Spaghetti straps on little girls' First Communion dresses

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When my sister and I were younger, we never saw our fellow classmates go for First Communions in spaghetti strapped dresses, then again it was the early 1980’s. My sister and I each wore the same dress (I am older than her) and a veil handed by from our mother with our own white shoes & white tights. Our female classmates tended to wear similar styles of dresses that were also short sleeved and knee length.

I think spaghetti straps on any female’s dress for Mass especially for special occasions is immodest in my opinion regardless of age. I don’t own any of that style because of my bosom and if I wear those types of shirts/dresses I cannot go without a proper bra so I forgo those options for myself. If they must be worn, I’d rather see a shawl or other type of wrap/cover then shed it when not inside church.
 
Not for my daughter - no way. If you’re old enough to receive Jesus, you’re old enough to dress properly and for my family, that means no bare shoulders.
 
Forgive me, but I don’t really see why going to mass with bare shoulders is terribly immodest. It’s not something I do, but I doubt I’d notice much if another did. Are shoulders such private areas that nobody can be allowed to see them? :confused:
 
Jamesoasts said:
Exactly. Jesus Is truly Present. This means it is not a place for spaghetti straps, shorts, Tight pants, low cut, back-less, ect. No matter what age or gender. Ultimately if Offends God. Jesus deserves our fullest respect. It makes me sad when I see this going on at mass. It is not about us and how we dress. It is about the Sacrifice Jesus makes for us. Not us. So lets Honor Him and dress our selves and kids appropriate.
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I think fixating on how people are dressed is much more offensive to God than how people are dressed. Dress is a personal issue that people should deal with on their own, and if truly inappropriate then the pastor, not a vigilante layman, should address the congregant.

Seriously, if you go to Mass to examine how the women are dressed and come back to the internet to complain about how immodest the women are, you need to readjust your priorities.
 
Kamaduck said:
Forgive me, but I don’t really see why going to mass with bare shoulders is terribly immodest. It’s not something I do, but I doubt I’d notice much if another did. Are shoulders such private areas that nobody can be allowed to see them? :confused:
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I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders to a job interview so… 🤷

I don’t know that they are private - no more than a man’s chest is private, I mean, he doesn’t wear a shirt at the beach, but he wouldn’t come bare chested to mass. I guess it’s a matter of respect and bare shoulders just aren’t appropriate IMO.

I’m a lector and we have clothing guidlines - no shorts, flip flops, bare shoulders, short skirts, jeans etc.

If you were sitting in front of me with bare shoulders I wouldn’t think less of YOU - just wouldn’t be for me, and because they are my responsibility → my children.
 
yellowbird said:
I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders to a job interview so… 🤷
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Is a job interview suddenly an infallible source of morality now?
I don’t know that they are private - no more than a man’s chest is private, I mean, he doesn’t wear a shirt at the beach, but he wouldn’t come bare chested to mass. I guess it’s a matter of respect and bare shoulders just aren’t appropriate IMO.
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Again, how are bare shoulders disrespectful?
 
yellowbird said:
I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders to a job interview so… 🤷

I don’t know that they are private - no more than a man’s chest is private, I mean, he doesn’t wear a shirt at the beach, but he wouldn’t come bare chested to mass. I guess it’s a matter of respect and bare shoulders just aren’t appropriate IMO.

I’m a lector and we have clothing guidlines - no shorts, flip flops, bare shoulders, short skirts, jeans etc.

If you were sitting in front of me with bare shoulders I wouldn’t think less of YOU - just wouldn’t be for me, and because they are my responsibility → my children.
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I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders anywhere, because I like to be covered. However, I don’t understand what’s disrespectful about them. Or jeans, for that matter, which I do wear to mass. In fact mass is one of the only places I wear jeans at, since I have to wear dress pants the rest of the week. Now, I could just keep wearing my dress clothes, but I like mass to be special. 🤷
 
Baelor said:
Is a job interview suddenly an infallible source of morality now?

Again, how are bare shoulders disrespectful?
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I think bare shoulders are not modest enough for mass. Maybe it depends on where you live? I live in the midwest - we dress in layers for seven months of the year. Shoulders don’t get a lot of exposure…

Just asked my husband - who is from Minnesota - he said spaghetti straps → no way. Not without a sweater or something covering up the shoulders.

And honestly, we aren’t prudes… although my almost grown daughter does like to remind me that she was the only girl at her 8th grade graduation who was forced to wear a “shrug” over her cute sun-dress at her graduation mass. So maybe we are prudes when it comes to shoulders? 🤷
 
Rules in our parish for first communion attire were no spagetti straps for the girls, unless they had a wrap/shawl/jacket over them (and some did), dress shirts for the boys (some had suits, some did not), and no light up shoes.

Last year, my daughter had a spagetti strap white dress (yes, sold as a 1st Communion dress) that she wore to some of the events at my oldest daughter’s wedding. So I don’t have anything against them per se, just agree that they don’t fall into the category of proper attire for mass.
 
Kamaduck said:
I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders anywhere, because I like to be covered. However, I don’t understand what’s disrespectful about them. Or jeans, for that matter, which I do wear to mass. In fact mass is one of the only places I wear jeans at, since I have to wear dress pants the rest of the week. Now, I could just keep wearing my dress clothes, but I like mass to be special. 🤷
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The no jeans rule is just for lectors and the Eucharistic ministers… regular mass-goers wear jeans at my parish. It’s not typical - but it’s not a shocking thing either.
 
How we dress is a form of communication. What it communicates changes from generation to generation. Just as we should be careful what we speak so as not to send the wrong message, or possibly offend someone, we should be mindful of how we dress. I don’t think Catholics should be on the leading edge in changing what is considered modest dress, or what is considered appropriate for attendance at Mass. Since it might send the wrong message, we should wait until a certain mode or style of dress is clearly established as modest, if you get my drift. Women no longer have to wear dresses covering their ankles, or clothing that completely hides their shape, but we all know there are appropriate limits. Staying away from the leading edge of change is a good rule of thumb for dressing appropriately IMO. Am I wrong?
 
Seven and eight year old girls don’t go on job interviews. They aren’t held to the standards of adults because they are innocent and don’t have adult bodies. They are children. Let’s not contribute to their sexualization by making them body-conscious before it’s necessary. If you don’t enjoy the style, fine. Don’t buy it. But there is nothing vulgar, indecent, or disrespectful about the shoulder of a small girl who still goes home and plays with dolls and sleeps in a princess bed.
 
Kamaduck said:
I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders anywhere, because I like to be covered. However, I don’t understand what’s disrespectful about them. Or jeans, for that matter, which I do wear to mass. In fact mass is one of the only places I wear jeans at, since I have to wear dress pants the rest of the week. Now, I could just keep wearing my dress clothes, but I like mass to be special. 🤷
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This is where these discussions can get heated. There have been people on CAF that have argued that jeans, capris, long shorts, even short sleeved shirts are inappropriate for Mass. BUT, jeans can be modest, others just find them too casual for Mass. I personally don’t have a problem with any material for pants, denim or otherwise, as long as the cut of the pants are modest.

And as far as the bare shoulders, my parish always publishes a guideline at the beginning of summer for proper attire. Bare shoulders, spaghetti straps are a no no. I’ve always tried to follow the guidelines my pastor addresses in our bulletin. And as a parent, I’m guiding my daughter to the same guidelines. I’ve been pretty fortunate as she seems to have be born with her own modesty gauge and doesn’t push the issue.
 
It can be difficult to find girls’ dresses with sleeves now-a-days, but what I saw with our First Holy communion girls was that many wore little shrugs or sweaters over their dresses. I think that’s fine, although, I’m not offended when I see little girls wear spaghetti strap dresses. That said, it’s probably because I’m so used to the idea that shoulders should be covered at mass, I do think it’s better to wear sweaters or shrugs. I guess you can liken it to a man or boy coming into church or some nice place wearing a sleeveless shirt. Not “bad”, per say, but a bit inappropriate.
 
yellowbird said:
I think bare shoulders are not modest enough for mass. Maybe it depends on where you live? I live in the midwest - we dress in layers for seven months of the year. Shoulders don’t get a lot of exposure…
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I think location and local dress customs are relevant factors. We’re in Australia and shoulderless dresses and shirts are very common for women over the warmer months. In general, it seems to be acceptable to wear such to mass at a parish level, while people tend to dress up a bit more if they’re going to a cathederal.

Keeping the above in mind, I don’t see spaghetti straps as a great concern.
 
JackieMom said:
Seven and eight year old girls don’t go on job interviews. They aren’t held to the standards of adults because they are innocent and don’t have adult bodies. They are children. Let’s not contribute to their sexualization by making them body-conscious before it’s necessary. If you don’t enjoy the style, fine. Don’t buy it. But there is nothing vulgar, indecent, or disrespectful about the shoulder of a small girl who still goes home and plays with dolls and sleeps in a princess bed.
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I’ve always held my daughter to the same modesty standards in her clothing choices that I make for myself. I didn’t wait for her to start puberty to all of a sudden change how we made our clothing purchases. The same modesty standards she has today as a 13 year have pretty much been there since she started going with me to shop for her clothing, probably when she started kindergarten.
 
JamesCaruso said:
How we dress is a form of communication. What it communicates changes from generation to generation. Just as we should be careful what we speak so as not to send the wrong message, or possibly offend someone, we should be mindful of how we dress. I don’t think Catholics should be on the leading edge in changing what is considered modest dress, or what is considered appropriate for attendance at Mass. Since it might send the wrong message, we should wait until a certain mode or style of dress is clearly established as modest, if you get my drift. Women no longer have to wear dresses covering their ankles, or clothing that completely hides their shape, but we all know there are appropriate limits. Staying away from the leading edge of change is a good rule of thumb for dressing appropriately IMO. Am I wrong?
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I don’t think you’re wrong. I think that’s a very reasonable and well explained position.

I think (and I’m not trying to put words in your mouth or draw conclusions you didn’t intend) it shows why in some places spaghetti straps may be problematic, while in other places, they generally don’t raise any eyebrows.
 
Shoulders and knees covered and grooming seen to, for both males and females of every age, is a reasonable standard for Mass, but IMHO it is better to let the pastor set it. It’s great to be concerned about your own appearance, it is great to give your children standards that to them will seem to have been in place since the cradle, but it is better not to train your children to pay a lot of attention to what anyone else is wearing. There are enough distractions attacking the average brain without adding any more.

Altar serving is a role that puts a young person more into the center of attention and particularly implies the pastor’s approval of what the server is wearing, so the standards can rightly be more strict there. I think it entirely reasonable that those making their First Holy Communion in a ceremonious fashion also be held to a stricter standard than the pastor might see fit to try to impose on the children of the parish as a whole. Their example is going to be taken as a model.
 
Here is another great source:
…Certain actions which challenge a sense of the sacred, often mentioned in the Lineamenta responses, can be of assistance in treating the subject, for example, a neglect by the celebrant and the ministers to use proper liturgical vestments and the participants’ lack of befitting dress for Mass; the use of profane music in Church; the tacit consent to eliminate certain liturgical gestures thought to be too traditional, such as genuflexion before the Blessed Sacrament; an inadequate catechesis for Communion in the hand and its improper distribution; a lack of reverence before, during and after the celebration of Holy Mass

(my bold on the part that speaks to this thread)

vatican.va/roman_curia/sy…sembly_en.html
 
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