Spouses sexual past - need help from spouses with no previous sexual past

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Phoenix1 said:
This is honestly a dealbreaker and I believe we will end up separating. Sexual sin is too much for me to deal with.
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Please don’t do that. Help is out there. Find a good therapist; he or she could help you greatly. Two ways to find a good Catholic therapist are 1) talk to your diocese’s Family Life office and see if they have anyone that they recommend, or 2) contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute at 740-266-6461. They can assign a counselor to talk to you over the phone. They will be kind and non-judgmental. Best wishes to you, and don’t give up!
 
Phoenix1 said:
His past is getting in the way of my bonding with him. This is honestly a dealbreaker and I believe we will end up separating. Sexual sin is too much for me to deal with.
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This is very unfortunate. I pray you reconsider.

His past is only getting in the way of bonding because you are allowing it to get in the way. Please find what you need to work through this. You say this is the only issue in your marriage. It would be very foolish to throw everything away over this.
 
Phoenix1 said:
This is honestly a dealbreaker and I believe we will end up separating.
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Please think this through. Are you talking about separation without a divorce? Or a divorce? If you divorce, are you willing to accept the fact that you may not be able to get an annulment? And even if you do get an annulment and hope to try again, only this time with a virgin male, please be advised that a virgin male may want his wife to also be a virgin, so that plan may not be successful. Additionally, that would also release your husband into the dating world where he would be extra unwelcome competition for those of us who are saving it and want a spouse who is also saving it.
 
Yes, I completely agree with you!

The situation of the op seems block. … At least for now. Perhaps, she can let extra time, to see if she can deal with it, without having intercourse during this period, and restart again, when she may feel better, more ready to let her sorrow go, forget her husband? When she would desire him again? It seems to me the best idea.

Leaving her husband would make her going a more complex situation, and will not make her past with her husband disapear. She will be in the same situation of her husband, that she cannot deal herself. Or worst, if she cannot remarry as a Catholic.
 
Phoenix1 said:
This is honestly a dealbreaker and I believe we will end up separating. Sexual sin is too much for me to deal with.
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Too late. You’re married now and you had this information before. You can’t call something a “dealbreaker” after you married the person! You need help but you’re not prepared to let go of this.
You’d rather break your sacramental vow than deal with this.
 
Norseman82 said:
Additionally, that would also release your husband into the dating world where he would be extra unwelcome competition for those of us who are saving it and want a spouse who is also saving it.
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Hmm…well that’s just life. There’s no guarantees. There’s always the chance a virgin will meet someone who isn’t a virgin and actually fall in love with them.
 
Phoenix1 said:
This is honestly a dealbreaker and I believe we will end up separating. Sexual sin is too much for me to deal with.
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You have made a mistake in marrying this man.
  • It can be not the man you should have marry as you cannot stand with his sexual sins.
  • Or maybe it is the man made for you, but 18 mounths of courtship is not enough in your case, and now your marriage is in real peril, because you don’t resolve all the issues before!
Yes, I agree, it is injust that he had others women before you, whereas you were virgin, but you made the choice to marry him while you know at least partially the truth. A mislead choice, but you made it. Forever.

Think again. You can choose separation of course. It is your right. But weight well the fact it may create others injustices. For you, for him, for your souls, and the others people that may have a relation with you.

It is hard, life is not always fair.
 
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what is that question? Are you asking another catholic if he is willing to live a live of sin?
We cannot remarry, as a catholic divorce is something that does not exist.
 
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Anicette said:
what is that question? Are you asking another catholic if he is willing to live a live of sin?
We cannot remarry, as a catholic divorce is something that does not exist.
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I think it does have to be asked, because the OP is not necessarily thinking clearly right now.

Asking yourself, “Is this problem serious enough that I would be willing to live without marital companionship for the rest of my life” is a good reality check, because a lot of times, people are imagining a do-over.
 
Folks, if your spouse withheld information from you that would have caused you not to marry them, this very well could impact consent.

The OP is advised to contact her priest and the Tribunal.
 
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So many posts ago, I cannot recall. Best that our OP meet with her Pastor.
 
It’s not the case that anything that a person might not have learned before marriage is grounds for an annulment.

She had the essential information…that her husband had sex before marriage. The details that he might not have told her don’t necessarily add to that.

She shouldn’t have married this man. But more because she’s immature and is going to ruin this guy’s life than anything else.

I have little sympathy for people who wish to treat their marriage vows like something you can just put away when the going gets tough.
Even the mentality of “going for an annulment” seems to have pervaded the culture. Just deal with your problems and stop trying to get out of the marriage. There’s never any guarantee that annulment will be granted.
 
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