Sorry, but not sorry

[Viki63]

I guess I’m just wondering if it’s common practice to require kids to apologize when ever someone is upset. I require compulsory apologies from my 3yo when I know she’s done something wrong. I tell her you are supposed to apologize, even if you did it on accident. I’ve never told her to apologize when she hadn’t actually done it. I think it’s ridiculous to apologize for how others feel. You can only control what you can control and how other’s feel isn’t one of those things.

IMO, you have a good handle on how to manage the situation, and more sense than most of the other folks involved.

.

 

[shainski]

It sounds like you have it all under control just fine.

But I do want to add one thought.

I have 4 kids - (ages 8 to 12). I could see how one kid could be saying the word exactly like you taught, but because of a facial expression, or a tone of voice, the second kid could be interpreting the slight. (and perhaps correctly).

We are working with our oldest kid - who usually doesn’t do anything technically wrong - but he knows exactly how to push his siblings’ buttons. If it were this situation, I could see him rightly tell my wife and I “I didn’t call her a weirdo” (but we know that the way he looked at his sibling and the way he said guiro was getting that message across)

We do work with him on knowing exactly what he is doing despite his insistence that he has technically not done anything wrong. At the same time, we are working on our youngest daughter to not be so thinned skin as to break into tears whenever she feels slighted.

 

[Allegra]

It sounds like you have it all under control just fine.

But I do want to add one thought.

I have 4 kids - (ages 8 to 12). I could see how one kid could be saying the word exactly like you taught, but because of a facial expression, or a tone of voice, the second kid could be interpreting the slight. (and perhaps correctly).

We are working with our oldest kid - who usually doesn’t do anything technically wrong - but he knows exactly how to push his siblings’ buttons. If it were this situation, I could see him rightly tell my wife and I “I didn’t call her a weirdo” (but we know that the way he looked at his sibling and the way he said guiro was getting that message across)

We do work with him on knowing exactly what he is doing despite his insistence that he has technically not done anything wrong. At the same time, we are working on our youngest daughter to not be so thinned skin as to break into tears whenever she feels slighted.

That’s true. But I was watching as they lined up. The kid saying “guiro” wasn’t even looking at the boy or the instigator. She was sort of chanting it to herself. She’s not the kind of kid that needs that kind of attention, usually.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Well, maybe the teacher will change her policy when she gets tired of listening to all the tattle tellers in search of a coerced, insincere apology.

She’s most likely made a rod for her own back unless she sees herself as a Dr Phil figure