Spaghetti straps on little girls' First Communion dresses

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The bubble society I am talking about was founded by people whose abhorence of sexual immorality strings back to before the sexual revolution within the US. Some of the founders are still present to this day, others have been present until only recently when they passed away. There presence and morals date to before the sexual revolution and they set up a community, which, by its nature, is extremely reluctant to allow change of any kind. Would you, then, accept this society as a society whose ideas of modest clothing are, in fact, correct?
I don’t know what this sub culture or bubble is. Do they have a website or something?

Also, what resemblance does its values have to pre-revolution standards of modesty? If it has nothing much, then its most likely a fresh starter. So its not incorrect, it is just inferior to whatever must have been there before.

At the end of the day, I am not from a sub culture like yours. I come from the East. So our culture has remained mostly intact and we have not had a sexual revolution like yours. For me, it would be to compare about 2000 years of development to a sub culture that is about 60-70 years old and is within a hostile larger culture at that. Obviously, you must understand, that its not for me?

But its good for you because its better than nothing. Is it incorrect? No. Is it inferior to what you would have had before the revolution as an entire society? Most likely.
 
I believe you have misunderstood WH. I do not see her saying that having a well-formed conscience is the same as being ashamed of ones body. What I see is her condemning the idea that one should be ashamed of ones body, which, as you have so kindly pointed out for us, is a position shared by the Church. We shall, of course, have to wait for WH to come back and clarify her position, but until it has been clarified we are called by the Church to assume the best. So, until WH’s meaning is clarified we should assume that she did not, in fact, mean to claim that the Church is heretical.
👍👍👍
 
I don’t know what this sub culture or bubble is. Do they have a website or something?

**Also, what resemblance does its values have to pre-revolution standards of modesty? If it has nothing much, then its most likely a fresh starter. So its not incorrect, it is just inferior to whatever must have been there before. **
See, this kind of question makes me think that your reasining with respect to modest dress is circular. I will not tell you anything about the actual standards of modest clothing in this community until you tell me whether or not it fits your definition of a community that adheres to modesty. The reason I am asking you this is because if your reasoning is not circular you should be able to tell me whether or not this little bubble community is a modest community without knowing anything about the particular standards it has for modesty for clothing. If you cannot do this then your reasoning is circular because if the determination of whether or not a community belongs to the groups of communities whose standards of modest dress determine the standards of modest dress depends upon whether or not the community in question adheres to the aforementioned standards in modest dress you have a problem where the definition of what modest dress is being, eventually, dependent upon already knowing the definition of modest dress.
At the end of the day, I am not from a sub culture like yours. I come from the East. So our culture has remained mostly intact and we have not had a sexual revolution like yours. For me, it would be to compare about 2000 years of development to a sub culture that is about 60-70 years old and is within a hostile larger culture at that. Obviously, you must understand, that its not for me?
But its good for you because its better than nothing. Is it incorrect? No. Is it inferior to what you would have had before the revolution as an entire society? Most likely.
I really don’t understand what you are saying here. I thought you had proposed a foolproof way to determine what the universal standard of modest dress is. However, the way you phrased it made your reasoning look circular, so I am trying to determine whether or not your reasoning here is circular. If it is not circular I would indeed be very interested in understanding the reasoning behind it better as I have had people try to explain this to me before but could never understand it. 🙂
 
So you want to assume the best about her but you were pretty quick to judge me as making a baseless charge before. You did not even bother to read what I posted. Do you think that fair? Why not treat me with the same respect and dignity that you highly speak of regarding treating of WH?
I am sorry if you think I am being unfair. I did not intentionally misunderstand you, but I am more than willing to accept that you do not mean what I thought you did and to correct this misunderstanding. It is not at all a matter of not bothering to read what you posted, misunderstandings do sometimes happen in communication, especially if it is only written communication, without any ill-will being involved from either party. Please feel free to continue to let me know when you believe I am treating you unfairly and when you believe I am being uncharitable as I do want to become better at this as well. I ask for your patience when I fail in this, I am not a saint and I am well aware of that. I am not always as charitable as I ought to be, I am not always as careful to avoid misunderstandings as I ought to be, so I appreciate people correcting me when I am in the wrong. 🙂
 
See, this kind of question makes me think that your reasining with respect to modest dress is circular. I will not tell you anything about the actual standards of modest clothing in this community until you tell me whether or not it fits your definition of a community that adheres to modesty. The reason I am asking you this is because if your reasoning is not circular you should be able to tell me whether or not this little bubble community is a modest community without knowing anything about the particular standards it has for modesty for clothing. If you cannot do this then your reasoning is circular because if the determination of whether or not a community belongs to the groups of communities whose standards of modest dress determine the standards of modest dress depends upon whether or not the community in question adheres to the aforementioned standards in modest dress you have a problem where the definition of what modest dress is being, eventually, dependent upon already knowing the definition of modest dress.
I think it may be easier if you just asked things straight up rather than try to figure things out by asking me questions indirectly then.

There is a difference between saying a society is modest and that the actual values of modesty are well developed. Your bubble society for an example would be society that is trying to be modest. So its culture is modest but it is inferior to a culture that has developed over centuries in a larger culture that is friendly to such thought. Your bubble on the other hand is, well something that seems to vaguely exist in a large culture.

If I may ask, what exactly do you mean by bubble? If it is just a lose chain of individuals who are trying to be modest, then that is not a modest culture. Why? Because we can’t even identify the bubble society without being vague. So all we will have in that case are a group of people who individually try to live out the best way it comes to mind. That is something else.
I really don’t understand what you are saying here. I thought you had proposed a foolproof way to determine what the universal standard of modest dress is. However, the way you phrased it made your reasoning look circular, so I am trying to determine whether or not your reasoning here is circular. If it is not circular I would indeed be very interested in understanding the reasoning behind it better as I have had people try to explain this to me before but could never understand it. 🙂
Enough with the circular already.
  1. A culture that has developed in a society that has a positive attitude toward modesty is what the people in that society should follow to know the details of how to be modest
  2. A culture that has developed such values over a long period of time is more refined in its value set compared to a 50-60 year old bubble that vaguely exists in a large hostile society that has a negative view toward modesty
The reason I asked whether it is an organic evolution of the one from prior to the sexual revolution is because that determines the age of your bubble and the respective refinement of its values.

There is nothing circular in the above claim.

On the other hand, you keep speaking of a bubble. Where does this bubble exist? In some village that lives in isolation? Because society is not classified that way. So your bubble is a vague illusory society you seem to hope exists but you have given no evidence to even identify such a society. It just seems like a bunch of individuals who are trying their best to do their best to be modest by their own understanding. Its better than nothing but ultimately just as confusing and inferior.
 
Well, how one dresses their daughter at 7/8 is a forerunner to what they wear when they are making their confirmation and if you think this is mild or bothered by it then one is in for a big surprise at what girls wear for confirmation and those bodies are not “little” any more. Overall, there is a sexualization of our children and younger and younger girls are wearing skimpier clothes. One may disagree here if spaghetti straps on young girls for first communion is not in greatest tastes but if one sees nothing wrong with that and follows the culture 6 years later when they are now 13/14, then it becomes a distraction to everyone around you, especially 13/14 boys.
YES! Very well said.
 
I think it may be easier if you just asked things straight up rather than try to figure things out by asking me questions indirectly then.

There is a difference between saying a society is modest and that the actual values of modesty are well developed.
can you please explain what you mean by this distinction? And can you explain exactly how it applies to determining whether a particular society can be looked at for the standard of modest dress?
Your bubble society for an example would be society that is trying to be modest. So its culture is modest but it is inferior to a culture** that has developed over centuries in a larger culture that is friendly to such thought**. Your bubble on the other hand is, well something that seems to vaguely exist in a large culture.
This is one of the main things that confuses me about the seperation of my “bubble society” from other “modest societies”, there are those who don’t care about modesty in every society. Immodesty and sexual sins have always been prevalent in every society throughout history, so any society which you wish to label modest has both a section who care about modesty and a section who doesn’t. In other words, Christians are always going to be living in a world that hates them. There has always existed in every culture this fight between modesty and immodesty, chastity and sexual immorality. What specifically separates a modest culture from a modest culture which has been influenced by the immodest faction of the current day society?
If I may ask, what exactly do you mean by bubble? If it is just a lose chain of individuals who are trying to be modest, then that is not a modest culture. Why? Because we can’t even identify the bubble society without being vague. So all we will have in that case are a group of people who individually try to live out the best way it comes to mind. That is something else.
I am not simply speaking of a loose chain of individuals trying to be modest. Trust me, for the “bubble” I have in mind it is pretty easy to figure out who belongs to it and who does not.
Enough with the circular already.
  1. A culture that has developed in a society that has a positive attitude toward modesty is what the people in that society should follow to know the details of how to be modest
  2. A culture that has developed such values over a long period of time is more refined in its value set compared to a 50-60 year old bubble that vaguely exists in a large hostile society that has a negative view toward modesty
But this bubble has not broken from the past. And by that I mean, it was started by people who care deeply about modesty and who gained their love of modesty from the culture in the states before the sexual revolution, which, would mean that their culture of modesty is not merely 50-60 years old but is in fact merely a continuation of the past culture of modesty, no?

(I should note that I give no gaurantee on whether or not they still dress as people did before the sexual revolution as I do not want to give any hints as to what their particular code of modest dress is until after I understand whether or not they fit your criterion for a modest society)
The reason I asked whether it is an organic evolution of the one from prior to the sexual revolution is because that determines the age of your bubble and the respective refinement of its values.
Am I correct in saying that the above means that the society I have in mind does in fact fit your criteria?
There is nothing circular in the above claim.
On the other hand, you keep speaking of a bubble. Where does this bubble exist? In some village that lives in isolation? Because society is not classified that way. So your bubble is a vague illusory society you seem to hope exists but you have given no evidence to even identify such a society. It just seems like a bunch of individuals who are trying their best to do their best to be modest by their own understanding. Its better than nothing but ultimately just as confusing and inferior.
This “bubble” is obviously not completely isolated from the outside world, but it very clearly has its own culture which is very clearly different from the culture of others around it, which cares deeply about modesty and chastity and has always done so with its care for modesty and chastity coming from the culture of the states before the sexual revolution. Is this sufficient for it to qualify as a “modest” community. As best as I can understand your above two criteria, it does, in fact qualify. Is there anything else I am missing?
 
YES! Very well said.
thank-you, apparently some on this thread are confusing what one may wear to the beach to what one should wear at first Communion and other important sacramental events in your child’s life and then get rather indignant about trying to discuss clothes standards and modesty in Masses at Church. When a parish gives guidelines about what children should be wearing at events such as first communion and confirmation, these are the same people that give the DRE and priest the same flack. What is sad that it seems to be women that seem to think that one can wear anything at anytime and not have any consequences for it and then turn this thread around as some big joke about spaghetti sauce when I think the OP was trying to have a serious discussion about what one’s daughter may be wearing at their first communion.
 
thank-you, apparently some on this thread are confusing what one may wear to the beach to what one should wear at first Communion and other important sacramental events in your child’s life and then get rather indignant about trying to discuss clothes standards and modesty in Masses at Church. When a parish gives guidelines about what children should be wearing at events such as first communion and confirmation, these are the same people that give the DRE and priest the same flack. What is sad that it seems to be women that seem to think that one can wear anything at anytime and not have any consequences for it and then turn this thread around as some big joke about spaghetti sauce when I think the OP was trying to have a serious discussion about what one’s daughter may be wearing at their first communion.
Lol I don’t think anyone here thinks it’s ok to wear anything at anytime. I mentioned bikinis for the beach/pool but I wasn’t trying to say that just because they are ok for the those places means they’re ok everywhere… so I hope you weren’t referring to me.

The only reason I brought them up is to show that when I was a little girl I used to run around the beach half naked or completely naked, but it was ok because of the innocence to being very young. Therefore I don’t see why anyone should be offended by a little girl’s shoulders in mass. That’s all I meant. 🙂
 
At least we got back on topic now despite the attempts to derail it before.
 
At least we got back on topic now despite the attempts to derail it before.
What’s left to say? Nine pages long and some feel spaghetti straps are a no-go - some feel it’s ok. A lot probably depends on where a person lives - I assume our brothers and sisters in parts of Africa don’t dress like my upper middle class parish in Chicago. My son lives in South America - much of his very hot county is without AC and I’m fairly certain their dress standards differ from mine.

I think the best advice was follow the direction of your local Priest.
 
What’s left to say? Nine pages long and some feel spaghetti straps are a no-go - some feel it’s ok. A lot probably depends on where a person lives - I assume our brothers and sisters in parts of Africa don’t dress like my upper middle class parish in Chicago. My son lives in South America - much of his very hot county is without AC and I’m fairly certain their dress standards differ from mine.

I think the best advice was follow the direction of your local Priest.
👍

Yup.

Nothing much left to say, and in my opinion it’s a little disturbing that anyone would be scrutinizing how much skin other people’s little girls are showing in mass.

Most parishes don’t have any sort of “dress code” or guideline. It is left up to each individual to decide what is appropriate, in accordance with the culture of where they live and the type of parish it is. Worry about yourself and your own kids, no need to go into mass checking out and sizing up what others are wearing. Especially little girls. Gross.

The end.
 
can you please explain what you mean by this distinction? And can you explain exactly how it applies to determining whether a particular society can be looked at for the standard of modest dress?
I am not sure what is unclear to you. A culture that valued modesty for a thousand years has a more refined set of values on how to be modest. A smaller culture within a large culture that is hostile to modesty and that has only less than 100 years of history is relatively inferior to the other cultures values.

As for what you should pick, it depends on how counter cultural you are willing to be. If you want the best possible, you will most likely have to pick values from an older culture. But that will alienate you from your current society and you might feel uncomfortable yourself. So it is up to you.

I think what you are confusing is that I want a blanket society where every individual is modest. That is incorrect. Rather, we speak of the attitude of a society as a whole. Most Christian societies and even some non-Christian societies of the past held modesty as an important element of their social values. Did some deviate? Of course. But that does not matter because the deviant values are shunned and eliminated very quickly in these societies.

The current Western society is a different beast. There is no modesty requirement and any deviant value set is allowed to thrive.
I am not simply speaking of a loose chain of individuals trying to be modest. Trust me, for the “bubble” I have in mind it is pretty easy to figure out who belongs to it and who does not.
Now you are being circular by trying to go from the details. As I said before, the bubble has to be a society. My question to you is how does this society achieve its bubble within this hostile larger society? What gives them the necessary isolation of thought to encourage, help and correct each other? If such a social structure does not exist, your bubble society probably does not exist either.
But this bubble has not broken from the past. And by that I mean, it was started by people who care deeply about modesty… is not merely 50-60 years old but is in fact merely a continuation of the past culture of modesty, no?
I don’t know. Because so far, you keep speaking about a bubble but give no indication as to where it exists, who founded it or anything else for that matter. All I see is just random claims that a bubble exist 🤷
Am I correct in saying that the above means that the society I have in mind does in fact fit your criteria?
As I said, I don’t know because there is no reason to even think such a bubble exist from the information you have given. But a hypothetical social structure, like a town filled with people who do strive to be modest as a whole while not discarding the values it had from before can indeed form a bubble and may have even progressed organically with refinement. But if this bubble is a dispersed community, then it most likely is not a bubble or even have a culture that it can call its own. It is more likely that each person in this society wants to be modest and has come up with what they think is the best way possible. That is obviously not what we are speaking about here.
This “bubble” is obviously not completely isolated from the outside world, but it very clearly has its own culture which is very clearly different from the culture of others around it, which cares deeply about modesty and chastity and has always done so with its care for modesty and chastity coming from the culture of the states before the sexual revolution. Is this sufficient for it to qualify as a “modest” community. As best as I can understand your above two criteria, it does, in fact qualify. Is there anything else I am missing?
As I said before, until more detail as to the location, the proximity of the individuals engaged in the culture and its founders are revealed, all I see is speculation and sweeping claims. It sounds more and more to me like a dispersed group of individuals who perhaps have enrolled in a “Modesty club”. As great as it is on its own and intent, it is not really a culture. It cannot grow organically as a whole because its members are far dispersed. There will most likely be no correction mechanisms involved either because none of the members will feel comfortable enough to correct each other due to the dispersed nature of the relationship. Even in the event that one is corrected, the other person might just choose to leave the society and form their own subculture.

This is why we usually consider society as a whole as more superior in the development of such values. In such large societies, those who try to deviate are forced to adapt because they cannot go outside and form another subculture by recruiting others. It is less likely that others exist with the same mindset or are willing to go against the social pressure. But in today’s Western world, your bubble will leak members and subcultures out in to society because there are enough confused members and lack of social pressure to conform to values.

Now I understand that this is a very complex topic that not only deals with modesty but on value propagation in general. I am only going in to this level of detail because you asked. If you want to understand this issue, you have to grow in your understanding of value of propagation and understand how a culture comes in to be. It may also prove important to learn the various teachings of the Church about the topic of culture and values.
 
The more we make the concern of not tempting others our concern, the more easy it is for us to be modest.

Reading through this thread, I have seen many replies such as “I see no problem with dress X because that is what I used to dress ever since I was young etc.” That shows why it is important that PARENTS dress their kids appropriately from a very young age, possible just as soon as they reach age of reason.

A poster made a comment that we should allow little girls to be little girls. This whole thread has enough testimony on what happens when we do not train children from a young age to dress modestly. They just use their childhood as an excuse to dress the same way without any shame or concern about how they are leading others to temptation.
People who look at 8 year old girls in such a way as to be tempted should get counselling and therapy.
 
This seems to me like you are trying to promote a certain agenda here. Unfortunately my friend, what I said is how the Catholic Church thinks. There are many today who subscribe to a position similar to yours but that is in error.

I pray that you will find your way back to the Church and see the true wisdom in its teaching!
You may disagree with someone and say so but kindly refrain from being personal with your comments.
 
People who look at 8 year old girls in such a way as to be tempted should get counselling and therapy.
That 8 year old is the same child that will grow up to be a 21 year old and argue that it is ok to dress that way because that is how she used to always dress.

Now please, I am not sure where you just decided to drop in and thought you can just make claims like that but I would appreciate it if you read all my posts before giving me little sound bites. Otherwise, its really not worth my time to address your posts.
 
Please show me where I posited the bolded section above. I do not appreciate dishonesty since I am very certain that I did not say one should be ashamed of ones body. However, I have repeatedly stressed, also in reply to WH, what I mean by shame with respect to this issue. But the poster still disagreed.

So if anything, it is WH that is outside of Church teaching on this matter.
Perhaps you should make an attempt to understand what WH was trying to say and not throw accusations at him/her? A discussion is not about everyone agreeing with everything you say.

Most people (and certainly not 8 year old girls and their parents) are not out to tempt anyone. WH was I believe, saying it was wrong to make young girls feel ashamed of their bodies by criticising their dress blaming them and their dress for tempting boys, or to that effect.
 
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