Maegan, I really am not sure. I have never experienced this. But, when I was younger, I would sometimes stack my fingers onto each other in a way that was painful. I liked the pain, and I wanted them to break. I also used to smoke and drink. And I was promiscuos. I did these things because I did not feel that anyone loved me. Some of the behaviors deadened the pain. Others made me feel loved. It took a long time for me to want to stop doing these things. And then it was hard once I decided to stop.
Since you have been doing this since you were 8, I am sure it will be extremely difficult for you. Even if the behavior is not a sin, it isn’t good for you. And, it tells me there is something inside of you that hurts. I think maybe the pain on the outside deadens the pain on the inside. Does that make sense? Jesus can help with this. Please tell the priest about the cutting when you got to confession. Make sure he understands how long it has been going on and what, if any, medical treatment you are receiving. He should be able to tell you if it is a sin or not and to give you guidance. Please ask him.
My own daughter is 9. She has anxiety and depression and was having a lot of intrusive thoughts. She has problems with compulsive behaviors too, but therapy and medication have helped her a lot. And, so I have to tell you to please ask an adult to help you to get some medical treatment if you haven’t. Although I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, as a mother, I feel I need to say this. I would not want my daughter to go through this alone. And, I am worried you aren’t getting the help and support you need.
Please ask Mother Mary to be with you to help you today and every day. She and our Lord love you no matter what. God bless you!
Mother, please send angles to continually watch over Maegan and ask our Lord to grace her with his presence and love. Please also ask him to reveal himself to her as she reads through the book of John. Please help her to get to confession this weekend and make a good confession. Ask our Lord to guide the confessor and help her to experience the joy of reconciliation. Amen.
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, hail, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus, O merciful, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.
thank you!
