Spaghetti straps on little girls' First Communion dresses

[lifeisbeautiful]

See, but I have an 8 year old. I have been looking for dresses in the store for her lately and a lot of the dresses they sell for girls her age are overly “sexy”. Acknowledging this, and deciding against buying these dresses, is not sexualizing little girls, quite the opposite! It is a problem that a lot of the clothing being sold for younger girls is sexualized (and I am not talking about simple spaguetti strap dresses) it is possible for there to be inappropriate clothing for young girls, and acknowledging this does not mean that you are contributing to their sexualization or objectifying their bodies at a younger age. As a mother I don’t want my little daughter out there dressed like she is going to an adult cocktail party and it is good, not bad, that I watch out what clothing I buy for her and how she dresses!

ETA: Teaching a girl about modesty should happen before the girl has a woman’s body and a big part of that is learning to dress appropriately…

 

[CradleJourney]

See, but I have an 8 year old. I have been looking for dresses in the store for her lately and a lot of the dresses they sell for girls her age are overly “sexy”. Acknowledging this, and deciding against buying these dresses, is not sexualizing little girls, quite the opposite! It is a problem that a lot of the clothing being sold for younger girls is sexualized (and I am not talking about simple spaguetti strap dresses) it is possible for there to be inappropriate clothing for young girls, and acknowledging this does not mean that you are contributing to their sexualization or objectifying their bodies at a younger age. As a mother I don’t want my little daughter out there dressed like she is going to an adult cocktail party and it is good, not bad, that I watch out what clothing I buy for her and how she dresses!

With the gap in my daughter’s ages, I am perpetually running into age appropriateness in style and attire. Sure, there are outfits out there unfit for any age, but mostly, I see outfits in the girls department that if they were only larger, would look great on my young adult (18yo) daughter. And then I find what I consider appropriate styles in the juniors and misses departments that would be adorable (if they’d just make them a smaller size) for my youngest (8). It gets very frustrating.

 

[MomaMary8]

See, but I have an 8 year old. I have been looking for dresses in the store for her lately and a lot of the dresses they sell for girls her age are overly “sexy”. Acknowledging this, and deciding against buying these dresses, is not sexualizing little girls, quite the opposite! It is a problem that a lot of the clothing being sold for younger girls is sexualized (and I am not talking about simple spaguetti strap dresses) it is possible for there to be inappropriate clothing for young girls, and acknowledging this does not mean that you are contributing to their sexualization or objectifying their bodies at a younger age. As a mother I don’t want my little daughter out there dressed like she is going to an adult cocktail party and it is good, not bad, that I watch out what clothing I buy for her and how she dresses!

ETA: Teaching a girl about modesty should happen before the girl has a woman’s body.…

I must agree that we should teach our young daughters from the early ages how to dress modestly and hold themselves with dignity. We should not wait to teach them modesty once their breasts start to develop. What kind of lesson is that? Your body was beautiful, but now that its matured, you must cover it up? You may end up making them ashamed of their new growing body. Modesty is about respecting yourself, not hiding your body. Teach your girls to love and respect themselves as children of God. Modesty is not a lesson about hiding yourself, but dressing with the dignity of a child of God. Start early moms…you’ll be glad you did.

Also, its not about what we wear to the beach. I think we can all agree that a child playing in the water is much different circumstances than the child presenting themselves before the altar to receive Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist. This is CHRIST!! Our God and Savior!! My goodness, we are teaching our little ones to receive the Lord and part of the lesson is to show decorum. We dress as a sign of respect for the guest of honor. The Day of our First Communion is just that …the first time we receive Our Lord. We should keep in mind that we are teaching our children a life long lesson of how to act and dress with respect for Our Lord.

Spaghetti straps are fine for getting some sun but not to present yourself before the King of Kings. A little discomfort in the heat compared to a few nails…I think I can put up with a bit of heat and humidity.

 

[SusanneT]

See, but I have an 8 year old. I have been looking for dresses in the store for her lately and a lot of the dresses they sell for girls her age are overly “sexy”. Acknowledging this, and deciding against buying these dresses, is not sexualizing little girls, quite the opposite! It is a problem that a lot of the clothing being sold for younger girls is sexualized (and I am not talking about simple spaguetti strap dresses) it is possible for there to be inappropriate clothing for young girls, and acknowledging this does not mean that you are contributing to their sexualization or objectifying their bodies at a younger age. As a mother I don’t want my little daughter out there dressed like she is going to an adult cocktail party and it is good, not bad, that I watch out what clothing I buy for her and how she dresses!

ETA: Teaching a girl about modesty should happen before the girl has a woman’s body and a big part of that is learning to dress appropriately…

I completely agree - my daughter is only 5 but I can see this coming. As she has two brothers and I mostly wear skirts she loves very feminine colours & clothes which I’m fine with as long as the clothes are for girls (children) not imitations of teenage / women’s fashions. To be honest I find the “princess” obsession manufactures have a bit irritating but you can’t fight everything !

 

[Debora123]

See, but I have an 8 year old. I have been looking for dresses in the store for her lately and a lot of the dresses they sell for girls her age are overly “sexy”.

Looks like we’ll have to agree to disagree. In my opinion, scrutinizing a little girl’s exposed skin and not letting her wear spaghetti strapped anything at any time for fear it’ll make her look vulgar or sexy is not healthy. Of course, we’ll each raise our daughters the way we see fit, and I’m not trying to insult you as a mom at all… just giving my opinion on the subject in general.

Of course, as a parent one must teach their children how to behave appropriately, and that includes how to present themselves to the world in their appearance… and I’m not saying I disagree with you looking out for your kid’s clothing.

However, I think this whole attitude of starting a thread about what little girls are wearing and how much skin they have exposed is objectifying and only encourages (at an earlier age) the sexualization of women’s bodies. I can’t see that as a healthy image to have about one’s own body, and it’s no wonder young girls are becoming more and more self conscious of the way they look.

Out of curiosity though, what little 7-8 year old’s dressed do you see at stores and find so provocative? Are you able to link a google image? Someone posted a picture of this spaghetti strapped dress and I see absolutely nothing provocative about it, and to me it just seems like people are sexualizing something that is nothing but completely innocent:

dhgate.com/beautiful-floor-length-first-communion-dress/p-ff80808136a65aef0136a667762705c2.html

What do you think?

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Looks like we’ll have to agree to disagree. In my opinion, scrutinizing a little girl’s exposed skin and not letting her wear spaghetti strapped anything at any time for fear it’ll make her look vulgar or sexy is not healthy.

I’m short on time here, but really quick,I never said I don’t let my little girls wear spaghetti strap anything at any time (although I do have little cardigans etc for my daughters if they are wearing a dress like that to Church, and I do understand if some mothers do not want their daughters wearing spaghetti straps, I do prefer wider straps over spaqhetti for my kiddos) so I am not sure who you are disagreeing with here, but I am simply stating that taking care of modesty in clothing for little girls is not unhealthy, not harmful… it is quite the opposite!

 

[yellowbird]

I don’t think the little girls’ exposed shoulders are sexual - I just think it’s not appropriate - FOR MASS. Just like I don’t want my son to wear athletic shorts to mass - not appropriate IMO. Perfectly fine for the mall - for playing outside all summr long - for whatever - but not for mass.

I’ve been saying the word modest - but maybe that isn’t the right word - because the track shorts aren’t “immodest” - they just aren’t fitting for mass.

I have three daughters - oldest is 17, youngest is 7. I’ve been down this road so I know if I let the 7 year old wear spaghetti straps now, she’ll want to keep wearing them, and if she grows up with bodies like her beautiful older sisters, TRUST me that you do not want her in spaghetti straps at 17. Not at mass. It’s easier to just say no from the get-go.

Plus it’s FREEZING in our church. The A/C is set at arctic in the summer. Maybe to prevent the wearing of spaghetti straps?

I don’t think the dress the OP posted is sexual in the least, and if someone else’s daughter wore it, I woudln’t think a thing. But I wouldn’t chose it for my daughter without a little sweater or shrug.

 

[Debora123]

I’m short on time here, but really quick,I never said I don’t let my little girls wear spaghetti strap anything at any time (although I do have little cardigans etc for my daughters if they are wearing a dress like that to Church, and I do understand if some mothers do not want their daughters wearing spaghetti straps, I do prefer wider straps over spaqhetti for my kiddos) so I am not sure who you are disagreeing with here, but I am simply stating that taking care of modesty in clothing for little girls is not unhealthy, not harmful… it is quite the opposite!

Gotcha. Sorry, someone on here said little girls should never wear spaghetti straps and I got you mixed up with another poster.

Look, I have absolutely 0 problem with a mother being a little more conservative with what her little girl wears. When I was a little girl, my friends and I were running around the beach topless. And that was ok, because we were little and in my parent’s minds there’s nothing immodest, indecent, or “sexy” about a little girl’s body. The thought probably never even crossed their minds that there would be anything sexual about that, and I agree.

Other parents here would strongly beg to differ and would never even let their little girl wear a spaghetti strap. Obviously that’s not how I personally will see my future little daughter, but my objection here isn’t towards how other parents view modesty and their little daughters. I don’t think it’s right to criticize other people’s parenting choices, so that’s not the problem I’m having here.

My objection here, and what I think is a little messed up, is that there’s even a thread about scrutinizing what other people’s little girls are wearing. And I know you haven’t done this, so my initial posts weren’t aimed towards you or towards other parents who are simply talking about what they personally put their little girls in. I think the fact that other people are looking around the church and having an issue with a little 8 year old wearing this:

dhgate.com/beautiful-floor-length-first-communion-dress/p-ff80808136a65aef0136a667762705c2.html

…is a little scary. And that’s what my initial posts were aimed at when I described it as the objectification and sexualization of the female body at an early age.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone here as a parent, please know that it was not my intent and that my objection isn’t towards you.

 

[JamesCaruso]

I think we’ve said enough on this topic. Couldn’t we call them something else? I’m afraid all this talk is going to give my favorite food a bad name. BTW, I like it best with meatballs and fresh sausage and a homemade tomato basil sauce. But any of your homemade recipes would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Debora123]

I don’t think the dress the OP posted is sexual in the least, and if someone else’s daughter wore it, I woudln’t think a thing. But I wouldn’t chose it for my daughter without a little sweater or shrug.

Good!

This is exactly what I mean. While I personally wouldn’t have a problem with my future daughter wearing a dress like that to first communion, I can completely respect that you would for your own daughter. And I appreciate that while you personally wouldn’t allow it for your kids, you still wouldn’t be looking around the church being bothered by other little girls’ shoulders.

 

[JamesCaruso]

Personally, I think we’ve said enough on this topic. Couldn’t we call them something else? I’m afraid all this talk is going to give my favorite food a bad name. BTW, I like it best with meatballs and fresh sausage and a homemade tomato basil sauce. But any of your homemade recipes would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JackieMom]

With everyone sugfesting that little girls need to cover up “for Christ” or “because it’s Christ on the altar” - do you really think Christ is offended by a little girl in her first communion dress if the straps are 2 cm vs. 5 cm in diameter? After all, Christ knows she’s a child.

And I’m not suggesting we let little girls wear whatever they want and then at 13 switch it all up. But it’s gradual. They go from playing nude at the beach at two and over modesty and intent of dressing gets more important.

I’ve definitely seen some inappropriate girls’ styles at Target or wherever (no, I don’t want my kids’ wearing leggings with the word “Brat” bedazzled on the rear, or a string bikini, or fishnet tights, or any t-shirt with a slogan that refers to a boyfriend…) I remember seeing a shirt at a department store, in the Juniors section, ghat said “Tell your boyfriend I said ‘Thanks.’” Ew! But those styles have the intent of sexualizing girls, of making them provocative and campy and appear much older than they are.

A first communion dress with a spaghetti strap doesn’t seem to imply “I’m really trying to vamp it up here!” Or “Look at how nasty I am!” It’s a little girl feeling beautiful before the Lord in a poofy white dress and veil. Her tiny bare shoulder is not an insult or a provocation and should certainly not be inciting lust in anyone like it might in a teen or adult. We don’t dress modestly at Mass because the Lord hates bare shoulders, we dress modestly so that our fellow sinners aren’t distracted and tempted by provocative clothing and so that we do not draw undue attention to our appearances. That simply should not be a factor for small children.

 

[yellowbird]

Good!

This is exactly what I mean. While I personally wouldn’t have a problem with my future daughter wearing a dress like that to first communion, I can completely respect that you would for your own daughter. And I appreciate that while you personally wouldn’t allow it for your kids, you still wouldn’t be looking around the church being bothered by other little girls’ shoulders.

I have enough of my own kids to worry about… not paying attention to anyone else’s! If a person is checking out other people’s CHILDREN at mass, they have bigger issues than a little girl’s bare shoulders!

I love these threads where we can have a difference of opinion but agree that it’s OK. So much better than some of the morality threads!

Have a wonderful day Debora123!

 

[maryjk]

A first communion dress with a spaghetti strap doesn’t seem to imply “I’m really trying to vamp it up here!” Or “Look at how nasty I am!” It’s a little girl feeling beautiful before the Lord in a poofy white dress and veil. Her tiny bare shoulder is not an insult or a provocation and should certainly not be inciting lust in anyone like it might in a teen or adult. We don’t dress modestly at Mass because the Lord hates bare shoulders, we dress modestly so that our fellow sinners aren’t distracted and tempted by provocative clothing and so that we do not draw undue attention to our appearances. That simply should not be a factor for small children.

Beautifully put.

 

[yellowbird]

Personally, I think we’ve said enough on this topic. Couldn’t we call them something else? I’m afraid all this talk is going to give my favorite food a bad name. BTW, I like it best with meatballs and fresh sausage and a homemade tomato basil sauce. But any of your homemade recipes would be greatly appreciated.

The sauce HAS to be homemade. The secret to mine is 2T of sugar. And Romano cheese mixed in the meatballs. That’s Amore!

 

[Debora123]

I have enough of my own kids to worry about… not paying attention to anyone else’s! If a person is checking out other people’s CHILDREN at mass, they have bigger issues than a little girl’s bare shoulders!

I love these threads where we can have a difference of opinion but agree that it’s OK. So much better than some of the morality threads!

Have a wonderful day Debora123!

 

[mommamaree]

Our parish published guidelines insisting upon covered shoulders and tea length dresses. They said sleeveless dresses should have cap sleeves sewn on or a shrug or bolero jacket should be worn over during mass. The material said that as always, we should be modest before Jesus.
I was thankful for clear guidelines. It took out a lot of the guesswork. And it was a subtle reminder for the parents that we should always be properly dressed at mass. We live in the Deep South, but we have an air-conditioned church. So we went with a beautiful sleeveless style with wide shoulder straps, combined with a matching bolero to be worn in the church. Modest AND comfortable.
That being said, I do not see ny problem with tank tops and swimsuits in appropriate contexts, no matter the age of the person. Part of modesty is dressing appropriately for the occasion. A beach party is far more casual than a Mass, and beach attire would be immodest and inappropriate for Mass, obviously. That is an extreme example, but my point is just that we cover more of the body in more formal and reverent occasions. But little girls should NEVER be made to feel ashamed of their bodies. They should be told that we veil that which is holy, and we protect that which is private or vulnerable. This is why we drape our bodies with more fabric in situations with more people, more reverence, more importance. So that we can keep the focus off of ourselves and allow us to focus upon our Lord without being distracted by anyone gazing at us. At least this is how I have attempted to explain modesty to my daughter. I am especially concerned about her becoming ashamed of having a female body, so I am very careful to discuss it in a positive way.

 

[Cider]

spaghetti straps are inappropriate for church period, IMO.

 

[Debora123]

I’ve definitely seen some inappropriate girls’ styles at Target or wherever (no, I don’t want my kids’ wearing leggings with the word “Brat” bedazzled on the rear, or a string bikini, or fishnet tights, or any t-shirt with a slogan that refers to a boyfriend…) I remember seeing a shirt at a department store, in the Juniors section, ghat said “Tell your boyfriend I said ‘Thanks.’” Ew! But those styles have the intent of sexualizing girls, of making them provocative and campy and appear much older than they are.

I don’t have a problem with string bikinis… since growing up that’s all we ever wore at the beach.

But all this other stuff about “Brat” on the butt and shirts with stupid slogans is definitely not something that I think looks nice on anyone. Ugh!

I don’t necessarily think such clothes are immodest… just really trashy. Reminded me again why I don’t shop for clothes at department stores lol.

 

[MomaMary8]

Our parish published guidelines insisting upon covered shoulders and tea length dresses. They said sleeveless dresses should have cap sleeves sewn on or a shrug or bolero jacket should be worn over during mass. The material said that as always, we should be modest before Jesus.
I was thankful for clear guidelines. It took out a lot of the guesswork. And it was a subtle reminder for the parents that we should always be properly dressed at mass. We live in the Deep South, but we have an air-conditioned church. So we went with a beautiful sleeveless style with wide shoulder straps, combined with a matching bolero to be worn in the church. Modest AND comfortable.
That being said, I do not see ny problem with tank tops and swimsuits in appropriate contexts, no matter the age of the person. Part of modesty is dressing appropriately for the occasion. A beach party is far more casual than a Mass, and beach attire would be immodest and inappropriate for Mass, obviously. That is an extreme example, but my point is just that we cover more of the body in more formal and reverent occasions. But little girls should NEVER be made to feel ashamed of their bodies. **They should be told that we veil that which is holy, and we protect that which is private or vulnerable. This is why we drape our bodies with more fabric in situations with more people, more reverence, more importance. ** So that we can keep the focus off of ourselves and allow us to focus upon our Lord without being distracted by anyone gazing at us. At least this is how I have attempted to explain modesty to my daughter. I am especially concerned about her becoming ashamed of having a female body, so I am very careful to discuss it in a positive way.

a beautiful way of teaching your children!