R
Rammy
Guest
There has finally been contact with Rob…and if you do not mind, the advice and help you offered me i used in a conversation with him. Since he does not really know you, or would share or care what you had to say, i said the words were from my father so that he knew i meant and took great concern over this offering to help us.
That being said, he apologised to me, told me he was wrong, and so on…he simply had no idea what i was truly upset over…the feeling of loosing my marriage for so long. Finally he started to listen…but before that, there was a great turn of events for me and him that differed from all other argument/make up situations.
What happened was this, i felt the usual feeling, i will have to take him back because he has apologised, meant it, and now here we go, on this awful marygoround. I knew it would change nothing, as he still refused to see, i was not happy. All he had to do was admit to being sorry, and we move forward…but…i could not…not for all of the tea in china.
I told him that i accepted his apology for how he treated me at the farm the other night while retrieving my vehickle he was drinking and driving with…however, that being said, i still did not want to live with him, or continue this marriage the way it is going. He was visibly upset, and was trying to voice his suprise at me refusing to get back together.
I told him, that it did not mean that i did not want to try, but rather that his word meant nothing to me. I did not want to sound disrespectful to his person, but that all of the trying over the years has obviously fallen on deaf ears of a person with only one agenda…theirs! Marriage takes two people, and this marriage, out of his own comfort, has only one person in it. I told him i could not even venture into trying to be together anymore, as i am exhausted. I have spent my life councelling myself and my children…through beatings, rape, torture, stalking, sexual abuse of my child, terminal illness, and then re marry to add to this another spoiled child leaving me destitude with two children to nurture, care for, and bring up all by self.
Quite frankly i said, i would be relieved of not seeing him so that i was not condemned for what is for supper, fight for the tv off for homework time, fight to find a free room i was not ticking you off in, and so on. I’d feel so relieved for him to take himself, live at the farm, and arrive for the fatherly sunday visit for a few hours, and then wait till the next week…it would give the children as much as you offer them now, so why should we suffer.
Frankly, i said, i really did all of this to hope that we’d get along better, mean something to each other, and it seems, as much as i offer, you take, and condemn further. I called him an abusive, mean drunk, with zero disreguard for the family, family business, or me in general…in his life, it is only he who exists. So if he alienated me anyfurther, think of it this way, i had a good teacher. But he did all of this, showed up for his few days a month, and then wanted full say, change what and how we did things, and want me to change everything…yet was not there to help me decide. I told him he missed the oportunity to have a say, and i did not want it two weeks latter. He can not live do detached, and yet be such a dictator…i told him he resembles hitler very much so, and i had wondered how much more dammage he was going to cause, and blame me for the effects of.
You can not poke a cat in a cage for so long, and not expect the demeanor to have changed. I was changed from all of the years of being egnored, and had nothing more to tolerate. I told him he was not going to seek me to stroke this any longer…i no longer wanted even his friendship…as he was a most horrible friend, partner and father. Never had i been so imbarrassed in public over his behaviour because his actions reflect upon me.
I am a Haakman now, and i do not take any pride in this name…i am ashamed of it terribly. I want the Forest name back i told him, so i could hold my head up in public. I also told him he should hang his head for the dammage he has done to his own name, and his family.
BTW, i also along with this told him i was not fit for a marriage in this state…as i am too angry, and agressive to know what is best now…after doctoring, and councelling everyone for so long, i have nothing to offer. I have no drive to fix this, i was broken…and he did this to me. Twice in six months the police have been dragged in,and physical violence is at my heels due to an incredible amount of anger towards my own abuses over the years. I needed help, meds, and councelling myself…i can not be a good wife anylonger, without a third party to guide me.
I also spoke of addiction being a no brainer…either through AA meetings, or seeking medical help in stopping this drug addiction of alcohol. Meds are available to take daily. If you injest, you puke your guts up. This will enable him to stop drinking and get away from the addiction, and face life rather than hide from it.
In the end, he agreed to seeking medical help for his high blood pressure, seeking dentist for falling out teeth as well as clean up on the hygine, and he would agree to couples councelling only if it were (OMG hold your breath…it nearly knocked me over) with a Priest!!!
We agreed not to come together at all for now, and seek this councel, and doctors help!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
Now, here i am, totally baffled over standing up to him and saying no, i do not want you to come home. Maybe he simply does not want to loose this afterall…and then apologised for how deeply he has hurt me over the years, and that he had done me wrong for many years now.
So now sit and hope i can get this started before he changes his mind…i do want him well…outside all of our marrital stuff…i wish him well first.
Lana
That being said, he apologised to me, told me he was wrong, and so on…he simply had no idea what i was truly upset over…the feeling of loosing my marriage for so long. Finally he started to listen…but before that, there was a great turn of events for me and him that differed from all other argument/make up situations.
What happened was this, i felt the usual feeling, i will have to take him back because he has apologised, meant it, and now here we go, on this awful marygoround. I knew it would change nothing, as he still refused to see, i was not happy. All he had to do was admit to being sorry, and we move forward…but…i could not…not for all of the tea in china.
I told him that i accepted his apology for how he treated me at the farm the other night while retrieving my vehickle he was drinking and driving with…however, that being said, i still did not want to live with him, or continue this marriage the way it is going. He was visibly upset, and was trying to voice his suprise at me refusing to get back together.
I told him, that it did not mean that i did not want to try, but rather that his word meant nothing to me. I did not want to sound disrespectful to his person, but that all of the trying over the years has obviously fallen on deaf ears of a person with only one agenda…theirs! Marriage takes two people, and this marriage, out of his own comfort, has only one person in it. I told him i could not even venture into trying to be together anymore, as i am exhausted. I have spent my life councelling myself and my children…through beatings, rape, torture, stalking, sexual abuse of my child, terminal illness, and then re marry to add to this another spoiled child leaving me destitude with two children to nurture, care for, and bring up all by self.
Quite frankly i said, i would be relieved of not seeing him so that i was not condemned for what is for supper, fight for the tv off for homework time, fight to find a free room i was not ticking you off in, and so on. I’d feel so relieved for him to take himself, live at the farm, and arrive for the fatherly sunday visit for a few hours, and then wait till the next week…it would give the children as much as you offer them now, so why should we suffer.
Frankly, i said, i really did all of this to hope that we’d get along better, mean something to each other, and it seems, as much as i offer, you take, and condemn further. I called him an abusive, mean drunk, with zero disreguard for the family, family business, or me in general…in his life, it is only he who exists. So if he alienated me anyfurther, think of it this way, i had a good teacher. But he did all of this, showed up for his few days a month, and then wanted full say, change what and how we did things, and want me to change everything…yet was not there to help me decide. I told him he missed the oportunity to have a say, and i did not want it two weeks latter. He can not live do detached, and yet be such a dictator…i told him he resembles hitler very much so, and i had wondered how much more dammage he was going to cause, and blame me for the effects of.
You can not poke a cat in a cage for so long, and not expect the demeanor to have changed. I was changed from all of the years of being egnored, and had nothing more to tolerate. I told him he was not going to seek me to stroke this any longer…i no longer wanted even his friendship…as he was a most horrible friend, partner and father. Never had i been so imbarrassed in public over his behaviour because his actions reflect upon me.
I am a Haakman now, and i do not take any pride in this name…i am ashamed of it terribly. I want the Forest name back i told him, so i could hold my head up in public. I also told him he should hang his head for the dammage he has done to his own name, and his family.
BTW, i also along with this told him i was not fit for a marriage in this state…as i am too angry, and agressive to know what is best now…after doctoring, and councelling everyone for so long, i have nothing to offer. I have no drive to fix this, i was broken…and he did this to me. Twice in six months the police have been dragged in,and physical violence is at my heels due to an incredible amount of anger towards my own abuses over the years. I needed help, meds, and councelling myself…i can not be a good wife anylonger, without a third party to guide me.
I also spoke of addiction being a no brainer…either through AA meetings, or seeking medical help in stopping this drug addiction of alcohol. Meds are available to take daily. If you injest, you puke your guts up. This will enable him to stop drinking and get away from the addiction, and face life rather than hide from it.
In the end, he agreed to seeking medical help for his high blood pressure, seeking dentist for falling out teeth as well as clean up on the hygine, and he would agree to couples councelling only if it were (OMG hold your breath…it nearly knocked me over) with a Priest!!!
We agreed not to come together at all for now, and seek this councel, and doctors help!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
Now, here i am, totally baffled over standing up to him and saying no, i do not want you to come home. Maybe he simply does not want to loose this afterall…and then apologised for how deeply he has hurt me over the years, and that he had done me wrong for many years now.
So now sit and hope i can get this started before he changes his mind…i do want him well…outside all of our marrital stuff…i wish him well first.
Lana
I’m happy for you that your husband is seeking help.
). He has a guys night out coming up which might normally take him 2 days to recover from, but he is already talking me up about his plans for the weekend (he NEVER makes plans): take it easy Friday night w/ the guys b/c nephew has a b-ball game Saturday morning, go in and work some OT, come home and give me a break to get out to the supermarket on my own, and then go w/ us to mass Sunday a.m.