spooning

[dulcissima]

Sam, I do believe you are worth your weight in gold.

 

[SamSmith]

Dulcissima - you are only getting my side of the story

I’ve tried to be as scrupulous as I can here. - remeber I’m the one not showering, and essentially avoidding her.

 

[garyr]

. . . .
Regarding Dave Ramsey - I read his books and urged her to do it. She kept a dairy for a while of her expenses, but would not follow the envelop system. She said she would not as she might loose the money she was going shopping with. However she only uses debit cards now - so I take what victories I can. . .

My wife and I took the ‘course’ together, which included meeting with a dozen other couples, watching the videos together, and then discussing together. This is what I meant. A lot more to it than just ‘budgeting’.

Oh well, I’ll keep praying for you both!

 

[Eucharisted]

I have been married to my wife for 12 years.

A few days ago, my wife made a comment in passing to my young son about bad things I was doing to her at night. She normally goes to bed several hours after me, and IIRC she was explaining why she goes to bed so much later than me.

I was confused about what she meant by this.

It turns out a few nights ago I spooned with her. This means I layed close to her with her butt in my lap while she was in bed with me. I did not dry hump her, nor did I grope her. I did stroke her thigh a little, and her back.

To my recollection this was the first time I had done this in a week. It may have lasted a few minutes.

I don’t spoon with her very often, I would say perhaps several times a month - if that. She normally doesn’t like it, she complains that I am too hot, my breath smells etc.

I should point out that perhaps every month or two I will grope her while spooning - IE touch her breast, before I get a big sigh from her, and I get discouraged and roll over.

I asked her how frequently she thought I spooned with her - she said the frequency is 3 times a week. Unless I am doing this in my sleep I don’t believe she is accurate. I have learned to keep my distance from her in bed, but unfortunately I do slip up from time to time.

I would also like to point out that frequently when I do spoon with her and grope her it is with the hope that it will lead to marital relations. She is menopausal and complains about hot flashes, irregular and heavy periods frequently; however it seems to me that she was like this before she started menopause.

So far this year we have had marital relations twice - once on our anniversary!!!.

Now my question is - is spooning a bad thing? Is this something I should confess? Am I being selfish in this desire?

No, not a sin. It is a simple act of intimacy. Pray for your family, talk to a priest, and talk to your wife with a marriage counselor. Trust in God, who is Omnipotent.

 

[Seatuck]

Consider going on a www.retrouvaille.org retreat and going to marital counseling. Apparently you need help with discussing these issues, making a problem solving plan and then carrying out the plan.

 

[Scott_D]

I have to comment on the menopause aspect of your situation. My wife and I have 6 kids, and have been together for 22 years. Recently, she started having changes in personality. She began having panic attacks. This is someone who I’ve known to be unflappable our whole existence together. She’s been showing other changes too. I have a buddy who went through this with his wife. He said that one day he looked at his wife and said, “who are you?” I’m not saying that this is the entire reason for your situation, but just that it could be a factor. I know menopause has changed my wife quite a bit.