spooning

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You also are dishonest. A relationship killer. That she even thinks you had an affair tells me you have had emotional or other entanglements with women, who while you may not have “done anything” went far beyond appropriate. Again… putting on a great act for outsiders while she is left with 5 kids and all the work. If you have been less than honest in little things, she assumes you’re lying in big things.

When you hide the truth from her about a check or something else, she WILL find out. Then you’ll be lucky to get sex twice a year. If she thinks you’re lying to her all the time, then you probably are way too dishonest. Sneaking around behind her back makes her lose all respect for you. She begins to see you as a little boy, not a man.

She will lose all respect if you start lying so as not to get in trouble. Try this for something new: Treat her like she has a brain. Discuss with her your billing system and what led you to have to bring down your price for the client and why you figured it was better for long-term financial gain than for the short-term loss. Have you totally cut her out of that part of your life, treating her like an idiot? She counts on you to pay bills and if you haven’t, that puts HER at risk. A woman who doesn’t work staying home with 5 kids feels very vulnerable. She has no backup. She depends on the soundness of YOUR judgment. If you don’t show any, that can make her feel angry at you and panicked. You say she didn’t get as upset at that one instance as you thought. Well, maybe you should have discussed it more and she would have seen better your reasoning. Or maybe she might have had a better idea of how to cut expenses or bill it differently. If she’s been running a home with 5 kids all these years, she has an idea of basic economics. But now you’re going to lie to her rather than be humiliated again? Is EVERYTHING about YOUR feelings? You didn’t need to be humiliated if you had explained it differently. “I can take the loss as a deduction on my business expense, but I didn’t want to lose the client, because I can make $10k off him next year… so in the long run I thought this was a better decision to keep him happy now the way the economy was going. He’s having difficulty too. But if you think there’s a better way I could have handled it, I’m all ears.” She may have dropped her teeth. Stared at you in disbelief for actually asking her opinion, she may have thought a minute and said, “No, I guess you handled it as best you could.” Or she may have had a different idea. But she wouldn’t have walked away feeling angry. And you wouldn’t be planning on adding more dishonesty to your marriage in the future.

You may think picking up your socks is enough. You may have no idea the sheer amount of housework 5 kids can engender. While you are going off to the office, or sitting at your computer, you may be oblivious not only to the noise around you, but to the amount of work to be done. Then you help, and she snaps at you. You take that as an excuse not to help anymore? Becuase it just ends up badly? Ask her… “Gee, you seem you have your hands full. What can I do?” She just might tell you. Buddy, if all you do is the laundry and clean some debris off the floor in about 3 or 4 bedrooms, I promise you she does more work than you do. Driving, shopping, carpools, baths, cooking, dishes, toilets, floors, vacuuming… you doing all that? But you don’t agree. You act like she’s what? Sitting around all day? Obviously you don’t even recognize what she does all day.

Your problems didn’t start in the bedroom, but that’s where it’s finally getting to YOU. All this other stuff has gone on for years, but her anger and not wanting you to touch her is the culmination of it all. But now that it affects you, you will finally start helping her? Gee, that makes a woman feel great. “He only is doing it to get some action in bed. Not because I’ve asked his help all these years.”

If your breath is about stuff in your stomach, see if there is anything you can take orally that will neutralize odors. This did not start before the wedding… or she wouldn’t have married you. Find out a way to treat that. Start treating her like she is worthy of you showering. Quit insulting her and putting her down on the list of things that aren’t so important. SHE is the person you must impress most in life. Long after the job and kids are gone, she is the one you will be relying on. Treat her like that NOW.

If you want to be daddy treats, ask her if you can buy the kids yogurt or fruit slushes when you go out. Not soft drinks. Treat her rules and way of taking care of the house as if it has thought and design behind it. Are YOU the one who gets the cavities filled? Why is she the one who has to say no sodas, but daddy gets to be the fun one? What other areas does that occur in?

continued…
 
If she is angry all the time and complaining it’s because her complaints haven’t been heard or acted on. The best way to fix a squeaky wheel is to oil it and fix it. If she thinks you don’t back her up with the kids, you probably don’t. She’s the one always yelling, correcting, whatever… she’s overworked, overwhelmed, and the only time you come near is when you are all smelly and she’s exhausted falling into bed at night after a full day and then you start groping. NO woman wants that. Very telling you say why bother showering because what’s the use? You only show respect and cleanliness when you think it’s going to get you some nookie? I’d be always angry at you too if I was your wife.

I had one of those husbands who walked around like a slob around me and then fixed himself up and put his contacts in when he went off to be with work people or other “people.” The message to me was clear: You are unimportant. Making myself attractive to you is not worth my effort. I will only make myself esthetically pleasing to people who matter to me.

I think your marriage would benefit from Retrouvaille. Immediately. And be prepared for her to be honest with you, and instead of rejecting her as complaining, if you want your marriage to work, be prepared for some things you don’t want to hear.

She’s angry because she can’t make you care to fix it. Nothing SHE says matters. You seem to do what you want to engender the least amount of conflict for yourself. You’ll lie to avoid it. You’ll sneak to avoid it. As long as nothing invades your comfort zone. You seem to do everything based on how it makes YOU feel or what’s in it for you. Then you wonder why she has no more feelings for you.

And as for whether she is fulfilled in the bedroom or not… women can’t react if they’re angry or disgusted or upset. If a woman isn’t mentally relaxed, nothing else will relax.

The fact that her anger is starting to spill out in comments to the children… she sounds like she needs a vacation and YOU take care of the house for a week. Alone. Live in her world. Maybe you’ll finally understand that she isn’t just sitting around complaining.

She’s angry all the time because it’s a symptom of a bigger problem. It’s not the problem. It’s her reaction to the state of affairs she finds herself in. A passive-aggressive dishonest husband she doesn’t trust who plays the kids off against her, leaves her to be the disciplinarian, thinks he does all the work but doesn’t, and only shows her attention when he wants to please himself at the end of a long day when that’s the LAST thing on her mind.

Lovemaking and foreplay is a 24-hour thing. If you haven’t been making love to her all day by your kindness, respect and affection and helpfulness, don’t expect a volcano of passion at the end of the day.

Women are not men. A man can have relations with a stranger in a gross hotel room and it means nothing to him. A woman cannot do that. Not a normal woman who isn’t on drugs.

You need her to want YOU before she wants your body. Otherwise she just feels used. You have a lot of repair to do to your marriage, and I suspect there is way more to the story than you have shared. It’s been years of decline. She’s got 5 kids, probably some are teenagers now with all those problems, she is hormonal, and you are worried about sex.

Fix the rest. The sex will take care of itself.
 
SamSmith said:
thanks Whatever girl.

I appreciate your bluntness.

Again I have some concerns I am not explaining everything correctly.

I’ll think more about what you have said and get back to you and her.

I have often asked her “what was the defining thing I did to make you believe I am a doofus.” and she never answers or laughs it off. But I think your characterization of her attitude to me is correct.

When she accused me of doing things to her at night which were bad, I felt like a young child been chastised.
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Aw…you seem like such a nice man, truly. :o I am sure your wife has her positive points also. But, we all have our ‘bad’ sides. Perhaps, your wife grew up like this…watching her mom brow beat her dad for the most minor of things. Her dad might have cowered down, in turn, might have grown passive aggressive with her, without realizing it fully. Or it could be nothing of the sort, and your wife has anger issues of her own. I will say though that for sex to flow naturally, without one or the other spouse feeling like they are having to beg for it, the relationship OUTSIDE of the bedroom has to be healthy, and flowing naturally. Your wife’s chastisement of you (you say that well, good word choice!) could be because you truly are not honest with her, at times, and she doesn’t trust you, or she just feels like she has to be motherly to you, to get things done her way, on her time.

I would talk to your wife, be earnest with her of your feelings. Tell her you want to ‘start over,’ and ask for her trust. Tell her you are going to try harder to be the husband she deserves, and in turn, all you would like, is her respect. Trust me, this will take time, but in the end…your relationship will be better than it is today. Once couples solve the problems outside of the bedroom, the issues that they were upset with IN the bedroom, seem to ‘magically’ disappear. 😉

I wish you and her the best! Praying that you can get to the heart of things, and that she is willing to LISTEN to you, too. It takes two to make marriage work. *
 
Lol!

I had to laugh. I work from home. She home schools. While I do occasionally work outside the home for a day or max 3 days, she is always home.

If she is having an affair she is really really good at hiding it.

However, I might try to ask her about the trust issues.

I did have a lot of debt going into our marriage. She will occasionally bring that up as I disclosed that to her well into the courtship. I paid that off in 3 years after our marriage. Things are tight financially for us, but not too bad.

Regarding finances. I have my own business. I normally keep money to pay taxes and to fund the business. I give her the bulk of the money. For example last year I made $150 and she got $100k. I think I spent $12k on business expenses - books, computers, etc. The rest of the money went to taxes. I have gotten into debt again, primarily for taxes, but I should have that paid off soon.

I don’t like having to justify to her all my expenses. For example, I got a special credit card to pay for my dental procedures. I used it to pay for some of the kids dental expenses all because I could not bear to hear her complain about the high cost of dental procedures.

I like to keep these expenses quiet and separate from her as she does the bills and for days when she is doing the bills she gets very stressed out and makes life unpleasant for us while she is doing them.

I had premarital sex with someone before we knew each other. She knows about it - I told her. We had premarital sex and I got her pregnant. She was a virgin at the time.
 
*Sam, Liberano makes some good points, as she normally does. I agree with her on the point of you becoming passive-aggressive. Buying soda, when you know it’s something your wife has expressed that she doesn’t want the kids drinking, is passive aggressive. Again, might not be deliberate on your part, but as humans, we don’t like being chastised, and we sometimes react in ways that are either direct or indirect (passive aggressive) I would do a self inventory on that, to see if you really are reacting to her in that way. I don’t believe that it’s all you, or all her. It’s a little of both–again, it is a dynamic that you both have gotten used to.

So, how can you expect to go from that type of dynamic, to passionate lovemaking, just because you’re in a bed? lol Know what we’re saying?

I hope this is helping a little? We don’t mean to chastise you, either…we are merely trying to show you a different view of looking at things. *
 
SamSmith said:
Lol!

I had to laugh. I work from home. She home schools. While I do occasionally work outside the home for a day or max 3 days, she is always home.

If she is having an affair she is really really good at hiding it.

However, I might try to ask her about the trust issues.

I did have a lot of debt going into our marriage. She will occasionally bring that up as I disclosed that to her well into the courtship. I paid that off in 3 years after our marriage. Things are tight financially for us, but not too bad.

Regarding finances. I have my own business. I normally keep money to pay taxes and to fund the business. I give her the bulk of the money. For example last year I made $150 and she got $100k. I think I spent $12k on business expenses - books, computers, etc. The rest of the money went to taxes. I have gotten into debt again, primarily for taxes, but I should have that paid off soon.

I don’t like having to justify to her all my expenses. For example, I got a special credit card to pay for my dental procedures. I used it to pay for some of the kids dental expenses all because I could not bear to hear her complain about the high cost of dental procedures.

I like to keep these expenses quiet and separate from her as she does the bills and for days when she is doing the bills she gets very stressed out and makes life unpleasant for us while she is doing them.

I had premarital sex with someone before we knew each other. She knows about it - I told her. We had premarital sex and I got her pregnant. She was a virgin at the time.
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Have you both ever considered counseling? She could be angry with you, for things that have nothing to do with you. She could be angry with herself, for sleeping with you before marriage, and you have become the perpetual target. I think there are issues here that it might be worth seeing someone objective. Ask your priest too, his thoughts. *
 
SamSmith said:
Lol!

I had to laugh. I work from home. She home schools. While I do occasionally work outside the home for a day or max 3 days, she is always home.

If she is having an affair she is really really good at hiding it.

However, I might try to ask her about the trust issues.

I did have a lot of debt going into our marriage. She will occasionally bring that up as I disclosed that to her well into the courtship. I paid that off in 3 years after our marriage. Things are tight financially for us, but not too bad.

Regarding finances. I have my own business. I normally keep money to pay taxes and to fund the business. I give her the bulk of the money. For example last year I made $150 and she got $100k. I think I spent $12k on business expenses - books, computers, etc. The rest of the money went to taxes. I have gotten into debt again, primarily for taxes, but I should have that paid off soon.

I don’t like having to justify to her all my expenses. For example, I got a special credit card to pay for my dental procedures. I used it to pay for some of the kids dental expenses all because I could not bear to hear her complain about the high cost of dental procedures.

I like to keep these expenses quiet and separate from her as she does the bills and for days when she is doing the bills she gets very stressed out and makes life unpleasant for us while she is doing them.

I had premarital sex with someone before we knew each other. She knows about it - I told her. We had premarital sex and I got her pregnant. She was a virgin at the time.
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Tell her this, tell her how you feel. I think for some reason, she doesn’t feel secure right now. In herself, the marriage, the finances…when we as women feel like we’re not safe, or secure, we don’t open up sexually. I know this has been true for me with my dh.
 
Wow, Liberanosamalo, I would have read this almost the opposite of you. I would say that the wife is volatile, hostile, and hurls insults like weapons and withholds physical affection as an even more powerful weapon. I would say that she is probably causing him to spiral downward into depression. His self esteem has been beaten to a pulp. If she wants more from him, she would do well to treat him better.
 
In fact, I would say that he is the victim of an abusive relationship, and his wife is now using the son to further vitimize the OP. It is totally inappropriate for her to discuss that with him AT ALL.
 
When she accused me of doing things to her at night which were bad, I felt like a young child been chastised.
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Okay, in a marriage with spark, you could have swept her intor your arms, and kissed her and said, “Hey you little hot tamale, you want to see a bad boy, I’ll show you a bad boy.” And you could have laughed and she would have blushed.

But I suspect the playfulness is long gone.

She homeschools five kids, she’s home all day. She does all the work. And you say you think you do more than her?

Then you wonder why she’s angry?

You got her pregnant, taking her virginity… I suspect you had to get married? Well, right from the beginning she has cause to doubt your self control. She may now feel a bit trapped in all this. And blame you and your need for sex for the fact she is overworked and exhausted and it’s all about your feelings.

Instead of dealing with her as an honest upright husband, you say:
I got a special credit card to pay for my dental procedures. I used it to pay for some of the kids dental expenses all because I could not bear to hear her complain about the high cost of dental procedures.
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I like to keep these expenses quiet and separate from her as she does the bills and for days when she is doing the bills she gets very stressed out and makes life unpleasant for us while she is doing them.
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Well, that’s just great! 👍 A credit card and debt you keep secret from her? Your marriage needs more openness, not less! It’s all about how you can’t bear to hear her complain, she gets very stressed and that makes life unpleasant for you all while she is sitting there trying to balance the budget.

Give the poor woman a break!

It’s all about your discomfort? No wonder she’s angry. Do you care about hers? The financial panic? The responsibility for five kids? The workload?

What you need to do is break down your expenses in spread sheets, show her how you balance your work money. Have a day she can count on having a check to pay the other bills. When she wants to know if you wrote a check… or put something in the mail, be honest. And dependable. If you lie and it’s late, it could make her check bounce she wrote, or the electric bill could be late and things cut off or something.

You dont’ like justifying to her your expenses? Well, give her credit for accepting that dental work is necessary. What other hidden expenses do you have. She can handle the fact you need to have your estimated quarterly taxes set aside. Give her credit for that. Quit patronizing her. You dont’ treat her with much respect when you hide things and act like you have to lie. She went into a marriage with you knowing you had money handling issues. You need to help her see you don’t do that anymore. Not become sneakier about it. You SHOULD justify your expenses to her. She is your wife. If you died tomorrow SHE would have to go through that stuff and she would find out just how honest you were or weren’t with your financial world. She should know that stuff now. She is liable for your taxes as your spouse. Quit playing games with her. Financial games strikes at a woman’s fundamental sense of security. You are making her feel insecure. Then you wonder why she’s angry?

No one likes the high cost of dental stuff. Show her the bill anyway. If she reacts negatively, suck it up. She has a right to her reaction. As long as it doesn’t include throwing plates at your head. Then ask her if she has any idea where one could lower that bill if she doesn’t like it. Maybe she knows of a better dental plan or a better dentist? If not, it’s just a fact of life. And no wonder she doesn’t want the kids drinking soda. Best way to give them cavities!

Quit judging everything about her as if her reactions to a complicated busy life is something that is YOUR problem. That makes her feel like she’s alone. She deals with reality and you hide from her and all you care about is if she makes you uncomfortable. You know what? The last thing on her mind becomes your comfort or pleasure if you treat her like that all the time.

Maybe I’m mean. You asked for outside interpretation. I gave it to you. You earn a good income. You work hard. But you don’t really treat her with a lot of respect. You just treat her like the boogey man to fear and hide from. You hide from her. You hide facts from her. She’s not a moron. Be honest with her. That’s your first big problem to overcome.
 
Liberanosamalo, I want to take you up on some points because you are very accurate in some areas.

Showering! Yes, I hear you:)

Affairs and entaglements with other women. No, none. I don’t have any. I read something a long time ago by Dr. Dobson on this and I am careful with my relationships with other women that they don’t get too close.

Regarding honesty - Thanks. I think you have hit a nail on the head here:) And I thank you for that. When I did explain to her about the invoice she handled it quite well. But thanks for the honesty thing. I appreciate you pointing that out to me and I’ll make a greater effort here.

Helping out around the home - I seem to be the one doing the lion’s share of this while she is on facebook:( Even when she blows up at me I still do the laundry. I seem to be the only one doing discipline in the home. She yells at the kids, insist they do their school work and I am the guy marking their work to ensure that they have done it. I constantly point out to her that yelling at them to complete their work has no effect other than to raise the noise level. I mark their work to make sure its done.

daddy treats - 🙂 I like that. Yes, that’s me. I have switched to fruit juices. But thanks for that bit of advice on yoghurt its a good one.

Other areas this occurs in - well I bring my sons to scouts. She is unhappy about this as, from what I recall, I can’t commit to all of their meetings as I am out of town from time to time. But I think this outside activity is very important to their social development so I insist on it.

Complaints - I listen to them and fix them as much as I can. But I can’t do anything about her complaining that the kids won’t do their work if all she is going to do it complain and not sit over them and ensure their are doing it.

Anyhowze, Liberanosamalo, I don’t want to keep on defending myself here. I am not perfect. You have helped me see what the big problem is here. I think you are off base a lot, but on some areas extremely accurate and I greatly appreciate your comments. I am here to get help, as opposed to let you know how wonderful I am:)

If you have more questions pry away!
 
Wow, Liberanosamalo, I would have read this almost the opposite of you. I would say that the wife is volatile, hostile, and hurls insults like weapons and withholds physical affection as an even more powerful weapon. I would say that she is probably causing him to spiral downward into depression. His self esteem has been beaten to a pulp. If she wants more from him, she would do well to treat him better.
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You are healing. 😉 You are in a relationship that is healthy now. So you are seeing it from the position of health.

It’s still fresh for me to be the wife being treated like this, the ex wife being lied to. So I still am bringing it up as a possibility.

It may be as you say. She may have issues. But if he’s admitting to this much sneakiness and dishonesty… what isn’t he telling us. And once you start lying to your wife, where does it stop and how do you rebuild trust?

I think she’s overworked and overwhelmed. She’s begging for help. He won’t hear her. He tunes her out and hides from her so he isn’t inconvenienced or disturbed. But the work remains and she is still unheard and her emotional situation isnt’ improving. She’s hormonal, dealing with that, and it’s spilling over now into comments around the kids. So SHE becomes the problem. Not the situation that needs to have someone take control of it immediately.

I can’t say enough that this couple might benefit from Retrouvaille and her ability to write to him and let him know what she is thinking and him being able to communicate to her. They aren’t communicating now. At least not honestly.

And apparently the fun and humor are gone. Which is a very bad sign.
 
Liberanosamalo, I feel the need to tell you that I do most of the work around the house.

While I think you are correct in other points and I appreciate you for it here is a breakdown of what I do.

Up at 6:30. Enjoy a coffee an bowl of cherios.
Unload the dishwasher.
Start work around 7:00.
Come downstairs numerous times during the day to help with squabbling kids.
work till 6:00
come downstairs to pick up all the trash around the house.
Set the table if it is not set.
Have dinner.
Clean up - I would say I do this 50% of the time at least. She may do it the other 50% of the time.
I might make dinner as well.
Mark the kids work. I do this with her. I will follow up with the kids if they have not done something or done something wrong,
Clean up, Rosary +bed.

On the weekends I will make breakfast 50% of the time. I do the laundry. My mission this weekend was to clean the basement.

Now, I am not asking for a medal, but I feel the need to point out that I do help out.

I also acknowledge what you say about honesty is very important here and I thank you again for that and will work on it.

I just feel you are so off base here:)
 
Yikes, that does not sound good “most of the work”. Perhaps it is a Freudian slip.

I am often tempted to put a keystroke logger on her computer to see exactly how much time she spends on the computer.
 
Sounds like you two need to sit down and realize that the happiness is not there. Be blunt with each other but make sure both of you are ready for the replies and understand that its a talk to help fix the marriage, not an argument.

You have some work to do, but so does she. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. Sometimes one person has to give an extra 25 percent, but it should be offset by sometimes only giving 25 percent. Right now, seems like both of you are giving 25 percent at best towards the relationship.

Dont let life ruin love

Liberanosamalo, I just wanna give you a big hug. Seems like someone did a number on you 😦 I do NOT mean that in a negative way.
 
Sam, you sound like a good apple.

👍

I’m prying because you gave us very little info. My methodology is to fire away and see which pings make the dog go yelp.

Then I know I hit a target.

Facebook… oh, that’s a damaging one. She is seeing her peers now and the artificial snapshot of their lives put out for publication. It can become obsessive. She can get a wholly wrong view of how things are from that. Dulcissima is on mine and she can see that you can’t tell quite how miserable things are for me from my FB.

Scouting… there is good reason for it. Explain to your wife what a wonderful resume builder that is, and it will help your son for college that he has that in his background. If he makes Eagle Scout that will open doors all his life!

At the end of the day she is probably too tired to do the follow up on homework. Women need the man to back them up. No, yelling doesn’t work. That’s where you stepping in and checking things helps.

I won’t say she’s abusive at this point. You haven’t indicated that she systematically controls you and sets out to make your life miserable in every area and neglects you and her duties and the kids are afraid of her.

She’s an overworked menopausal woman who may be resenting right now what she perceives she missed out on. She’s in a slump. Maybe a doctor visit would be in order for her to find if her thyroid needs checking. Maybe some date nights.

You need to talk to the kids and let them know they need to pull their share. You and her shouldn’t be doing all the work now. They’re old enough.

I would suggest you change how you approach conversation with her.

Bad: He needs scouts. It’s good for him.

Better: I know I’m not always here for the meetings and maybe it adds a little to his workload, but it’s good for him, and it’s very good for his college applications down the road and I feel this is something he will benefit from even though it requires some sacrifice from us now.

Bad: Kids, don’t tell your mom we got soda. (You make them liars and enlist their help in deceiving her. Which makes you a guy who not only lies to her but is teaching her kids to lie to her.)

Better: You know, I’m sorry if I appeared to undermine you by getting them soda. But they were good this week and we should reward them. Would yogurt fruit slushies be good if we took them and got a treat for the kids? Why dont’ you come along too. You look like you could use a break too. (Then hold her hand as you walk from the car. Or put your arm on her shoulder as you sit in the chairs. Affectionate, but non-sexual. Like old times.)

Bad: Why don’t you discipline these kids. All you do is yell. That makes us all uncomfortable.

Better: We need to find a way to make the kids see that none of us should have to yell at them. If they don’t do their work, they get priveleges taken away. How about we sit down and make a list of things that will accomplish this… no homework = no tv. Then we need to talk to the kids. We need to lower your stress level here.

Bad: I’m not telling you how much in debt we are on taxes.

Better: Taxes are going up for the next year. Let me show you what my projected income is and how I have to adjust these taxes so we can pay the shortfall off. We should be back to the old payment in about 9 months if we stick to this. I’d like to include you more in the record-keeping if you’re interested (gives her the option to say “No, thanks. I don’t want to deal with it.”).

Bad: Keeping secret credit cards.

Better: Honey. Sit down. Here. Here’s the bill for dental work. Here’s the credit card. I’m paying x $$ a month on this. Take the card. You’re the custodian. It’s only for dental work. Just want you to know this is the bill. No, there are no other secret cards. I’m telling you this so there won’t be secrets between us. You deserve my honesty.

(prepare for anger. Resist the urge to say “This is why I never tell you anything.” Say, I know you’re mad, and I want things to be better between us, so I’m telling you this so it doesn’t come out later as I’m trying to fix your trust issues with me.")

Make up your own Facebook profile. Go on and on about your wonderful wife. Tell people how happy you are with your life with her. Send her cute love messages every now and then. Don’t expect sex for that. Just do it.

You sound like you are trying. I think there is hope here. The damage doesn’t seem irreparable yet.
 
Wow. You do a lot of the work there.

But I think it’s time for the kids to do more. That might take some of the burden off you.

Don’t put keystroke tabs on her computer. It will destroy what you have left.

I doubt she’s going to have an affair with anyone because the market is slim for people who want a homeschooling menopausal mother of five out there.

She sounds depressed and the computer is her escape.

Keep up with the Rosary. It’s your sanity there. Have you asked her to say it with you?
 
Also what I don’t see in here is you both doing the cleanup and dishes together and using that as a time to share a glass of wine and chat as a couple.

You two are lost in the job/parenthood thing and you being a couple is just not there. If you dont’ talk to her all day, don’t expect her to want to have intercourse at night.

She’s spending her time establishing communication with people who are not you.

Bad thing.

Better: I miss you. Let’s set aside from 8:00 to 9:00 as our time. We can watch tv and chat, play cards, dance on the patio, play tic tac toe… anything. But we need to make time for just us. I miss hearing your opinions and talking about stuff that isn’t about the kids and their schooling and their activities. I want to hear what’s going on with you.
 
Liberanosamalo u made me cry.

Although I think you are way way harsh, you have helped me to see a way out:)

All in all I think you have given me very good advise and assessed the situation well.

I’ll try to let you know how it goes.

Thanks again for prying:)

And thanks to you all!
 
btw one more thing Liberanosamalo. I kind of like doing chores. However, sometimes its easier for me to do them, than to have the kids doing them.

Also I notice that 2 of my kids have taken up my “work” habits and fall over themselves trying to help my wife around the house.

But I do see the wisdom of what you are saying.

Thanks again so much!!!
 
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