basket, emphasizing the rolled “r”. As the kids were lining up, one student kept repeating the word “guiro” over and over, trying to roll their “r”. Another student, with a known history of disturbing excrement, proceeded to tell a third student that the first student was calling him a “weirdo”. Student three then became upset and began fussing at student one. Student one didn’t get worked up over the false accusation, but was pretty terse when replying that she was saying “guiro”, not “weirdo” and wasn’t talking about him. Student three continued to fuss, and I confirmed that student one was not calling him a “weirdo” and marked down student two, who started the argument. Apparently, student three wasn’t appeased and went straight to the classroom teacher in the hall and insisted that student one called him a name. I listened and overhead student one deny the claim and in a very reasonable tone, explained what she had said to the teacher.
My jaw just about dropped when I heard the teacher tell student one, “When we say something that hurt’s someone’s feelings, we have to apologize, even if we didn’t mean to hurt their feelings.” Okay. Obviously, the classroom teacher did not understand or hear the situation. I already dealt with it, and I had another class coming in.
But THEN, student one comes back later in the day, and informs me that the classroom teacher assigned her a lunch detention (with me) because she had refused to apologize. I told her that I would explain to the teacher what actually happened and she could go outside. So, I went to the teacher at the end of the day, and she is STILL convinced that people are supposed to apologize, not only when something they do unintentionally offends someone, but even when we didn’t even do what we are accused of doing!! This makes no sense to me. I have no intention of keeping a kid in from recess for not apologizing for something I know for a fact they did not do. Do people actually function this way? At best I might give a quick, “When an adult tells you to do something, you do it.” lecture, but come on!
Has anyone out there established an “apology policy” for youngsters in their care?
